The Saddest Song

Chapter 21 - Her Aching Heart

A/N - Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter, I'm such a sucker for the "I'll be seeing you" line. But I thought it went perfectly to end that conversation. So, I hope you'll all review for me on this one, and I have to inform you now that Peyton is really confused through this chapter. She doesn't know what she wants and she starts to remember the Lucas she fell for, and suddenly he doesn't seem so bad, but just a lot of confusion is around her. So, don't think she's being fickle, she really just won't know what she wants. Anyhow, enjoy ;-)

There she was, for the second night in a row, laying on a stiff hospital bed that made her uncomfortable. The doctor's had informed them all that she should stay for a day or two more for tests, and they wanted her to get as much rest as possible. They obviously didn't know that she had a harder time sleeping in the hospital than she did at home. It was nearing 2 AM again, she was restless, unwilling to let her thoughts drift, but half an hour later she couldn't help it. She knew damn well that it was wrong, that she shouldn't be thinking of him, that she had Adam, but it didn't make the fact that he was gone any easier. And once again, he had left, with an 'I'll be seeing you' as his final words. Those words stung, because for whatever reason they were always his last words to her when he left, and for a while she found them to be special, but now they made her heart ache even more than necessary.

– 'Here where they can't find us, I dare they to call me out, or tell you, we met here on purpose, I bet they can't wait to wake us up' –

In a fit of rage she slammed her fist onto the table that sat beside the bed. A vase toppled over, shattering loudly on the tile floor, she held her breath praying that nobody would come running. How would she explain that? Adam gave her the flowers that sat in the vase, a wave of guilt swept over as she dragged herself from underneath the covers and walked to the window, staring into the lighted city outside.

Everything was spinning, the world she had so perfectly created for the past few months was cracking. The nice little bubble she trapped herself in along with Adam was about ready to pop, and she had expected it. She'd been waiting for the moment she was thrown out of her fantasy world and back into the real world. And frankly, she hated it.

He had gotten the information from Nathan, he knew she'd be there for another 2 days, and he was going to take advantage of that. The drive seemed long, but he was so tired, he barely slept the night before on that hospital chair. But it didn't matter that he hadn't slept or that he stayed up for hours just watching her sleep, what did matter was that he got the chance to be near her again, and to him it's all that mattered.

Adam lay staring at the ceiling, he knew that something happened to Peyton the night before. He walked into her room earlier that day, and something was different about her. She was happier, there was hope in her eyes, something he hadn't seen before, and it was more noticeable than anything all day. Every time she laughed her eyes lit up with her smile. When she spoke the enthusiasm radiated through her expressions, and in some unknown way, he knew he wasn't the person who put those new emotions there.

– 'It's a little bit strange, I know it's a little bit strange' –

She sat in the monotonous surroundings, watching the few cars peel out of the parking lot and out on the connecting street. Here she was at 3 AM, startled by the black car that pulled into the parking lot. She wiped a few tears, brushing off the fact that a car had just come. Instead, she thought of him, and how much it would hurt Adam if he knew that he was there last night.

She didn't know why she was crying, maybe it was everything she kept bottled inside, she had never cried in front of Adam, it embarrassed her too much. She wasn't sure if she trusted him that much. And Lucas was her one comfort, he was gone again and it wasn't fair. Nothing was fair, the fact that she was having his baby and he wasn't around wasn't fair, that she loved Adam but still couldn't hand her heart over wasn't fair.

"Damn it!" she shouted, she remained on the floor, not wiping the stream of tears that were falling faster than she could catch. She didn't hear the door open this time, and when his hand touched her shoulder gently she didn't jump. She already knew.

"Hey," she whispered, not bothering to wipe her eyes, he'd seen her cry ten million times before, for whatever reason he had always urged her to when she was hurting.

FLASHBACK

It was Friday night at 11 o'clock when he arrived. She looked like she had been crying when he got there. He scooped her up in his arms and held her. She began to tear up again.

"What'd I tell you? You can cry around me, Peyton. I'd rather see this side of you, than the fake one you put up in school," he whispered soothingly.

She cried for the remainder of the night, and Lucas stayed with her. He put her under the covers and laid there with her. He kept her tucked close to him.

END FLASHBACK

– 'Make a point and ignore them, come on let's wait this out, they'll find out we never stop turning, and sometimes it's tough to change direction' –

"I thought you weren't coming back?" her question wasn't rude or demanding, just quiet and curious, he didn't know if he had the answer.

"Neither did I...but I wanted to...I needed to," he replied, softly and she nodded, still the tears fell, and he sat on the floor behind her, pulling her close.

She began to look back on their better times, he was once a good man. A guy she had trusted more than anyone, someone she had loved more than anyone, she gave everything for him, and now she felt torn. But he had once been the fairytale guy, and right there on the floor that's all she could remember.

FLASHBACK

"C'mon, I'm not that good am I!" he shouted over the basketball court. It was mid-January at 10 o'clock that night and they were playing basketball. He suggested it, and she was sure he was crazy but he persuaded her with a few kisses here and there - she caved.

"No, you suck!" she ran up took the ball, shot it and did a victory dance as it went in. He laughed as she danced all around the court pointing at him, bragging her mini-victory.

"I let you win," he told her, closing the space between them, she stood waiting, a huge smile played on her lips.

"No, you didn't," she was quieter, but her tone still flirted with him, making his heart jump.

"Yea, huh," he finally came as close as he could, and her smile remained when she jumped into his arms, letting her head fall to meet him in a kiss. Her nose and cheeks were red from the cold, making her curl-
framed face look paler than usual, but he only saw beauty.

"Ok, even if you did, I still won, I get bragging rights," she became serious, her hands wrapped at the back of his neck, combing through his hair.

"Okay," he nodded, kissing her again, loving the feeling of being able to hold her. She smiled into his kiss, and giggled, but he didn't mind, he held her anyway, knowing he'd let her have bragging rights if he could have her.

END FLASHBACK

– 'I know it's a little bit strange, it's all a little bit strange' –

"I'm glad you came," she told him, surprising them both. She hadn't said those words, wasn't even sure if she had thought them, but a smile came to her now that it was out.

"Yea?"

"Yea," strangely, she sounded more sincere than ever, and she was. She liked the feeling as she laid back against him, his big work boots laid on either side of her. She knew those boots, precisely remembered their weight when he laid on the bed at the hotel. She smiled at the memory, not sure if she could ever recapture the passion she felt right then.

"When are you leaving again?" pain was etched into her voice and he winced at the sound.

"Probably same time as yesterday, I don't want them to see me, and I know they come back almost as soon as visiting hours start. Do you remember that day at the beach?" he questioned her, trying to lighten the mood up. She laughed through her tears, he'd loved when she did that. Something he could always make her do when she cried, he could make her laugh, and that sound became like second nature to hear.

"That was our first kiss in like a year," she whispered through the dark, the memory was almost painful now, but she was forced to relive it.

FLASHBACK

She was laughing at him while he walked back to the blanket. He was trying to be macho, but every few seconds he'd give a dramatic look and almost drop her.

"You faker!" she yelled when he laid her down on the blanket. He gave a little chuckle and started to tickle her.

"No...Luke...stop!...pleaseeeeeeee," she pleaded as tears rolled down her cheeks from laughter.

"For what? Why should I stop? What do I get in return if I stop to make you happy?" he asked, flirting back from earlier.

"This," she replied with a seductive smile.

She sat up to his level, and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him back down to the blanket. She finally pulled him down to meet her lips, and kissed him with all the strength and passion she had in her. He pulled away breathing heavily, while his heart nearly pounded out of his chest.

"Well, if you would've told me that I would've stopped a while ago," he said flipping on his back.

She giggled at how taken aback he was and rolled on top of him.

"I'm cold now...mind warming me up some more?" she flirted more. 'What did I eat this morning?' she asked herself.

He flipped back on top of her, but careful not to crush her. He leaned back down and kissed her as good as he knew how.

'Damn, he's a good kisser...good thing I'm flirty today,' she thought to herself with a smile.

END FLASHBACK

– 'At the end of a day, I'm gonna say what I mean, it's slipping all away, away, at the end of our days, we'll escape, we'll escape' –

He smiled gently, still holding her close, breathing the scent of her shampoo that lingered in her curls. She giggled at how forward she had been, surprising them both that morning, but as quick as the smile came, the tears came even faster. He felt the sobs wracking through her body, keeping his hands wrapped tenderly around her mid-section as they sat on the floor.

"Shh," he soothed, and it comforted her, but she couldn't hold the tears anymore, she was so tired of holding it in.

"I'm so insecure...I don't wanna be. I feel so vulnerable...and I hate it," she told him angry with herself for those feelings. He let his head rest on her shoulder next to her whispering soothing words to her along the way.

"You're allowed to be."

"I don't wanna be," she insisted.

"But you're allowed. You're so guarded, Peyt. This is why you won't let yourself love anyone else, why you won't let Adam love you and why you're still stuck on me. You're beautiful, Peyton, let yourself be loved again," he whispered into her ear, she shuddered involuntarily

"I don't want anyone else," she shocked herself as she blurted the sentence, but tears still fell as she clung to him, holding on for anything to save her. "I don't deserve a guy like Adam."

"Yes, you do," he pushed. "You're the most beautiful girl in the world, you deserve a guy better than me, you deserve so much, Peyton," his voice was so sincere and soft that it brought on another wave of tears. Still she remained in his arms, knowing how wrong it was, but how right it felt. She blushed at his words, compliments felt good, though she got them from Adam they felt so forced and she was uncomfortable.

"I'm not beautiful, I feel like a bum...look at me, I've got make-up running, I can't stop crying...I'm a mess, Lucas."

"Yes you are, you're so beautiful. And if Adam or any other guy can't see that, then they don't deserve you. I don't deserve you."

"But you're the one I want," she finally admitted, the exhaustion was overcoming her, she wasn't fully aware of anything, she was upset, the surroundings were messing with her. He was tired, and upset, neither of them knew what they were getting into.

"Me too," he whispered so low she strained to hear him. Her eyes widened in shock and heart sped up, very slowly she turned her head to see him, her red, tear-filled eyes met his blood shot, tired eyes. A small smile lit up her face and he smirked, his heart raced in sync with hers.

He watched her eyes close slowly, anticipating what was coming as he involuntarily moved in closer, he had loved to watch her do that. It was that last second of striking beauty that he always caught right before he kissed her, and right now it still stung, hitting his heart.

Very gently he met her lips in a searing reunion kiss, something that he would always remember, and he knew he would when she parted her lips slightly, granting his access, her tears mingling into the kiss. And as amazing as it was, it was bittersweet for the two. He scooped her up, laying her down onto the bed, climbing on top of her slowly, laying feather-light kisses up along her stomach, after he parted the paper gown. She shivered, living in the moment of pleasure with him, if only for a little while.

– 'Slipping all away, it's slipping all away, it's slipping all away, now, at the end of our days, we'll escape' –

Okay, unexpected ... yes. Awesome to write ... hell yea! Hope you all enjoyed, keep in mind that this does not mean they are back together or even that he's staying, don't get your hopes up yet ... don't even think this kissing is really leading somewhere, I'm not sure what to do with it yet. So, gimme reviews and I'll try to pull an update out as soon as I can!