20. Gone
Claire's eyes held mine. She was panting, still crouched, but her expression was all I could focus on. I stared deeply into her, trying to find whatever I had seen moments before, but it had vanished. What had I thought I saw anyway? No soul? I remembered the first day I saw her, how when I looked into her I saw that faint light at the center of her mind. That light was the goodness of Claire that could shine so brightly if given the chance. When she looked at me before I didn't see any light, just dark. It was like there was nothing inside Claire anymore. Or like Claire wasn't there and something else took her place.
I shook my head. That was impossible. Claire's body was Claire's body. But Jason's body was his and yet Cody could still overtake it. Could something overtake Claire? She was just so powerful that I found it hard to believe. But Cody was more powerful than Claire, but would he really go to the trouble of bringing her back only to destroy her in the end? My mind began to spin. I didn't know who Cody was anymore. Was he a good guy who was corrupted by a lie? Was he still a monster? Was he ever good? Was he just messed up? Crazy? Insane? My f-
My thought cut off instantly on instinct. I had not mastered the art of blocking my mind from Edward or Syd. They would be reading my thoughts. If I even questioned it in my head, they would know. This was one thing I had to keep to myself, until I could figure out the answer.
I felt Jason stand up behind me. I turned my head slightly, keeping an eye on Claire, to look at him. His face was flushed; his blonde curls were tangled and wet from sweat. He was panting and his body was trembling. There was a crazy look in his eyes, a look of love, bloodlust, and pain. Jason was in so much pain. I gave him a soft look. He met my eyes with a hard stare before he slid behind me and down the hallway.
"Jason." I called, but he didn't turn. Maybe it was best. I didn't know what I would've said anyway. Not like any one word was going to make him feel better. I sighed and turned back to Claire, who was watching me with keen eyes.
Angry or happy, there was no mistaking that Claire was heartbreakingly beautiful. Even with her face in a grimace, it was enough to notice. There was something graceful about how she stood, or how she fought. Her hair was frowzy with hairs going in all sorts of directions. Her shirt was torn and half of her jeans were missing. I think she even had bite marks on her neck, but she brushed her hair on them before I got a good look.
"Really? You have to fight him to make him understand? Good plan." I applauded her before turning and walked down what was left of the hall. Her quiet footsteps announced that she was following.
"He wasn't listening."
"And fighting him is going to make him listen?"
She fell silent. Then she said, "He pushed me first."
I laughed. "So we're going schoolyard, are we?"
"I guess we are."
Once at the stairs, it seemed like the damage intensified. The entire home looked as if a tornado, hurricane, and an earthquake bombarded the house, only leaving the walls and pieces of the floors intact. How we were possibly going to get this house back in shape was beyond me.
The sight on the broken stairs was menacing. Instead of risking even a single step, I braced the muscles of my legs, tightened then, and then leaped to the bottom of the stairs. No noise accompanied my landing. Claire stepped beside me with the same silence.
Skylar walked out of the kitchen and scratched the back of his head. "Anyone got a repair man on speed dial?"
The tension of the room seemed to break at his joke as people laughed quietly behind him. Jason was nowhere to be seen, not that I really expected him to be lounging around on the sofa. Jason was always the type to be left alone after a fight
"I do." Claire said cheerfully. She smiled and looked around the room with her face falling as her head turned. I glanced at the faces of my family. None of them looked remotely happy.
"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Angel piped up after two minutes of uncomfortable silence.
"What do you mean?" Claire's voice sounded so innocent.
"It won't help anything with you and…" Angel's voice trailed.
"With Jason and I? He is as stubborn as a mule. If he can't see what I've tried to do for him, then it doesn't really matter at this point does it? Don't you want the house fixed?" her hands went to her hips and a face that held an attitude found it's way into Claire's features. I figured out in an instant that I didn't like this version of Claire.
"I don't want him here." Jason said. Everyone turned to the far corner of the room where Jason was standing, arms crossed over his chest. He was leaning against the wall, and I wondered how long he had been standing there without my noticing.
"And since when are you in charge?" She fired back.
"Since the day your son and I buried you in the ground." His eyes narrowed. He slowly emerged from his corner and walked toward her with small, precise steps. He stopped once he was only inches from her. Jason brought his hand up and swung it before any of us had time to react. Claire bent over, her hand grasping her cheek, her eyes showing betrayal. "I don't need you. You're nothing to me anymore. As far as I'm concerned, your body is still fifteen feet below ground in that damn cemetery. I don't love you. I hate you. I loathe you. I hope the next time you die, you stay dead this time. We're better off without you." His bent his head closer to hers. "I hope you burn in Hell."
Claire slowly stood up, but something was different about her posture. She looked weak, like all of the energy has been sucked from her and it took all her will just to breathe. Her face looked as if she was holding back tears. "Fine" was all she said before heading up the stairs and slamming her door. Only silence followed her.
Claire's chest was on fire. Her eyes blurred as she stumbled into her room. Her legs shook violently and her vision seemed to be spinning. Her hands grasped the dresser for support. She held her head with her free hand, trying to stop the world from moving so quickly.
I don't love you. I don't need you. I don't love you. I don't need you.
Those crushing words kept repeating in her mind, making her head throb with agony. Jason didn't love her anymore. She had pushed him too far. She shook her head. She knew this would happen. He wouldn't understand her actions; he wouldn't see the truth hidden between her lies. He would never know. She had always known that this outcome would be a possibility, but Claire so firmly believed that their love would be strong enough to overcome it. But she was wrong. He hated her. And she couldn't blame him.
Another tremor racked through her body, sending her limbs into uncontrollable spasms. She crashed onto her bed while her body thrashed. Her mind went black suddenly and then was flashed with light as she went in and out of consciousness. She couldn't focus on any thoughts and she began to panic, unsure of what was going on. All she knew for sure was that her chest felt as if it were a fiery furnace. Her blood felt like scolded metal as it pumped through her veins. She wanted to scream.
She pictured the tearing of a sheet of paper and realized that's exactly how she felt. She imagined her body being torn apart, but she didn't know from what.
I don't love you.
She wanted to cry out for help. The pain was too much for her, but she couldn't find a way to open her mouth. It was like she was cut off from her body.
I don't need you.
She couldn't feel her body. She felt trapped.
I don't love you.
In a moment, the knowledge of what was happening hit her, but it hit her too late. Her soul was ripped from her body, and in a flash she was gone.
All that was left was her body, the Vampire sleeping within it.
A bright, white light pierced Claire's eyes. She knew that it should have hurt her, but it didn't. The light was warm, soothing even. She didn't turn away from the light, but rather welcomed the peace that came with it. She smiled joyfully as she knew where she was.
Heaven.
The place she thought eluded her. The place Claire believed that she could never enter. She thought she had committed such terrible crimes and that her soul was as dark as the night. She would have never dreamed that she would come to such a place when she died eventually. And yet here she was, standing in the midst of everything righteous and good.
Claire had missed this place terribly. It was as wonderful as she remembered. She didn't want to leave the first time, but a boy called her name. A boy and a child, but she couldn't recall the names. But it didn't matter to her. She wasn't ever going to leave this place again. This was her home now. No one was going to take her from it.
With her eyes closed and heart open, she embraced the light of Heaven.
I wanted to follow Claire. I wanted to take away her pain, or to at least ease it, but I didn't. I let her crawl into her room alone without moving one step towards her. I was a terrible person.
The silence in the room was thunderous. No one dared to look at each other. No one wanted to admit that this was actually happening. No one wanted to see that our world was falling apart at the seams and that nothing was ever going to be the same. No wanted to see it, but it was there before our eyes for all to see.
Jason sighed. "We better get this all cleaned up." His voice sounded drained, older. He looked ten years older than he actually was. I wonder how much of this affected him. I wonder if what he said was true, or if he was just angry with Claire. Part of me hoped that it was just rash anger, but something inside me told me I was just lying to myself.
My father grabbed a trashcan from the kitchen and started to toss bits of wood and glass into the bin. We all followed his example and began to pick up the house. We separated the house into sections and each of us had a room. Jason and I were assigned the living room. I thought that he gave us this room so he didn't have to be close to Claire. I was almost one hundred percent sure of this.
Amber and Randy just sat on the couch. They weren't able to keep up with us anyway, so it was best for them to just stay out of the way. Every once in a while I caught Amber staring at me, as if she was making sure I wasn't going to disappear into a cloud of smoke. The expression frightened me. Her eyes were blood shot and rimmed red. I suddenly worried if her body was going to go through a withdrawal.
It took a few hours to clean up every room of every scarp and then repair all the wood damage and walls. Angel was mostly in charge of gathering the wood and glass while we all fixed each wood panel. We filled the holes in the walls and painted over them. When we were finally finished, the house held no reminder of the fight that took place. It was almost spooky how quickly evidence could disappear, but no one wanted to remember it anyway.
Claire stayed in her room the rest of the night, until she left I guess since Edward could no longer hear her thoughts. Maybe it was best for her to be gone for now. It would give everyone a chance to cool down and gather our thoughts. She would be back soon though, I knew it. She wouldn't leave me alone here without a mother again. She couldn't do that to me.