Aubrey wishes Beca would stop being so precious; she wishes the brunette could dial down that effortless – and probably accidental – charm, even just a little, so that Aubrey could just take a second to remember why the idea of dating her has made Aubrey hesitate for so excruciatingly long.
The problem is, though, that Aubrey can't remember.
Aubrey can't remember how being with this precious, precious girl could possibly be anything but a dream; she can't remember how she'd once believed Beca to be a monster, or even how the intensity of her and Chloe's feelings for the Vampire Queen had frightened Aubrey so deeply that she'd been unable to even be in Beca's company.
The blonde can't honestly remember anything, except for the taste of Beca's mouth and the sweet, tentative feel of her kiss, lighting every nerve ending Aubrey even has on fire.
It hadn't lasted terribly long, Aubrey knows – truly, she does, because even as she'd ended that kiss, the blonde had wanted nothing more in the world than to drown in Beca's touch and surrender every part of herself to the Vampire Queen entirely, and forever – but Beca's kiss had been the epitome of perfection, to Aubrey, and she doubts she'll be forgetting it any time soon.
Aubrey just can't think, right now, beyond how wholly, wonderfully secure she feels, cradled between the bend of Beca's knees on the couch with the brunette's arms hugged loosely around her neck, and Chloe snuggled all over Aubrey's front, cooing soft, happy noises into the plane of the blonde's chest.
Beca hasn't said much, since they moved to the couch and flicked on some random cooking show that Aubrey's pretty positive none of them are actually even watching, but Aubrey's feeling a little too ashamed of herself to inquire about what the brunette might be thinking, at the moment.
To be truthful, the blonde hadn't really considered how much being a Vampire has affected Aubrey's thoughts on Beca, but she's realizing it, now.
Until tonight, Aubrey's always thought of Beca as sort of- invincible. She hadn't intended to, obviously, and it isn't even remotely fair to Beca, but it's becoming abruptly clear to Aubrey that this had been her belief, regardless, because Beca's open display of overwhelming, devastating honesty had still taken the blonde by surprise.
Nevertheless, hearing Beca so earnestly and desperately confess to how deeply, wholeheartedly just- afraid she is of being alone–
That sort of forces the blonde to think of her in an entirely different light.
The truth is that Beca isn't invincible at all. The Vampire Queen is ridiculously strong, and exceptionally quick, and Aubrey knows that Beca can heal extraordinarily fast, too, despite that Aubrey's never actually seen it happen, but- now Aubrey sees that Beca is vulnerable, too.
Beca can still hurt.
And, God, Aubrey realizes swiftly, Beca hurts so profoundly that she can feel the brunette's loneliness burning jagged, gaping holes through Aubrey's own heart, too.
Still, in a strange, counterintuitive way, Aubrey feels like this entire night has made Beca more- human, to her, in spite of how very animalistic she had been at the start of it; it isn't even necessarily that Aubrey wants Beca to be human – although, she guiltily thinks sometimes that maybe it might be easier for all three of them if Beca was – but it's more that Aubrey is- familiar with humanity.
So much of Aubrey's perspective on Beca has been colored by the fact that she is inherently inhuman, and Aubrey feels like it's taken entirely too long for her to see beyond that.
Finally, though, Aubrey does see beyond it, and she's a little grateful for everything that's happened tonight to make that possible, despite how deeply Aubrey hates that Beca has had to suffer in order for Aubrey to achieve that level of clarity; this entire night is allowing Aubrey to consider Beca as a person, instead of as some kind of otherworldly, beast-like mishap who makes the blonde feel all sorts of hot, confusing things that Aubrey never even wanted or asked to feel, in the first place.
Everything about Aubrey and Chloe's attraction to Beca has seemed unnatural to the blonde from the start, and, though Aubrey understands that some of that attraction actually is unnatural, it's relieving that she is able to justify her feelings better, now. She understands why Beca had waited so long to mention the potentiality of Aubrey and Chloe becoming her mates, because Aubrey recognizes that she is far more comfortable with that knowledge now than she would have been before coming to know the brunette at all.
And Aubrey thinks that she does know Beca.
Or, at least, Aubrey thinks she knows enough of Beca to rationalize her attraction in another way, too.
Aubrey knows that Beca is gorgeous, and sweet, and curiously, adorably shy, sometimes; she knows that Beca has faults, and that she makes mistakes, but that she has the decency not only to allow Aubrey and Chloe their own choices, but also to respect them; Aubrey knows that Beca cares for them, and – regardless of any supernatural element that could also be at play, here – Aubrey knows that Beca makes her feel comforted, and safe.
Aubrey knows that being with Beca and Chloe makes her feel like she's positively glowing inside, and Aubrey knows that this feeling isn't one that she wants to sacrifice.
The mechanics of building a relationship with a Vampire still elude Aubrey, and the idea of Beca wanting them to become Vampires (and her mates, by consequence) is still wildly frightening and overwhelming, for the blonde, but Aubrey suddenly isn't so sure that either of those things are deal breakers.
She's afraid – unquestionably, Aubrey is afraid – but she wants Beca.
Chloe wants Beca.
And Aubrey abruptly understands what Chloe meant, before, when she said it might be worth it to be with Beca, anyway, because Aubrey thinks maybe that she thinks so, too.
She and Chloe left Atlanta two days ago with warmth in their hearts and spreading through their smiles, and Aubrey had been pleased to note that Beca had echoed that warmth, too – but Aubrey has scarcely been able to think of anything but the evening they had shared since. It's honestly a problem – a large one, the blonde reflects – because Aubrey has an exam on Thursday, which is only a week from today, and she has another one on Friday morning, and she's seriously struggling to find the kind of focus that she needs in order to study for them.
Aubrey remembers the feel of Beca's mouth over her own, careful and slow and burning hot, still; she remembers the feel of Beca's smooth, porcelain cheek beneath her palm, and the cautious little way that her teeth had nipped against Aubrey's lip; Aubrey remembers Beca's honest request just to be part of their lives, in any way that Aubrey and Chloe might allow her to be, and the way that Beca's steel blue eyes had avoided their own in nervous anticipation; the blonde remembers how it had felt when Beca held her, afterward – strong and gentle, all at once.
She can't ever remember feeling so- whole, and even Aubrey knows that three thousand years is a long time to wait for that.
It's a strange thought, but Aubrey's pretty sure that eternal life has served more as a curse, for Beca, than the blessing that most humans believe it to be; the Vampire Queen has spent much of that time alone, and Aubrey finds that she- doesn't want her to be, anymore.
And, the blonde considers, why should she? Why should Beca be alone?
Aubrey wants her, and Chloe does, too, and Beca- wants them. It's a fairly basic equation, Aubrey figures, and, when it's simplified that way, it really only makes the blonde impatient with herself; Aubrey recognizes that she is literally the only thing standing in the way of them forming a relationship, together, and it irritates her.
She'd wanted a few days outside of Beca's company to really consider the notion of what it means to be with her, but Aubrey knows she doesn't need it, anymore; she wants to be with Beca, and no matter how many caveats her mind attempts to screams at her, that fact doesn't change no matter how far Aubrey is from Beca, or how much time they spend apart.
Besides, Aubrey thinks with a tender smile, Chloe has been so remarkably patient with her, and it really isn't fair that Aubrey's kept them from entangling with Beca in that way for so long, now.
Jesus, Aubrey huffs to herself in realization, it's half way through October, already, which means that she and Chloe have been tossing their feelings for Beca around between them since mid-August.
In retrospect, Aubrey defends privately, two months actually isn't all that long, in the grand scheme of things – particularly not for Beca, she muses – but it feels like it is, with the sort of intensity traded amongst them.
It feels like Aubrey's known Beca her entire life.
Still, Aubrey can't talk to Chloe, yet, because as soon as she does, Chloe is going to demand that they see Beca right away to discuss it with her, too, and Aubrey simply doesn't have time for that, right now.
She has to do something, though, because Chloe has been stress-cleaning the apartment so aca-intensely that even Aubrey thinks the kitchen is too clean; the redhead is anxious, and she's been hovering incessantly, and now she's vacuuming in Aubrey's office, and that just isn't acceptable when Aubrey is clearly using this space to escape from Chloe's racket.
"Chloe," Aubrey sighs out exasperatedly, once Chloe has successfully cleaned the carpet in the room, "will you please sit down?"
"I can't help it," Chloe pouts swiftly, and jerkily yanks the vacuum cord from the wall, carelessly tossing it to the floor.
She obediently sits down afterward, like Aubrey asked, but- Chloe's always been a little unconventional.
The redhead doesn't slip onto the bed, like mostly anyone else in the world probably would; instead, she drops herself sideways into Aubrey's lap.
Aubrey's at her desk, study materials piled in front of her, and there's hardly even enough room for Chloe, with the blonde's chair scooted this far forward, but it hardly seems to bother the redhead at all. Chloe just mindleslly plays with the ends of Aubrey's hair, for a moment, and bites her lip in thought before she offers a small shrug.
"I miss her," Chloe says sheepishly. "I know it's only been two days, and I know that we made so much progress with Beca, in Atlanta, but I just- miss her," she murmurs longingly.
Aubrey sympathizes deeply, because she misses Beca something fierce and terrible and aca-distracting, too, even if it has only been two days. It isn't fair that Chloe has to wait just because Aubrey can't find time to sit down and have the discussion that they really need, right now, and Aubrey doesn't honestly want to be the reason that Chloe is this miserable.
It takes a second for Aubrey to come up with a solution, and, even as she does, Aubrey isn't sure that it's not a little- much; still, Aubrey needs to focus, and she can't do that if Chloe is moping, or hovering, or if Aubrey keeps thinking about how it would only take a single, meaningless hour to drive to Beca, anyway.
"Why don't you go home for the weekend?" Aubrey proposes carefully. "You don't have classes on Fridays, so there's no reason you shouldn't, and- you could take Beca, if you want."
Chloe frowns and looks earnestly confused. "You want me to take her home without you?"
Aubrey sighs and nods, raising her palms to warm one against the small of Chloe's back, brushing her knuckles softly over the redhead's cheek with the other.
"I've been a little too negligent with my academics, lately," Aubrey admits softly. "This mess with Beca has just made it so difficult for me to concentrate, Chloe. Besides," she says quietly, "it's my fault you've had to wait so long to be with Beca like this, in the first place."
"Aubrey Posen," Chloe shakes her head and smiles warmly, "I'd wait forever for you. You know that."
"I know," Aubrey mimics her smiles and presses her fingers a little harder, to massage Chloe's lower back a bit, "but I'm still sorry it took so long. Plus, Beca already has waited forever, for us," the blonde swallows, turning earnest green eyes toward her girlfriend. "I just- need a week, Chloe," she pleads. "I need to get through these exams before I can really spare the time to talk about this, and resolve the situation with Beca. It isn't fair to keep you away from her for that long, though, and I realize that," she nods. "And I can't focus on studying if you're here, cleaning the apartment," she remarks pointedly.
Chloe huffs indignantly, but laughs, anyway, and Aubrey leans her face forward, just a little, to nuzzle her nose gently into Chloe's neck.
"You could leave tomorrow," Aubrey suggests on a soft whisper into Chloe's ear that makes the redhead shiver over Aubrey's lap. "I'm not sure if Beca will be free, but- it's worth trying, isn't it?"
Chloe swallows, and shakes her head a little like she's trying to clear it.
"Are you sure? I mean," Chloe hesitates, "that's sort of a big deal, you know? It'd be the whole weekend," Chloe insists tentatively.
"It isn't like you're vaulting off the face of the planet, Chloe," Aubrey scoffs lightly and chuckles. "You can call me, and we'll Skype, like always."
"Yeah, but," Chloe hesitates briefly, "Beca will be there, too. It isn't like always, Aubrey."
Aubrey gnaws a little at the inside of her left cheek, and slowly nods. "You're right," she admits. "It isn't the same, but- I think it'll be good for you," Aubrey tells her softly. "It'll be good for me to be able to focus, and I think- I think Beca might need some time with you, Chloe. I know you didn't mean to, and I'm fairly sure that even Beca knows you didn't intend for it to come out that way, but- I think she was really hurt, the other night, that you thought her capable of compelling us, that way."
Chloe's entire expression falls, and Aubrey hates that she's done that, but she still thinks it's the truth. Beca had just been so quiet, after they had talked, and, though she'd kissed them each on the cheek as they'd left, the Vampire Queen hadn't even tried for anything else without Aubrey or Chloe's initiation of a kiss, first.
The blonde smooths the worried lines of Chloe's brow with her fingers and sighs, softly, before murmuring, "I don't think she was angry with you, Chloe; I think she's just feeling a little- insecure."
It's strange that Aubrey can recognize that, truthfully.
The Bellas' captain has made Beca insecure in the past, too, and she was hardly even capable of realizing it without Chloe's help; Aubrey has made Beca feel insecure about what she is, and about the way she interacts with them, and – though Aubrey hates to see Chloe upset like this – it's almost a little bit- relieving that Aubrey isn't the only one to have made Beca feel that way.
Perhaps it just feels nicer to share the blame, a little, but it makes Aubrey more comfortable, regardless; she feels like she's on even footing with Chloe, in respect to Beca, and Aubrey can only force herself to feel so badly for that.
"I never meant to – "
"Oh, Chloe," Aubrey shakes her head, "I know you didn't mean to hurt her. You don't have to defend yourself to me. I just think it might be nice for Beca to have some alone time with you, and maybe regain her confidence a little, that's all," she tells her comfortingly.
"And if it gets me out of the house," Chloe says teasingly, tugging playfully at a strand of Aubrey's hair, "that's just a perk, right?"
"Mm," Aubrey hums her agreement softly into Chloe neck and laughs, until Chloe giggles in answer and pulls just lightly against Aubrey's hair, arching the blonde's neck backward just far enough for Chloe to lean down and sketch her mouth over Aubrey's own.
"I love you, Aubrey," Chloe whispers earnestly, pleating another, softer kiss against the blonde's temple that just makes Aubrey sigh in delight.
"I love you, too, Chloe," Aubrey breathes. "So much," she swears.
"You're sure you're okay with this?" Chloe asks again.
Aubrey rolls her eyes, but nods. "I appreciate that you're making sure, Chloe, but I honestly think that it can only help us for you to take Beca away for the weekend. Besides," Aubrey muses thoughtfully, "it'll be sort of like a trial run, or something."
"What do you mean?" Chloe frowns, brows dipping inward with her bemusement.
"I mean," Aubrey says deliberately, "that you'll be introducing Beca to your family, Chlo. You can see how she fits in there, and really think about if that's somewhere you want Beca to be. I know you want to be with her, and I'm not entirely ready to discuss the details of it, yet, but- I want to be with Beca, too, Chloe; I just don't think it can hurt to get a better idea of what that would mean, for us. Being with Beca does mean taking her home; it does mean introducing her to our families, and it does mean that we have to care for her enough that we're not ashamed to call her ours. If Beca goes home with you now, at least your family will have met her before we come back and suddenly tell them we've picked up a new girlfriend, and, by the way, we're both still dating each other, too," Aubrey says pointedly and rolls her eyes.
Chloe giggles, and shrugs, "I never really thought about it."
Aubrey believes that, too; Chloe acts a little too impulsively on her feelings, but Aubrey considers every angle until her brain feels like it'll explode, or like it already has. Aubrey's thought about every part of what it would mean to be with Beca, and Aubrey's always believed that if that's something that she and Chloe decide to do – and if Beca agrees, obviously – then it would be a decision she'd be proud of.
The blonde wouldn't ever start a relationship with Beca that she had to keep hidden, even from her own family, so of course Aubrey's imagined taking her home. It'll be nice, though, Aubrey thinks, to know how Chloe's family might react, first; they're clearly the more accepting choice.
"So… you want to be with Beca?" Chloe grins and bounces a little over Aubrey's thighs, which digs slightly into the finger-shaped bruises that still smudge across her leg from Beca's touch.
It makes Aubrey sigh, just a tiny bit, but she nods, anyway, and murmurs, "We can talk about it when you get back. Until then," she huffs, and nudges softly at Chloe's back, "you should go and call your mom to make sure it's alright. We can tackle Beca after that."
"Oh my God, please don't say that," Chloe whines instantly. "Literally, I could tackle that girl to the ground and just, like, ravage her, right now."
Aubrey swallows thickly and thinks that she probably wouldn't mind watching that happen at all.
Author's Note: This chapter was hard for me to write; Aubrey's thought progression is difficult, given how staunchly against Vampires she was at the beginning of the story, so let me know if this seemed out of character or jilted or something. Actually, just let me know your thoughts on this in general. Thanks, guys! You're the best. : )