Hello everyone! First, I want to apologize for the long wait, summer has been busy and although I had thought to have plenty of time for writing, the opposite was the case - surprise, surprise (well, who was I kidding) ;-) Anyway, I hope everyone had a great and safe summer! Please read, enjoy and drop a review if you feel like it, it's much appreciated!
Chapter 21
Driving was not a big of a deal at all. With the highway winding its way thru the landscape on a fairly easy route, all she had to do was keeping the pace and not going off the road by accident. It hadn't take Akatsuki long to show her the basics. During all that time, he had tried to avoid physical contact and, for some reason, it had made her sad. She was not sure if he could feel the same but when she touched him it was as if a light was lit in the darkest corner of her mind, shooing all the ghosts of her past away.
Akane watched Akatsuki's sleeping figure in the passenger's seat next to her. He had put his seat back a little to be more comfortable, his hands folded in his lap. She smiled at his sight. Kain looked so peaceful in his slumber, his forehead perfectly even, she had seen him worried on so many occasions that it was quite unusual to see him relaxed. His chest moved with every breath, the loose fabric revealing well defined muscles underneath.
The taste of his lips on hers still fresh in her memory, she suppressed the urge to sink her fingers into the red shock of hair of his. It stuck out to all sides, almost seemed to be alive with the kindly red color of a warm flame.
Her breath quickened almost instantly and she averted her eyes. His taste still on her tongue, the longing for his blood rose in her once again. She thought she had caged it for now but who was she kidding?
"Focus," she whispered to herself.
She had almost lost control over herself out there and even now, the longing seared thru her dangerously close beneath the surface of her skin. The scent of his arousal had been so enticing to her deprived senses and by recalling the memories, she could taste it, thick and sweet, on her lips. Remarkably enough, he had been able to resist. But she had known before that he was strong both in will and body.
The look on his face was something she would never forget. She didn't dare to think the word that she had seen clearly in his amber eyes. When she had tried to say something, Akatsuki had stopped her from doing so. Maybe it was for the best because she would have had told him that her feelings for him went well beyond physical attraction. But what would it do to him? She didn't want him to get hurt and she was not only referring to herself as a possible cause. Kaname had been very clear about what was expected from her.
The episode in the wood when Kaname had walked in on them was still giving her the creeps. Knowing that Kaname was infinitely powerful and witnessing it with her very own eyes were two different things. She couldn't shake off the memories as they passed in front of her inner eye.
…
"Kaname!"
She wants to help Akatsuki but a look in Kaname's face tells her that it would be a bad idea. So all she can do is stand aside watching how the red haired vampire slowly goes down to his knees, one hand around his neck and desperately snapping for air.
Guilt, so heavy that it threatens to bend her knees, weighs on her. It is all her fault, she should not have allowed Akatsuki to get so close. The intimacy of the moment must have tipped Kaname over the edge, she knows how easily his temper flares. She alone has brought it upon Akatsuki and if this is not enough she has also betrayed Takuma.
A wave of nausea washes over her and she has to fight against gravity. When it becomes too much to bear, she cries out again.
"Kaname, please!" Her voice is somewhere between pleading and despair. Akatsuki's eyes become unfocused. He is on the ground now. Naked fear settles in her stomach.
When her cousin gestures her to stand next to him, her legs obey. She walks over to where he stands, giving her best to let her steps look steady. In her heads, she is going thru her options, frantically. If she attacked Kaname she would either get injured or killed and what would that leave Akatsuki to? She could herself fall to her knees in front of the pureblood and beg for mercy but it would only give him the certainty that Akatsuki means something to her.
So all she does is take her place at her cousin's side, watching in horror. The sight of the red haired vampire how is struggling for air makes her stomach turn. She has to force herself to stand still, suppressing the urge to rush to his side for aide. Just as she thinks that she bursts any second Kaname releases his grip. Akatsuki slumps to the ground like a bag of sand and draws in a wheezing breath followed by heavy coughing.
"Get up."
She all but jumps at the sound of Kaname's voice. Akatsuki has no choice than standing up, to movement looks rather unnatural to her, more like someone has grabbed his collar and is pulling him up.
Oh God. She presses her lips together so no sound may escape but she knows that her eyes are wide with fear and concern. Clenching her teeth so hard that it is painful, she watches him straighten his shoulders. He manages to stand in a fully upright position, still coughing. Still holding on to her breath, the range of emotions that is rushing thru her lets her knees go weak. It is almost impossible to uphold her posture but Akane does not allow herself to show any of it.
"Kaname-sama." The sound of Akatsuki's raspy voice hurts her heart.
Next to her, Kaname stirs, shifting his weight to one foot and relaxes the tiniest bit.
"Kain."
In a moment of weakness, she is tempted to reach out to him. She desperately wants to make sure that he is alright and the only way to know seems to touch him. Akatsuki notices her distress since he is shaking his head toward her. The movement was barely above a perceptible level but she could see it nonetheless. Reluctantly, she stays put but the tension and worry are literally ripping her apart inwardly.
The next minutes pass by but she is not able to follow the one-sided conversation properly. Too much is going on in her head. She does not believe that Kaname would have actually killed Akatsuki but her cousin has taught a lesson to both of them.
Being a part of the Kuran family, she is subordinate to Kaname. The whole episode is about demonstrating who has power. Neither of them has, Akatsuki is only a noble and although she is a pureblood, she is just a small piece in the grand scheme of things. Kaname would rip her to shreds in a matter of second, that she is sure of.
"I wish to speak to my cousin - alone." That yanks her right back into the present. The pureblood's voice is smooth like a sheet of polished metal.
She braces herself mentally for what there is to come but not before throwing a last glance at Akatsuki. Relieved, she comes to the conclusion that he will be fine. If she has learnt one thing about him during this short time he has been with her is that he is strong.
Looking after him as he vanishes between the trees to go back to the house, she does not see it coming. The sharp sting of pain and the coppery taste of blood on her lip let her realize that Kaname just slapped her with full strength. Her head tilts to the side, following the momentum of his swing. As an immediate reaction, she plants both her feet firmly on the ground to not loose her balance.
The second reaction is rage. Son of a bitch! She shakes her head, a sharp hiss escaping her throat. When the initial pain and the first moments of confusion subside, she starts wrapping her head around what Kaname just did to her.
That is a turn point. He has never used physical punishment on her before. Not that she didn't know that he wasn't capable, it simply never occurred to her that he would actually act on it. As the stinging subsides, her bruised pride gets to her. She was never one to accept humiliation easily. In fact, she wouldn't be Rido Kuran's daughter if she backed down now. Just because she agreed to support Kaname's plans does not imply that he is allowed to deal with her at will. She might not match his power - yet, that is - but she is going to lay down the rules for him one last time.
No matter how guilty she feels about all of this, putting Akatsuki into danger and being unfaithful toward Takuma, she pushes these feelings aside. They will be dealt with later. She has no doubt that it will be a painful process but she has maneuvered herself into this and she will need to fix it. Later. Mentally, she neatly stows away all the guilt and pain in a small box and puts it in a far away corner of her mind so that they won't interfere with what she is about to do. At least, she hopes it.
Drawing in a breath, she lifts up her chin, meeting Kaname's eyes. It certainly takes her a conscious effort not to clench her fists but her intention is not to fight but to set the table between the both of them.
"You will not do that again, Kuran Kaname." Her voice is surprisingly steady. It is a statement, not a threat. A tiny drop of blood has formed on the corner of her mouth, the wound already closing. She does not bother to wipe it off.
Several seconds pass without either of them speaking or moving. Then, very slowly, Kaname raises the hand he just slapped her with to examine the blood streak that is on his pointer finger. First, he brings it up to his nose and sniffs at it, lowering it to his mouth a second later.
Watching every single move, Akane stands very still. Her heart is beating in her throat. When he is about to taste the traces of her blood with his tongue, she holds her breath. Unable to take her eyes off the red mark on his finger, panic creeps up on her. Is he going to taste her? Everything in her is writhing away from him, starting with her toenails and ending with the tip of the roots of her hair. The impulse to flee crawls over her skin and she is almost about to give in.
Just as she thinks she cannot bear it anymore, Kaname lowers his hand, a smug smile on his lips.
"Very well then, dear cousin." There is a very thin layer of menace in his voice, quite subtle, yes, but still for her to notice.
Bastard. She really wants to wipe that smirk off his face but that would just be an unnecessary act of violence from her side. Besides, she cannot allow herself to loose control of her temper, she worked too hard to keep it locked up in the first place.
She slowly releases the breath she has been holding. Time to move on. She hopes her smile doesn't look too toothy when she starts to speak.
"So, please, tell me what brings me the honor of your visit, Kaname?" Not that she cares but the sooner he tells her the sooner he leaves.
"I am here to remind you that you are claimed by Ichijo Takuma." He makes a pause as if to emphasize the importance of what he is going to say next. Upholding the neutral smile becomes a hard thing to do for Akane but she manages even though her heart is leaping in her chest upon the sound of her lover's name. But she will be damned if she looses control now.
"And it seems that my visit is necessary." His head turns slightly into the direction where Akatsuki went a couple of minutes ago but his eyes never leave her face. She knows that he wants to see every bit of her reaction. It is almost comical to see the disappointment on Kaname's face when she doesn't deliver. Well, it is not only him who can play that game.
With all her might, she keeps her emotions in check, not letting them rise to the surface.
Takuma. The name echoes in her head again and again. A sharp pain cuts thru her chest when the memories of the blonde vampire with the emerald eyes come alive anew. Even at the chance to give herself away, she cannot help but ask the one question that has been burning on her tongue since his name fell. She fears that if she does not ask now the uncertainty will eat her from the inside out. Steady, Akane, steady - she keeps repeating the words in her head until she is sure that the words she is about to say won't sound shaky.
"Is he alive?" Silently, she prays that he is. There is not anything on this earth she wouldn't do or endure if it only was for the sole purpose to ensure his wellbeing.
If there is a color darker than black, it would be the right one to describe the shade of Kaname's eyes.
His larynx moves visibly as if he is trying to swallow a big chunk of food and her heart sinks to the bottom of her stomach. Her limbs go numb, her knees are about to buckle. It cannot be, Takuma is not dead. She would have known anyhow if it was the case, wouldn't she? The uncertainty is almost too much to bear while an icy cold eats its way all the way down her spinal cord. What if Kaname came here to break the news to her?
After what seems to be an eternity, he answers her question.
"I do not know." Without any emotion in it, Kaname's voice carries the message over to her. Incredulously, she stares back at him. He does not know? What does that mean? What have you gotten yourself into, IchijoTakuma? When he came to her that very night, she didn't ask any questions. Not only because she didn't want to spoil the moment but also because she sensed that he would not be going to answer them. Although he said that he loved her, he was still loyal to Kaname, and she doubts that Takuma would put any woman before that said loyalty. Not even her.
The realization stings a little but deep inside, she has known it all along. Kaname only repays the favor and protects his best friend's interests while he cannot be doing so.
All she can rely on now is the intuition in her heart that the man she has been in love with since she was a teenager is still out there somewhere.
The uncertainty must be troubling for Kaname, too, and her attitude softens a little.
"I will consider your advise, cousin." And exactly that it is - an advise. No more and no less. She will not let her cousin order her around and take control of her life. Two years - sometimes, she has been at the brink of despair, not receiving any life sign from Takuma and being left behind alone. For God's sake, she has been waiting for two years. What else does she have to do?
Kaname's response shifts her attention back to him.
"Fair enough." She cannot tell if he is mad at her since his face is a mask, not giving away any emotion.
"You will make sure that my orders are carried out accordingly. Time is of the essence."
"Yes, Kaname," she replies politely, hoping that he will leave fairly soon. She wants to go back to her house, Akatsuki must be there by now.
Finally, he makes his exit, as suddenly as he has come.
The moment, the pureblood leader is out of sight, she feels the panic attack coming with full force. Stupefied, it suddenly gets hard for her to draw in air. There is not much she can do than surrender. When the worst is over she moves one foot after the other, getting faster with every step until she is running blindly thru the woods back to the cabin.
…
So many thoughts had rushed thru her head on her way back, she remembered to have become a little bit dizzy by all of it. But the name she had been chanting in her mind all the way, hadn't been Takuma's.
She shook her head quietly. This was a mess. She was not supposed to feel this way, Kaname was right. She was Takuma's and when he would come back he would expect her to be at his side. If time came, would she be ready to take Takuma's hand and turn her back on Akatsuki?
The road in front of her kept winding endlessly, almost mocking her.
She couldn't brush of the feeling that she had lost who she was somewhere between the point when Takuma had left and now. Her thoughts drifted to her nanny. Satoko had spent so many hours to teach her, never had ceased to tell her that as long as she knew what was in her heart she would be able to find a way. But at this very moment, everything seemed to be slipping away.
…
"Stop worrying about your powers, Akane." The tiny old woman takes her position, sword drawn.
"Powers are just powers, it depends what you do with them. It is about what is in here." She pauses and places a hand above the spot where her heart is. "And now defend yourself!"
With an outcry, she charges forward, both hands on the sword now and Akane has to scramble to ward off her attack.
…
The memory faded away and Akane noticed that the next day was approaching very soon. There was a small streak of light at the horizon announcing the sun. Still contemplating her options, she suppressed a yawn.
Satoko had always been so practical. Act now, worry later. Things would come in time, have faith. Listen to your instincts. Stuff like that and Akane had been constantly amazed by the strength and energy that this tiny woman had held. Her death had not come unexpected due to her age but it had crushed her nonetheless. Since she had never really had a mother, Satoko had been the closest thing.
Sadness covered her, a worn cozy blanket that dampened the actual pain of the loss she had experienced. It was like an old friend that reliably showed up when things got hurtful, especially emotionally.
She sighed inwardly. It would not do anybody any good if she kept worrying. All she had to do was to put one foot after the other on that unknown path she had taken a few days ago. Although she could not see far ahead, she had to have faith. And, she was not alone, Akatsuki was with her. His words echoed in her head, he had promised to keep her safe.
A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and her eyes wandered to the sleeping figure next to her. He was so responsible and sincere, she liked that. In a way, it made his advances even more irresistible. There was something pure and innocent about them that caused her heart to beat faster and ache with longing. Why was that again?
The landscape changed slightly, woods made space for fields and small hills covered with grass, lush and green. She knew from what Akatsuki had told her that it wouldn't be far now anymore.
Time passed by and she tried to keep her thoughts away from the vampire that was sleeping in the passenger seat. The attempt was futile though. There was no way for her not thinking about Akatsuki when he was in close proximity. His scent, his blood, his voice and not to forget his touch. The memory of how his hands had felt on her skin earlier let her shift in the driver's seat, trying to ignore the pull in her lower abdomen.
When she had come back to cabin after Kaname had surprised them in the woods, he had been there waiting for her. It had been a relief to see him doing ok. He had stared at her face, his eyes glued to the drop of blood on her lip. She had watched as realization had dawned on him and for the tiniest fraction, anger had flickered thru his features. It was the kind of raw anger that is fueled by betrayal or hate, making her wonder what Kaname had done to him. Maybe it had something to do with this woman, Ruka?
She shook her head and dismissed the nagging feeling in the back of her head. No way that she could be jealous, couldn't she? Her hands clasped the steering wheel in an attempt to concentrate. It was none of her business anyway.
Next to her, Akatsuki stirred.
She held her breath. He needed the rest and she feared that, if he woke up now, he would not be rested enough to endure the next couple of days. Trying very hard to maintain an inconspicuous way of driving, she stared at the road in front of her. Counting the numbers of lines in the middle of the highway helped to calm down her fuzzy mind. When she had reached 100, she started over. Then over again, and over again until the only thing that was left in her head was a monotone litany of numbers.
His sleepy voice drifted over to her.
"How long have I been out?" Akatsuki mumbled, almost causing her to jump out of her seat. The truck swayed dangerously to the left shoulder but before the tires could touch the grass Akatsuki's hand grabbed the steering wheel, leading the car back on its course. There was a bit of sliding and she could her the wolves scramble on the truck bed but he got the situation under control in a heartbeat, thanks to his reflexes that never seemed to sleep.
Akane stared in shock at the hand that was covering hers. He had moved over the middle panel to interfere and was now very close with his arm touching her side and his face only a foot away from hers.
"Easy…" Akatsuki's voice was still husky from just waking up and the timbre made her stomach react in a funny but not uncomfortable way. In fact, she was glad that he was holding on to the steering wheel, otherwise they would have been in the ditch by now. Her skin burned from his touch. Why was she reacting this way? They had kissed and she had his blood but it scared the hell out of her that she wanted more. To be honest, her need for him at this moment was so strong that it threatened to overwhelm her.
Clutching her fingers around the leather coated wheel more firmly, she kept her eyes on the street. Tears started to linger behind her eyes.
'Oh, dear Lord, please don't let me cry', she prayed silently, blinking the tears away. The least thing she wanted Akatsuki to see was in which miserable state she was in right now.
His hand still covered hers and she could feel his eyes scanning her features. Trapped in her spot, she endured his gaze as best as she could without averting her face.
"You are hurting." It was a statement, not a question.
She swallowed hard upon his assessment, he had no idea how much, still avoiding to look at him. She knew that it would be the end of her. If he wasn't to going to stop staring at her she would burst into tears.
"Akane?" He was definitely worried now.
She was doomed. Somehow, she was convinced that he would not give up this time, not after what had happened outside the car earlier and she was terrified of where this was going. If she gave in now there would be no turning back later.
From the corner of her eye, she watched how his face took on a determined expression. Her heart sank even further.
"Please, Akatsuki." She pleaded with a small voice.
"Slow down and pull over." And after a second, he added, more softly: "Please."
She did as she had been told and they came to a stop. The night was over, the sun had emerged in the east and was sending the first bright rays of light over the trees. It was going to be a beautiful day.
The wolves had gotten up, she could hear their claws making this tick noise on the metal of the truck bed. Maybe she should get out to check on them? Her gaze fell on Akatsuki's hand that still held hers and decided against it. The sooner she faced him the better, at least she hoped that she was about to do the right thing.
His apprehension was almost palpable, she could feel his heartbeat quickening thru the touch of their hands. Her own hurried to match the pace, betraying her feelings.
They sat silently for a while. In opposite to the silence in the truck cabin, the noise in her head was deafening. It took her a minute to calm down her senses to a level that allowed her to think clearly. In her current state, she wouldn't be able to form a comprehensive sentence, let alone a conversation. So she drew in a shaky breath and started to sort out the strings, being watched patiently by Akatsuki's amber eyes all the time.
The first one was easy. She had promised Kaname to carry out his orders and that she was going to do. The hunters had to be stopped, her despisement for them was endless.
But she had never agreed to anything else. Her cousin had not been exactly contrite but he had accepted her demand not to interfere with her personal matters. She wasn't really sure how good his word was and if he was not trying behind her back to work against her. Although, it did not matter to her. If Kaname wasn't forthcoming with her, she did not have to be with him either.
All that mattered was that she had to be honest to the man in front of her and to herself. Denying what she felt for Akatsuki was not going to spare her any pain. Maybe, if they were apart, it would be easier. But not like this, with him in such close proximity where she could smell and touch him. When both their skin met, it was blissfully scorching her senses, leaving her wanting more. In fact, she wanted to feel him completely, skin on skin, everywhere. The sole thought of them having that kind of physical contact, sent shivers down her spine.
Her need for him was raw like the need of a drowning person for a lifesaver, it surprised her how pristine her feelings were, she had not thought it was possible to experience this level of emotions with another man than Takuma. Akatsuki, on the other hand, was so pure and honest, she had known the first time they had met. She did not want him to get hurt.
Which was the whole point that it came down to. No matter how she looked at it, she had a bad feeling that he would get hurt and she would never forgive herself. Earlier this night, outside the car, she had gotten a glimpse at the torment he was in. He had wanted her just as badly as she had wanted him and she remembered how shaky he had been when he had stopped himself. Was she really that selfish to draw him in again just to satisfy her lust?
Her eyes brimmed up with tears, and this time, she could not stop them from falling.
"Akane." His voice was very soft and quiet. His other hand touched her chin, coaxing her to look at him.
So she did. Holding her breath, she turned her head and looked into his beautiful face. With his thumb, gently, he wiped away her tears and actually smiled at her. Still not being able to breathe, she watched in awe as he closed in. His eyes were gleaming with fear, hope, hunger and - love?
"Akatsuki." She whispered, batting her eyes. Since his name was all she could say, she put everything of her own fear, hope, and - yes - love in it, praying that, between all the layers, he would be able to understand that she needed him. Her intentions were good, she just desperately wanted him to know that she would never deliberately harm him. He was precious to her, his company made her content to the core and she wanted to be with him.
When his lips met hers, she shut her eyes in delight. The kiss was chaste, yet with an underlying passion that awoke her desire in a heartbeat. The heat that was radiating off Akatsuki enfolded her completely and she released her breath into his mouth, half sighing, half moaning. Good Lord, she was positively on fire! The muscles in her stomach knotted together, she felt the sweet pressure building inside of her.
The inner side of her eyes went gleaming red and lust washed over her.
Akatsuki remained perfectly motionless, his lips still covering her mouth, hand under chin. She sensed his hesitation and fought with herself whether to break his wall of restraint. Her heartbeat was off the charts already and she only was holding on by a thread which meant that the tiniest move from him would tip her over the edge.
And then he moved, gently loosing her grip from the steering wheel and taking her hand to place it on his chest directly across his hammering heart. His palm covered hers, holding her firmly pressed against the fabric of his shirt. His heartbeat matched the pace of her own and she wondered briefly how his bare skin would actually feel like. The thought was wiped away a second later when his other hand left her chin to trail down to her breast, cupping it.
It was almost as if she heard her self-control snap in her head. She drew in a sharp breath and kissed him back with all her might. Her tongue parted his lips, the taste of his desire, thick and sweet, welcoming her.
With a swift move, she unbuckled herself and pushed him back into the passenger seat, following him shortly thereafter. Akatsuki gasped in surprise but quickly regained what was left of his composure. Eyes wide open, he stared at her with arrant longing as she climbed across the middle panel to where he was leaning back in his seat.
Even though the truck was fairly spacious, it was a rather confined space for two tall persons so her thighs were pressed either of his side when she straddled him. His hands were holding on to her hips and she could feel his hard member throbbing against her sex. That alone all but undid her. To her frustration, he held her firmly in place, not letting her move. His breathing was ragged, just like her own, and the amber color of his orbs was tainted red.
She was euphoric. Her body was attuned to his to a degree that was almost painful. A look into his face told her that he was feeling the same. They simply stared at each other, drinking in the sensations.
Slowly, Akatsuki released her hips only to pull her even closer to him until her head came to a rest in the bend of his neck. She could feel the steady drum of his pulse on her cheek. It was calling her, a relentless rhythm that put her under a spell and she was its willing victim.
As she was captured in his embrace, she had some time to notice all the small details about him. How strong he was. How enticing he smelled. How broad his chest and shoulder actually were. And, when she thought about the friction between her legs, how aroused he was. Only that was definitely not a small detail. She felt the blood rushing into her cheeks by the lone thought of Akatsuki's manhood and pressed her face into the pit just below his collar bone.
God, he was going to be the death of her. What were they doing anyway? Lust quickly grew into frustration when she thought about how messed up the situation they were in actually was. There was no way around it, she had to make a decision and she had to do it quickly before things progressed even further - which was bound to happen given the sexually charged atmosphere between the two of them. She really wanted this, him, all of it. There was not any place she'd rather be at this very moment than in Akatsuki's arms.
And suddenly, everything was clear. It had always been him. From the first time she had laid eyes on him in the night he had showed up on her doorstep, she had been drawn to him. Unconsciously at first, but when she had invaded his mind, she had glimpsed behind the wall that he had built around him and seen the beauty of his soul. His strength, his sincerity, his vulnerability. When she had had his blood, all of these had been amplified, the first drop on her tongue had been a revelation.
Raising her head, she sought out his eyes. When their gazes met, her mouth opened slightly, releasing a small gasp. His orbs were blazing with desire, red circles of fire that scorched her insides.
Oh, was he going to bite her? The butterflies in her stomach had already started the happy dance all over her sanity and she was more than willing to follow suit.
As in slow motion, his hand trailed up her back all the way up to neck to push away her hair. His fingertips touched the sensitive spot right beneath her earlobe and then drew a line down to where her carotid artery was pulsing visibly under her skin. All her thoughts were wiped off the board, leaving only blissful emptiness in her head. The touch, light as a feather, made her all but faint with anticipation.
"Do it, please." She whispered, her voice not much more than a breath, barely audible. That was all she could say.