Chapter 20: HEALING

(Ciels POV)

I put my phone on the kitchen table and looked up at Sebastian.

"We still have a lot to talk about." I kept my voice low. I couldn't stand to watch Sebastian cry again. I didn't want to provoke any emotion out of him.

"I know" Sebastian sighed "We need to figure out where we stand with each other."

I nodded my head in agreement. "I think we rushed into this way too fast. I also think you know a lot about me while I on the other hand have hardly scratched the surface on who you really are."

Sebastian looked away. He had a distant look in his eyes.

"One thing we actually have in common Ciel, is that we like to keep to ourselves. I actually find it very interesting that two people like us would come together like we have." He closed his eyes and smiled slightly. "You are not the only one with a hard childhood. Granted mine was not nearly as horrid, and this is not a competition on whose life was harder.I grew up far away from here. Trust me you wouldn't know the place. Just picture an old, run down, dirty looking town. Not much as houses go, or stores. It's a small town with a small population and it's just far enough west that we're far enough from the city to still sound like we're from the east coast but we live in a place that would be considered country."

"You mean like you had corn fields around. And a sheriffs office?" I asked trying to make light of the situation.

Sebastian just shook his head.

"It's actually exactly like that." He took a deep breath. "I'm sure you've seen the pictures on the fridge. Those are my parents. Those pictures were taken right before I was born. They are the only ones I have where my parents look like decent people."

"What do you mean, Sebastian?" I could see how much he was struggling to talk about this.

"Sometime after, maybe, my fourth birthday?.. Yeah, that sounds about rght. My dad started doing drugs. I'd like to believe there was something specific in his life that led him to start something like that, but as far as I know one day he thought it would just be a damn good idea."

Sebastian paused a while before continuing. I wasn't sure if he was waiting for me to say something, but I could't think of anythng to break the silence that sat in the air thick as icing.

"Everything after that was a blur I can't remember what happened over the next couple of years, and God I wish I could, because sometime after that..." His voice softened and I could hardly hear what he said next. "Some time after those few years my mother killed herself."

My one good eye grew wide with shock. I couldn't believe those smiling faces on the fridge could have done these things.

Sebastian took a shaky breath. He wiped his hands on his thighs.

"After that the police decided to do an investigation of my household. At least that's what I think happened. My next memory is just police officers coming into my house putting my dad in hand cuffs and taking me away. I spent almost 9 years in foster homes after that. Always moving. I eventually was old enough to leave and then spent my next few years travelling towards New York City. I tried to earn money any way I could. It was usually just like the jobs I have now. I was saving up to come to this school here and eventually I made it."

I pictures a poor nine or ten year old Sebastian being taken away from his childhood home. Being forced to feel like he didn't belong anywhere. I couldn't believe how well he's done for himself. It shows a side of him I've never seen before.

"I know I should have told you more about myself, and I truly didn't mean to rush into things." Sebastian continued. "It's just that the feeling you give me is nothing like I've ever felt before. I have never been able to experience true happiness but you give me exactly that. I realized over these past two weeks that I don't want to lose this happiness. If I could go back in time and fix what happened I would in a heart beat. Sadly, I can't do that but I am willing to do anything, Ciel, anything to win your trust and love back."

I stared blankly at Sebastian trying to soak in everything he just told me.

"Sebastian... I... I just want to apologize. I was so caught up in worrying about all the personal problems I had I never stopped to think you could be dealing with so much." I shook my head. I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"Ciel if I thought this was something you needed to worry about I would have told you sooner. I didn't want my problems to become your problems." Sebastian smiled and put his hand out for me to take. I did so happily.

"You have shown me already that I can trust you more." I said "by opening up to me I already feel closer to you. You're right to say that what we have is special. I can not deny that my heart wants you. It is just fear that is telling me no."

I saw Sebastian cringe at the word no.

"I am not going to let you walk away from me Ciel. You already mean too much to me. I will fight for you." Sebastians eyes begged me to stay, and lucky for him I've always been a sucker for his eyes.

"I don't plan on going any where. I just think maybe we should start over, start fresh, and try this all again."

Sebastians face lit up. "Could we agree to not even worry about the negative that happened this time?"

"I was about to say the same thing myself. So then Sebastian, would you like to be my boyfriend?" I couldn't help but giggle. "Again."

Sebastians whole face softened and I thought I saw his eyes glisten with tears. "Nothing would make me happier Ciel."

So yes, it's been like 500 years since I have added a new chapter and all my old readers have probably given up on this story, but I have not given up! I plan on updating regularly (weekly or biweekly) again like the good old days, which means my other stories will probably be worked on too. I hope you guys leave reviews thank you so much fro reading my story! (SOrry for any bad spelling and that jazz. It's one in the morning and I am delirious)