The Things We Hide
By Akasha Ravensong
"Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everthing I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud"
Perfect, By Alannis Morisette
Chapter Twenty-One
When we arrived in London to a safe apparation point it was raining, covering everything in shades of grey. If it weren't for the precaution of weatherresistance and warming charms I would have been soaked through and thoroughly chilled to the bone in within moments of our arival. We wove our way between the crowded streets of Diagon Alley with our hoods up and our faces down to avoid the piercing rain. Side by side, we made our way to the Leaky Cauldron to where my mother was supposed to be meeting us at any moment. She was not there when we arrived and we quickly settled ourselves at a table where we could watch the door. I barely noticed as somebody came over to take our order. Minutes later a butterbeer was placed in front of me and I jumped, startled.
"You seem tense, Hermione."
"Hmm… Oh. I suppose that I am." I answered distractedly. "My mother and I have never seen eye to eye on many things and I'm sure that she will use this as another opourtunity to berrate me and try to force me to do things her way."
"Indeed."
It was half an hour and two butterbeers later when my mother walked through the door. I pushed my chair back and made to stand up, ready to meet her at the door. I was stopped as Severus grabed my hand as I turned around.I looked back at him questioningly.
"I'll be here."
I nodded.
Mother took me to a small café in muggle London. It was a quiet place and the booth we had was secluded. It gave an aura of complete privacy for the both of us. I fidgeted in my seat wondering what her true motivations were. Why now? Why after so many months of not caring what had happened to me did she request to spend time with me now?
We talked of simple things, how her vacation had gone and current events until our meal arrived. We ate in silvence as usual. I was tense. As soon as the dishes were cleared away and another round of drinks was placed on the table I prepared myself for the inevitable.
"Hermione," she began, "what do you plan to do with yourself?"
"Do with myself mother? What on earth are you talking about?" oh boy, I thought, here it was I could see it coming now.
"Yes, do with yourself. Where do you expect this path of yours to take you? How can you ever hope to get a respectable job in the real world. I think its about time you gave up this fantasy and make believe world of yours and came back to reality."
"Oh really mother and what exactly is your idea of reality?"
"Really Hermione this foolishness has got to end. Your father and I indulged you by allowing you to go to that wizarding school and pretend to learn magic and all that nonsense but I think its about time that you came back to reality and got a real job and went to a real college somewhere."
I was seething inside. Foolishness was it? "Well mother where exactly do you get the idea that magic is not real."
"Oh please Hermione I'm not a child anymore and its time you grew up too. This is one of the few things that your father and I agreed on before his… incident. Really…"
That was too much. "His incident mother? Is that how you allow yourself to think of what that monster did to me? He beat me while you were away not caring what happened to me on your stupid little vacation. He raped me! Is that your idea of reality? Is that your idea of how thigns should be? While you were off galavanting who knows where doing who knows what with who knows who I was being tortured by a man who I should have been able to trust. You knew he was a monster didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?" I screamed at her, pushing my chair back and standing up.
"Hermione! You're making a scene sit down this instant."
"Don't you dare Hermione me. You knew what kind of man he was and yet you went off on some bullshit vacation and left me tehre with that monster not caring what he did to me! And when you found out what happened did you once inquire if I was okay? NO! In fact you replied to the headmaster's letter by scolding him for daring to interupt your vacation with such trivial matters."
She had the grace to look ashamed for a moment, but only a moment. She was always selfish, and she was proving it. "You were okay! You weren't severely injured or dying! Honestley Hermione get over it! Good god the man only raped you!" she screamed back at me.
I was shocked. People stared. Many of them were shaking their heads in disgust. I was only raped? I shook my head at her in dismay.
"You have no right to call yourself my mother anymore. Not that you were ever much of one to begin with. I'm done wasting my time on you. You were never worth my time woman."
I turned and walked out of the café, pulling my hood up to hide the tears streaming down my face. I would never be good enough for her. She wanted more from me then I was capable of giving. I refused to give up myself and who I was just to make her happy. But oh did it hurt to see that she cared so little about me. To be forced yet again to see how selfish she truly was. For that in itself was just as much of a betryal as my father's actions had been.
Author's Notes:
Sorry its so short, But I'm out of time and I just wanted to put a teaster chapter up there for those of you dying to find out what happens next! And for some reason my father's computer doesnt have spell check set up on it and my computer is still down at my mother's house so bear with me with the typos and grammer that i didn't bother checking at all... I'll get to it... i swear... eventually! Really! lol
Blessed Be
Raven Lynne