Elspeth took dinner with the Court once each week. Neave knew that she only did it because it was expected. If the Healers and her duties had allowed, she would have stayed every minute with Talia. Neave began to find himself taking care of Elspeth as well as Talia, making sure she slept and ate.

They kept meeting in the salle in the afternoons, where she seemed to take out most of her frustration. Her sparring held a contained anger. Sometimes when he came in she would be throwing knives at the target as if it were her worst enemy. Maybe she was visualizing it as Ancar.

It was about two weeks from the night when Talia had struck at them with her gift. Elspeth's sleep had been disturbed since then, Neave heard her tossing around most nights. Sometimes she'd wake up and they'd talk about small things. He learned quite a bit about Elspeth in those conversations, however there seemed to be things she wanted to confide, but was hesitant to. He knew she was putting on a brave face for Talia.

He didn't like to push her too much, but it was as though she was getting more anxious rather than less, "Elspeth?" he asked her one evening after Rynee had left. Talia was sleeping easily for once, "How are you doing with all this?"

She looked up from the letter she was reading, "I'm fine." she shrugged.

"I'd be surprised if you were, actually." he said, "Nobody's fine right now. And after the other night..." he let the sentence trail off.

She paled.

"How much did you get from her?" he asked as gently as he could.

She put down the letter, "I've been trying not to think about it. I..." she trailed off, "How much did you...?"

"It was pretty bad." he admitted, "She thought I was one of those swine. She threw what she was dreaming about at me...about Kris being dead and being in Ancar's dungeon." he paused for a moment, swallowed, "And what happened to her there. Kyldathar pulled me out pretty quickly though."

Elspeth wrapped her arms around herself as though she was chilled, although the night was so warm they didn't even have a fire going. "That's what I caught. Gwena wasn't so fast. It took her a longer. I--the Healers don't want to talk to me about what happened. I understand but..." she looked at him, pleading for something, "Neave, she wasn't just having a nightmare. She was remembering, wasn't she? That's exactly what happened to her."

Elspeth said the last shrilly, more loudly than she meant to. She clapped her hand over her mouth and looked worriedly at the door. After a moment, there was no sound from the bedroom, so she continued more quietly, "I knew what happened...I'm not stupid...but " her voice dropped to a whisper, "Rynee keeps telling me I have to be careful not to upset her with what I'm feeling. She wouldn't even let me stay with her alone. I feel like a fool. Nothing really happened to me but I feel like...I don't know." she wiped her face with her sleeve.

"Elspeth, a hell of a lot's happened in the last few weeks. Gods! You're Regent until Selenay gets back, you're looking after Talia all the time, you're meeting with the Council every day. Of course you feel dreadful." he said.

She shook her head violently, "Its not just that." she looked at Neave speculatively, "Can I tell you something? Herald to Herald? And you won't repeat it?"

"Of course." He was taken aback that she felt she had to ask.

It must have shown on his face a little, because she blushed and said, "It's just that, I'd be really embarrassed if anyone else knew." she went redder, "Mother and Talia know, but I wouldn't want anyone else to. Talia and I argued the night before she and Kris left."

Neave nodded, "I'd heard that"

Elspeth smiled bitterly, "But, I imagine you didn't hear about what."

"No."

"I'd had a-a... well-- an encounter. With one of the younger courtiers." Her blush looked almost painful, "He was flattering...he said he loved me. Talia caught us together in the hay barn. Turns out the boy was hoping to get into the throne by way of my breeches. And Lord Orthallen was encouraging him. To make it so that I would either have to take this boy as consort or wed Ancar. And then I don't know..maybe have Mother assassinated."

"So what happened?" Neave asked.

"Talia found out. She came in like an avenging angel or something." Elspeth smiled sheepishly, "I didn't know she could be scary. She pulled the boy and me into a link so I saw what he was up to." she shuddered, "Then she told him to get back to his father's holding or else he'd never sleep again."

"So, what did you argue about?" Neave was not sure what Elspeth had to be angry about if Talia had prevented her from making a bad mistake.

"My pride mostly," admitted Elspeth quietly, "I felt like such a fool. I'd started hanging out with that boy and the others because I was feeling rebellious, I guess. Since Talia got back, things were different between us. She had more duties and not much time for me, I felt like. I started talking to that bastard Orthallen. He made it seem like...well, he made some of the more petty things I was thinking seem less so. He introduced me to Corby and the rest."

"Wait. Lord Corby's son?" Neave winced involuntarily.

"Yes, you know him?" asked Elspeth.

"I nearly broke his arm once." Neave shuddered, "I pulled him off a serving maid. His father wanted to have me on charges. Glad to hear Talia dealt with him. He's a complete bastard."

Elspeth sighed and nodded seriously, "I've heard that he was taking liberties with some of the servants."

"I'm sorry, now, that I didn't do more than break his arm." said Neave mildly, "Beating him to a bloody pulp has appeal."

Elspeth smiled a little, "You're always so calm. I see why Rynee wanted you up here. You make me think of what Alberich must have been like when he young."

Neave smiled back, "Maybe. I know I don't inspire fear like Alberich does."

"I think you could." Elspeth said, still smiling. "If you wanted too." after a moment she turned serious again, "I felt so guilty after we argued. And then she was gone. I was certain I could make it up to her after this whole state visit business was finished. And then, all of this happened."

"It's been hard."

Elspeth nodded, her face tight, "What they did to Talia...when she...it was like it was happening to me. I know it wasn't real, but...I..." she sniffed. Took a huge breath and stopped.

Neave had been afraid of that. Kyldathar was so accustomed to pulling him out of nightmares that he hadn't had time to get too far into it. Perhaps his own familiarity with nightmares helped him sort out himself from Talia as well. Elspeth had no such history. He didn't know a whole lot about her actually, but he was pretty certain that this was her first experience with horror of this type, "You should talk to Rynee." he said, "She'll help you sort it out."

"You don't think I'm being foolish?" she asked tentatively.

"Gods, no." He said positively.

Elspeth smiled a little again, "Thank you. I was afraid no one else would understand--they'd just think I was being a stupid child with an overactive imagination."

"Trust me, Rynee won't." Neave said, "But how does this relate to your lordling suitor?"

"It's just...After that...and what's happened..." Again, she seemed to be pleading with Neave for something, but he couldn't understand what, "I never...but now with a war on..." Neave was lost as to what she was talking about now, so he waited patiently for her to find the words.

"If there were some foreign prince that could buy us an alliance against Ancar, Mother would have to allow it." she said shakily, "I'd be sold off like a common..." she couldn't seem to say the word, "It's worse than before. And I have a better idea why, now. But it doesn't make it any easier. And how am I supposed to trust any man when I know any of them could be like Corby or Ancar?"

He was rather speechless, not for the first time he wished he was better with words. The bards could teach him to tell a story, but that wasn't the same, "I'm sorry, Elspeth. I don't know what to say--I wish...I don't know." he finished rather lamely.

"You seem to be very unaffected by the whole thing." she said acidly, "I suppose being male makes it easier for you. You don't have to worry about being sold off as someone's whore."

That hurt. Neave felt like she'd punched him in the stomach. He gazed out the window at the dark sky. Very carefully he drew a tight shield around his mind, not wanting Talia to get any of this. He counted to ten, rubbing his hand over the healed slashes on his forearm. He counted to ten again before he replied, "You don't have to be female," he said very quietly, "Just helpless. With nothing else to trade."

He still gazed out the window so he wouldn't have to see her face, "What--what do you mean by that?" she said, sounding shocked.

"I mean, Your Highness," he said archly, "That before I was Chosen, I was a whore. And I was, in fact, sold off to the Heralds who rescued me. Understand, I am quite distressed by current circumstances. If I appear unaffected, it is only because I am trying to cope in my own way." he spoke most formally because he was not going to yell at the Heir outside of the bedroom of the Queen's Own.

He stood, still without looking at her. He brushed off his tunic and picked up a sheaf of paper and his drawing things from the desk, "I think it's best if I leave you to your rest." he didn't want to cope with her reaction. He went to go sit with the sleeping Talia.

It took him a long time to calm down. He was glad that the bardic training had taught him to dampen his projection so well or else poor Talia would be having a reaction headache trying to keep him out.

**

"Neave?" Talia said softly.

Neave woke out of his doze in the chair all at once, as he always did. The early morning light was coming in through the window. Talia had evidentially slept solidly through the night. He smiled at her tiredly, "Good morning."

She smiled too, "Could you help me sit up? I think its almost time for breakfast." it was the longest really good sleep she'd had since she'd been home. She looked much better for it.

He helped her sit. Elspeth tapped lightly on the door, "Do you want us to help you dress and things or shall we wait for the Healers?"

"Actually," Talia said, smiling gently at them, "If you both don't mind playing lady's maid, I'd be grateful."

Elspeth seemed a little subdued while they helped Talia. She seemed to be furtively observing Neave.

The Healers arrived right after Talia's breakfast was brought up. This morning it was Myrim, Devan and Rynee. As Elspeth and Neave were leaving, he saw Elspeth whisper something to Rynee who nodded. He sighed inwardly, relieved that Elspeth was going to take his advice.

He was walking tiredly back to his room when he heard soft hurried footsteps behind him. He turned to see Elspeth, "Wait!" she said "Would you mind having breakfast with me again?"

He nodded curtly, "All right. Common room or my room?" he didn't want to go to her room. If she wanted to give him a dressing down for speaking to her the way he had, he wanted to be on either home or neutral ground. She was technically a Trainee and therefore had no such authority, but she was also currently Regent and that made telling her off a very grey area indeed.

"Your room, if you don't mind." she said.

Neave was glad he'd slept a little last night. He didn't have the urge to fall into his bed exhausted that he often did. When he'd closed the door behind the page who brought them food, he hesitated over the lock, then threw it. He didn't want any of the pages coming in looking for him in the middle of this.

As soon as he sat down at the table, Elspeth looked at him and said, "Neave, I'm very sorry I spoke to you the way I did. I was thoughtless. And mean." she sounded as if she'd been considering what to say all night.

"It's all right." He was surprised at her tone, "I think I may have been a little over-sensitive. I guess I assume that people have heard." He shrugged. He had expected to have to argue her around to understanding.

"No. It's not." she sighed, "I did sort of know. I mean, I knew you were from Hardorn and you'd come from a pretty rough background. Skif told me that you'd come from worse than him. And he said, when I asked, that your mother was a-a prostitute. I just really never thought about it before. I sat up most of last night thinking about it. That's why Rynee's had you looking after Talia isn't it? And why it doesn't seem to upset you as much as everyone else."

Neave had also had time to consider the conversation. In some ways it was a wonderful sign that what he had been had not occurred to Elspeth. Clearly, it was as Ylsa had said it would be, no one would ever know what he had been, unless he chose to tell them. On the other hand, perhaps this was the reason people like himself were Chosen. So that people like Elspeth could hear what the lives of the least of their subjects could be like.

"It was a long time ago." He said quietly, "And most days it doesn't bother me."

"Except when someone says nasty things. like I just did." Elspeth blushed. "I-I'd been wondering why you were so--I don't know--nonchalant about helping Talia with everything. I mean dressing her and helping her to the privy and...everything. I sort of assumed it was because you're used to helping the Healers, but..." Elspeth let the sentence trail off into a question.

Neave shrugged again.

The silence became a little uncomfortable. They both ate, trying to think what to say next.

"Have you arranged to meet with Rynee?" asked Neave finally.

Elspeth nodded, "When she finishes with Talia, she said she'd send a page to find me."

"You told her you'd be here?" Neave said,

"I hope you don't mind." she was looking shamefaced, "I hoped you'd talk with me."

**

When Neave saw Elspeth that evening, she looked better, less strained. She must have spent a considerable amount of time with Rynee and rearranged her meeting schedule, because she didn't appear in the salle before dinner.

When Talia had been settled for the night, Neave asked her, "How are you now?"

She smiled with less effort than she'd needed of late, "Better. Rynee is good. You were right, she didn't think I was being foolish."

"Good."

"Can I ask you something?" she said humbly.

"You can ask. I won't guarantee an answer." he replied.

"You and Christa, you were pretty close. Did you love her?"

That was not what he was expecting to be asked, "Yes, I loved her. I miss her like hell. Do you mean, was I in love with her?"

Elspeth nodded.

"No." Neave had thought long and hard about this, "Elspeth, I think I'm one of those Heralds for whom my Companion will always be the first lady of my heart. Actually, Christa had almost as many lovers as Destria. We laughed like hell when she got assigned as Christa's counselor. Christa was hoping to get Coroc. No, Christa was a good friend and a good lover, but it wasn't anything that we ever meant to be permanent. Why?"

Elspeth blushed a deep crimson, but she kept her eyes on his, "You've been so good to me. I thought maybe...I like you a lot."

Some pieces began to fall into place. Like the strange pleading looks and some of the things she said in their nightly conversations. The way she kept showing up at the salle right about when he would.

"Oh." he said, abruptly he realized that she was looking for reassurance that things between men and women could be all right.

She looked away, "I'm sorry. I'm being stupid." her eyes were swimming. He realized abruptly that she thought she was being rejected.

He liked her quite a lot. He hadn't considered her as a lover before, but now that she'd brought it up..."Elspeth, I just hadn't thought about it." he said gently, "I'm stupid that way." He moved closer to her and kissed her on the forehead.

She tilted her head up to kiss him on the lips.

He returned it, then he said, "Not here." he smiled down at her, "I'm on duty, even if you're supposed to be resting. Maybe in the morning?"