Hello, all! We return at the brink of episode 110 to install a NON-CANON (gasp), LunaV-chan-inspired chapter (see chapter title). Yep, that's right. Thanks LunaV-chan for the awesome idea! Hope you enjoy!

Warning: There is much cheesiness awaiting you. Be armed, men. Be armed. (I mean that in a totally non-sexist way.)

Disclaimer: Mamoru-kun and his peculiar but pure heart do not belong to me.

The telephone rang.

Eugeal's fingers snatched out and settled it under her chin so quickly that she barely had to stop typing. "Witches Five."

"Eugeal." The Professor's voice, of course. Her eyes narrowed; her fingers flew. "Have you found the next target?"

She punched "Enter." She waited for a thousandth of a second; it seemed like eternity before the young man's picture appeared on her screen. "Yes, sir. I'll send you the information right away." A few more jabs at the keyboard and her findings zoomed through cyberspace. She expected the Professor to cackle with glee and assure her that he could indeed design a Daimohn for the target, but instead heard only a crackling silence. "Professor?"

"This target is different," said the Professor slowly. "He is not as pure and simple as the other targets have been."

"Perhaps there is a chance that a talisman lies in the heart of someone more complex," Eugeal suggested.

"What I think," said the Professor, "what I think, Eugeal, is that you're going out on a limb because you're getting desperate. I'm not going to risk losing another Daimohn for this."

"But what about the Sailor Senshi?" Eugeal demanded.

"You've escaped them before," said the Professor, a grim smile lurking in his voice. "I daresay you can do it again."

"But Professor – "

"I'm growing impatient, Eugeal."

She steadied herself with a deep breath. "I'm not Kaolinite, Professor. I won't fail you. But -"

"But?"

"But just in case, Professor – I'm making some new equipment. Fail proof equipment."

"Eugeal." A reprimand.

"Either way," she said, "I'll get the talismans. Isn't it better to have two tactics, so there's no chance of being wrong?"

"If there is a chance of being wrong, I will not let you waste another of my Daimohn."

"Yes, sir."

And so she was left to face the target – and more importantly, the Senshi – on her own. Well, she was not Kaolinite, and if she had to prove herself this way, then so be it.

He woke without knowing why, which was unusual for him; he was used to bolting upright in bed, or almost rolling onto the floor, at the mercy of another prophetic dream. Today, however, he simply opened his eyes and squinted at the sun crawling across his face. His arm lifted instinctively to shield his face from the light, and he managed to read the clock. 11:16. Exhaling, he ran his hands languidly down his face. Thank God it was Saturday.

Turning onto his side, he lay there for countless minutes. He had always hated waking up. His dreams before Tuxedo Kamen had been of lustful adventure and adrenaline and romance and – love. No smoldering passion, no innuendo, no nuances, and nothing remotely sexual – not even actively loving, but simply being loved: a soft and subtle cloud of quiet bliss, of serenity… Serenity…

Groaning, he rolled onto his face. He ached for her. He had always ached for her, and that was why he had hated to awaken from his dreams of her… but he didn't dream of her anymore. He had her now.

So what was this painful, tugging nostalgia, this deadened yearning that snaked heavily through his system? Had he grown to need her so badly that just taking a breath without her by his side was painful? Was he so far gone that waking up, even from nightmares, wasn't worth it if she wasn't sleeping next to him in the mornings? Ridiculous. He hadn't felt anything this intensely since… since… since a long time ago.

He breathed and let the feeling slowly flicker and extinguish within him. If he'd awakened panting, gasping, horrified, he would have been able to blame his revved-up emotions. But this was so sudden, so unforeseen, so… potent. He felt verily and irrefutably alone.

She weakened him to the point where he pined pathetically for her; and yet he knew he was stronger than he had ever been before because she was with him now. She was, in and of herself, a convoluted paradox that somehow wrote itself out so beautifully and so wretchedly he couldn't tear his eyes away; so gracefully clumsy, so perfectly plain to behold, so wise and so ignorant, so haunted and so naïve… he could have spent years trying to understand her, and yet once he had he would have killed the torture and the wonder that was her mystery.

He loved her.

He loved her, and he did want her by his side every morning. He wanted her laugh ringing in the halls of his apartment, wanted her smile brightening the walls, wanted her golden hair fluttering around the corners. In essence, he wanted – he snorted to himself, and shook his head at the thought. It was almost like he wanted to marry her. And she was only sixteen.

Motoki would have told him he was in over his head, just a little, if he was having thoughts like that. He would have replied calmly that Motoki could go screw himself.

And, oddly enough, through that thought process, something clicked in his brain and his eyes opened calmly once more. So that was it. Of course that would make him think of Usako; it could just as easily have been her.

The talismans would be found soon. A pure heart was going to die.

He cursed the sunlight for its blatant contrast to the leaden melancholy in his stomach, in his throat. Nothing, though, could melt his conviction, and it was with a solemn but certain step that he treaded his way to Usako's house.

"Mamo-chan!"

Wearily, he turned around. Chibiusa bounced towards him, Luna P in tow. "Mamo-chan, Mamo-chan!" she continued to sing.

"Chibiusa," he scolded quietly, "should you really be wandering around town all on your own?"

Her eyes narrowed beadily in a fashion that was so Usagi-esque, he couldn't help smiling just a little. "Mama and Papa let me go around Crystal Tokyo whenever I want."

"Well, Crystal Tokyo's a little different than this Tokyo," Mamoru said. "You should stay with Ikuko-san and Kenji-san, just to be safe."

Big red eyes gazed up at him solemnly. "But Mamo-chan," she said, "I'm at least eight hundred and fifty years older than them."

He laughed and fluffed one of her little rabbit-ears affectionately. "I need to go find Usako," he said. "Come with me?"

"I can't." Chibiusa giggled. "I'm going to meet Masanori-kun."

"Who?" Mamoru cried, a certain paternal instinct flaring up in his ribs.

Chibiusa grinned. "Don't worry. Kenji-papa already yelled about that, in front of Usagi, and Usagi-baka says that maybe you'll appreciate Kenji-papa a little more now." She shook her head. "Whatever that means."

Mamoru smirked. "Did she really."

"I've got to go," Chibiusa said, zooming off with her arms outstretched. "Ja ne, Mamo-chan!"

Chuckling, he rounded the corner to see Usagi, pajama-clad, bunny-slippered, shuffling out her door. "Chibiusa?" she called to the mostly empty street.

Mamoru picked up his pace. "Usako!" he called.

She squinted in his direction, her hand shielding her eyes from the sun. "Mamoru?"

"Where are your parents?" he yelled.

"Out," she replied as he turned onto her sidewalk. "Why do you ask?"

"Just making sure," he said jauntily, almost jogging up to her porch. "You could say I've learned to appreciate your father better." And with that he pinned her against the front door and kissed her swiftly. "I need to talk to you."

Her eyes were wide, her cheeks flushed pleasurably. "You ran into Chibiusa?"

"Who the hell is Masanori-kun?" he demanded.

"Aw, he's a cute little boy, Mamo-chan. Don't get all fatherly and imperious now."

"She is my daughter!"

"Not yet, she's not. She will be your daughter." Usagi shrank down against the door. "Let's go inside; the neighbors might get suspicious."

He snorted. "I bet. Actually… yeah, alright."

"What?" she asked curiously, slipping through the doorway and letting him in.

He stood awkwardly in the foyer while she bustled around, mindlessly straightening the rain jackets on their coat hooks. "I – had a premonition," he said.

She turned to face him seriously. "About what?"

"A talisman. I just know that a talisman is going to be found, really soon. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, but… soon."

Frowning, she stared at the floor and poked the end of her pigtail into her jaw. "So what do we do?"

"I dunno," he said helplessly. "I have absolutely no idea."

"If Eugeal gets the talisman –"

"Then she's one step closer to finding the grail. I know."

She hugged herself miserably. "What good is a warning if we have no idea how to handle it?" Her hand curled into a fist and smacked against the wall behind her. "Mamoru, I won't let that happen. I will not allow Eugeal to get a talisman. I just – I can't."

"That's not really the issue," he said. "I was thinking a lot this morning about how you were in danger, now that she knows who you are. She obviously has some sort of technology that allows her to track her targets; I'm sure she can do the same to you."

"But the target, Mamo-chan -!"

"Forget the target!" he said heatedly. "We need some way of securing your identity! I was thinking about just passing you around through the Senshi, so one of them could alert the others as soon as Eugeal shows up for you…"

"Mamo-chan…"

"But that all depends on if she can really track you down to your exact position, which is virtually impossible without some sort of alien power…"

"Mamo-chan…"

"So then you might be better off somewhere else entirely, because she could probably find your friends' houses and look for you there…"

"Mamo-chan…"

"And Lord knows I would take you, but that would be the first place she'd look, isn't it? Dammit, if we could just figure out how she finds us, it would change everything –"

"MAMO-CHAN!"

He blinked. "Hm?"

"I. Can. Take. Care. Of. My. Self. The target is what we need to worry about!"

"Haruka and Michiru always happen to show up whenever a pure heart is targeted. I'm sure they're able to sense it. They're perfectly capable –"

"But sometimes they need our help!"

"Well, they can handle it! Dammit, Usako, do you realize how eager Eugeal is going to be to get rid of Sailor Moon?"

"Sailor Moon? I love Sailor Moon!" Shingo bounced down the stairs. "What about her? Oh, ohayo, Mamoru-kun."

"It's not even morning anymore," said Usagi dismissively. "Is it? Who knows. Mamo-chan, I'm going to get dressed, and we'll discuss this further, alright?"

She hurried upstairs; Shingo and Mamoru watched her go.

"Usagi wants me to think she's not obsessed with Sailor Moon," Shingo said at length, "but I know she is."

There was an awkward silence.

Mamoru mumbled something about waiting outside, nice weather, after all. "Ja ne, Shingo-kun."

He stepped out into the cesspool of dry early heat. Cars milled about, and people slowly bled onto the sidewalks, populating the pavement like large, scurrying ants. Loud honks filled the distance, and Mamoru rolled his eyes; some people were just too impatient.

The honks grew louder.

And louder.

And suddenly a long white car zoomed down the street, and before Mamoru had time to take in a breath to yell, a white-fingered woman with crimson hair darted out of the driver's seat and aimed a rather atrocious gun-like object at Mamoru's chest.

"Wait," he said, hands up, backing away, "wait, before you do anything, you've seriously got the wrong person. I assure you, I do not have a pure heart."

Her eyes narrowed into little scarlet slits. "Chiba Mamoru," she said. "Correct?"

His eyebrows rose; he couldn't help being surprised. "Well – well yeah, but there's got to be a glitch in your system, I swear, my heart is not pure. I'm dedicated to lots of things, like studying, and – " He cut himself off. He couldn't very well say 'saving the world' without suggesting that he had an alter ego, and there were only so many six foot tall, blue eyed, black haired male superheroes in Tokyo.

Eugeal seemed to be waiting for him to continue.

"Anyway, I don't have a pure heart, Eugeal, I promise."

"Convincing evidence," she said snidely. "But I'm too curious, at this point. How do you know who I am?"

He bit his lip and examined the possibilities. He could transform in an instant, compromise his identity, and try to attack; or he could try to outrun her.

Neither was too appealing.

How could he run, with Usako unknowing just a wall away? How could he value his identity over her safety?

Just as he made up his mind to transform, Eugeal screeched, "CAPTURED!" and the sensation of a ton of bricks focused into a single prick of sheer force smacked him in the chest. He stumbled backward, collapsed to his knees, and through a gray film in his eyes he saw a brilliant multi-thistled jewel floating outside of his chest.

"Is it a talisman?" Eugeal barked, lowering her gun.

He took a leaf out of Minako's book and seized the crystal. It throbbed, pulsated painfully between his hands.

"Don't put that crystal back in your heart, Mamoru-kun," ordered a husky voice.

Gasping for breath and for blood, he looked up to see Sailor Uranus, flanked by Neptune, by the Tsukinos' front door.

"Uranus," he gasped.

"It's different, I saw it!" Eugeal screeched. "Give it to me!"

"It's ours!" Uranus growled, and Neptune raised her arms, prepared to attack.

"It's mine!" cried a new voice. A very familiar voice.

Oh Lord, he thought. Please, no speech. Not the inevitable speech...

"For love and justice - and especially for love - the pretty sailor-suited senshi, Sailor Moon! Leave my Mamo-chan alone! If his heart belongs to anyone, it's me! In the name of the Moon, I will punish you!"

He groaned. Usako…

Before he could react, Neptune dashed forward and snatched the crystal out of his hands. "Look, Uranus," she crooned. "Look how many – how many little spiny things there are!"

Uranus snorted at her partner. "Eloquent, Neptune."

"Is it a talisman?" asked Eugeal shrilly.

"It looks different," Moon mused thoughtfully, jumping down from her bedroom window. "It's much more… complex than the others were."

The four women gathered around Neptune's outstretched palm, gazing at the crystal.

"Reached a verdict yet?" Mamoru wheezed.

"He's your boyfriend?" Eugeal asked Sailor Moon.

She nodded. She gasped. She shook her head. "Yes – no, no, he isn't – I don't – give it back!" She grabbed for the heart, but Neptune whisked it away.

"What do you think, Uranus?" she muttered.

"If it was a talisman, it would have shown itself by now. Here, odangos." Uranus took the crystal from Neptune and tossed to Sailor Moon.

"I think not!" Eugeal said loudly. She intercepted the crystal and seized Sailor Moon by the throat. "You let me take this, or she dies."

Really? Mamoru thought distantly. Just his luck.

Uranus flinched towards the choking Sailor Moon, but thought better of it. "If it's not a crystal, it's not our business," she said in a forced, standoffish tone. She and Neptune loped away, closely tailed by Eugeal's watchful eye.

It gave Mamoru just enough time.

Whoosh.

Eugeal yelped and yanked the sharp rose out of her hand; Sailor Moon gasped for breath and massaged her throat before seizing the crystal from Eugeal and sprinting back to Mamoru.

"Ma-mo-CHAN!" she yelled. "Hey! Pull yourself together!"

"Maybe if you gave me that back," he said tightly, "I would."

"Right. Sorry." She pressed the crystal into his chest, and he fell to his hands as warmth and pulsing life flushed through him.

"FIRE –"

"Don't even think about it!" Sailor Moon roared, whirling around and procuring her spiral moon heart stick thing (Mamoru could never remember what the hell it was called) from seemingly nowhere. "MOON SPIRAL HEART ATTACK!"

"- BUSTER!"

Fire clashed head-on into bright rosy light; the two opposing forces spurted and dripped raw power, but could not make a budge either way. Mamoru gazed, entranced by the deadlock, before remembering that he was Tuxedo Kamen and perhaps he should pick up his ass and make an effort to do something remotely helpful.

A flick of the wrist and his rose went flying into Eugeal's side. She screamed and the fire attack flared out.

Mamoru stood now, the full comprehension of Eugeal's intentions now flushing through his veins. "You get out or I swear to God I will end you."

"Tuxedo Kamen," said Eugeal, her eyes glimmering mischievously. "You're usually more chivalrous than that."

"GET AWAY!" he roared, sending another rose pelting toward her feet.

She lowered her weapon and sprinted to her car. "A complicated heart," she said, "but pure all the same."

As soon as she drove into the distance, Sailor Moon whirled around and smashed into his arms. "Mamo- Tuxedo Kamen, are you alright?"

He wrapped himself tightly around her, felt her quivering with adrenaline against his chest. "Are you?"

"Yeah, of course – I was so afraid your crystal was a talisman at first, I couldn't believe it!"

"It was… different looking," he admitted. "I couldn't believe when she actually said I had a pure heart. Complete bullshit."

"No, it makes sense," Moon insisted. "You have a lot of things important to you in your life; you have goals. Unlike some of us." She blushed a little. "But in the end you're always there for me, Mamo-chan. And I think that's what counts."

"She tried to kill you," he said, his jaw twitching with undiluted fury. "Twice."

"Deep breaths," Usagi reminded him, and he chuckled grudgingly. "It doesn't matter. We'll beat them in the end."

Suddenly, he stiffened. "Shingo," he said immediately.

"Oh, don't worry about him," she assured him. "He's playing Sailor V. Nothing can distract him."

"Did you hear?" asked Mimete. "Eugeal failed again. Of course, she wasn't allowed a Daimohn, but still..."

"We ought to play a trick on her," said Telulu eagerly.

"I don't know," said Mimete loftily. "Apparently she's just perfected a new piece of equipment. 'Fail-proof', she says." The orange-eyed girl giggled. "I know!" she squealed. "The lab snails!"

...and we'll pick up next time with episode 110 (sort of - I'll give you guys a few recaps and then write a chapter after the Marine Cathedral episodes are over).

See you then! Thanks for reading (and I love love love reviews)!!