WARNING: Religious topics at play.
Anew
It had been weird, I'll admit it, but weird was good. It meant that my message had gone through his thick ass head. We had spent Halloween together, as somewhat a couple and somewhat as friends. There was no denying the attraction between him and I, and thanks to Alex and Casey, Halloween night was definitely one to remember. We had gone to the annual DA's Office Halloween Party as Hugh Heffner and Playboy Bunnies. You had your bubbly blonde, your fiery redhead, and that sultry Latina brunette. We had won the costume contest and had really buzzed up the office and party with chatter. Trevor's costume was simple; pajama pants, velour robe, and house slippers whilst Alex, Casey, and I were dressed in skimpy lingerie, stockings, and heels. It'd been fun to see Trevor's eyes lull over my body; the flirty looks, the desirous overtones of our conversation, but he knew we couldn't make this about sex; this couldn't be fixed over sex.
That was the difference between a courtship and a relationship, we needed to be able to communicate effectively our problems and hardships in order to surpass and overcome them and yes, sex could aid some of the tension, but in the morning when the pheromones and the hormones were back at their natural levels, everything would still be the same and I didn't want that. I wanted him to be able to say 'I love you' to me and feel my body warm just by the thought of his love. I wanted to feel wrapped in an embrace of love even if I were six thousand miles away from him just like I knew he felt it when I was out of the office or nearly across town in our respective apartments.
I had fallen ill a week prior to Thanksgiving and once he noticed… let's just say; I had never seen him so flustered as that day.
I was feeling like shit. I looked like shit. And, I knew every one around me could tell by the way I was heavily dressed when the temperature hadn't dropped that much. I was wearing a heavy knitted sweater, a skater skirt with tights, and knee-high heeled boots. My hair was in its natural bedhead wave and my accessories included a knitted scarf, my glasses, and a tissue. I was sitting down at my desk, my head resting on my hands atop my desk as I urged the headache away and the coughs to stop. I was waiting for Trevor's ten a.m. meeting to end so that we could have our daily briefing. I didn't notice, but I fell asleep, that's how ill I was.
"Excuse me, do I need to bump up your work load, Noa?" his voice startled me out of sleep and I quickly stood, swaying slightly at my lightheadedness.
"S—Sorry, it won't happen again," I quickly apologized, sniffling.
He furrowed his brow, but didn't press the matter. He walked inside his office as I grabbed the tablet and followed behind, coughing softly. I sat across from him and began going over his calendar when suddenly a coughing fit took over my body, and I heaved and fought for air. His hand on my shoulder made me turn as he offered me a cup of water. I took it and took a sip, feeling his hand ghost the skin of my neck and I shivered at the contrast of his cool skin against my warm one. I hissed at the feel and recoiled from his touch, "Noa, you're burning up!"
I waved him off, "I'm fine, it's just a cold."
"No, it's not," he grumbled, "I'm sending you home. Matter of fact, I'm coming with you."
"No, Trevor," I protested.
"I don't want to hear it," he quickly said, dialing to Jeanine and asking her to clear his calendar. He was set on taking me home due to my illness.
"Trevor," I opened my mouth to continue, but another surge of coughs was the only thing heard.
"Noa, we're fucking leaving so get your ass up and grab your stuff. I don't want to hear it anymore, understood?"
I was stunned at his choice of words, but he knew I would comply because I was feeling like shit. I nodded and stood, stumbling slightly and feeling his arms around my waist. I shuddered at his proximity and he couldn't help but be smug, "Asshole," I mumbled as he released me.
The sudden shrill of my office phone interrupted my thoughts, Trevor's line, "Yes?"
"Hey," he said cautiously, "ready to go? If we leave now, we can catch the rest of the family at the eleven a.m. service."
I was still getting over my initial illness and I coughed slightly, "Yea, I don't even know why we came in today, Trev. You could've worked from your apartment."
He cleared his throat, "I—I wanted to see you, Noa," he said, unsure of how exactly I would take his words.
I smiled and shook my head, "Trevor," I begun.
"I know, I know. I—I'm sorry," he hesitated, "I'm coming out now."
We hung up after that and though all I wanted to do was run into his arms and bury my face in his neck, this was a healing journey, a learning process that both were taking together. Our relationship had moved expeditiously and though it felt right, Trevor was still working through feelings and emotions over his ex-fiancé.
He had spent time in counseling, sleeping with and hurting other women, destroying his self as well as people surrounding him and though he thought he had healed—and in some ways he had—he was still hurting and it was not on me to heal him. He needed to do his healing on his own; I was only here by his side as the support system he needed. If we wanted to take it quite literal and go by the teachings of the Church, I was his woman and it was my job to uplift him and let him know that I was there for him.
"Ready?" he said, shoving his hands into his pockets.
"Yea," I said, smiling and standing, clearing my throat. I tucked my hair behind my ear and walked in front of him, feeling him behind me, just a few steps behind.
Downstairs, we found Trevor's SUV and he opened the door for me. He never stopped being a gentleman and as we exited the building's garage, his right hand automatically went for my knee before he stopped him self and withdrew his hand, resting it on the gear shift of the SUV. I smiled and nodded, worrying my lip as I looked outside to the by passers.
Maybe I was being too harsh on him? Maybe I wasn't giving him enough credit? Maybe, just maybe, I wasn't completely understanding the extent of his pain, how hard he was hurting, and how much grief lain underneath those beautiful blue eyes. It took roughly twenty-five minutes to arrive at the church and he escorted me out of the SUV and over the church steps. Inside, we were quick to find the pews where the Langan's and Novak-Cabot's were sitting at. Trevor sat next to me and placed his arm over the back of the pew. I crossed my legs and leaned into his side, sitting comfortably next to the man that I loved so.
We weren't stringing along the family or giving them a sense of false hope, this was our relationship and how we handled it was no one's business but our own. I felt Trevor's fingers on my shoulder, tickling the exposed skin underneath the cap sleeve of my dress. I smiled and reveled in the feel of his touch and I turned my face to catch his faint smile. He was looking ahead at the pulpit as the choir vocalized the beginning of the service. My smile grew and I moved my left hand from my lap to his thigh, letting the feel linger on.
This was how we healed. This was how we moved forward. The priest stepped to the altar and greeted the congregation and what he said next, let me know that this sermon was directed towards us.
"Let us be thankful to the Lord Almighty for another beautiful day and especially on this day of thanks," he begun, receiving 'amen' as a response, "Overcoming the Dark Days is what we will talk about today. Disappointment is inevitable. There is no way to live without expectations, and there is no way that our expectations will always be met. This means that we'll need to learn how to overcome disillusionment and the most difficult of days. But God has given us weapons against discouragement!"
He supported his statement with Ephesians 5:15-21 and continued to speak, supporting and explaining points of the verse that was the nucleus of the sermon on this beautiful morning. I listened to what he had to say and heard the message projected. I wasn't the only one that was truly listening to what the priest was saying, I could see Trevor nodding and bowing his head in thought, holding me tightly, sneaking his lips to my temple; he was understanding that thing that I'd been telling him for so long. The sermon was wrapping up and with what the priest finished with led me to believe that Trevor and I were going to be all right.
"Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, let's talk about the heavy and loaded, yes? I see a lot of couples that I have wedded and I thank our Father and Savior for my own marriage, but just let that premise sink in. Who would've thought that mutual submission was a way that we could learn to walk wisely? The truth is that we can't always see the truth of our experience. We need the wisdom of Spirit-filled believers who want the best for us. We need to be willing to listen and submit to their guidance—and they need to learn to do the same for us," he finished with that and thanked the congregation for coming out before their hearty meals and reminded them that there was food for enjoyment for those of whom didn't have plans.
As we're about to stand to leave for the Langan's home just a few minutes away, I felt Trevor's hand around my wrist, pulling me back. He brought his hands to my neck, his thumbs grazing my jaw, "I hear you, Noa. I feel you and I've felt the absence and the longing of these weeks without you. It's not the same; I'm not the same. I need you by my side and in my life, please. I love you… I'm yours, baby," he whispered against my lips, diving in for a careful peck.
His words rattled me and I knew they were heartfelt and true. I had his heart and part of his soul and that was definitely worth something. I pushed into the kiss, leading him to the fall we both wanted, we both needed, and we both had been craving since this whole ordeal started. Trevor always managed to suck the life out of my body, whether it was with a kiss, with a look, by the power of an orgasm… he managed to drain the life out of my body, but always managed to restore it and slowly bring me back into his arms.
I opened my eyes and sighed, leaning forward to kiss his bottom lip, "I love you, too."
I managed to leave the church more in love with Trevor than what I already was. I still had my doubts with Trevor, but I was willing to work through them with him. I wasn't that naïve to believe that after more than a month of not being constantly together, of feeling that emptiness; and one sermon at church, he was feeling the same feelings I felt for him. I couldn't lie to myself otherwise, I'd hurt myself worst than what Trevor could've possibly done so.
We rode in that bubble of love to his childhood home where we ate and bantered loudly. We never stopped being Trevor and Noa, but there was this calmness about us now and it was definitely felt and seen by the other members of the family. I helped the other women of the family put up the Christmas tree and place its decorations on whilst the men were outside being cave men and shouting at each other over the 'correct way' of putting up the lights.
It was already beginning to darken outside and as I watched the mothers with their children, I crossed my legs and hugged my waist with a lingering smile on my face. I wasn't feeling one hundred percent yet, when I felt his lips against my cheek, making a trail to my neck where he inhaled and hummed contently. I sighed and turned my head to stare at those beautiful blue eyes, "Ready to go?" he asked.
I nodded, "Please, I'm tired," I said, standing.
"I—I'll take you to Billings," Trevor said, standing straight from his bent position, rubbing his neck.
"No need," I uttered quickly, "Tessa already fed and walked her, and she'll be back in the morning to let her out."
"What are you saying, Noa?"
"I'm saying, take me with you," I husked, circling my arms around his waist, "I want to be with you tonight. In whatever shape or form that may be."
He parted his mouth and I saw his pupils dilate. Eliciting a small chuckle, I craned my neck to press my lips against his, once, twice, thrice to finally rest my head on his chest. We bid our farewell to the family and were out of their way and onward to Trevor's triplex. There was tension in the small cabin of the car, but not sexual in any way.
Let me describe it, the kind of tension where you know a kiss will happen soon and you're just filled with anticipation and dread. That's the tension that loomed over us, but we knew why. We were about to rekindle and it wasn't going to be in a frenzied or carnal way. We were going to rekindle the way where if you hadn't said 'I love you' already; you risked the possibility of saying it during or after falling into peaceful bliss with your lover.
We arrived at his triplex and as soon as I crossed the threshold of his door, I rid my feet of my heels and I was about to start to the kitchen when I was enveloped in his arms, my back against his front. He peppered kisses through my hair, finding my ear, and then my jaw. He breathed against my skin and I couldn't help but feel the safest I've been in a very long time.
This is where I belonged, in his arms, near his body, by his side, and in his presence. He swayed our bodies and spoke into the flesh of my neck, "You're the guiding light in my world, and I want you to know that I will try to be the same to you, although I'm not sure that I can match your effortless beauty and radiance, Noa," he finished, placing his lips on my skin.
I giggled, "You and that silver-tongue, Counselor," I said breathily, turning in his arms, "I love you, Trevor."
"I love you, Noa. More than any words in my vocabulary, more than any law term in any text in this apartment, and more than you know," he said with a smile, leaning forward to capture my lips within his.
It didn't take long after to have our bodies pressed together, slowly divesting the other, and ridding our bodies of any item of clothing in the way. It was different, we took our time, we explored known skin, and discovered new one with our hands and lips. He tasted different, he felt different; it was like I was with a completely different man. He felt different inside me too; all his thrusts meant something differently… it felt like an entire new experience. The way we loved each other, the way we were touching on each other, the tandem of our lips and teeth against our skin, the love in our eyes…
He had brought me to that edge and had pushed me mercilessly just to catch me in my free-fall more times than I could count. His pleasure had been my mission too and though he had begged for me to stop my manipulations in order to prolong this encounter, I was ready to have him collapse on my body, I was ready to feel him cling to life by way of my body only to have him die and slowly return to just as my hands would linger and roam his back.
He was standing behind me, his front to my back, and I was standing on my knees on his bed. His cock slid through my folds, my right hand at his nape, and my left one on the arm that surrounded my waist. His right hand was at my decorated nipple, holding my body in place; it served as an anchor to this life, to this moment; just like his served me the same.
He professed his love, he whispered sweet nonsense, and he growled such filth into my ear that just the thought of attempting to put one and two together was too much to bear, but this were us. Trevor and Noa, two souls made out of love, nonsense, and filth—currently—drenched in sweat and desire, and filled with hope.
This was love.
This was our love.
We were making it.
We were reveling in it.
We were healing in it.
Love: pure, blissful, lovingly love.
A/N: I'm excited for the next chapter and I cannot wait for you guys to read it. I'll probably post it some time during this weekend, so be on the lookout for that. I hope you enjoy this installment and let me know your thoughts! Thank you ;)