Chapter 21: Honesty

The rest of the day practically few by. Harry avoided Hermione and Ron as best he could; blaming it on the amount of homework he had. It's not a total lie, he told himself each time he spoke to them. During lunch, he went to the library and started his potions homework. Harry managed to get halfway through the essay on Wolfsbane before he had to go to his afternoon classes. Prior to leaving, however, he took out his potions knife and made a thin line in his wrist. It helped relieve a bit of the stress from the day.

In the middle of Transfiguration, Harry realized he didn't know what time he was supposed to meet Snape. He cursed under his breath and scribbled a note to his potions master. His heart pounded as he raised his hand and asked to be excused, McGonagall let him go. Harry ran as fast as he could to the owlery and gave his note to a school owl, much to Hedwig's irritation. She pecked his finger. "Ow. Sorry girl, you're just too recognizable," he said softly as he stroked her feathers." After a few minutes, he raced back to class.

Harry decided to go to dinner since he hadn't heard from Snape yet and his stomach was rumbling. He sat in his normal place and was scooping food onto his plate when Ron and Hermione sat beside him. "Hey, Harry," she said softly.

"Hi," he replied, unsure of what to say.

"How are you?"

"I'm alright, and you?"

"I'm well."

Ron remained quiet as he scarfed down a large portion of his food. After a few minutes of tense silence he spoke. "Mate, what happened to you?"

"Ron!" Hermione shrieked. "Harry, you don't have to answer if you don't want—"

"I'll tell you what happened, just not here, okay?" He said quickly.

"Well let's go back to the common room—" Ron began, anxious to know what happened to his friend.

"No," Harry cut him off sharply. "No," he said again, with less edge, not wanting them to think he was angry. "I have to go to detention with Snape tonight. If you're still awake when I get back, I'll tell you then." As he concluded, an owl dropped a letter in his lap. He read it quickly.

Potter,

7pm.

S

"Hmmm," Harry said absentmindedly, checking the time. 6:47, I should get going. He glanced at the professors table just in time to see Snape disappear into a teacher's passageway behind the table.

"…Harry?"

"What?" He asked, turning back to his friends.

"What is it Harry?" Hermione repeated, only slightly annoyed.

"Snape forgot to tell me when I have detention. It's at 7."

"Shit! Go! You don't want to be late!" Ron chimed in. Harry smiled at them before getting up and rushing to the dungeons. He arrived at the door of Snape's office a full five minutes early and sat on the ground to catch his breath. As the clock struck seven, Harry knocked.

"Enter," came the silken reply. He pushed the door open, entered, and shut it behind him. "Take a seat," he said, without looking up from his work. Harry fell into the chair in front of his potion master's desk and waited. After a few minutes, Severus looked up and smiled. "How are you?"

"Today was a little hectic," he replied honestly.

"Sorry to hear," he said softly. "Shall we begin with the bad, then?"

"What do you mean, sir?"

"There are a few things I'd like to address and I was asking if you'd like to begin with the… darker conversation first."

"Sure."

"Right then. Mr. Potter, when you were … dying, your glamours fell for a short time," Severus began bluntly. He wasn't sure how to begin and figured anything was better than beating around a bush. Harry gasped as the man spoke. Now that he knew what conversation they were about to have, he deeply regretted coming to the man's office. Snape stared at the boy for a few seconds before continuing. "I read your note about what your horrid family does to you. Of course, I believe you and am very sorry you had to experience that. But, there were injuries that were far too recent to have possibly been inflicted by your relatives," he said simply, hoping Potter would just come forward and tell him. Unfortunately, he remained silent and stared at the floor. "Mr. Potter, please drop your glamours," he instructed. As he did, the young man's shoulders sagged, but he did as told. "Remove your school robes." He did so and stood before Snape in a black t-shirt and jeans. The man cloaked in black stared at Potter with a blank look. But Harry saw the flicker of pain, shock, and sadness in his professor's eyes as he looked at all the self-inflicted injuries. Snape noticed words engraved in the young man's arm among the intertwined scars, curs, and other injuries. "Come closer, please," he said softly. Harry did so reluctantly, he followed the man's gaze and realized what he was about to read. Severus took Potter's arm gently and held it under the light to read better. A sob caught in his throat as the image of the words, scarred into Harry's flesh, permanently burned in to Snape's mind.

"Who would want you

Severus will never want you"

"Do you truly believe this, Harry?" Severus asked with a cracking voice, gesturing to the words. His eyes glistened with unfallen tears.

"I did," he replied sadly. Snape knew it was his fault.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, standing. He walked around his desk and pulled the young man into a hug. Harry burrowed into the black robes, needing the security they provided. Severus rested his head on Harry's, trying to make him feel as comfortable as possible. "I'm so sorry," he kept whispering as he felt Potter's shoulders shake with sobs.

"It's okay," he whimpered through the fabric at last.

"No it isn't, but I'm going to try to make it right," he said softly as he stroked the young man's hair. Harry inhaled the scent of his potions master, trying to block out everything else. Severus gently pulled him back to look him in the eyes. "I promise I will try to make this up to you," he said quietly but confidently. Harry nodded, tears still streaming from his eyes. He felt guilty that his cuts had made Snape feel bad and was anxious to move to the next half of the conversation.

"You said there was something else we needed to talk about?"

"Indeed I did." Harry leaned into him heavily before pulling back and sitting in his chair again. He stared at him, waiting for him to begin. "I really like you, Harry," Severus took a deep breath before going on. "But I need to be sure that… you know what you're getting yourself into. I'm a difficult man, and hard to love. I'm very serious and don't just jump into things. I thought about this for countless nights, Harry… I need to know that you understand that this isn't a fling and that—" He choked off.

"I like you too… It's hard when you're mean to me all the time… But I really do like you and I want to have a relationship because those times that you're nice when we're alone are amazing. And I can't ever seem to get you off my mind. I know the relationship can't be normal—like we have to pretend to hate each other during class and school— but we can be nice when we're alone, right?"

Severus released the breath he was holding. He knew exactly what I was going to say. "Correct. You can't tell anyone if we decide to do this," he practically whispered.

"What about Ron and Hermione? They won't tell anyone."

"Can we wait and see if it works out first?" He asked after a few minutes of internal debate.

"Sure, if that's what you want. Damn, I'm sure this breaks a lot of rules."

"Is that a problem?" Snape asked with an eyebrow cocked and his signature smirk.

"No," he replied with a small smile.

"We will have to talk about the parameters of our relationship more in depth at another time. But for now…" Severus said as he walked over to Harry and took him in his arms. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Harry's lips. The young man kissed back greedily, and harder. Snape smiled into the kiss as he dipped Harry back further. He sank them both to the floor, running his hands over Harry's chest and abs. Harry moaned as he felt his cock grow hard, pressing against his jeans. Severus was just about to undo those pesky jeans when he heard a knock at his office door. He stood quickly and adjusted his robes while Harry did the same. Snape took his seat behind his desk and picked up his quill as Harry sank back into his chair. "Enter," he said darkly as he tried to relax and appear calm and collected.

The door opened revealing a very tired looking Dumbledore. "Severus, am I interrupting?"

"No, Potter was just leaving," he sneered as he looked at Harry.

"Yes. Sorry again about the vial. It won't happen again," Harry said as he backed out of the office. "Bye Headmaster!"

"So long Harry," he said softly. Once Harry was gone, he waved his wand, closing the door and putting up extra wards.

"Are mine not acceptable?" Severus snapped as he noticed the headmaster's wand.

"Severus, I find yours to be the best in the castle, mine are just for added protection." Snape growled but said nothing more.

"Why are you here?"

"The order requires your assistance."