A/N: A few naughty girls wanted some angry sex. It may not be pretty, but here it is.
Toeing the Line Between Heaven and Hell
Images of a shirtless Kirk break dancing flashed on the big screen as Lorelai turned to Rory with a grin. "This is so disturbing," Rory murmured; her eyes glued to the screen.
"I know, isn't it great?"
"Where did Sookie go?"
"She went to find Jackson; she didn't want him to miss this. We're showing this again after the movie," Lorelai whispered.
"I'll never be able to watch The Yearling again," Rory said sadly. She leaned over a little closer to Lorelai and asked, "Hey, do you mind if I go sit with Lane?"
"Oh, no, go ahead," Lorelai said with a wave of her hand.
Rory glanced at the empty seat next to her and asked, "Sookie is coming back, isn't she?"
"Yeah, it's fine, she'll be right back," Lorelai assured her, clapping as the short film ended. She and Rory both glanced up as Patty got up and walked over to them.
"I did the choreography," the older woman said proudly.
"Mmm," Lorelai hummed in what she hoped was an appreciative tone as she and Rory shared a glance.
"Patty, doll, come here!" Babette called from behind them.
"I'll see you later," Patty said with a wave as she drifted away with a swirl of her caftan.
"Bye Patty," Lorelai called after her. She turned to Rory and asked, "So, how are you feeling?"
"Haunted by the sight of Kirk's bare chest," Rory said in a bewildered tone.
"No!" Patty gasped loudly, capturing their attention.
"I swear to God!" Babette rasped.
"When?" Patty demanded.
"Last night, not long after the accident happened, Luke walked him straight to the bus station, stuck the kid on a bus, sent him home to his mom," Babette answered.
"I can't believe Luke would send him off like that," Patty said in a loud, scandalized whisper.
"Well, I heard the kid wanted to go. I don't know. All I know is that Jess is gone," Babette finished with a nod.
"Well, well, well. What will we do for entertainment around here?" Patty asked.
"Beats the hell outta me," Babette said, sounding a little dejected.
Lorelai spared Rory a quick glance out of the corner of her eye as the movie started to roll on the big screen. Rory's eyes were downcast, fixed on the bright blue cast on her arm. She turned and said in a low voice, "I'm sure it's just for the weekend. Just until things cool down."
Rory nodded mutely and then pressed her lips together firmly. She swallowed hard and then whispered, "I'm going to go find Lane," as she scooted from her seat and hurried away.
Lorelai sighed but kept her eyes fixed on the screen as she tugged nervously at a button her coat. As the opening credits rolled, she turned in her seat and looked around, trying to spot Sookie. Instead, her gaze fixed on the dim glow of light visible from the diner. Without thinking she stood up, gathered the coat close around her, holding it closed as she scooted out of the row and walked down the center aisle. She managed to smile and nod to a few people as she made her way toward the concession stand set up in the back, but just shy of the end of the line, she veered left and took off across the square.
When she reached the diner door, Lorelai cupped a hand and peered through the glass. She saw no movement within, but when she reached for the door handle, it was unlocked. The bells jingled as she stepped inside. Lorelai closed the door quietly behind her and turned the lock, hoping that they could sort things out without being disturbed. She stood in the empty diner, wringing her hands as she tried to decide her next move. Chewing the inside of her cheek, she thought the better of what she was doing, whirled around and reached for the lock just as Luke stepped out of the back calling, "We're closed."
He stopped short in the doorway, the curtain swishing behind him as it fell back into place. Lorelai turned and gave him a small quick smile as she said, "Uh, hi, Luke."
"I'm closed," he repeated, crossing his arms over his chest, his feet planted in a wide stance as he stared at her. He took a deep breath and steeled himself against the pull of her blue eyes.
"I, um, I didn't want coffee," she said quietly.
Luke's eyebrows rose, but he didn't soften his stance as he said, "That's a first."
"Luke," she began, taking a cautious step toward him.
He shook his head and held up one hand to stop her. "I'm tired, Lorelai. And closed, go home."
"I need to talk to you," she said as she took another step toward him.
"You don't want to talk to me right now," he said gruffly. His fingers curled into the sleeves of his flannel as he tried to keep from flying off the handle.
"But I want to…" she started to say as she approached him.
"No, I don't want to go another round with you, Lorelai. Not now," he said as he turned on his heel and pushed through the curtain once more.
Lorelai followed him. "If you would just listen to me for a second," she called.
"I heard you! I heard you loud and clear!" he roared. Lorelai took a step back, her hand involuntarily pressing to her heart as she blinked in surprise. "You wanted me to go to hell, well, you got it!"
"Luke, no," she said as she reached for his arm.
Luke threw his hands up, knocking her hand away as he stepped back. Her eyes widened further, and then she visibly flinched as she watched him clench his fingers into a fist. His brow knit in confusion as he stared at her and then glanced up at his right hand. He lowered it slowly, his eyes following it down until he turned back to her, his face blank. "You think I would hit you?" he demanded in a harsh voice.
"No!"
"Go. Get out, Lorelai!"
"Luke, no, I didn't think that you would do that," she said imploringly.
"You never know what I'll do, right?" he asked bitterly. "I don't give a damn about you or Rory, right?"
"You do! I know you do," she shouted back. "I know that you sent Jess away!"
"Yeah, you should be happy, huh?" Luke spat. "Are you happy, Lorelai? I sent him back to Liz and those punks he ran with. I sent him back to no one knowing or caring what he does or what happens to him."
"No, I'm not happy!" she cried.
"It's what you wanted, right?" he asked, stepping closer to her, his eyes blazing. "You got what you wanted. You always get what you want!"
"I do, not!" Lorelai yelled, forcing herself not to stamp her foot in frustration. "I didn't come here to fight with you; I came here to talk to you."
"I don't want to talk to you," he snapped.
"But, I need to explain!"
"There's nothing to explain. You wanted him gone, he's gone. You wanted me to go to hell, well, I don't need to go there, I'm already there!" he shouted, spittle flying from his lips as his chest heaved with suppressed emotion. Lorelai took an involuntary step back as he advanced on her. "I always do what you want me to do! Paint the diner, Luke. I'll help. Oh no, I won't because I'm off with some other guy!" he mocked mercilessly. "You need a bigger apartment. I bought a goddamn building! Did that make you happy, Lorelai?" he ranted. "You wanted him gone? I put him on a bus. You should be dancing a jig right now," he said, his voice dripping with venom.
"That's not what I want!"
"Ask yourself why, Lorelai," Luke demanded.
"What?"
"Ask yourself, 'Why does Luke always do what I tell him to do?' Ask yourself why I'm so angry right now that I could spit nails. Ask yourself why I haven't put my fist through that wall. Hell, I'll give you that one. It's plaster, a lot harder than drywall. I wouldn't put a dent in it, but I'd probably bust a couple of knuckles," he said snidely.
"Okay, yes, we had a fight, and it was bad, okay?" Lorelai said, cutting him off. "But it was a fight, Luke. We were both upset, we were both angry, we both said things that we didn't mean," she said stubbornly.
"Did we? I don't remember saying anything I didn't mean," Luke snarled. "I asked if anyone was hurt, I asked where Jess was. I asked you if this was my fault and you said it was," he reminded her. "I told you that I had an obligation to care for my nephew, but you told me that my obligation to the town, to you and to Rory was more important. Did you not mean that, because I thought that you did, it sure sounded like you did!" he yelled.
"I was upset!"
"So was I!"
"I know that!" Lorelai took a shaky breath and lowered her voice. "I do. I'm sorry," she said pleadingly. "We were both upset, and I was taking everything out on you," she admitted quietly.
Luke pressed his lips together in a firm line, and stared at her hard, forcing himself not to back down. He schooled his features, forcing the tight muscles in his jaw to unclench. "So, what do you want me to do now, Lorelai?" he asked, trying to maintain control. "Tell me what you want, and I'll do it. That's what I do."
"I don't want you to hate me," she said desperately.
"I don't hate you," he answered automatically.
"You're acting like you do," she said skeptically.
Luke shrugged and said, "It's a fine line, right?"
"What?"
"I don't hate you," Luke said plainly. "I'm just saying that I'm not ready to talk to you about this."
"But I want to talk. I think we should talk," she insisted.
"What about what I want, Lorelai? When do I get what I want?" he asked, suddenly angry again.
"What do you want?" Lorelai cried in frustration.
"It doesn't matter," he shouted, waving his arm wildly.
"Yes, it does."
"No, Lorelai, it doesn't," he said firmly, the muscle in his jaw working as he clamped his mouth shut, trying to keep from saying too much. He tried to step around her, but she moved quickly to block his path.
"It matters to me," Lorelai told him as she reached out and grabbed both of his arms to still him.
Luke stared down at her hands and then slowly lifted his eyes to hers. "You really want to know what I want?" he asked in a low voice.
"Yes," she said, nodding emphatically.
"I want to be able to hurt you like you hurt me," Luke said in a low voice.
"Hurt me?" Lorelai asked in a stunned voice. She searched his eyes, trying to figure out what he could possibly mean.
"I want to have that kind of power over you. Just once," he said, shaking off her hand and holding up one finger for emphasis.
"Power?" Lorelai's brow furrowed as she tried to take a step back from him.
Luke reached out and grabbed her wrists, holding them up between them. "Just once, I want you to want what I want," he said in a deep raspy voice. "I want…"
Lorelai's eyes dropped to his mouth, watching as the words tumbled from his lips. Awareness burned through her. He never stood this close. The heat from his body radiated in waves, pulsing against her, seeping through her clothes. His breath was hot and his teeth flashed white as he bit off those last words. She blinked rapidly, willing her mind to catch up, but her mouth beat her to the punch. "It's a fine line between what, Luke?" she whispered.
Luke's fingers relaxed slightly, and then he released her. "I don't hate you, Lorelai." He looked at her, his eyes probing hers mercilessly, searching for an answer. "I just want to know when I get to have what I want," he said hoarsely.
Lorelai gazed into his stormy blue eyes and reached up to smooth the line that bisected his eyebrows with the pad of her finger, wishing she could erase the past 24 hours as easily. His breath came in soft puffs, as if he were afraid to fully fill his lungs. She stared at his mouth for a moment, fighting to keep from pressing that magical fingertip to his lips to see if they were as soft as they looked. "I don't wanna fight," she murmured.
"Me either."
Lorelai looked up into his eyes again and whispered, "Don't hate me."
"I don't. That's my problem," Luke said with a self-deprecating smirk. He lowered his lips to hers and kissed her hard. Lorelai's startled cry was captured by his mouth. His lips moved against hers, firm and unyielding, as he waited for either a skirmish or her surrender. The only thing he knew for sure was that it was time. They needed to pick one side of the line and stay there. Permanently.
Lorelai staggered back when he released her. He set her away from him, steadying her on her feet before dropping his hands to his sides. He stared at her directly, offering no apology for what he had just done; simply waiting for her verdict. When she said nothing, Luke ducked his head and asked, "What's it gonna be? Love or hate?"
Lorelai blinked rapidly in an effort to clear her mind, staring at him with a mixture of disbelief and stunned appreciation. When he looked up once more, Lorelai whispered, "I don't want you to hate me."
Luke nodded slowly. "I kind of do right now," he admitted. "Not as much as I…" he trailed off, looking up the wooden staircase as if plotting his escape.
"As much as you?" she asked leadingly.
"I sent him away for you. I sent him away because you wanted me to," Luke said with a shrug.
"I get the hate part," Lorelai said softly.
Luke shook his head and said, "No, that was the other side of that line."
Lorelai caught her bottom lip between her teeth and looked away, trying to figure out why his vulnerability scared her more than his anger. Trying to get back on familiar ground, she pressed one hand to the front of his shirt, toying with a button as she looked up at him coyly and asked, "I really have that kind of power?"
Luke gaped at her, incredulous. "Don't toy with me, Lorelai," he warned, the anger bubbling up inside of him again.
Comforted by his sudden shift in temper, Lorelai teasingly slipped the button through its hole and asked, "Why? What are you gonna do about it?"
"Go home," he said in a rough voice. "I'm done here."
Lorelai looked up at him and then lowered her eyes to his mouth as she asked, "And if I don't? What if I say we're not done?" she asked in a challenging tone.
Luke reached for her again. He pulled her against him, his hands wrapping around her upper arms, his fingers digging through layers of clothing and into her flesh. "Why are you doing this to me?" he asked, giving her a little shake before attempting to step away from her.
"I'm just walking the line," she replied innocently, grabbing the front of his shirt and brushing her lips over his in a fleeting kiss, effectively halting his retreat.
But she was wrong. Lorelai had crossed that line one too many times. Luke crushed her lips to his, pushing her head back with the force of his kiss. She moaned softly and parted her lips in an invitation for him to take. Luke didn't bother to think about why or how, he just took what she offered. His tongue tangled with hers as she brushed the cap from his head. He took the kiss deeper as his hands curled into the lapels of her coat and fisting them into his palms as he angled his head, hungry for more of her. He lifted the fabric up and slid the coat back, jerking the soft suede down over her shoulders as he spun her around, pinning her arms to her sides with her coat and her back against the wall with his body.
He lifted his head, and stared down at her. "Yes," she whispered without opening her eyes.
It was then that he realized too late that once again he was giving her just what she wanted. The fine line between love and hate blurred into that even thinner line between friendship and desire. That line that he had been toeing for the last half of a decade. He was crossing that line. Hell, he was leaping over it. And she simply stood still. He stepped back, his eyes fixed on her.
Lorelai kept her eyes closed, pressing her head against the wall, barely breathing as she waited. It was then that she realized with stunning clarity that she had always waited for this day to come. And now it was here, and it was nothing like she ever imagined it would be. There was no gruff, sweet invitation to dinner. There were no shy glances across a tiny table as they tried to figure out how it was supposed to go from there. No awkward kiss goodnight, to tasting, testing or trying it on to see if it fit, if they fit.
Her stomach churned. Anger and hurt mixed with fear, curiosity and raw desire in a lethal cocktail that made her feel drunk. Everything was spinning out of control; as if she had no choice. Logically, she knew that wasn't true. She could push past him right now, and he'd let her go. He'd wanted her to go. He tried to make her go before something happened. Something just like this. Love me, hate me. If I let him love me, will he end up hating me? she wondered. Lorelai opened her eyes, her lashes slowly sweeping up until at last they revealed startlingly bright blue eyes. She stared back at him unblinkingly, trying to gauge how far she had pushed already, as a part of her itching to push a little bit more. His chest rose and fell as if he had just run a marathon, but his face was calm, a perfectly impassive mask that she now realized he wore just for her.
She cocked her head, a tiny frown creasing her brow as she tried to puzzle out exactly what to do next. Break it down, she told herself. Am I mad at Luke? No, well, yeah, but mostly because he's angry with me. It does hurt, she could admit. It hurts that my baby was hurt. It hurts to know that I hurt him. It even hurt that he had sent Jess away. Well, it hurt to know that she was the reason he sent Jess away, she amended. Luke took a small step back and raised his hands as if signaling to her that he would do her no harm. Am I scared of Luke? No. Never. Do I want Luke? she asked herself. Her gaze fell to the pale pink lips that, moments before, had been on hers. Then they had been hot and demanding, now they were drawn in a thin resolute line. She lifted her hand, itching to touch them. She wanted to use that magic finger to brush over them and force them to relax. She wanted to taste them, just once, soft, full and sweet. Yes.
Lorelai tipped her chin up and raised her eyes to his. But what she found there did scare her. The heat of his anger no longer blazed in their dark blue depths. She searched them, looking for something, anything, even the glint of ice, but she found nothing. He stared back at her impassively, his eyes mirroring the blank canvas of his face as even his hands hung limp at his sides. If she didn't know him at all, she would say that he actually looked relaxed. But she did know him, and the fact that he was even attempting to pretend that this had not just happened set her blood to boil.
"Chicken out?" she asked as she raised one eyebrow.
"What?"
"Did you chicken out?" she repeated slowly. When he didn't respond right away, Lorelai gave him a knowing smirk and added, "Again."
A muscle jumped in his jaw, and Lorelai's lips curved into a small smile of victory as she marked a direct hit. She pulled away from the wall a bit and let her coat slide down her arms and onto the floor. She held her arms out to her sides and said challengingly, "This is what you want, right? Just remember, it's not my fault if you don't take it."
For once in his life, Luke Danes didn't think, he acted. He stepped into her, pushing her back again, trapping her soft body pressed between the solid heat of his and the cool, hard wall. His teeth hit hers as he took possession of her mouth in a punishing kiss. His hands were on her, holding her waist firmly, sliding up over her ribcage, pushing her breasts up as he filled his palms with her, his callused hands rasping against the cotton of her shirt. Lorelai's tongue swirled around his as her hands pulled frantically at the back of his shirts, yanking the t-shirt he wore beneath the ubiquitous flannel free from his jeans. As he pressed hot, angry kisses to her neck, she raked her nails over his back, raising equally angry red welts in their wake. He sucked hard, marking her delicate skin as he squeezed her breasts. Lorelai plunged her hands into the waistband of his jeans. Her nails scraped against the cotton of his boxer briefs as she squeezed his ass, grinding against the hard bulge in his jeans. He found the hem of her shirt and yanked it up, seeking the smooth, warm skin beneath as she pushed him back. He staggered slightly, but Lorelai caught him, curling her fingers around the buckle of his belt, and then began to pull the tab free from the loops. Once the buckle hung loose, she opened the top button and looked up at him boldly as she stepped out of her shoes.
Luke abandoned his exploration of her skin and immediately reached for her jeans. He opened them with fingers trembling with adrenaline, yanking the zipper down roughly and then digging his thumbs into the waistband to push them down. Lorelai reached into his briefs, her fingers curling around the prize she sought as she moaned softly in appreciation. While she stroked him, she helped his shove her snug jeans and panties down over her hips with her other hand, shifting her legs to help work them down over her thighs. With a grunt of frustration, Lorelai pulled her hand from his pants and then shoved her jeans down, pushing them off of one foot, and leaving them twisted around her other ankle. Luke pushed his own jeans and underwear down and then caught her thigh as she lifted her bare leg onto his hip. He bent his knees as Lorelai guided the tip of his cock to her damp folds, and then pressed her head back against the wall, watching him through heavy lidded eyes as she wet her lips in anticipation.
Luke pushed up, closing his eyes as he met brief resistance and then slowly sank into her. "Jesus," he rasped, and then pushed harder, sheathing himself in her heat.
He covered her ass with his hand and squeezed it hard, signaling to her to lift her other leg. Lorelai hopped slightly and he caught her, bracing his hands beneath her thighs and lifting her up against the wall as he surged forward. She moaned loudly, fisting one hand in his hair as the other grasped at his shirt, bunching it in her fist as he thrust into her hard and fast.
"Oh yes, yes," she whispered. Luke spread his fingers, pulling her apart as he pounded into her blindly, pushing her against the wall and then pulling her down on him harder and harder. "Oh God, Luke!" she gasped.
Fueled by her words, he drove her up, surging into her heat as she tightened around him, squeezing him tighter and tighter. When she cried out her release, he sought his own with a strangled groan. She enveloped him, pulling him deeper and deeper as he shot into her. He gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut as her muscles contracted around him, milking him for everything he had.
His breath rushed past her ear as they slowed. Her hair tickled his nose, and their bodies pulsing in time with their labored breathing, as Luke found himself trapped somewhere between heaven and hell. He swallowed hard, trying to force some moisture down his parched throat as he bent his knees and slowly lowered her legs to the floor. He held her steady for a moment and then winced as he pulled away from her, yanking his briefs and jeans up quickly. He looked away as he tugged his zipper up, not allowing himself to think about his cock still sticky and wet with her juices pressing against his stomach. He looked up at last and ran a tired hand over his face, tugging lightly at his bottom lip as Lorelai stared back at him apprehensively.
Luke wet his lips and then said in a soft, raspy voice, "The, uh, key is up over the doorframe, if you don't mind locking the door." When Lorelai's jaw dropped in shock, he shook his head slightly and lifted his chin as he planted his hands on his hips. "I'm bringing him back, whether you like it or not."
"Fine," she managed to whisper as she hurriedly bent down and tried to straighten her jeans and panties.
Luke raised his foot to the bottom step and watched as she shoved her leg into her pants. She hopped around a little, pulling them up hurriedly; her hair hiding her face from him as she fumbled with the tab of her zipper. "Lorelai," he said quietly, causing her to jerk her head up. He glanced away and then swallowed the lump in his throat. "If you think that this was what I wanted," he began in a voice hoarse with emotion, and then stopped, shaking his head slowly. Luke cleared his throat as she flipped her hair back and looked up at him her eyes bright with unshed tears. He took a ragged breath and then said, "If you think that this was all I wanted, then you don't know me at all."
Lorelai watched as he turned and walked tiredly up the old wood paneled staircase without looking back. Lorelai's heart ached, knowing that all he would find at the top was an empty apartment. When she heard the door close with a restrained click, she looked down at her hand on her zipper, and then quickly buttoned her jeans. She began to shove her feet into her shoes as she bent to retrieve her coat, but froze as she spied the blue baseball cap he always wore hidden in a shadowy corner. Pulling her foot from her shoe, her own coat forgotten, Lorelai reached for it, brushing her fingers over the brim to chase the dust away as she sank down onto the second step. She ran the brim through her fingers, tugging at the edges of it to shape it as she had seen Luke do countless times before, and studied the gift she had given him seemingly a lifetime ago. She frowned as she realized that it had only been just over a year since she handed him that early Christmas present, and then it dawned on her that it probably seemed much longer because he hadn't worn another hat since.
It was clean but stained; a little worn around the edges, like the man himself. She flipped it over and stared at the hatband; darkened by the sweat from hours of wear and work. She traced her fingernail along a string of grease stains that patterned the back of the hat and wondered idly if the hot oil had burned his face, if he had cussed, and if the pain brought tears to his eyes like the ones that were now filling hers.
The problem wasn't that I don't know him, it was that I do. And, Luke is like this hat. He liked things that would last. She looked up at the aged wood paneled staircase, and then back down at the well worn treads. Thousands of times his boots had clunked up these stairs, and they had never once let him down. Hundreds of times, he had placed this cap on his head, and it always did its job. Why was it not until that night that she realized what it meant to him? she wondered. Would it still mean as much to him tomorrow? But deep down inside of her she knew the answer to that. Luke wasn't Christopher, or even Max, easily satisfied with a quick trip to paradise. He wouldn't be distracted by the bright shiny apple she offered in lieu of her heart. He would rather have nothing if he couldn't have it all.
Lorelai turned and looked at the top of the stairs, knowing that the following morning he would walk back down these steps, a hat firmly attached to his head, and flip the sign on the door to open. Would it be this hat? she asked herself as she turned it again, running her fingers over the brim. The only thing that she knew for certain was that she wanted it to be. She looked at the top of the stairs again, a sudden panic seizing her heart as she realized that he could have dozens of hats stashed up there. Hats of all shapes and colors. Hats with unknown origins, perhaps chosen with more care and consideration than she put into the two minutes it took to pick this one.
Lorelai pushed to her feet, and ignoring her shoes and coat, turned to pad up the steps in her stocking feet. When she reached the frosted glass door, she didn't stop to knock, figuring that they were a little beyond that now. Instead, she drew a deep breath and turned the handle silently. Luke leaned up against the counter next to the fridge, one arm crossed protectively over his chest, gripping his bicep as a bottle of beer dangled at his side. He looked up, and then immediately dropped his gaze to the scuffed toes of his boots, a rush of shame flushing his cheeks with color.
Lorelai crossed the small room and stopped in front of him, planting one foot on either side of his as she held out the hat as a peace offering. Luke slowly unfolded his arms and carefully took it from her without touching her. "Thanks," he said gruffly.
Lorelai nodded, but didn't move away. She stared at him, willing him to look up. When he finally raised his head, she placed one hand gently on his cheek, feeling the rasp of his stubble as he unconsciously leaned into her touch.
"I know you," she said softly. Luke lifted his eyes to hers, and she found that all semblance of pretense was now stripped away. Everything he felt, everything he wanted, everything he was afraid he had lost forever was right there, in his tormented eyes. "I know you better than I know myself."
And with that, she leaned forward and kissed him tenderly. His lips were soft, full and sweet, everything she ever imagined they would be. She closed her eyes, falling into him as she lost herself in kiss after kiss, and realizing that they had finally crossed that line between heaven and hell. She clung to him, refusing to pull away by even a fraction of an inch; reveling in the sweet taste of his lips on hers. She kissed him, not too hard, not too soft; unwilling to relinquish the moment when he wrapped his arms tightly around her, holding her close. She kissed him with everything she had, offering up a silent prayer for redemption and perhaps one more shot at paradise.