Why hello guys! I've been away for quite a while now I haven't I? I'm sorry; a lot has happened with working full time, starting college, family issues and such like, its became difficult for me to have time to sleep let alone write, but I'm going to try and give you frequent updates again, I promise. So I'll warn you now this chapter has taken me like 6 weeks to write because I have just lacked the motivation to do anything in my life so I apologise.

This chapter isnt the best so i do apologise!


MITCHIE-

I'm not going.

Basically I've spent the entire night tossing and turning in Shane's arms to come to the conclusion that I can't go and see my dad.

Cant...Wont... same thing right?

Well it is to me.

I just...can't. My dad had never been completely right in the head ever since I could remember, he claimed that he was happy, that everything was okay, but it wasn't. He was watching his wife, the love of his life go out night after night and break her vows- to commit adultery. And yet he never did anything. The strong exterior he put on as I grew up was just a cover up, keeping his emotions under wraps.

It killed me. It chipped away at him, his sanity slowly slipping from him whilst she was at some cheap motel or in some darkened alley legs spread open.

But I could have helped him, I could have been there for him, like he had been there for me for so many years, and what did I do?

Run.

Leave without a second thought, and swapped coasts. My empty promises of staying in contact were just that- empty. I'm ashamed, guilty, and damn right scared. I was selfish, only thinking of myself as I packed my bags and ran away from my mother and Ben, not giving my dad a second thought. I had been a crap daughter. And I still was.

I pulled out of Shane's grip, flinging the covers off of me in pure frustration as I strided towards the plain decorated bathroom, turning on the tap harshly as I leaned against the porcelain sink disheartened as I looked at my washed out reflection in the mirror.

Yesterday's make up smudged around my eyes, my hair sticking up in every direction imaginable- I looked like a hot mess.

My hand found its way to the tap as I slowly turned it on, letting the sound of the water hitting the porcelain calm me momentarily as I pursed my eyes closed tightly. The over thinking causing my head to spin. I inhaled deeply, trying to focus my mind on nothing. If I couldn't think of anything then I couldn't feel guilty over it. I continued to stand there in silence until I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around my waist as well as a chin rest on my shoulder. My body relaxed in Shane's embrace as he rubbed my sides whilst placing a single kiss on my shoulder blade "Morning beautiful, I thought you would still be asleep"

I shrugged "I couldn't sleep"

"I'm sorry baby, why don't you take a shower and I'll make us some breakfast, you must be starving" I simply nodded, thinking that a hot shower was just the thing I needed right now, to drown off the memories.

Perfect.

Shane left the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him as I stripped myself from an oversized tee shirt of his before stepping under the hot water, instantly relaxing my muscles as it came in contact with my skin. I let the water continue to fall for a little longer before wrapping a towel around myself and making my way towards the kitchen area, the smell of eggs and bacon filling my nostrils

"When did you have time to go get eggs and bacon?" I asked with raised eyebrows, confused.

"You were in there for like 25 minutes, besides there's a store next door as it happens" he let out a slight chuckle as he went back to focusing on not burning the eggs, his face scrunching up in concentration

I quickly got changed into a pair of jeans and a black hoodie before throwing my hair up into a messy bun, feeling the need to make no effort with my appearance today. I walked towards the table and sat down, eyeing up the plate of food set in front of me. Hats off to Shane he does make some pretty sexy looking eggs.

I was about to open my mouth to thank him when a loud ringing sound came from another part of the suite. "I'll go see who that is"

Shane disappeared into the other room searching for his phone as I attempted to eat the breakfast Shane had prepared to me, however my appetite was nonexistent. I pushed the food around the plate absentmindedly as Shane re-entered the room, clutching onto his cell

"Apparently, the call is for you" he said, passing me the phone. I hurriedly swallowed the mouthful of food I hate forced myself to consume as I raised the phone to my ear

"Hello?"

"How's my favourite girl in the world holding up?" I smiled at the voice on the other end of the phone- Nate, my stomach falling slightly as it hit me just how much I missed him and everyone else

"I do hope Caitlyn's not around, otherwise my dearest Nate procreating may not be an option for you"

He let out a laugh "don't worry her and Jason are out at the zoo, before you say, I know. But apparently Jason woke up with the urge to visit some monkeys"

I couldn't help but let out a snort before laughing; only Jason could possibly wake up with the urge to visit monkeys.

"Gotta love him" I added.

"If you say so... But Mitchie, how are you doing, is my brother taking good care of you because I swear if he's not I will hunt him down and kick his ass"

"I'm okay Nate and don't worry you're brother is treating me like royalty" I couldn't help but look at Shane as I said it, his curiosity obviously being caught as he was mentioned

"I'm glad. I gotta dash Mitchie Moo, someone's got to run the band whilst others are playing with primates, if you need me or want to talk call, okay? I don't care what time it is or if it's the most trivial conversation we'd ever engage in, you hear me?"

"Yes sir!"

"Bye sweetie, miss you"

"Bye lover, see you soon" I said as I hung up the phone, passing it back to Shane

"Lover?" he inquired "should I be worried?"

Mine and Nate's relationship was merely platonic. And that's all it would ever be. Sure we called each other a variety of pet names and engaged in worryingly amount of hugs every time we saw one another, but he was simply filling the 'brother I never had' title.

"Well actually Shane..." I said slowly "Nate and I eloped the other week and we thought it was about time you should know" I tried to keep a straight face as Shane's eyebrows knitted together in confusion

"Are you serious?!" he replied uneasily, looking at me dead in the eyes

I rolled my eyes "of course Shane"

He breathed out a sigh of relief "thank god for that, for a second you had me going there"

How 'special' is my boyfriend everyone?

-

So my plan of not visiting my dad failed. Epically. After a 20 minute begging session and being dragged into a taxi by my so called boyfriend here I was in the local mental institute, shaking like a leaf.

I stood meters away from the door, my feet frozen to the ground as my eyes scanned the bland corridor, the white walls sucking out any warmth I had previously felt. My breathing swallowed slightly as I was overwhelmed with a sudden feeling of nervousness and guilt.

I stood behind Shane, idly playing with my hands as he opened the door, his height, blocking my initial view of the room which contained my dad. I kept my gaze low as Shane turned towards me, taking his hands in mine, as he lowered his face to my ear and said just above a whisper "I love you". I raised my gaze to meet his, letting a slight smile tug at my lips as we walked into the room, the plain interior continuing.

"Mitchie!" the voice exclaimed as my eyes fell on my dad, tears automatically welling in my eyes. I studied his face, his skin paler than I remembered, his eyes now missing the once evident sparkle they used to hold. He had aged, he looked tired, he was a shadow of the man he used to be.

I ran over to my dad, my arms outstretched as embraced him in the biggest hug I could muster. I clinged on for dear life as my body readjusted itself to the protection and warmth of my dad's embraced I had so desperately missed all the time I had been away. I felt my emotions get the better of me, tears pooling in my eyes- but I wouldn't let them slip. I couldn't. I had to be strong, showing my emotion when my dad was unstable as he was wouldn't do anyone any favours.

I reluctantly pulled away from my dad as I locked my eyes with his, my lips curling into a tight lipped smile as I made my way back over to Shane.

Shane took a seat on the cushioned chair as I sat on his lap, his arms snaking around my waste as he pulled me as close to him as humanly possible, his chin resting on my shoulder, his hot breath ticking my neck.

"How's your mother?" he asked genuinely interested as he locked his eyes with mine. My heart dropped...he hadn't heard?

I gulped harshly "Dad" I said softly, preparing myself for the news I was about to break "something happened...mom, she...she passed away"

His eyes widened before blinking several times, his face scrunching up as he tried to comprehend what I had just told him. "I know you didn't like her dear, but this isn't something to joke about" he said just above a whisper

"She's not lying sir" Shane added, his voice steady as he looked at my father straight in the eyes.

My dad's face fell, his expression washed with sadness as he lowered his gaze; he remained silent for a few minutes as I couldn't help but squirm uncomfortably on Shane's lap, not liking the topic of conversation nor the silence. After all, she was the love of my dad's life, he never looked at anyone else, and even after everything she had done to him, the pain she had caused, he still loved her.

As he raised his head once more, I noticed his eyes glistening, a sad smile spread across his face. I sighed sadly as I explained everything to him, not leaving out a single detail about her death or the time running up to it.

Shane began to fidget underneath me, his gaze darting between the window and my father frantically, coming to think about it, he was looking anywhere and everywhere but me. Small talk between the three of us continued for a good couple of hours, as my dad got to know Shane and my new job before it died down and Shane spoke up.

"Err, Mitchie, do you mind if I could speak to your dad alone for a moment?" my eyebrows furrowed together in confusion as I looked at Shane, why on earth did he want to speak to my dad....alone? With me in the room, that's understandable, but without me?

"Sure..." I said slowly, still confused as I got up from my chair, aka Shane's lap

I pulled the door shut slowly, trying to hear even the slightest bit of conversation to settle my curiosity.

"Mr Torres, there was something I wanted to ask you..."

Err say what now?

-

SHANE:

I watched helplessly as Mitchie raced across her room trying to get ready, literally dragging her body back and forth between the bathroom and her bedroom as she tried to get ready for the day ahead of us. It was finally here- the funeral. In all my years of existing on this earth, I had only been to one funeral- Kyle's and it's safe to say that funerals were the worst things ever.

Saying goodbye to someone I loved was hard, knowing id never see them again- at least not in this lifetime- even harder. However much I tried to accept it, there was still a part of me, a tiny part of me that believed that I would wake up and it would have all been one horrible nightmare. Until the funeral. The reality of it all hit me like a ton of bricks, suffocating me as I watched his coffin get lowered into the ground. Kyle had so much going for him, so much potential, but it was all wasted.

I couldn't even begin to comprehend what Mitchie was feeling as she finally fixed her hair up, her lips pressed together in a tight line, her eyes glistening slightly. She had always been such a strong person, and even now she tried to keep composure when the worst was happening. She was burying a parent- someone who as a child you thought would be around forever, just as they had sorted things out. God worked in mysterious ways- that's the only thing I could say.

She sighed as she stood up from the foot of the bed, straightening out her plain black dress, as she shrugged on a black and stepped into a pair of black heels "I guess it's time to face the music" she sighed in the most upbeat voice she could muster as she made her way to the hotel door. I simply smiled sadly at her as I took her hand in mine; leading her down the two flights of stairs to the black BMW waiting for us.

-

The car pulled up outside the church as I noticed the hoards of people filtering into the building, all dressed in black. For someone who had such a bad reputation she sure had a lot of friends. I turned to face Mitchie who was numbly sitting beside me staring at the head rest for the passenger, her expression showing that she was deep in thought. I felt so helpless, as I brought my hand to her cheek, wiping away the single tear that had escaped her eyes. Her gaze met mine as she unbuckled herself, nodding, telling me that she was ready. I got out of the car quickly before speeding over to the other side, opening the door for Mitchie. I took her hand as we walked quietly behind numerous other people into the church, Mitchi clutching onto a large bouquet of white lillies- apparently her mother's favourite. The church was already filled with countless numbers of guests , many already emotional, as we made our way to the front pew, silently.

-

The ceremony so far had gone without any drama, the words and songs proving that despite the obvious reputation Mitchie's mother held that ultimately she was a good lady at heart, who was loved by many.

"And now Susan's daughter Michelle will say a few words"

I squeezed Mitchie's hand tightly as she rose from her seat slowly, her limbs shaking slightly as she made her way to the front of the church.

She opened her mouth ready to speak when she choked out a sob, her hands shaking, her body quivering slightly, I slowly raised myself from my seat, prepared to go up to her when I was beaten to it by Ben, his strong arms, pulling her to his side in an embrace. Any other time I would be sizing this guy up and giving him some threatening glares for touching Mitchie, but after all they were mourning then I was, they were the ones going through the pain of losing someone close to them, who was I to stand in the way and get jealous?

Quiet words were exchanged between the pair as Mitchie nodded as she regained her composure, looking at the piece of paper littered with messy notes

"Mom always told me when I was a kid, that life didn't have its dress rehearsals, that it was one big show, drama was inevitable, laughter and tears would become the two most common things you do, but ultimately your resolution, happy ending would come, and it has. And I have her to thank for that. We had our ups and downs, our fair share of fights but all of it got me to where I am today." She locked eyes with me, as I finally understood what she was talking about- that it brought us together. "I'm not going to say she was the world's best mother, because she wasn't, but to me she is irreplaceable, and anyone who was lucky enough to know her would know just how much of a gem she really was." Her eyes focused on the casket in front of her "I never used to say this a lot mom, but I love you."

The service finished not long after as we found ourselves in the back of one of Mitchie's relatives car's on the way to the wake- which was being held at her aunt's house

I intertwined my fingers with Mitchie's as we hand in hand mingled and exchanged pleasantries with various family friends and relatives, trying to pass the time as best we could. I knew she wanted nothing more than to just curl up in bed and forget that today ever happened. The day had gone smoothly, her mom getting a send off she deserved, no drama had occurred, well that was until a voice from behind us changed that.

"Well if it isn't Michelle Torres, it's nice to see that you could finally show your face after so long, shame it was the fact that your mother died for you to visit" Mitchie's gripped on my hand tightened, her body becoming rigid as she slowly began to turn to the source. I turned also to come face to face with a bitter faced red head in her late forties, eyes narrowed and arms crossed, glaring at Mitchie

Mitchie gulped harshly as I pulled her towards me.

"Lost for words Michelle? Not like you is it? You used to be oh so vocal when accusing your mother of ridiculous accusations"

I was losing my temper quickly, who the hell was this woman and why on earth was she treating Mitchie this way, on the day of her mom's burial of all days. "I'm sorry and you are?" I asked in the most level voice I could muster, trying not to let any of my obvious anger filter through

"Why don't you introduce me to your boyfriend Michelle?"

She nodded slowly "Shane, this is my Auntie Clara, Auntie Clara this is my boyfriend Shane"

I politely extended my hand towards her, expecting the same in return as we would civilly shake hands, but when I did; she let out a slight scoff, keeping her arms firmly at her side.

Okay, that's a little rude. Hold on...aunt?

"Yes I'm Susan's sister." Ah now it all makes sense. The bitter sister who believed her little sister was a complete angel.

"Mitchie!" a high pitched voice screamed in excitement as I noticed a little girl, no older than about six running towards us, arms extended, her tiny legs carrying her at a such a speed I was surprised she could keep her balance.

"Kimberly don't!" the lady I had identified as Clara shouted bluntly, pulling the girl back from getting any closer to Mitchie. She turned her attention from us to the little girl "go and find your father"

"But I want to see Mitchie!" her voice full of enthusiasm and admiration. Her eyes widened as they fell on me, her mouth forming an 'o' "Oh...my...SHANE GRAY?! Momma let me say hi, please, please, please!"

"No." Clara replied sternly, momentarily glaring at Mitchie

"Why!"

"Because I don't want you near her, now go find your father" I just stood there in shock as I watched her practically ban the girl who I could only presume was a relative be anywhere near Mitchie. I looked towards my girlfriend to see her staring sadly at Kimberly, her eyes glistening.

Oh hell no,

No one gets away with making my girl cry. No one.

The girl scurried off sadly, her head hung low as Clara let a smug grin appear on her face

"You really are a nasty piece of work" I said out loud, shaking my head slightly

"Shane don't." Mitchie muttered bluntly

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Clara scoffed, folding her arms around her chest

"I said, you're a nasty piece of work" I tried to release myself from Mitchie's grip, but she wouldn't have it

"Please Shane"

"Me?!" she scoffed once more "I'm sorry maybe you should look at your girlfriend if anyone's a nasty piece of work it's her"

Mitchie dropped her arms to her side before running off in the opposite direction, her body jerking as I heard sobs escaped her lips.

It was as if I saw red "How dare you?" I snapped "How dare you? If it hasn't slipped your attention Mitchie had to bury her mother today, yes you may have lost a sister but she's lost a parent. It's neither the time nor place for you to start getting bitter because you're in denial over how much of a whore your sister was. And don't go and say she wasn't because I think the fact that she was carrying her 19yr old daughters ex boyfriends baby pretty much gives that away. Mitchie is an amazing person, far better than you'll ever be so why don't you just leave her alone and let her grieve for her mother without you making her utterly miserable." And with that I left her, mouth open wide, shock evident on my face. Maybe I was a little too harsh, but I couldn't care less.

I scanned the rooms, searching for Mitchie, before finding myself on the porch, the cool air hitting my face. And that's when I saw her, broken, sobbing hysterically on the porch step, her head buried in her lap. My heart literally broke at the sight of her, my legs carrying themselves towards her as I sat down silently

"God really hates me doesn't he?" She voiced after a while, the question directed at no one in particular "like he must really hate me. First my mother dies, then I'm forced to see my dad so mentally unstable that he can barely function properly and now this? My family hates me, and I'm pretty sure you resent me for making you come all the way over here when you have shows to play" her voice cracked all over the place, the odd dob escaping her lips as she struggled to keep composure

I opened my mouth to protest, until she continued, now lifting her head up and looking straight in front of her, not daring to lock eyes with me "Why has this happened to me? Why me? Was I some evil serial killer in a previous life that I was destined to go through all of this. My boyfriend and my mother, the baby, my dad? Why?"

"Mitchie, you're an amazing person, don't ever think for a moment that you deserved any of this, but no one said life was supposed to be easy. I don't know his reasoning's, but God works in mysterious ways" I tried to reason with her, but the truth of the matter was that I simply had no idea what to say? Of course it wasn't her fault, how could it? But she wouldn't just accept that, and I had no viable reason as to why it all happened.

"Take me home Shane" she sniffled, wiping the tears from her eyes "please."

I nodded wordlessly as I helped her up off of the step, pulling her close to my side. Tomorrow was a new day, a fresh start, and by the end of it she'd be back with the people who loved her the most; Caitlyn, Nate, Jason and me.

-

Mitchie

My mind was all over the place, I was a mess and now I was being dragged to the nearest airport against my will, or was I? I wanted to leave, to go back to Nate, Caitlyn and Jason, to be with Shane. But my dad. I couldn't leave him; I couldn't do him wrong- again could I? He said he understood that I shouldn't put my life on hold because of him. But he's the reason I had life to begin with and even with his blessing I couldn't help but feel immense guilt about packing my suitcase and taking advantage of the first class seat waiting for me to take me to Portugal.

But Shane was my everything. If you had told me that a couple of months ago I would have called you crazy and laughed, but now, now I couldn't even begin to imagine my life without him. He challenged me, kept me on my feet, he made me laugh, he made feel loved.

And I loved him.

So when I got into the taxi, my mind was made up, I was going, I'd carry on with the tour, do my job and adjust to the thought of no longer having my mother around and deal with the unbearable amount of guilt I was experiencing knowing my dad was all alone in a mental institution.

The taxi ride was short and silent, the atmosphere comfortable, shame I wasn't. I was fidgeting, over analysing everything as Shane simply traced patterns on my thigh with his fingers. The car came to a halt as we pulled up outside the hectic air port, hoards of commuters entering the exit building, suitcases in hand. Airports had always been one of my favourite places; they made memories, shared tearful goodbyes and reunions. They were a place where people just let down their guards, showed all emotion. Even if it was anger due to the ridiculous boarding queue.

"I can't do this!"I exclaimed out of nowhere, coming to a complete stop "I can't" I muttered to myself, my head shaking as busy commuters whizzed by me.

Shane stopped a matter of feet in front of me, quickly realising my absence beside him "Mitch?" he retraced his steps, his eyes full of concern as he approached me "Mitch, what's wrong?"

I shook my head frustrated at my inability to make up my mind.

"Mitch?" he repeated, I could tell he was getting impatient. He was always paranoid about being on time or early, and with the approaching plane departure this was no exception.

"I can't get on this plane, I can't leave Shane, I just can't"

His eyes went wide "Mitchie if this is about your dad, he knows you'll visit all the time, when we get off of tour we can move him over the California, it'll be fine, I promise, but we need you Mitchie, we need you back on tour"

"But-"

"No buts Mitchie, if you're not going then I'm not going. I'm not going to leave you, I need you and I'm pretty sure you need me too"

He was right, I did need him

"You're getting on that plane regardless Shane, you have a freaking tour to complete for crying out loud, don't let down the band, get your priorities right" I sighed, trying to sort things out when all I really doing was avoiding the inevitable. Either way I was leaving someone.

"Then come with me Mitch, you're my main priority, you're my number one." He was literally begging me in the middle of the terminal "being away from you for two days literally killed me Mitch, I can't be away from you again."

I bowed my head, not knowing what to say...what was I supposed to say?

"Shane you know I love you..." I trailed off before he interrupted me

"So, are you coming or not?"

My focus darted between the terminal gate and the exit, my head telling me one way my heart saying the other. I inhaled deeply bringing my gaze to lock with Shane's

"Shane I..."

So there we have it a pretty rubbish chapter and I can't believe I've been making you wait two months, but honestly I'm so sorry. Does she stay, does she go? Review and find out, I have a week off of college so I'm going to write like a beast. I promise for more frequent updates too.

At 541 now, 560 before I update. Much love.