My beta is TJ WISE… and she's epic.

For: jaimi-or-jaemi. She made me smile

Damon

"I need to know that you want me. I need to know your feelings for me are real. That what you are feeling is more than just a temporary side effect of you wanting to be angry at Stefan. I can't ignore that it's soon after you two falling out, possibly too soon, so I need, I have the right to know." Damon struggles.

Damon continues. "You know that I love you and that I've waited so damn long to touch you... I don't know how I managed it, but I need to know that our connection is based on more than you being angry at Blondie and Broody's horizontal crashing and tumbling in bed together. I want you to want me for me, not as plan B or as a revenge fuck to get back at my brother. Is that something you can manage, or do you need more time?"

Elena blinks, not realizing he felt this way. "Damon, if I didn't love you I would never have been able to forgive you for killing Jeremy, or hurting Caroline! Granted I was furious with you at the time, but the way I feel for you scares me so much that it has to be real. Stefan hurt me true, ok he's still hurting me sometimes, but without you I wouldn't be as happy. I wouldn't cope as well. You give me the strength to be that way, to be happy, to be me, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I love you"

"I love you back." His lips met hers and time seemed to stop.

Elena

I know that I should have wanted to wait to be part of a 'we' again, but I didn't feel like it. I don't feel the want that should have been there, and it makes me wonder, could it be that I'm on the rebound?

No. That sounds silly, Elena Gilbert doesn't do rebounds. Not that I'm too perfect to not want to. But I am smarter than that, because rebounds only hurt those involved, and I have a hard time giving my body to someone who I'm not going to keep. Does that make sense to anyone else? Probably not. But it is the way I feel. I know that sex with a stranger is, in theory, good. It is supposed to be free of inhibitions and issues, but in the end all I'd be thinking of is why am I sharing myself with someone who I don't want in my life? Why give a piece of my body to them, to have an experience of the rawest kind when I feel nothing for them? In a way, I think of sex as a gift, of not just being about trust and commitment, but also being of mutual respect and stability. I remember my mom saying to me once that a girl worth having is not easily had. I came to like that years later, because at the time I didn't get it; who would? It's, one of those pieces of wisdom adults tell you that you never get until years later.

I've been thinking about Stefan a lot lately. About our relationship in the past and what it's turned into in the present. I've realized that I do not regret the relationship being over. What I regret is the time that I've wasted trying to be this perfect boring person, fitting into the box that Stefan needed. The "me" that was created the moment that my parents and I plunged off Wickery Bridge, that "me" that hates myself for the huge changes. That I even once thought I couldn't be myself with him without him being disappointed in me is ridiculous. I think what hurts the most is, I became someone who needed someone to BE okay with her life, which has never been me.

Yet, as I think about it, I started to realize that this is exactly the type of person Stefan has always been himself. He goes off human blood because he doesn't trust himself to find a middle ground without going to extremes that just end up causing feeding frenzies. More so, Stefan doesn't trust his heart to go after the woman he has wanted for more than a hundred years. He doesn't trust his friendship with me enough to understand that I'm neither as fragile nor as naïve as I once was. He doesn't trust that Caroline can see that she's just a replacement for Katherine, for me.

I know Care notices it, she always notices things like that, and excluding that one time with her and Damon (and don't let me get into that because it only pisses me off more…). Anyway, she was always the first one who told me and Bonnie about who was using who, who liked who and every minute detail of relationships, so her not being aware of how Stefan is using her is impossible to believe.

After a lot of thinking I picked up the phone "Hi, Isobel, I want to talk to Katherine"

I am so tired of all the bullshit.

Caroline's pov

Dear Diary,

I know Stefan's using me.

The sad part is that I care for him too much for me to stop.

At first I thought I was on the rebound, but now I know I'm the replacement for the woman he clearly is too much of a coward to go after; the woman he wants. Knowing that I'm not even second best hurts like hell.

Third, that's what I am. Third best.

So of course I went to the place where I always go whenever something upsets me, and no, it's not the mall. I arrived at the Grill looking as fabulous as always, of course I didn't feel so awesome, but hey, I looked it!

I was sitting alone for what had to be like two minutes when this uber hottie strolls over trying to act all casual and sits next to me.

He smiles at me and it's like my face can't stay sad "Ello gorgeous, and how are you this lovely evening?" Fuck me, he's British… "Um hey. Okay I guess… Who are you?" And why is he staring at me like he wants to eat me?

"The name's Klaus darling and I don't believe you, tell me how you really feel." How can he know that?

"Well honestly, I feel like shit because the guy that I have been sort of seeing doesn't really like me. Even when he sleeps with me he won't look at me! I come in third…Third!" Words rush from my mouth as if I can't stop them; then again it's not the first time I've had verbal spewing issues…

"Third? You must be joking. A face like yours must rate higher than last place. Whom could you possibly be competing against that rates you third?" The disbelief in his voice honestly makes my day suck just a little less; it's so starkly honest I can't help it.

"Well it started when I stole my friend Elena's boyfriend Stefan and his brother caught us sleeping together and told her. Then, even though Elena dumped Stefan for his brother that same night, he kept sleeping with me. I thought it meant we were together but it turns out that he's really wishing I was this other woman who he's been in love with for practically forever who just happens to look like his ex-girlfriend Elena. So it turns out that Stefan's first ex is first, or so Elena says, and that makes Elena second, which puts me smack dab in loserville as last in third place. Stefan won't even look at me when we make love, although I guess you can't really call it making love if he won't even look At me in the eye, not even ONCE!" Oops, I screamed that last part…

"So basically you took up with a man who had a girlfriend but was still hung-up on his first girlfriend but chose to sleep with you…for whatever reason?" I have to hand it to this guy; he's really great at un-complicating words.

"Well yes, I suppose, if you want to put it that way, but it makes me sound really cheap." I frown as I hear myself saying that, what must this guy think of me?

"Not really, it just means you made a mistake. Everyone does at some point or another if you live long enough. To be perfectly honest I find you to be enchanting, you're brash and unapologetic and I love it. In fact love, what would you say if I asked you to come home with me tonight? I'll show you a great time, and rest assured you would be number one all night long, and possibly well into the morning."

I stared at him like he was insane. Did he not get that I just got done being used and didn't want to do it again. This has always been a big problem for me; I let them use me because I always think that this one is special and that he cares for me and only me, and it's never the case.

"Um as flattered as I am, I'm going to have to say no thanks." He might not even wait till morning to regret being with me. Not again.

"No? What do you mean no?" He had this really cute look of shock on his face.

"I mean thanks, but no." I smile gently trying to break the seriousness of the moment. I don't like serious moments, not with strangers at least.

"No?" He must not hear that word a lot with his face, not to mention the silk that is his voice.

"No-pe" I smile wider, it feels really good to stand up for myself finally.

"Why?" I've only known this guy an hour and I get the feeling that he's really not used to the word "no"…

"Because I just realized that I respect myself just a little more than I thought I did." Crazy huh! I just turned down a hot guy.

"You're rather amazing you know?" He smiles at me. What guy smiles after getting turned down for sex?

"Um, thanks. I think" Confused face appears here.

I see his eyes dilate, and Diary, I was scared shitless. "Tell you what we're going to do, you are coming home with me and I will spend the entire night showing you how you deserve to be treated." Oh shit, he is a vampire too.

Logically I knew I was being compelled. The entire time it was happening I knew I didn't want to be there and for the first time since I was turned, I felt the same fear every woman does when she walks alone at night and hears footsteps behind her. Vampirism was supposed to have freed me from that fear and apparently someone hardcore lied to me on that one…

Anyway, that night was both the best and worst; it was the best because I now know what it's like to have someone treat me like I deserve to be treated; he held me all night long. Funny thing about compulsion, I knew I HAD to be there but somewhere along the way I stopped being scared and still felt like shaking; not because I was afraid of him, but because I was afraid of the emotions I felt because of him.

Insane right?

I mean, I shouldn't like being forced to go with someone and be there, but really, it wasn't that bad. Sure the initial thing was rather lame but after I had been at his place for about an hour the fear dropped off and I loved it.

He drove us to this great house outside of Mystic Falls and opened my door at vampire speed and led me by the hand inside his place. All I can say about his mansion is that it is epic, a work in progress to be sure, but nice. He started a fire in a fireplace that rivals the Salvatore's boarding house and ewww I can't believe I just mentioned anything Damon adjacent with the night I had.

He lead me to the couch and dropped down to his knees as he removed my heels massaging my feet and ankles as he went. He must have called ahead or something because there is champagne in the ice bucket and raspberries, yes Diary I said raspberries and not strawberries, but there was still a fondue dip. He fed me and we talked for hours, long past the food being eaten (mostly by me) and well into the next fire logs being placed in the ashes of the previous ones. A few more hours went by and I started yawning, it had been a long day to begin with, my fluctuating emotions only adding to the exhaustion.

So then he moved us into the bedroom and I felt for sure that this was the moment when he would be peeling my clothes off.

Well, God knows that by then I wanted it enough and I could tell that he knew. I would catch him out of the corner of my eye, his nose twitching, taking in my scent. He knew JUST how much I wanted him, yet he didn't try to take me, to press his advantage. He asked if I wanted to change for bed and I looked around, looking for God only knows what he wanted me to wear. I mean come on, vampire that can compel a vampire and knows I'm a huge slut…there's gotta be some kinky shit around here he's dying for me to try right? That's when he handed me a shirt, one that's huge on me and, I'm guessing his, judging by the smell of it.

Did I forget to mention that he smells REALLY good?

I moaned softly when I was behind the closed bathroom door, I'll admit it...

He looked me straight in the eye and said "Come to bed Caroline."

So you know, I followed like a good little girl and climbed into his massive bed beside him and tried to be as unassuming and not there as possible. This guy has blown my expectations out of the water and I honestly had no idea what to do with him. He whispers into my ear to turn over as he rises behind me when I comply. I can hear him behind me and feel the heat from him as he hovers just outside of the space that my body is occupying.

Klaus ran his hands over my body, breathing words into my ear that make the pounding inside me worse. "Vampires are tactile creatures love, they desire to touch, to be touched, crave it even. Do you feel it?"

"Yes" I moaned out as his hands rose to my stomach stroking it firmly allowing the material of his shirt to bunch up and show more of my body off; at least it would had he not been pressed so tightly against me that if I was human still I would have been almost crushed. This guy is at least 50 pounds bigger than I am and definitely taller.

That particular torture lasted for hours and he worked me up while whispering things into my ear. Turns out that Klaus is WAYYY older than I imagined, he said he's what's known as an Original, which means that he was one of the first vampires. The part that surprises me the most is that he likes me Diary, I mean, I was a ditzy blonde with a control freak habit before I was turned, but I suppose that vampirism changed that.

It did change it for me, brought out the best of my traits; unfortunately it didn't remove my control freak tendencies completely, too bad.

I fell asleep in the early hours of the morning wrapped in his shirt and pressed tightly against his front as he played with my hair.