Warnings: Language, adult situations, possible violence, allusions to mature subject matter (ie. Various forms of assault/torture/etc.)

Summary: What do you get when you mix embittered!depressed!enraged!Loki (doing time on Midgard) and Christmas together? Tony Stark wants to find out, especially when he begins to realize that the God of Mischief needs a little bit of Christmas cheer. Of course, Thor is in. Who else comes along for the ride? Will you?

Comments: This is not a slash fic. Sorry. It's Loki-centric, although I definitely show the rest of the Avengers and etc. Please review! Constructive criticism welcome (especially this is my first time writing for Avengers fandom)!

Disclaimer: I do not own Avengers. Marvel owns it. I do not get paid for this piece of work. Sadly, but understandably. LOL.

To Guest Reviewer: I'm sorry but Loki isn't going to be feeling mischievous until much later in the fic! I hope you can hang in until then! He's pretty much whumped to death right now...

OK. A few things.

First, this fic is going to take up at least... (calculates and double-checks her notes)... 38 chapters. You've been warned. So if you're looking for happy!Loki, mischievous!Loki any time soon, I'm sorry, but it's not going to happen. Loki is not OK. He may have periods where he seems to come up for air – but he's still very much drowning in his past and his memories and his regrets.

Secondly, the Avengers aren't going to be 'heroic' in the purest sense of the term. They will be humans. Not good or evil straight up (per se) humans but humans. I think that heroes should have some flaws and even the best of us can carry grudges. Now, I'm from a strong-ish Dutch background and I don't carry any grudges against Germans – but I'm surrounded by good people (generally speaking) who have unspeakable grudges against the Japanese (for example). And they are ordinary people who are just trying to live their lives, but get them started on WW2 and it's like it isn't even over. So, if there are people in this world who can't get over something that happened over 50 years ago, how easy do you think it would be to forget something that happened 5 years ago? The Avengers are good people – but not ALL of them can be THAT good. C'mon now!

ALSO - girl talk is one kind of dialogue that I struggle with. Which isn't a surprise since I don't do girl talk in real life...

2nd Edit: Have gone back and tweaked a few things...

Christmas Magic
Chapter 21

If Wishes Were Fishes

"I don't know just who to blame for this catastrophe!
But my one wish on Christmas Eve is as plain as it can be!...
Gee, if I could only have my two front teeth..."
("All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth) – sung by Spike Jones)

"What do you get the man who has everything?" Jane sighed, sitting down rather heavily on the couch.

Behind her, Pepper was hanging up her coat, gloves, scarf and hat, still wet from the snow which had continued to fall throughout the afternoon that day. After a long stint in the office, there was nothing that Pepper wanted more than a long soak in Tony's jacuzzi... Or maybe the hot tub. Looking over at Jane's slumped shoulders, Pepper smiled as a thought began to form.

"Long day?" she asked sympathetically.
"Compared to yours, probably not. Just... trying to shop. And failing." Jane wrinkled her brow as she turned to look at her new friend. "It's a zoo out there – and trying to keep Thor at your side is like trying to walk twenty Huskies and Labradors at one time."
"I can imagine. Hey... You know, I just got this idea." Pepper slipped off her cardigan. "How about a girl's night – in the hot tub?"
"Hot tub?"
"Well, I call it a tub," Pepper laughed. "But, thanks to Tony's... previous... pursuits, it's more like a tiny pool. But it's a hot tub – complete with, you know, the awesome jets which are just – so – relaxing. What do you think?"
"That sounds amazing!" Jane got up, paused. "Hey, d'you think Natasha would be interested?"
"I bet she would be, if her day was anything like ours. JARVIS – is Natasha in?"
"Yes, Miss Potts. She is just finishing her exercise routine," the AI responded briefly.
"Can you ask her if she'd like to join us for a girl's hot tub relaxation evening? I don't know if she's got something to wear –" Pepper paused and turned to Jane who had started down the hallway. "Jane, if you'd like, you could try out some of my things. End of the hall. Here, let's have a look-see."

Within minutes, Jane was slipping into her room, rooting out her towel and stripping down to try on the three outfits that Pepper had suggested she try. The second option, a black two piece with a smaller top, was her final choice and, emerging from her room, she smiled at Pepper who was similarly dressed except in something a little more revealing and dark red. Further down the way, the elevator doors slid open, from which emerged Natasha, who also looked like she needed a bit of R and R.

"Oh..." Pepper hesitated at the sight of Natasha's black workout tank and exercise shorts. "Natasha – if you want –"
"It's fine," Natasha smiled, tipping her red head slightly to the side, mouth quirking up a little in amusement. "Just let's get there already. I don't know about you guys, but a little relaxation goes a long way."
"Yeah," Jane wrapped her bathrobe a bit more tighter around here, noticing that the open living room seemed emptier than usual. "No kidding."

Glancing at Pepper, Jane wondered if she could ask Natasha what was capable of tiring out a government agent – if she is a government agent, Jane hesitated. Asking these kinds of questions could potentially make a whole ton of awkward... awkwardness. She settled for smiling at Natasha.

"If we're going to survive this Christmas," she said brightly, following Pepper as the woman stepped back into the elevator and pushed a button for the floor below. "I think we're going to need all the relaxation we can get now. While we have the time and sanity to enjoy it."
"Yeah," Natasha nodded.
"Jane was shopping today," Pepper shook her head.
"And you were in the office," Natasha noted.
"Yes, well, Christmas time actually means more craziness than you would think. The board always seem to get obsessed about the smallest things. Ah. Here we are, ladies! I had JARVIS start it up already."
"JARVIS, you're amazing," sighed Jane as she discarded her towel and bathrobe carefully on the side of the huge hot tub and slipped in.
"Thank you, Miss Foster," replied the AI, just a tad bit smugly.
"Ahhhhh... this hits the spot," Pepper sighed as the water lapped over her shoulders. "Oh yes... A perfect way to end a long day of work. You didn't have a mission, did you, Natasha –" The red-head stopped and then frowned. "I mean, sorry... Tony doesn't talk about tons of things with me, I mean, I see stuff, but, uh, if you can't say – I totally understand. I'm babbling. Babbling."
"No, it's OK," Natasha sighed deeply and contentedly. "Just debriefing and writing up some reports and then hitting the gym. My muscles have been feeling a bit more sore than I would like lately..."
"Nothing like a hot tub to cure those aches."
"Yep, just what the doctor ordered."

A short silence.

"So... what do you get a man who has everything?" Jane's question broke the silence.
"Tony, huh." Natasha cocked an eyebrow. "That would be a hard one."
"I don't know him very well either," the scientist admitted.
"Gift card," Pepper splashed a little over to double-check a text that had dinged. "Wine shop. Starbucks. Something like that."
"He's a scientist in his own way, isn't he?" pointed out Natasha. "Maybe you can get him something with scientific value, from one scientist to another."
"Hmmm..." Jane mused. "That might be something I'll have to think on some more."
"This is supposed to be a secret Santa." Pepper shook her head with a sigh. "Somehow I don't think it'll be so secret before this is all over."
"That's what you get when you have superheroes and assassin spies involved."
"Hey, play fair, Natasha," Pepper swatted playfully at the red-head. "No cheating!"
"I've got Steve," Natasha replied bluntly. "I'm thinking of getting him something old-fashioned. Something that'll bring back memories of the good old days. Or something."
"Um, that sounds... nice," Jane said tentatively. "Like a knick-knack? Or a picture? Or..."
"Something he might have seen back then? A movie series? Or some black-and-white talkies?" Pepper mused aloud.
"Music."
"Ohhh..." Jane sat up, slicking back her long, blonde hair. "I know... how about getting one of those record players that you can get on sale. I'm sure JARVIS could help you find an affordable record player!"
"Hey! That's an amazing idea, Jane! See what happens when we put our heads together! I swear, if it was us running SHIELD, things would be a lot different," Pepper laughed. "Just saying.
"Men. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em." Natasha rolled her eyes in agreement. "I don't know how Agent Hill survives it, cooped up on that helicarrier all day, every day." She paused then and considered Jane's suggestion. "I think that would work, Jane. Clint has an old music shop he likes to check into once in awhile. If I get a cheap player, I could snag a few records from there."
"Wow. I knew we just had to talk about this," Pepper leaned back to dip her hair in the water, enjoying the hot water as it soaked into her now very relaxed scalp. "There's nothing like a good plan for Christmas to bring order out of the chaos."
"Who did you get?" asked Jane.
"Uhhh..."
"Just tell," Natasha shrugged, nudging the personal assistant. "It's not like the guys aren't going to have a confab either. Bless their hearts."
"It's Clint," confessed Pepper.
"Cologne."
"Oh?" Jane and Pepper blinked at the SHIELD operative, a little flumoxed by the quick reply.
"Cologne. Not a strong scent. Something... woody and subtle."
"One Million... or Aramis... There are tons," Jane put in. "I'm sure JARVIS could come up with a list." She blushed. "I was looking at some to get for Thor."
"Yeah," Pepper agreed. "Those guys can get awfully sweaty after an hour with the Doombots. You should have smelled the inside of Tony's suit after he stepped out the Mark I. Back before he got the whole dismantling mechanism set up."
"I pass," Natasha shook her head.

Another few minutes of silence disturbed only by the quiet ripple of water as it sloshed against the side of the hot tub. Pepper sat up for a second and smiled.

"I just remembered that we need one more thing to make this the perfect evening. Drinks."
"Not alcohol, no thanks," Natasha said, eyes still closed.
"No. Something cool, though." Pepper got up. "Something virgin."

She disappeared behind a small bar in the corner of the room and came back with three glasses of what looked like orange juice. Accepting hers, Jane sighed as the cool juice offered some hydration and a sharp contrast to the heat rising around her. Beside her, on her right, the tall windows of Tony Stark opened out onto the snow-white laden vista of New York. It was like nothing she had ever seen.

One day, I'm a fringe scientist running after something no one wanted to believe in, the next thing, I'm hitting a Norse God... She giggled to herself. Hitting on a Norse God. Badly. And now, I'm in Anthony Stark's penthouse in his hot tub!

"Are you sure there isn't anything in this," Natasha eyed Jane and her drink.
"This isn't alcoholic," Pepper assured her. "Just some punch. We're going to have to keep our heads clear if we're going to plan out the rest of Christmas."
"We don't have to have it ALL planned out," Jane said quickly, noticing a slight wrinkle mar Natasha's forehead. "Just the basics."
"Like what we're going to do next."
"With Loki?" sighed Natasha. "Now I feel all better."
"Sorry," Pepper sighed. "JARVIS, please take note of our conversation, if you don't mind. For future reference."
"Beginning now, Miss Potts."
"OK, well, there's the whole getting a tree thing and cookies and I think I heard Mr. Stark, I mean, uh... I heard him say something about an all-meat buffet for Christmas..." Jane began. "We made a list already – it's on the white board."
"In Tony's lab," Pepper reminded her. "And hidden. We don't want Loki thinking we're controlling his life."
"We are controlling his life," Natasha smirked. "But I guess it'd bruise his pathetic ego to find that out. Ha. Lying to the God of Lies. This is going to be good."
"Yeah, about that, how's the Operation Santa is Real going?" asked Pepper curiously.
"I haven't said anything. Much," Natasha found herself smiling again as she remembered Loki's uncertain face. "If they were ordinary humans, they'd have been on the internet already and searching out the information. But I guess even a smartass like Loki has his limitations."
"It's rare to get an opportunity like this," agreed Pepper, taking another sip from her punch. "Kind of funny, if you ask me."
"I guess," Jane sighed. "Don't you feel a little guilty about it, though? Thor means so well. He wanted to meet Santa Claus - so last I heard, Tony's going to take him to some mall..."
"Right, yes. That'll be tomorrow - Manhattan Mall. Show him a Santa. Hey... we should get Loki to take a picture too!"
"Loki on Santa's lap." Natasha cocked her head. "Clint's going to want to be there. I'll try to get him to play cool."
"I can't believe I'm here. I can't believe it's Christmas time. Already!" Jane smiled softly.
"Neither can I," sighed Natasha. "Yet here we are."
"It'll be OK," Pepper said comfortingly. "It'll work out."
"I hope so."

-0-0-0-

"Loki! Brother!"

At the sound of Thor's boisterous shout, Loki flinched and drew back from the doorway he stood in. His brother had returned, no doubt from sparring with the Soldier. Tony and Bruce were bent over yet another tablet poking at something moving on the screen. Thor was jumping out of the couch where he had been sitting, watching yet another strange Midgardian winter sport.

"Come see this incredibly entertaining game. It is almost as bloodthirsty as Volstagg's arm wrestling!"
"I remember Volstagg's arm wrestling," Loki said waspishly, jerking back. "If there was one memory, I could give to the Void with no desire for its return, it would be Volstagg during the winter season."
"Come now," Thor's blue eyes beamed at his brother, still undimmed by Loki's obvious disgruntlement. "It was not all that bad."
"It was."
"Was not."
"Was too."
"Was not.
"Was –" Loki suddenly pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance and huffed out, "I cannot believe that we can still recreate this childish game of ours."
"You could just agree with me," Thor said simply. "Come sit. I swear. It is indeed a most vivavious game involving some forms of strategy as well. On ice! The Son of Stark says that we may try to play this very same sport in the oncoming weeks if the ice freezes a little stronger."
"What wonderful news," Loki replied sarcastically.

But he moved forward and found a seat on the edge of the long, black, leather couch, as far away as Thor's seat, hoping to keep some space between Thor and himself.

It was not to be.

After five minutes, Thor was once again, encroaching on his personal territory, arm around his shoulder, hollering in his ear whilst waving a glass bottle of some Midgardian mead. Loki, pursing his lips, considered his options. Sitting in the dark of his room. Scared stiff from the silence. Or. Sitting in the comfort of the living room. Bored out of his skull.

...would you rather run to something or run to nothing?

Loki sighed and sagged a little, succumbing to his fate ungracefully. Succumbing to fate - that is my role in the grand scheme of life, is it not? When Tony brought over another glass bottle, he accepted it silently and sipped it with a grimace.

"Still like your sweet cocktails, huh?" Tony smiled. "I'll mix one up in a few minutes. Give me a 'mo."
"It is no matter," Loki began (not entirely certain what a mo was - ah well, never mind...) but Tony flapped a hand amiably and disappeared to talk a bit more with the Beast. Bruce. The kind doctor. The doctor who seemed to listen more than most. Loki's eyes slid away when Bruce's brown ones rose a little, obviously feeling uncomfortable under Loki's long stare.

Glaring at the large screen which showed a group of men moving around – in circles and up and down a white ice field – with sticks and a flat disc shap, Loki wondered if his entire winter would be spent this way.

Is this satisfactory, Loki? Do you even have a choice? In reality, no. There is nothing but the cold and hunger waiting outside for you. And after this winter season, there will be nothing but the cold and hunger still waiting. Cold. Hunger and sharp humiliation. Heimdall and Odin still laughing at you. Thor still... being Thor. The Avengers and the dark organization behind them still watching your every move. The Son of Stark still laughing... Laughing at you - us - me. Because the awful truth is that I am no better than my father. My real father. My real not-father. Laufey. Laughable. Loki's lips turned up in a bitter, empty smile. Laughable's son.

"Brother."

It was Thor. His blue eyes were suddenly too concerned, worried and sharp for Loki's comfort. He frowned at the god and let his face harden in response.

"What is it now, Thor?"
"You looked..." Thor paused. "Never mind. Did you know but Son of Stark and Banner's Son and the others – they will be taking us to see the magical personage of Santa Claus? Tomorrow."
"Surely not the actual Santa Claus himself," corrected Loki tiredly. "Do you not remember what the Man of Iron said? I swear, Thor, it is as if your mind is like a sieve."
"I remember!"
"Then you will remember that if we were to see such a thing, it is merely seeing one manifestation of this super being," Loki's eyes darted suspiciously to the two mortals who were still bent over the tablet. "If such a being exists."

The Beast was looking triumphant about something and the Man of Iron was looking rather more cocky than he did usually. Which was saying a lot. No doubt they had just made a new discovery in their petty magicks. It reminds me of the days when I would find new secrets in the arts of magic... If I had my magic, Loki sighed. I would transport myself to the North of Midgard in a matter of seconds and discover the truth of the matter myself.

"Come now, Loki," Thor's big blues begged his younger brother. "You must have faith, little brother – or you will receive nothing from him come Christmas morning."
"I highly doubt I will receive anything but the traditional coal and sticks, Thor. Perhaps you have not noticed, but this being, Santa Claus, a hero for Midgard, could hardly reward a monster such as I –"
"You are no monster, little brother – you're my –" But Thor was overruled by Loki.
"A monster such as I could hardly be rewarded, because of what I have done. However, justified I may believe myself to be –"
"Loki –"
"Therefore. Therefore," Loki swallowed and glanced away, his fingers rapidly clenching – unclenching – until he forced them to still, but even then, his fingers began to worry the edges of the cuffs of his worn green tunic. "Therefore, it would be a fool who would expect anything but punishment for the things I have done. I am no fool."
"You have been punished enough, brother," Thor's arm drew Loki close, but Loki was having none of it. "I am sure this Claus can understand."

The slighter god tried to pull away. Thor held firm.

"We can believe together," he insisted.
"Of course you would say something like that," Loki snorted, trying to battle down his anger and failing miserably. "Foolish as ever. Even now."
"If you will not join me, I will believe enough for the both of us – you can make the wish."

Loki looked up then, meeting Thor's steady gaze, green eyes wide with disbelief and hurt. Green eyes that brimmed with unshed tears of despair and rage and Thor felt the muscles tensing in the slender back before Loki shot up and away – off the couch. Turning and glaring down at Thor, arms quivering and face screwed up with the conflict of emotions.

"Make a - make a wish! MAKE A WISH!" Loki's voice ended on a rather shrill note, deep breaths heavy and ending with a tremble closer to a sob than an angry roar. "We are not children, Thor. We are not petty, weakling, mewling mortals who pray to those they cannot see. We are the beings they can but look up to as if we were the very stars in the universe. The very universe in which they live and can barely comprehend even now."

Bruce and Tony jerked away from their tablet, Bruce easing back to watch Loki carefully while Tony edged around the bar and began to mix some drinks with a vehemence. Alcohol. They needed alcohol right now. For him. Of course.

"And I – I – I am to make a wish? And what kind of wish can a god make, brother?" He spat the last word as if it were a curse. "And who will listen and answer my pleas? Who was listening and failed to answer the ones that spilled from my lips during my – my imprisonment and debasement and humiliation?"
"What did you ask for?" Thor asked, his hands still, shoulders braced for the full fury he knew would come.

A man of courage, Bruce thought. In more ways than one.

"JARVIS!" Loki glared up at the ceiling as though the AI could materialize somehow before him. "Take note of Loki Noone's Son's Christmas wishlist. That everyone may know the impossibility of such puking faith!"
"Uhhh... I don't really want to know about impossibilities," mumbled Bruce. "Now I'm going to be depressed."
"I'm with you on that one," Tony sighed. "Top of my wishlist is 'Attitude Adjustment for Loki'. But Santa should answer that one pretty quick – since it isn't even for me. I'm such a self-sacrificing person, aren't I, Bruce?"
"Sure."

Loki, as if suddenly realizing the two men were there, glared at them and Bruce realized uneasily that the ex-God was crying. Again. But he had an uncomfortable feeling that Loki wasn't even really aware of it.

Tony was though. Tony hated other people's messy emotions and Bruce could feel the genius billionaire already backpedalling, mumbling about needing to hand out alcohol all around. At any rate, Loki took a couple of deep breaths, twitched away and paced up and down, calming down just a little. Marshaling his thoughts. The other men in the room braced themselves for the usual Loki vitriole.

"How does this request begin, I wonder?" Loki asked, caustically.
"A letter." Tony finally spoke up after his third gulp of scotch. "Generally, we write letters. Dear Santa, I've been a good boy this year. I'd like... blah blah blah. I used to write really long ones. It was pretty interesting to see if Santa could get anything right for that year."
"Really?" Loki tipped his head. "A letter? Well, then. I shall begin with a 'Salutations to Mr. Claus. Santa Claus'... Whatever denotation that would suffice. He is after all, a lesser being, even if he be not mortal."
"Good way to get him warmed up to you," Tony snorted.

Thor shot Tony a dark look, to which the genius responded with a quick shrug and 'Hey! He's not killing anyone yet!' look.

"'This year, if we go by the Midgardian calender, I have not committed any great crimes nor have I embarked on any plots of mischief or chaos – through no fault of my own, I assure you – but the record, I would say, this year, is in the main, clear.'"
"Except for stealing Pepper's money," Tony had to put in. "We won't count the wood though."

Loki gave Tony a hard stare.

"'Excepting for stealing Lady Pepper's monies,'" Loki added, gritting his teeth. He continued, the sarcasm layering his speech was so thick, if it had been icing on a cake, Bruce doubted the Hulk would be able to get his mouth around it. "'Therefore, I submit the following wishlist for your perusal in hopes that your august personage will be able to grant me some happiness in the months or lifetime following.'"
"Sounds grand," Bruce had to admit, impressed. "My letters never sounded like that."
"'Item One: Complete destruction of –'" Loki paused, hands now meeting together, knotting and threading through each other, twisting painfully and uneasily. For a moment, his face fell frightfully blank and Tony sighed, remembering that night they had shared those drinks. Loki was attempting to hide something – something so strong it could not help but leak out. It passed over Loki's expressive face – a flash of terror. "No. No. Erase that one, JARVIS. We do not mention that name. We do not speak of it – Loki – we – I – we must never speak of it –"
"Erasure complete."
"Yes. Well," Loki nodded and struggled on. "'Item One: Return of magic. Item Two: Return to...'" Loki frowned and his hands twisted each other even more tightly, the knuckles turning white. "I beg pardon, that last one. That one is not..."
"Erasure complete," repeated JARVIS.

Poor bastard, Tony sipped his scotch. He actually believes there is no home to return to. Really has nothing going for him. Kinda pathetic. Even I never sunk that low.

"'Item Two: Indefinite Delay to Thor's Coronation..." A quick glance down at Thor. "Silence, Thor." He smirked then. "I can hear you thinking it. Item Three: A Chance to Visit... Fr – to visit – to visit," he managed to get it out a little hoarse, back turned to the others, face now tinted blue as the silent hockey game's glow fell on his profile. "'A Chance to See Mother. One last time. Not to – not to – I just want to say...'"
"Loki," Thor was on his feet now, face drawn, his own eyes heavy with grief.

Loki's anger had now stolen away, leaving only a trembling husk, too tired to continue on. Tony and Bruce did not twitch a muscle, not wishing to break the spell. Bruce found himself hoping that whatever was keeping the other Avengers busy would continue to do so. This was obviously something the brothers needed to get out between them. It was a chance for Loki to be honest.

The way it sounds, Bruce frowned. He's not been able to be true to his deepest self for too long a time. Still. Even now. It's not enough. He needs... he needs to break.

Loki stirred then, as if he was trying to move but found his limbs too heavy.

"Item Four. I –" He slowly shook his head.

Thor's hand rose and his fingers once again fell on his brother's shoulder, clasping his neck, as they had in the old days. In the old days when I thought us friends. In the old days, when I thought us whole. You are right, Loki, in so many ways, I was a fool. A fool with a heart. How that burned you so. But to have faith is not foolishness. To have hope is not weakness. It is another kind of strength. A strength you lost long ago. Let me lend that strength to you.

Without further words, Thor drew him into a warm hug, his arms seemed to wrap around his brother too easily as he pulled Loki's shoulders in closer. It was strange to see Loki so unresponsive, as though Thor was not even there, the ex-God's arms hanging limply as his side. Face buried in the crook of Thor's neck.

"'Item Four,'" he whispered and then fell into the old speech. His voice muffled against Thor's shoulder and long blonde hair. "'Then, let it be as if I had never been born.'"

Ummm... Is this laying it on too thick? BE HONEST...

Otherwise, all together now... AWWW!

Loki, you are almost there! Almost!