Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Pairings: HP/SS, SB/RL

Rated: NC-17 (For FFnet purposes, strong M)

Category: Romance, H/C, Drama/Angst, First Time (Slightly AU for future, and Sirius' being alive. Completely ignores HBP and DH due to the fact that I'm lazy and started writing this before they came out.)

Summary: Harry Potter finds Severus Snape's emotional side after the Death Eaters discover Sev is a spy. What next? Warning: Detailed rape/Very emotional and traumatized Snape.

Disclaimer: Nu meu.

A/N:Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! Sorry for the two-month gap this time, but I don't go back to school from winter break until 28 Jan, so I should have this complete before then!

Chapter Twenty-One: The Healing Process

"Have you spoken to Albus yet?"

They were back in their own sitting room, the silence during lunch finally wearing on Harry's patience.

Of course I have; how do you think Knott's been punished?" Severus replied, his tone practical, as though he hadn't the slightest idea what Harry was talking about.

"You know that's not what I meant. Have you been to talk to him?" There were more connotations in that one word than there were wines in Italy.

Severus sighed. "I haven't. I know I should; it would probably help, but I haven't spoken to him since that first night."

"I could go with you, if you'd want."

"I don't need -"

"Shh; I didn't mean it like that – I know you don't need me there – I mean I'm here for you – have been here for you. I just want to help."

Severus sighed – he seemed to be doing that a lot lately – again. Harry made a promise to himself to make his love happier. Said love interrupted those thoughts.

"When did you want to go?"

"Today after classes."

He hadn't expected Harry to pick a time so close, but who was he to argue?

"Consider it done."

That night brought an apprehensive Severus and a confident Harry to Albus' office.

"Severus! Harry! Do come in!" Severus and Harry sat side by side in front of Albus. Tea and biscuits – why not? But no lemon drops, the vile things; at several insistences.

"I take it this is not simply a social visit." He took the decline of lemon drops very seriously. Or perhaps it was the tone in Severus' voice, the open dread in his face. "What can I do for you, my boys?"

Severus made to speak, but couldn't find words. He looked at his love for help. Harry took his hand.

"We wanted to talk to you about what happened."

"Could you be more specific, Harry?" Albus asked curiously.

Severus, in his nervousness, grew easily impatient with the kind man. "You know very well what he's talking about! Me- what happened to me," his voice took on a softer note. "and dealing with it."

Albus' expression turned grim. "And what, specifically, did happen to you, Severus? I've some idea, but you never told me."

Severus began trembling. It was obvious that he didn't want to tell the story again. Harry squeezed his hand comfortingly, and his eyes met Severus' black ones. There was panic there, like he wanted so badly to flee. "It's okay. I'm here for you."He mouthed the last part.

Severus retold the story, in more detail than Harry had heard it originally, though he'd pieced other parts of it in as Severus developed trust for him. He recounted how they all got a turn, some of them two, how Lucius had fucked his mouth, but wouldn't allow it to anyone else because he'd wanted to hear Severus scream, how Lucius humiliated him and made him come like he'd enjoyed it, how they beat him as they raped him, how they growled pleasures and insults in his ears so he knew who'd done what, though he wanted so badly not to know. How he'd cried openly and prayed for death as he blacked out from the pain.

By the time he finished, there were tears streaked down his face, and he was clutching Harry's hand as though the world would disappear if he ever let go.

Well, if Albus wanted specifics, he got them. He knew, of course, that Severus had been raped and beaten, but he hadn't known the extent of it, nor had he cared to imagine, and it was one of those cases where he had to leave Severus his space, and he wouldn't pry until Severus came to him to talk. And Severus had finally come.

Severus – I'm not sure where to begin -" Albus was at a loss. "Why didn't you come and talk to me sooner?"

Sev hadn't been expecting that question. Albus was asking, underhandedly, how Severus felt about what happened to him. It was a question he knew the answer to, but it was hard to respond.

"I was too – ashamed – too proud, to admit it to you – you have tried so hard to ensure that no harm came to me. I didn't want you to know you'd failed.

"I'd already known that much, of which I'm sure you are aware. Poppy must inform me of her findings when people end up in the hospital wing at this school, Severus."

Severus bowed his head. "I didn't want you to know the extent of it – to know how weak I was."

"Severus, you are anything but weak. You've been trying so hard to get through this, and despite your horrible experience, you've found love." He looked at Harry and smiled. "I know you're still struggling, but at the same time, you're happier than I've ever seen you."

They seemed to have broken through a barrier. The men talked for hours, Albus acting as a counselor for the unsure Severus, giving advice on how to cope, and giving Harry advice on knowing when to give him space, and when not to. He reassured Severus of many things Harry had already told him – that the rape was not his fault, that his reaction was not his fault, that he was still strong, for standing up to Lucius, for not giving in – that it was okay that he'd screamed, cried, blacked out – how he had been so near death, and though he had hoped to die, he had pulled through, and with Harry at his side, he was facing it and slowly moving on.

A/N: This was, of yet, one of the hardest chapters to write. I hope you've enjoyed. Please review.