I'm awake at 8:00 am on a Saturday to attend a Saturday morning detention. You read that correctly. I literally trudged my way to school cursing Lauren Steele the whole way. I wore black sunglasses to cover the bags that stained my eyes. Last night was so crazy I couldn't get any sleep. Crazy in the sense of my mind keeping me wide-awake leaving three hours spare for sleep. I approached the school peering at through the tops of the frames of my sunglasses. Fuck you, Lauren Steele. As I walked into the library where the detention was to be held, I stared at all the drained and lost and tired faces that were slumped in their seats. They didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be. Who the hell wants to be at school on Saturday morning? I sat on a chair on the last row of tables. I sighed rolling my eyes at every single thing in the room. Someone was throwing paper. A student is concentrating so intensely on the maths homework. Kate Briggs was clicking her pen so much that was about to make sunglasses and throw them at the back of her head. Yes, everything is annoying me today. Steele better hope she doesn't cross my path today.
The teacher, Mr Daniels, a middle aged black man with black ruffled hair, announces "Now-." The entrance of a dirty blond hair boy interrupts him.
"Sorry I'm late, sir," Chris interjects.
Mr Daniels questions in surprise, "Chambers? What are you doing here?"
"Detention, sir," Chris replies.
"Detention? From who?"
"Take it up with Simmons, sir," Chris said mindlessly.
"You know you won't be able to play the game tonight. What did you do?"
"Exactly," Chris shrugs.
"I'll have talk. Take a seat."
Mr Daniels seems nice. I know that he understands what its like to be discriminated against for no good reason. For Chris it was his name and family reputation however, for Daniels it was even worse. The man was discriminated because of his colour. I honestly could never understand the concept of someone's colour making him or her inferior. I always prided myself in the fact that I could never understand that. I didn't want to understand it.
Chris seats himself next to me and we share a smile. A moment in which seemed like forever was interrupted by Mr Daniel's voice and whole lot of awkwardness.
"Right, now, you all know why you're here. Blah blah. You've all been very bad. Blah blah," Mr Daniels mocks then adds seriously, "Now kids I bet they're a ton of things you could be doing right now then being here but unfortunately I don't make the rules. Sit here for an hour then you can leave. He smiles genuinely at all of us who are trying to recover our laughter from him imitation of the school principal who normally supervises attention. I love this guy. He leaves the room.
Chris breaks the silence, "Why are you wearing sunglasses?" I turn my head to him abruptly and lower them so he has a view of my eyes, "Oh forget I asked." He chuckles.
I ask, "How's your sister? Is she bummed?"
"Em? She'll be okay," Chris smiles. He keeps smiling while looking at me.
I question, "What? Is there something on my face?" Chris removes the glasses from my eyes.
He teases, "Now there isn't." Chris stares at me for a couple seconds before putting the sunglasses on himself. "How do I look?" His tone of voice is low and deep.
"Like Elvis Presley," I joke.
"Thank you. Thank you very much," He impersonates. I laugh loudly causing a couple of the other teens in the room to turn and face me. I smile shyly at them all then wack Chris as they all turn back round.
"Ow, fiesty," Chris complains rubbing his forearm.
"I'm not fiesty," I huff.
He smiles, "I honestly think that that is the first time I've ever heard you really laugh."
Suddenly I become tense and frigid. I look straight ahead as I slump in my chair. "That's because I don't laugh," I admit somewhat sadly.
Chris queries, "And is that supposed to be a good thing?"
I look up at him and feel dejected. It's written all over my face. Jamie Sawyer. Dejected. Broken hearted. Lost. Why do I feel like he can see all of that? Why does it seem that he can feel all of that? Chris scared me and confused me all at once. I was trying to strike up a reply before Mr Daniels came rushing in gathering his properties of the front desk.
"Guys! I have to leave right now so err detention… dismissed," He was frantically shoving things into his bag.
Chris called over everyone who was leaving, "Congratulations, sir!"
Mr Daniels gleefully replies, "Thank you, boy. Thank you! I'll sort this all out Chris once I get back."
Chris scoffs "Sir. Just go."
Mr Daniels smile stretched as long as a highway. Quickly, he scurried everyone out.
Outside Chris and I were standing by his truck. On the way out he was telling me how Mr Daniel's wife was going into labour, which is why he rushed off. He is leaning against the body with his arms crossed still wearing my glasses, "What are you gonna do now?"
"Well, I was going to do go home, sleep and then do my homework. That's the only option so far," I shrug, "You?"
"Well considering the detention is finished I was going to take Emery to the playground. Say, maybe you'd like to come?" He adds quickly, "If you don't mind."
"Sure."
"Really," His eyes widen for a second.
"Yeah," I say.
"Cool," He nods and motions towards the truck. I get in as he walks to the driver's end. "Just to let you know you can leave at anytime if its not your scene or whatever."
I roll my eyes, "Chris, honestly, do I look like the kind of person who cares about what 'scene' they are in?"
"I thought not."
As we reach Chris's house, he strolls in and comes out moments later holding a four year old blond hair blue eyed girl. Emery, also known as the female Chris, is a spitting image of her older brother.
"Emery, this is my friend Jamie. Say hello," He introduces. She buries her head in Chris's shoulder and peeks at me, "Hi," she says softly.
"Hey there, cutie," I smile.
She asks shyly, "Are you Cwis's girlfriend?"
Chris's face turns red as does mine. "No, boys smell," I tease trying to ease the tension for Chris and I. Chris sets Emery down.
Emery giggles, "Cwis smell's sometimes. Like fire." Or cigarettes. I laugh picking the girl up.
Chris objects, "I don't stink, Em."
"How do I smell," I ask.
"Like strawberries," She says delightfully.
"Come on, Emery why don't you and I go to the playground," I say as we begin to walk. Chris is left dumbfounded.
He jokes, "Are you not going to wait for me, Em?"
"No girls allowed, Chris, sorry," I call.
"Yeah no girls allowed, Cwis," Emery repeats teasingly.
Chris tone is serious and mocking as he calls, "That's it. No more Mr Snuggie for you Emery Jennifer Chambers!"
We reach the playground and I set Emery down. Before she is about to hurry off and play on the apparatus, she calls Chris to her level. He kneels down not looking at her. He's obviously messing about with her.
"Cwis," She moans using her hand to turn his face to her, "Emry is very sorry, Cwis. Don't take Mr Snuggie away please." Her eyes are pleading. I stare in awe. A sense of nostalgia arouses and haunts me. I miss the early days of my life where these were the only things I had to worry about. The days when what colour was going to colour my teddy bear drawing in was a life or death situation. It's true when they say "childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies." Chris and his mother are great. Even after all their family have been through the maintenance of Emery's innocence is amazing. Absolutely amazing.
"On two conditions. Say I don't stink," Chris tries to stay serious.
Emery giggles, "But Cwis that's a lie. You said lying is bad. Bad people lie. Evrybuddy smells Cwis." Emery has Chris's intelligence too seemingly. What an intelligent thought. We all smell like something don't we?
Chris cracks a smirk, "Give me a kiss." Emery pecks his cheek as Chris gives her a hug before Chris adds, "Go on and play you knuckled head."
I was a bystander to this genuine and beautiful moment between Chris and Emery. I would carry on happily for the rest of my life if I witnessed moments like these everyday. Genuine moments.
I tease, "She's adorable, Chris. What happened to you?"
"Ha-ha."
"Nah, I'm kidding. She's like a female mini version of yourself. I like how you are with her," I admit. Seeing Chris with his sister made me a bit open to the possibility of him. I felt intrigued to know more about him. Who he was. His favourite colour. His hobbies. Everything. Man, Chris was driving a truck through the walls are had so been ever desperate to maintain and he didn't even know. He probably still see's me as fiesty and uninterested. Gosh, I really can't stand this attitude of mine sometimes.
A moment passes before Chris questions, "So why don't you laugh?" Man, I thought he would have forgotten about that. I mean I nearly did.
"It's nothing, Chris," I lie.
Chris urges, "It's has to be. I see you. When you're not talking to people, you're staring off into space, you're eyes are sad. It like you're there but you're not. You're mind is somewhere else. I see you, Sawyer. I really do."
What. The. Hell. Was I that obvious? Did anyone else see it? I thought I kept it covered! No no, I need to go. He can't know about this. He can't. My eyes widen in shock. For some reason, the world around me became hazy like someone needed to splash ice-cold water on my face.
"I have… I have to go," I don't move. My body is frigid. It want's to stay. It wants this boys support. It needs it. My mind, however, says otherwise.
"Fine then go," Chris exclaims, "You can't live like this, Jamie." The kids were playing happily and completely unaware of the scene unfolding between us. Luckily, the parents of the kids were to invested in conversation with other parents.
I argue, "Live like what? You don't even know me, Chris!"
"I'm not sure you even know you, Jamie," He says firmly but there's a certain edge to his voice. A sympathetic tone. An understanding tone.
Instead of leaning on him as a shoulder to cry on, I abruptly turn away. My eyes are filled with tears and angst. I'm angry with myself more than I'm angry with Chris. Why should I be angry with him? He was right after all. I didn't know myself. I didn't let anyone close enough to grows as an individual. I will still stuck in this never-ending hullabaloo of anger, regret, tragedy and depression. I ran. Ran way from the solution to my problems. Away from Chris.