A/N: Sorry for the wait, but here's the next chapter! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, kay?

Natasha hadn't really noticed it until recently, but her world was changing. It was hard for her to truly process it and the amount it actually affected her. She was still use to suppressing feelings and lying through her teeth. It took a lot to change that behavior and even more to accept what it meant. Natasha always thought she really had a grasp on how different her life was, but there was always something that happened to show her there was another layer beneath what she recognized, more feeling or meaning, that she hadn't noticed yet.

Tonight was one of those moments. Natasha hadn't been able to sleep so she crawled out of her bed. Bruce stirred, but didn't wake. They spent a lot of their nights together, but not every night. It was never an assumption the other would end up asleep next to them. It usually just happened. Some nights Bruce still stayed up until dawn working in the lab and Natasha was getting busier and busier with missions again.

Instead of leaving to the bathroom or the kitchen, Natasha sat on the chair in her room and just watched Bruce. She felt a bit creepy doing it, but her heart got this warm feeling when she looked at him. She was still trying to process that.

Bruce was lying on his stomach, arms wrapped around one of her pillows. His curls were messier than they were in the day and the mounaint of blankets Natasha kept on the bed stopped at his upper back, leaving just the top of his bare shoulders visible.

The nights Bruce arrived at her door without a shirt tended to be her favorite. Not for any sexual reason, which she had expected, but because it meant she would get to touch his skin when they laid in bed. Natasha couldn't remember ever wanting to do something as pointless as touching someone's skin. Just resting one's hand on someone's skin wasn't supposed to be that exciting of an action. She had touched a lot of people for missions and she had never felt the desire to. It wasn't something she craved usually. With Bruce, she could spend an entire evening just watching her hand lay on his chest.

That desire, that feeling was what Natasha was really trying to make sense of that night. It was past midnight and Natasha was sitting in a chair, in her room, staring at a man because she wanted to touch him. It all made no sense. She couldn't understand. There was no sexual drive behind it like she read in those romance novels she tried. She didn't have a drive to do anything more than to just rest her skin against his. It was such a strange feeling for her, to do so. Natasha had had to touch all sorts of men and women throughout her missions because it was part of the task but, besides that, she never had this. She had never had someone to touch that she cared about.

It worried her—only a bit—because Bruce had had that before and she never had. She wasn't jealous or upset he had been with other people—that would be hypocritical of her. No, she was worried he wouldn't understand if she tried to explain why she felt the need to lie awake next to him and let her hands wander his arms, neck, and torso. Natasha still didn't have the words to explain it.

This desire wasn't what they had in books. The world didn't suddenly make sense when she touched him and she didn't feel whole or perfect or any mythical sparks. Just touching him didn't make her feel safe. All the time she had spent trying to read about it only gave her nonsense. Sure, combined with who he was as a person made her feel safe and occasionally there were sparks, but it wasn't because skin was touching.

It was something closer to a primal need. Natasha had met people who believed people need physical contact with others' to feel human. She always thought it was bullshit because being human wasn't a feeling. She hadn't believed it was a thing until she realized she wasn't human; not in the mental sense. The Red Room had taught her to function, to take orders, to accomplish a mission, to take a life. She had only started learning how to live when she joined SHIELD. She had been learning to be human.

That's what she got from touching Bruce. Natasha realized she was human. She had no more words to describe what being human felt like exactly, she couldn't break it down any farther, but it felt good.

It had to have been an hour before she slowly climbed back into bed. She laid on her side, facing Bruce, and let her fingers gently glide across the top of his back. Natasha knew she could've been more careful to keep from waking him, but she didn't really mind having him up. Bruce stirred for a few moments before he slowly opened his eyes. A sleepy smile found its way across his lips.

"Hey," he murmured and Natasha let out a quiet chuckle.

"Hey," she replied lightly and returned his smile. She leaned forward and kissed his forehead. They didn't exchange kisses as often as one might expect. They held hands and slept next to each other a lot, they spoke sweet words just as often, but they rarely kissed.

"Couldn't sleep?" he asked and stifled a yawn. He slowly reached out and rested his large hand on Natasha's cheek. Bruce had a habit of keeping his movements slower during the night to keep from startling her if she was ever in a panic mode again, just like Natasha kept her voice soft after his nightmares to calm him.

Natasha leaned into his warm hand and gently shook her head, careful not to move far away from his touch. "I could if I wanted to," she said honestly.

"And why don't you?" he inquired. He used his other arm to prop himself up some, to get a better view of her face. Worry began to seep into his eyes.

"Because I wanted to watch you," she replied, sticking to her honesty policy even if it was embarrassing. She felt her cheeks warm and she knew her blush was visible. It was something she knew how to control, but she didn't.

"Hmm," he said, caught slightly off guard. "Why did you want to watch me, Miss Romanoff?" Bruce was curious now.

"Because I needed to think. You…affect me a lot." She watched his expression carefully. Her honesty policy didn't involve leaving herself wide open for hurt, not that she would expect it from him. Natasha would always be a careful person.

"I dare say that's a good thing," he said cautiously, making sure it was. When she didn't give any obvious facial cues that his guess could be wrong, he continued: "You affect me a lot, too, by the way."

"I'm glad," she told him, "and it is a good thing, Bruce." Taking a cue from those damn books she read, she nuzzled his hand gently with her cheek. His eyes widened a bit and his face managed to soften more. Bruce had old experience with showing affection and was cautious with it because he was afraid of getting in too deep. Natasha was the opposite; she had no idea how to show genuine affection. She had the knowledge she was taught, but she never experienced the free will of learning how she individually showed it.

"How do I affect you?" he asked softly, guiding the conversation. She had sparked his curiosity, which can be risky with a scientist.

"I feel this…need to…" Natasha blushed as she tried to find a way of saying it without the sexual connotation that came with it. "To…feel my skin against yours, like this," she showed an example by nodding toward her hand still moving over his upper back. His eyes did widen more until he picked up on the example. She felt his muscles tense for the second between her words and his realization before they returned to normal. "It feels so nice," she murmured, eyes focused on her hand.

"It does," he replied softly. "It feels very comforting." He gave her a slightly bigger smile to emphasis this fact.

"I could lie here all night, just like this," Natasha told him softly. She moved closer, so she was almost pressed against his side. Her torso was brushing his arm and Bruce locked eyes with her.

"M-maybe now would be a good time to talk," Bruce said quietly. Natasha's stomach dropped and she wasn't sure why.

"Alright," she said, "what is it you want to discuss?" With that, Bruce sat up. She mimicked his movement and the two sat on her bed, facing each other. He reached out and took her hands in his. Natasha Romanoff began to feel nervous which had to be her least favorite emotion.

"I know you've read my file already, but it would be irresponsible for me to not discuss it with you." Natasha nodded, but she wasn't following him yet. "Natasha, you know, I can't have, umm, sex, right?" he asked her, eyes gazing right at hers. There was a moment of silence and Natasha's worry left.

Natasha let out a soft laughter, taking one of her hands back to hold onto her stomach. "Oh Christ, I was expecting something awful. Yes, I know that Bruce. There's no need to worry." She stopped laughing so the words she said could be taken seriously. "I came into this relationship aware of that. You'd Hulk out and that'd be such a compromising situation." She paused and shifted awkwardly for a moment.

"What is it you aren't saying?" Bruce asked.

"I don't want you to think anything is wrong with me when I tell you this, okay?" she asked nervously.

"I won't," he promised.

"Well, I, uhh, I don't really feel the need to have…sex," she said slowly, trying to gage his reaction. "It might've been because of The Red Room or maybe it's just me, I'm not sure, but I don't really feel the need to go have sex. The need just isn't…there." She finished and looked and him expectantly.

"Natasha, why would something be wrong with you for that?" he asked softly. His expression was a mixture of affection and confusion.

"Because that's what people want: sex. Whether it be with whatever gender or, I guess with Thor it'd be alien? It doesn't matter, but people want it, right?"

"Natasha, some people don't want sex. It might be because of low sex drives or because they're asexual. There is nothing wrong with you for not wanting sex." He paused. "I mean, that works pretty well for us, doesn't it?" He smiled warmly at her and Natasha relaxed.

"Can I still keep telling Tony we have Earth shattering sex whenever he asks?" Natasha teased. She was relieved, but ready to move on from the subject. There were things she wasn't ready to cover yet.

"He asks you too?" Bruce groaned. "Does he have any idea how to mind his own business?"

"No, that's why you've got to mess with him. Give him crazy stories or vague, exciting answers. It drives him crazy. It's a great hobby."

"I bet it is," Bruce laughed. He leaned forward and kissed Natasha once, which she happily held for longer than he expected. Just because she didn't want sex didn't mean she disliked kissing him. It felt nice.

"Let's get some sleep," he suggested softly and Natasha smiled. They both laid back down under the mound of blankets Natasha insisted stayed on her bed year long. She grew up in the cold and the blankets were one of the luxuries of her new life she loved.

"I adore you," Natasha told Bruce softly, face turned towards him. She had her hand rested on his upper back again, keeping the contact between them.

"I adore you too," Bruce told her honestly, eyes locked. Bruce cared for Natasha so much it scared him.

A/N: I really wanted to go through her thought process, so here it is. Sorry if the lack of sex is going to disappoint anyone. This is probably my only ship where I firmly believe sex is just utterly impossible. And my favorite headcanon is Natasha being asexual, oops.

I hope you enjoyed it regardless. Thanks for reading and please review!