Chapter 20: The Christening
Wallace entered the church and immediately spotted Duncan with Lily in his arms looking absolutely adorable. She had on a white dress with matching white shoes and ankle socks with pink trim. On her head rested a white head band with a pale pink bow. He headed toward them.
"Hey, Duncan," he said briefly as he focused his attention on the child in Duncan's arms. "Hi, sweetie! You want to come to Uncle Wallace and give me a kiss?" Lily grinned at him and reached her arms out to him. Duncan smiled and handed her off to Wallace.
"Are you going to say hi to me?" Wallace asked Lily, lifting her up higher in his arms until she was eye level.
She patted his cheek and said, "Hi, Wallo!" She could not yet say Wallace and had heard Dick calling him that once and had called him that ever since. Wallace was just glad she hadn't picked up on any other of the various versions of his name Dick seemed to be forever inventing. He had given up early on trying to get Dick to quit. He simply was not capable of calling anyone by their given name if a funnier or cutesier version could be unveiled. Since Dick was completely immune to ridicule himself and sarcasm was wasted on him, Wallace had decided it was a losing battle. Logan was the only one Dick never made up nicknames for. Probably because he was not as dumb as he sometimes acted. Wallace also knew that coming from Dick the nicknames were a sign of affection, so he tried not to take offense.
"Is she ready for her big moment?" he asked Duncan.
Duncan smiled and told Wallace that he hoped so. They had explained to her what would happen today. Since she was older than most who were baptized for the first time, the priest had talked with her earlier and had spent some time with her that way she wouldn't be scared of him or the ceremony. Duncan had told her also that morning when he was getting her dressed what would happen and had sprinkled water on her in the tub, so she would be somewhat prepared—as prepared as a two year could be. She was highly intelligent and inquisitive for a child her age, so Duncan was not completely sure how she would react. Even though she was not yet three, she seemed to forever want to know things. She never failed to surprise and amaze him.
Wallace grinned at her after hearing Duncan's explanation and repeated the question, "Are you ready for your special moment?"
She answered clearly, "I weady!"
They both laughed. Then Wallace looked at Duncan to inquire, "Did Jazmin make it yet?"
Duncan frowned and said, "She's not coming."
Wallace was surprised. "Really? I figured she'd be here. Girls really dig this kind of thing, and you two seemed pretty tight last night."
"Yea, we've had a good time the two times we went out. But she told me that she thought it was a bit early for her to be joining me for such a private event. I tried to convince her otherwise, but she was adamant. I really like her, but I don't know. Sometimes I see this odd look in her eyes when I talk about Lily. Of course, she seemed fine about Lily at the cookout and played with her very naturally. But I don't know. It's weird, right?" Duncan wondered to Wallace.
"Well, I wouldn't worry, man. She's probably just not ready to deal with meeting your parents," he offered.
"Maybe. I didn't think of that. I hope you're right," Duncan responded, glad to have another explanation that fit.
"I'm sure that's all there is to it. You'll see. Is it okay if I take Lily for a bit? How much time before the service starts? I see my mom over there with Keith, and I know she'll want to see Lily before it starts," Wallace told him.
"Sure, dude. We have some time. This is a small, informal gathering, so we'll start when everyone gets here. Logan and Veronica aren't here yet, but they were here earlier talking with the priest so that they'd know what to do. We'll be able to get started as soon as they get here."
Wallace headed toward his mom, pleased to see how happy she looked sitting next to Keith. His mom would not say much when he'd asked her about things with Keith. She had just smiled and said that they were getting to know one another again. He hoped that things finally worked out between them this time. His mom deserved someone like Keith. Keith would always treat her right and watch out for her. Wallace wouldn't have to worry about a repeat of the whole Roger thing.
Outside the church, Dick and Logan were getting out of Dick's truck just as Veronica pulled in with Mac. Logan and Veronica had already been at the church once a few hours earlier, discussing the specifics of their required responses with the priest. They waited for the ladies to get out of the car before heading into the church. When they did get out, Dick let out a loud wolf whistle after he got a look at them all dressed up. Mac was actually wearing a very flattering dark blue dress. Dick couldn't really remember the last time he saw her in a dress.
"Wow! You ladies are lookin' smokin' today! I'm not sure you're allowed to go into a church lookin' so fine!" Dick exclaimed, grinning. They smiled back at him and said hello to both of them. Dick added, "It's probably a sin."
Mac replied, "Don't you mean it's a sin to have the thoughts you are probably having right now?" Dick grinned at how well she already knew him and kissed her cheek. He took her hand, and they headed toward the church.
Logan had not yet said anything because he was really affected by Veronica's appearance and was trying to gain control before he went into the church and got struck by lightning. Veronica had on this virginal looking pale, pink summer dress that made him want to do naughty things to her. He knew from personal experience that she was anything but virginal and innocent and seeing her dressed up as both was an incredible turn on for him.
Veronica was beginning to feel a bit awkward as Logan continued to pierce her with a silent stare. She finally asked, "Uh, do I look okay? Is something wrong?"
Logan shook himself out of his stupor and gave her a heated look. "I hate to agree with Dick, but you are looking particularly fetching today, Miss Mars, all sweet and innocent like. It caught me off guard for a minute there." He flashed a slow grin that wreaked havoc on Veronica's own nerves. Her belly rolled, and she smiled back at him, pleased with his response. She recalled him one time confessing that when he had first met her as a young teen she had been wearing knee socks and shorts. He had found her innocent look to be very hot. Lilly had teased him for his confession, but Veronica had been secretly flattered.
When Duncan saw them enter, he waved in greeting. They walked to him. He took them into the sanctuary, a place they had not yet been to. He showed them where they would sit until the priest called them up. The three of them would be with Lily and the priest in front of everyone for most of the ceremony. Duncan excused himself to go find his parents and the minister while Logan and Veronica said hello to her dad and Alicia.
When Lily saw Logan she shouted out, "Logie!" and demanded that he pick her up. He grinned at her bossiness and complied with her demand.
Veronica kissed her cheek and told her how pretty she looked. She preened and smiled. Veronica looked around to see who all was here. Duncan hadn't invited anyone else, but his parents had invited a few friends and close relatives. Veronica was a bit surprised to see Clarence Weidman in the back of the church sitting like a guest and not standing guard. When she said something about his presence to Logan, he looked up from Lily and said, "DK probably invited him."
"Duncan? Why? He's Jake's hired thug, not Duncan's," Veronica inquired, surprised at Logan's statement.
"Well, actually he's the Kane family's head of security and someone Duncan trusts explicitly. Who do you think helped us run Gory out of town?" Logan said matter-of-factly.
Veronica was disturbed at what Logan's implying. She had somehow put Gory completely out of her mind. She'd never even gotten around to strong arming Dick into giving her all the details. If she had known Weidman had been involved, she probably would have made it a priority. This semester she'd managed to focus more on her personal life for once rather than intrigue. However, she was still susceptible to a mystery. But Veronica knew that now was not the time to address the issue. She and Logan took Lily to the front so that the service could begin.
They don't have to wait long. The priest entered and opened the service with a prayer. Then he indicated with a gesture that they should come forward to begin the ceremony. Duncan had Lily in his arms.
He smiled and said, "Today is a very happy and blessed occasion as the family and friends of the Kane's join together to welcome this dear child into the kingdom of God. Duncan Kane is here to have his daughter, Lily, baptized as our Lord Jesus Christ commands. He has asked his two friends Logan Echolls and Veronica Mars to stand in as godparents to Lily."
At this point Lily, upon hearing the priest name her second favorite guy said loudly, "Logie!" She reached for him. She and Duncan were standing on the priest's right and Veronica and Logan were on his left. When Duncan tried to get her to be quiet, she refused and demanded again to go to Logan. Everyone laughed. Logan quickly moved to Duncan's side and grabbed her from Duncan's arms. He gave her a quick kiss and told her to be quiet by placing his finger on his own lips and saying "sshh" very softly to her. She smiled happily at him. Like her namesake, she expected her demands to be met instantly and usually was really sweet once she was given her way.
The priest waited patiently and smiled when Lily seemed content again. Logan was now on the priest's right, directly across from Veronica.
The priest began speaking again. "In the tradition of the church, the role of godparents is an important one. The godparents stand in for the child who is unable to understand the significance of the baptism. They represent her and make commitments on her behalf. I have spoken at length to both Logan and Veronica and know that they understand the importance of their role." He then started to speak directly to Logan and Veronica. "Logan and Veronica, by agreeing to be godparents you are not making a legal commitment but a spiritual one. You are agreeing to stand united together before God and everyone here as Lily's spiritual guide and mentor. You will watch over and guide her all the days of her life. The two of you, along with Duncan, will be joined together with Lily with bonds that only death can break."
As the minister said these words, Logan and Veronica locked eyes. The connection that had been building between them the past few weeks intensified. Neither was able to look away.
Then the priest said to them, "Father and godparents, the church receives Lily Megan Kane with joy today. We are trusting God for her growth in faith. Will you pray for her, lead her by your example, and walk with her in the ways of Christ?"
Duncan, Veronica, and Logan both answered with the required response, "With the help of God, we will."
"In baptism, Lily's journey of faith is made public. Father and godparents, will you care for her and help her to take her place within the life and body of the church?"
Logan tore his gaze from Veronica to the priest and echoed with her and Duncan, "With the help of God, we will."
Then the priest said to the audience, "Family and friends, will you welcome her and uphold her in her life in Christ?" Everyone said together, "We will."
At that point, the minister took Lily, who smiled at his attention, into his arms. He smiled back down at her. She was happy for the attention of someone new, but she then looked out into the audience from her new angle. She spotted Dick and inevitably shouted out, "Dick! Dick, come play!" Lily thought the ceremony was an elaborate play time. The audience laughed.
Mac whispered to Dick to make it clear to Lily that now was not the time. He fought his grin and shook his head at Lily. She frowned as his refusal to honor her demand. It rarely happened. Since coming to Neptune, she had quickly grown accustomed to having so many adults willing to give her their undivided attention.
Duncan told Lily that Dick would play with her later after they finish praying for her and if she wouldn't be quiet Duncan would make Dick leave. She frowned unhappily up at her daddy but didn't say anything.
The priest smiled and told her that they were almost done. He reminded her about what he told her earlier about feeling a few wet splashes on her face. She looked at him, remembering what her daddy told her earlier and said, "Kisses from God!" He smiled along with all who heard her explanation. "Yes, Lily, God is kissing you." He moved her to his left arm and said to her, "God loves you, Lily, and is happy you are His child."
Lily looked confused and declared, "I love God, but I Daddy's girl!"
The priest patiently explained, "Yes, you are your daddy's child, but God made you and your daddy, and we all belong to Him first."
"Okay," she responded sweetly, easily willing to believe his explanation.
Again the audience laughed at her simple acceptance of such a profound spiritual truth.
"In the name of Christ, I christen you Lily Megan Kane." He sprinkled the holy water on her in a few gentle drops. Lily closed her eyes and smiled in acceptance of this kiss from God. "I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. You now belong to Him as well as to your daddy and will be welcomed with open arms into His kingdom in heaven."
Lily again broke the solemnity of the moment by clapping her hands with joy and declaring, "We go to 'eaven, Daddy! We see Mommy!" Duncan smiled at his daughter's innocent enthusiasm and took her from the priest. He had to blink back the sudden rush of tears that threatened at the thought of her missing mommy. He knew that Meg would've wanted her to be christened. He liked to image that she was watching them. If there had been anyone in his life deserving of heaven, it was her.
While the priest said the final blessing, ending the ceremony, Logan and Veronica found themselves once again gazing judiciously at one another. Veronica was feeling both vulnerable and emotional. She wasn't sure what was happening between them but something powerful had occurred during the service. Not even Lily's antics had been able to pull their attention away from each other. Veronica knew they were here for Lily, and it was all about her. However, when the priest began describing the godparent role something shifted between them. It was like his words took on a deeper meaning for them. When he said that they would be bound together with Lily, it felt to Veronica as if a thousand invisible silken threads had come out of her and reached across to Logan, tying her to him in a way she had never imagined or experienced before. It left her unsettled and filled her with longing. She knew somehow that Logan was feeling the same thing and nothing between them would ever be the same.
Veronica offered Logan a smile filled with her building joy and certainty. He didn't smile back, but his gaze intensified. When the minister finished and closed the ceremony, Logan turned from her finally after giving her a heated glance. Her body responded instantly at his regard; she hadn't seen him look at her in that way in a while. Remembering where she was at, she tried to get herself under control.
Duncan put down Lily, who immediately ran toward Dick and Mac. Veronica noticed that Jake and Celeste seemed a little put out at her actions, having expected Lily to go directly to them. Veronica knew that they loved Lily and were happy Duncan was home. But they didn't seem to get the fact that a toddler responded to attention and affection. Duncan's friends lavished her with both while his parents weren't built to be so demonstrative. However, Veronica could not seem to find much compassion for them. A part of her still blamed them for what happened to their daughter. If Celeste had not been so critical and Jake hadn't given Duncan all of his attention, Lilly wouldn't have felt so driven to find it elsewhere. She wouldn't have strived to find new ways to torment Celeste with inappropriate men. Veronica was convinced that sleeping with Aaron had never been about hurting Logan, but it had been about shocking and upsetting her mother as well as the thrill of the popular star wanting her.
The rest of the afternoon passed quickly. The Kanes had invited everyone back to their place for a reception for Lily. It was there that they would have her open some of her christening gifts. It wasn't necessarily tradition. But since she was older than most children who were christened, Duncan had figured it would be fine. Besides, he had gotten a promise of good behavior from her with the lure of the gifts as a reward. Since she was finally at the age where she could open gifts on her own, receiving and opening them was something she looked forward to.
Everyone had a great time watching Lily opening her gifts. The pleasure she got in just tearing off the wrapper was so much fun to see. One of her favorite gifts, of course, was from Dick. It was one of those half horses that made obnoxious neighing sounds. It had a horse's head but a broom handle end, so she could pretend to ride it. Of course, Dick had a good time demonstrating how it worked. Duncan laughed good-naturedly but insisted that it would be a toy that would stay at the beach house with Dick. He told Lily that she could play with it every time she went to visit him. He looked pointedly at Dick while he was saying this to her, but Dick just grinned. Since she had other gifts to open, she was soon distracted.
After the gift opening, Veronica kept trying to get Logan alone so that they could talk. She was hoping that he'd be willing to discuss what had happened between them during the christening. However, he seemed to be deep in conversation with someone every time she was free to talk with him. It was frustrating. She was finally ready to let him know that she wasn't satisfied with just being a casual part of his life anymore. She no longer wanted to be just friends. Veronica wanted more; no, she needed more. It looked like her talk with him, though, would have to wait for another day. Logan managed to leave the Kane's without even saying goodbye. Veronica did not know what to think about that. It wasn't like him. Eventually, though, she would track him down and have a much needed conversation.
As for Logan, he did purposely sneak out of Duncan's without saying goodbye to Veronica. He wasn't proud of his cowardice, but he recognized the look she'd been giving him all afternoon. The one that let him know she was determined to either have her way with him or have a heart to heart or both. None of those options were any Logan was ready to face right then. He was not sure what happened during the baptism, but he knew he needed some time to process it.
He and Veronica hadn't been in a church together since Lilly's funeral. When they'd met with the priest to go over their role, they had met him in his offices. The sanctuary had a completely different feel. Logan wasn't particularly religious. Not counting weddings and funerals, he could probably count on one hand how many times he'd been to church in his entire life. However, today facing Veronica, something happened that was out of his realm of experiences. As the priest spoke of him and Veronica being connected in their role as godparents before God for the rest of their lives, Logan felt something that shook him to his core. He did not even know if he could put what he'd experienced into words. He had never really thought much about whether or not God existed. Mostly because he did not know how to place a loving God within the nightmare of his home life as a child, nor in all the things that had happened to him in high school.
But today when he was standing with Veronica in front of the minister and all of their friends, he felt something that was entirely new. It was something that he had not been expecting or prepared for. It was as if a presence was there between him and Veronica joining them together in a way he'd never imagined. Although Logan had always believed that he and Veronica were destined to be together, he had not thought of their bond as something that was God ordained. Maybe what he thought he experienced was due to being in a church with Veronica. Maybe it was just due to being in a church and having a man of the cloth speak words binding them together in some way. Or maybe it was Logan's fanciful imagination. He did not know.
What he did know was that as he was standing there looking at Veronica, he was unable to look away. He had gotten used to suppressing what he felt for her. Surprisingly, at that moment looking across at her, he seemed helpless to dampen down his emotions. Like a wave, all of his love, desire, and longing that he felt for her rose up inside of him. It had been all he could do just to keep from reaching out and grabbing a hold of her. Lily's antics served to remind him where he was at and what he was supposed to be doing.
Nevertheless, he had been powerless to turn away from Veronica because he could see mirrored in her eyes for the first time an echo of what he was feeling. For once, she had given him a completely unguarded look. Naked emotion was reflected in her eyes for him to see. Without her saying a word to him, Logan knew without a doubt in that moment that Veronica Mars loved him deeply. She loved him the way a woman loved the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She loved him the way he had always loved her; the way he never truly believed she did. The certainty of that knowledge left him reeling. It was like the world had temporarily slipped off its axis, and Logan was left spinning. On one hand, his new awareness of her and what she felt for him filled him with deep and abiding joy. All the dead places inside of him seemed to come alive all at once. He felt so many things; emotions were coursing through him looking for an outlet. Normally, he would grab Veronica and give them both the outlet they needed.
However, Logan found himself hesitating. The new assurance of her feelings for him also filled him with fear and a touch of dread. For the first time, he knew that everything he wanted was within his grasp. Rarely, though, did things work out for Logan the way he wanted or planned. He knew that if he grabbed hold of both Veronica and the opportunity in front of him to build something real and lasting, that things could fall apart like so many things in his life inevitably did. Loving her and losing her was one thing. But Logan knew that if he lost her after knowing she loved him just as much as he loved her, he would never survive the loss. This time he would not be able to hold back anything from her. If she walked away some day down the road like she always did, he would be left broken beyond repair.
Logan wanted her and the chance to build a life with her so much. He hated how weak he was. He hated that he knew without a doubt that she was crucial to his future happiness. Although Logan wanted to be happy, and he wanted the life he knew they could have together, he felt so unsure. He did not know if he had it in him to risk everything because this time it would require everything. He would have to give every part of himself, which would leave him with only whatever part of Veronica she was willing to surrender. Was she really finally ready to tear away the mask and everything else she consistently kept in front of her in order to keep him at a distance? Was Logan ready to gamble with everything he had that she was?