Chapter 21:
"We need to talk." I smack my hands together as I come out of the bathroom after finishing my make-up.
"Oh God..." Nick pulls a face from the breakfast table.
"I want to keep it a surprise." I tell him and he frowns.
"Keep what a what?" He responds, crunching on a piece of toast loudly.
"The baby." I put my hand on my bump. "I don't want to find out the sex today."
"Ok." He nods.
"Ok?" I repeat. "Is that it?"
"What do you want me to say?" He laughs, which irritates me. "I'm happy if you are."
"Ugh..." I roll my eyes, feeling sick again.
"What's the matter ey?" He stands up, coming over and massaging my shoulders.
"Sorry." I close my eyes, indulging in the way his fingers were working against my skin. "I'm just stressed out. Scan today, moving on Thursday. Been sick twice this morning. Sorry."
"Don't apologise." He kisses me on the side of the head. "You're allowed to be a cow when you're pregnant."
"Oh cheers." I sigh, smiling slightly. "Light of my life aren't you?"
"I see here that you have requested for a home birth." The midwife checks her notes .
"Yeah, if we can." I reply before looking at Nick. "You're ok with that yeah?"
"As long as it's safe." He responds.
"The way they work is that it'll be the same as in a hospital except in the comfort of your own home." She explains. "You'll have a midwife round to escort you with the birth. On the basis that your first pregnancy was consistent and so far you've had no complications in this one, I'd say that we would be happy to go ahead with it."
"That's good news." Nick squeezes my hand and I nod.
"You encountered some Braxton hicks during your first pregnancy." She scans the records. "Any symptoms of that so far this time round?"
"There's been the odd twinge but nothing serious." I tell her. "Like when I bend down and things. Happened the other night actually."
"That's perfectly normal." She smiles. "It's not unlikely to experience cramping. I would say for your own comfort, now you've experienced it, that if it occurs again, do whatever you can to dull the pain at home. It will only stress you out to come to the hospital and there's very little we can do."
"How do I know it's not labour?" I bite my lip.
"Well it could very well be early labour." She says. "It's common for it to start earlier during second pregnancies. I would say that if it continues for over a few hours, that would be the time to contact the midwife. There's lots of ways you can deal with Braxton hicks, such as massages or have a bath, sit on your birthing ball if you have one. I've got a leaflet here if you want it on ways to relax."
"Yeah she needs that." Nick nudges me as I take it from her.
"Ok, I'm going to start the ultra sound if that's ok?" She asks and I nod as she spreads the gel on my stomach. I flick through the leaflet briefly before the sound of our baby's heartbeat could be heard.
"That's always a good sign." I smile and Nick squeezes my hand again.
"Here you go." She tilts the screen to face us and it brings back all the memories from when we had seen Ella at this stage. The first scan was amazing, but you could hardly make it out, whereas this time round, it looked like our baby.
"Beautiful." Nick lifts up my hand and kisses it before wiping a tear from my cheek.
"Do you want to know the sex?" She asks suddenly and my heart stops in my chest.
"No..." I trail off and Nick raises his eyebrows at me. "Do you?"
"Nope, I'm staying strong." He laughs and I give him a look.
"Ugh..." I moan, covering my face with my other hand. "But... Shopping."
"Shopping." He imitates me. "This was your idea!"
"Ok." I sigh. "Ok, no, surprise... No... Yes surprise."
"Well you can call us anytime if you change your mind." She smiles at us and I nod, looking up at Nick before he kisses me on the forehead.
"So that's that out of the way." I sigh as Nick puts the keys down on the kitchen surface after we enter the flat. "Happy and healthy, that's all I need."
"We have stuff to pack up." Nick diverts the subject. Most of our things were packed in boxes and scattered around the room ready to transport up the road now, but there were still elements of furniture that needed sorting.
"We still have a sofa." I point to it. "Ella won't be back for a few hours."
"...I'm not really in the mood after seeing our baby growing inside of you." Nick pulls a face.
"I didn't mean that!" I object. "I meant we could cuddle up and watch a film or something."
"Oh ok." He nods sarcastically before going to sit down on the sofa. I hesitate, lingering by the door still and he looks at me. "Well come here then."
"What do you think it is?" I ask, going over and sitting next to him, I lay my head in his chest and tuck my legs up so they are spread across the sofa as he wraps an arm around my frame, placing his other hand on my tummy.
"I don't know." He laughs.
"No!" I retort. "You have to guess."
"Well since it hasn't moved around as much, I'll say it's lazy like you." He nudges me. "Girl."
"Uh, girl's aren't all lazy, you're stereotyping..." I begin. "Wait I'm not lazy either."
"I'm teasing." He chuckles, kissing my skin gently and we sit in silence for a while.
"...Labour hurts." Is what I suddenly come out with but he doesn't move from our position.
"But look what you got out of it." He reassures me. "You were amazing last time, I was in awe of your strength in that delivery room. You'll do that again."
"Remember when they passed us Ella for the first time?" I reconcile. "We saw her face, her little fingers... Heard her cry. I knew I'd done it. I knew I was a mother... That's the most amazing feeling in the world. The greatest achievement."
"I couldn't be more proud of you." I whisper. "That sounds patronising but... You've just proved everyone who doubted you wrong Carla. You've shown them that you can be the best mother in the world and you'll continue to be, to both our children."