Madness and Hope

Erik and Christine returned to the opera in the middle of the night. Erik held Christines hand for it was pitch black and he had only one candle to lit the way. The wax of the candle was running down over his hand but he did not seem to notice. They had to walk slowly, carefully, and Erik would sometimes stop and sniff the air.

"What are you doing?" Christine asked.
"Rats. There are so many of them, sometimes one dies here and the stench of the decaying body is awful. Usually I get rid of them in time but I have not been here for some time so I just check if the smell tells me that a dead rat is somewhere... I do not want you to see it, it isn't something for your beautiful eyes. Right now I cannot smell anything odd, that is good."

Christine shuddered as she realized that he was actually not talking about rats. He knew perfectly well that she had seen dead rats before and even helped cleaning the mousetraps at the church from dead mice, which had not actually disturbed her. The death traps... Christine shuddered and silently cursed her stupid agreement to trust Erik and return to the opera again. She should have insisted on staying in the normal world, even if it meant living in poverty.

When they finally got to his flat and he switched on the electric light, she saw him relax. Suddenly she expected him to say something like "Home sweet home" but he did not. He just surveyed the dust and gave a small sigh, then started to build fires in all stoves. "It will take about 20 to 40 hours until the temperature is comfortable. We will have to use many blankets to sleep tonight. But right now I would love to get some food. Aren't you hungry?"

Christine nodded and Erik went to fetch an oil lamp, then he took her up to the kitchen where the leftovers from the warm and cold buffet were ready for disposal. He turned on the lights and they saw all the delicious morsels on the trays, uneaten and only to be trown away, as well as the half empty bottles of champagne. She was hungry. "These are too good to throw away," she said.

"And it is not stealing, is it?" Erik asked cheerfully, "We do not take anything anyone would miss. No harm done, no sin committed. I am a good pupil, am I not? I make progress and I am beeing good, am I not?" Erik now behaved like a child trying to win the praise of its teacher.

Christine smiled at him. "No, they would throw it away in the morning, so it isn't stealing - it is like searching for food in the garbage bin," she said.

Erik lifted his mask a little bit so he could eat. He took one of the salmon sandwitches and ate it. Both of them hungry they really enjoyed their luxury meal, bread, fruits, cheese, salmon, caviar and cold meat. Erik poured them two glasses of champagne, making sure he used only bottles which were half-empty and would have been thrown away in the morning. The champagne was somewhat warm and stale by now but to them it tasted delicious after month of having nothing but water to drink.

Christine felt tipsy and giggled as she and Erik finally took his basket and collected cold meat, fruits and bread to eat for them for the next day.

"I really like that," Erik exclaimed cheerfully, "Enough food for three days and no crime committed. I really think I am going to understand the concept of being good at last. It's all about not doing harm to anyone, isn't it?"

"I wish it was that easy," Christine answered. She was definitly overchallenged with the job of being Eriks ethics teacher and right now she did certainly not feel like going into a lesson again, she was tired and wanted to sleep.

On their way back to the house at the lake Erik had to take her under his arm, holding her tight for she was swaying on her feet and loughed at nothing in particular.

"Darling, you are drunk," Erik said, his eyes sparkling in amusement, "Let's go to sleep. And tomorrow we will have hot water and we can take a hot bath."

"O yes, a hot bath, I'm looking forward to it," she answered.

"Yes, you in your bathtub and I in mine," Erik teased, "Even if I think it would save hot water if we could just share a bath..."

"NO!" Christine cried out, alarmed.

"It was a joke," Erik tried to soothe her, "Just a joke. I'm sorry, I shouldn't tell dirty jokes in your presence."

When Christine had gone to sleep, Erik noticed to his delight that she had not locked her door. She trusted him enough to respect her privacy to leave the door unobstructed. When he retreated to his room, he recoiled from the view of the casket. It was a burial crypt and he certainly did not want to sleep there, not now. When he had build this room, he had been feeling very old, weary and resigned. He had just wished to hide away and wait for his death but now he felt much younger, stronger and his desire to live had returned. Erik decided he would rather sleep on the couch in the livingroom. It was so good to lie down on the soft couch, to rest his head on a cozy pillow and pull warm blankets over his body. After all those month of sleeping on the floor he had good reason to assume that he would get a good nights sleep now.

Christine woke first. She had no idea what time it was, all watches had stopped long ago. She went to the livingroom and found Erik sound asleep on the couch. He had not taken off his mask or changed his clothes, but his even breathing told her that he really was asleep. Obviously the effords of the last months had taken their toll in him and he needed time to recover. Christine build a fire in the stove, then sat down at the table and started reading a book. From time to time she would glance at Erik.

Erik woke from a soft noise. He opened his eyes and saw Christine sitting at the table, drinking tea and reading from a book. He did not want to get up right now, so he just pretended to be asleep, watching her through his eyelashes. She was such a beautiful girl and he longed to touch her, to hold her and to kiss her but he knew that she wouldn't allow that. He was lucky that she had allowed him to hold her hand and her arm while guiding her through the cellars and that was only because it was unavoidable for their first trip and necessary because of her tipsiness when returning from the kitchen. He had to lower his expectations and be content with whatever she was willing to give. In matters of love he would never be anything but a beggar, degrading himself, begging quietly for whatever alms she was ready to give. He would have to be thankful. Against his will his eyes closed and he fell asleep again.

He woke from a soft touch to his shoulder. Christine stood next to him, looking down at him worriedly.
"Erik, are you allright? You wouldn't wake up and I have no idea what time it is," she asked.

Erik groaned and forced himself to get up despite the headache that suddenly pained him. "I'm sorry," he said softly. Then he stood up and took her to the music room to show her a big longcase clock. The clock did not only show the time but had a small window showing either a sun or a moon. The clock showed that it was 4:23 and the moon.

"It is only four o'clock in the morning," Erik groaned, "Let's go back to sleep."

"Why didn't this clock stand still?" Christine asked.

Erik gave a small chuckle, he loved to impress her with his ingenuity. "Because this clock isn't a normal pendulum clock. You see the cable from the clock to the wall? That's an electric operated clock."

"Did you invent that?" she asked.

Erik was tempted to say yes but then decided it would be better to tell the truth: "No, actually we were three men to invent that. I'm no clock maker, you know, but I knew an excellent clock maker. I knew that using electricity I could make a small wheel spin. Now he did connect my little spinning wheel with the pendulum of the clock so the watch could theoretically go on forever as long as it has electricity. Unfortunatly the clock is always running fast and I have to reset it at least once a month. Therefor it shows 4:30 and I assume that it is only about 4:00. You see the sun and the moon? Whenever the short hand passes the 6 the sun or the moon will rise so I can tell it is day or night. You see, keeping track of time is difficult down here but loosing track of the time would be a high risk."

Christine was impressed. "Wow. Great idea. Why didn't you sell that idea? You would have made a fortune with that."

"No, I wouldn't," Erik answered sadly, "The two clock makers are dead, they died in the war against the Prussians and I cannot build a clock like that alone. I can service it and reset it, but I cannot build it and I dare not dismantle it for I'm not sure I could put it together."

"But you could rebuild your spinning wheel and find another clock maker to help you?" Christine suggested.

"You have the optimism of the youth," Erik stated sadly, "For me there is only the disillusionment of too much experience and old age." Then he noticed that he had slept 24 hours and was already talking about going back to bed. "I'm afraid I'll need time to recover before I can start a new endeavour finding an employment and building up a new life for both of us. I think one week will be enough... or is that too much to ask of you?"
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Erik simply needs a holiday...