Chapter 20: Hell
(Warning: This chapter's what you get when you watch too many angst-mongering loquacious animes and melodramatic Sean Penn vehicles.)
Now I can't stay behind
Save me, from wreaking my vengeance
Upon you, to killing more than I can tell
Burning now I bring you Hell*
The entire woods were nothing but an eerie atmosphere fading into darkness, one where Calvin could for some cosmic reason blend right in. His extemporaneous situation made him believe he was as ghostly as Hobbes. He never knew what it was like to be in anyone else's shoes, but his own.
If he did, he'd either be too petrified and confused to remember how to speak without forgetting how to pronounce grim inconvenience between the sharp taste that was lightweight yet catastrophic guilt and the painful threat onto his own existence; or he'd just be a rapt essence of begrudging hate directed at the former.
In other words, he'd either be Eileen or Jason.
"Don't fucking move" repeated Jason, in an almost distant whisper.
Eileen was pretty much living her worst fear at the moment. The member who was thought to be a young Elvish major revealed itself as the last person on the face of the planet to stretch this far and uncover a secret this big.
Not to mention play along as though it were easy sport. Calvin wasn't one to talk himself, nearly enjoying just how much of a sculpture Eileen had been reduced to.
"One revenge at a time, please" he calmly said to himself.
It was the tip of a void, and she hadn't even prepared a speech. Sure she was uncomfortable, but only seeing Jason without his trademark specs was the cherry on the icing of these seven layers of oblivion.
The gun was easier to spot than the anger swelling up in those electric blue eyes. Eyes which if weren't angry would be a marvel to look at for her.
"Is this the gun you used?" asked Jason, breaking the silence. Anything he'd say at that moment was guaranteed to make Eileen's skin gel up more than it already had.
"…Jason" replied Eileen, for the first time in between nervous hyperventilating and stuttering due to the discouragement. He fear made her too distracted to misunderstand the question.
"How did…how did you-?"
The beam of the night revealed how wet his face was, his forehead reflecting the moon, an underline of frustration, and even a smidgen of blood. All this seemed as if he'd emerged from the lake a few minutes ago.
And his wounded up façade like he'd swam all the way there from the other side.
"Is this the gun you used to kill Marcus? No, Marcus killed himself, did you know?" asked Jason, not even paying attention to Eileen's previous statement.
It was true; Marcus couldn't handle hiding this ordeal, so how was Eileen prepared to? Jason had shrunken the scale enough, topping any situation she'd been able to escape from now. The last thing on her mind was to answer Jason's questions, and maybe talk to him like the human he no longer saw her as.
"I…I didn't-" replied Eileen, more word that become another foot below ground she sank deeper into.
"Oh God, why now?"
"Is this the gun that was used on Morton?" asked Jason. By now, Eileen knew it was too painful to feel Jason's sympathy, so she rejected it all the same.
"I never did anything to Morton!" replied Eileen, assertively without losing her fear. Jason's face shifted into a big scowl when he pointed the gun close to Eileen's feet.
BAM!
"WHOA! WAIT! Wait! Wait!" Yelled Eileen, stumbling back a little as the bullet missed her by an inch. Jason threw in one big gasp as he proceeded interrogating her.
"Is this the gun you used on everybody, ON DENISE?!" asked Jason, punctuating the last two words with a wailing tone.
"Is this YOUR Gun?"
Jason finally gave way to the real issue that plagued his ability to reason. He knew everything, from who Eileen really was to what she did, so hiding it was futile.
And averting from it was twice as stupid.
"Jason!" Eileen said, spreading her palms out at him, trying to make an effort in this gruesome conundrum, some of it requiring her to look more at his face if she really wanted the opportunity to speak.
"Now…calm down…let's…"
"You're going to die" said Jason; a smiling presence was sordid amongst those words. It dropped Eileen to the lowest of her unnerving state.
"I don't want to make anything clearer than I ever have in my entire life, except that I loved Denise before you killed her...And that is that you're going to die"
All this could've been the trauma talking, that's what kept Eileen from believing him. She knew it was still Jason behind this rancorous stranger.
"Please! Just…just lower the gun…we can talk it out, okay?" asked Eileen, as if it would've made the slightest difference. Nothing seemed to sway him; he was more frozen than Data from Star Trek without his emotion chip.
"Jason? Please, listen to me! Just do me a solid…as a friend!"
Friend was the first thing that came to Eileen's head. It was also the last that Jason would take a glimpse at.
"You're not MY friend…not ever…"
"I know you don't really thing, I mean think, that way!" wailed Eileen, trying to recollect a reason in getting him to reflect differently.
"Above all we've been through"
The very words made Jason's head rumble. Not only did he fixate his aim better, he also walked closer to her in order to get a better scope.
"You mean all you put me though?" He replied, sounding more menacing than ever. The scowl that made up the wrinkles above his eyebrows almost resembled a vein popping out. Eileen always knew Jason was against her bothersome ploys he'd used on him in the past.
If she only knew he was set to take the scars they left him with to the grave.
"…Huh?"
There was no way Eileen could talk her way out of this. She wanted to please Jason without giving him the upper hand. She was not prepared to let him convince her she deserved this more than ever.
"Math tests…Math camp…POKEMON CARDS!" he replied, yelling when he saw she wasn't paying attention to him. Eileen had to look anywhere but his eyes, they were the real promise he was set to watch her die, not the gun.
"…Need a little more, Sergeant Neelie?"
This was an excuse for Eileen to muster. Jason was holding on to a grudge which she could both use to help Jason calm down by pointing it out. All that took was how disposed she was to face Jason no matter how high the risk was now.
But she was more aware than anyone how weak Jason was deep within. She just couldn't tell if anyone's weakness would work just as well, now that she wasn't hiding behind a middle earth subjugator's mask anymore.
"…You know what? Shoot me if you want, but you are in no position to hold me accountable for any of your misguided feelings!" she replied, somewhat aggressively. It never
made Jason budge, there had to be another way without having to say something truly penitent.
"And I would never hurt you or any of your family!"
"Tell that to my BROTHER whose getting brought to trial as we speak!"
"He is? I thought we had…someone is going to pay for this…"
Jason contained his urge to smile. Not since the first time they met had he seen her this feeble. It was the first time he felt like she was surrendering her guard.
"How about you?" he replied, losing the angry vibe in favor of something more stern.
"Give it up, Eileen; I'm only here because this isn't anyone else' fault"
It was finally obvious. Even though Jason knew nothing about devaluing others both in mind and body, there was no stopping him now.
Killing her was not enough. He wanted to beat Eileen at her own game more than that, embezzle her kingship and violently discard the trophy in her face.
She would rather die than let that happen.
"Do you really want to play the blame game?" she replied, pretending her eye contact would change the rules as it did. She felt her strength growing back, as herself.
And the boss.
"Your entire life you've hated girls for no sound reason. All I did was try to help you see them in a whole new light! To make you like them just as any other guy by putting your girl hater reputation out of its misery! So what do I get in return? NOTHING! The invisibility treatment! WHOSE FAULT DO YOU THINK THAT IS?"
"Let's start with whoever didn't deliver what I ended up paying extra for by sacrificing the only person I'll ever love in this miserable planet!" retaliated Jason, refusing to allow her logic to relate to this in any other way.
Jason, of course, was talking about the day Eileen paid a visit to his room and changed her mind after making the startling discovery. The consequences were almost getting a hold of her.
"You thought you were the only dark horse in this video game you reminded me was life. Everyone competes; most don't even know it, like his brother's ex when he first fancied her!"
But Eileen always had a way with true judgment. It was one of the many aspects that gave her the title of high boss. It was in her nature to use counterarguments disguised as rational compassion.
"I couldn't go with that same plot because it might've taken us down another road! I was walking on cracked ice, but I knew it was safer to let you call the hits, no matter what I was hiding behind my back! What reason did you have to keep your secret? Huh?"
"I DIDN'T WANT TO FUCK UP AGAIN! GOD! DAMMIT!" yelled Jason, almost releasing both his temper and the one event he didn't want Eileen to remember.
Not like this. Eileen could only look at him with cloying confusion.
"…What are you on about?" she asked, no longer pretending she was only teasing Jason.
Jason violently bit his upper lip. He knew she'd forgotten almost every bad event that left him forsaken in unnecessary guilt. It wouldn't be a big deal if he opened up to her this easily.
"It's none of your concern! Denise treated me with a friendlier vibe that changed my perception of her kind. She was someone like me: outgoing, visually impaired, and aware I wasn't playing hard to get! The perfect introduction to what the opposite gender could hold if given the chance. And for the first time in my life, I genuinely wanted to!" said Jason, making it seem as if he didn't need the gun anymore to weaken Eileen's intentions.
Only as she knew that was when it actually worked.
"For what? She was six years older than you! It's not like it would've worked out if you'd told her! You had to wake up one day!" she yelled, stretching her arms up. Then she dropped her surprised act and pointed one hand and him.
"But what do I know? Past that gun, it's obvious to us your vocabulary has done the opposite of save you in the past; that's what made you an easier target than the one I am now"
Jason almost felt offended and breached in from that remark. Maybe she was reading his mind as they spoke. He wouldn't know what to do with that kind of power in his way.
And somehow, he had to find one.
"Oh?" asked Jason, getting closer to her, hoping his gat's proximity would keep her fearing.
"How then…have the tables turned…if all I had to guide me was her memory?"
He knew it never worked. Eileen was never afraid of the gun, rather than of Jason himself, until he gave way to his confusion. This soon became a Mexican standoff now that she had the answers to Jason's enigmas, something twice powerful as a gun.
"Because as smart as you think you are, you're trying to be too much like her" said Eileen, letting her guard down in order to provide real advice.
"What I mean is…love doesn't have to be blind"
Neither of them knew the clouds had surrounded the hemisphere enough to substitute for darkness. Not until little droplets of rain and vague thunder began unfettering.
As Eileen distracted herself in replying something legitimately true, Jason took the chance to let his mind think of a way to surmount her psychic attitude before it returned. Only one idea came into his head before he hid it and went on with his reply.
She reads what I say before speaking it.
He found this idea useful for the time being. But in order for it to work, he had to find out why. This way, it was easier to hide by forgetting it completely.
"Is it any different, no, better, than being you?" he replied, emphasizing his scowl to distract Eileen from as much of his next thought as possible. Not that it meant she still feared him whatsoever.
"You killed Denise"
The droplets soon grew to fully fledged rain, beginning to dampen each others' clothing. It still didn't matter; Jason was stripped of any obstacles that came his way.
"And you still want to avenge her" she replied, now crossing her arms. She expected him to know better and lower the gun, so she couldn't help but find this immature.
"At least I mind my own bullshit" Jason said, making it seem as if she'd object this arrogance and use it against her.
"It beats acting half your age when you can use twice your intellect!" she replied, now agitated.
It was then that Jason knew how to get to her. By comparing her to the one person she hated, it might cause a severe meltdown. But Jason's upper lip twitched in an attempt to smile, so he bit it one more time.
Why compare her myself?
"FINE! BUT AM I THE ONE WHO ABUSED THIS DIVISION THROUGH FEAROCRATIC METHODS THE SAME WAY I PSYCHOLOGICALLY ABUSED ANYBODY WHO ONLY WANTED TO FOLLOW THEIR OWN PACE IN LIFE?!" yelled Jason, sliding the gun out of the way, knowing it would help Eileen instinctively explode as her way of giving an equal response.
And instinctively explode she did.
"I DON'T KNOW! AM I THE ONE WHO SLAUGHTERED HER TIME AND AGE PINING FOR SOMEONE THAT NEVER LOVED ME BACK NO MATTER HOW MUCH I THOUGHT OF THEM WHILST IGNORING ANY RATIONAL WAKEUP CALL THAT CAME MY WAY?!"
Bare silence.
The woods echoed her voice, reminding them of that setting. Those words seemed to stir in Jason, who was now dangling the gun to his side, no longer set to fire it. She couldn't tell if he was about to reply, or if he even wanted to.
She tried opening her mind to see if he thought otherwise.
That's…right…Who's laughing now?…Quote Evil Dead.
Eileen scowled in confusion. That's when Jason gave a light but continuous chuckle, making blithe of a serious threat. The perfect opposite of a reaction she was laughed without making it seem loud. It went on long enough to take Eileen into retracing her words. Almost louder than the crackling rain that drenched them both entirely.
…Quote Evil Dead…
She gasped.
The shock weakened her. Her legs knelt down sideways, touching the moist surface. All this time she thought herself the one reading his mind.
In reality, Jason made her read her own.
" …AM I THE ONE WHO SLAUGHTERED HER TIME AND AGE PINING FOR SOMEONE THAT NEVER LOVED ME BACK NO MATTER HOW MUCH I THOUGHT OF THEM WHILST IGNORING ANY-"
"N…no…I…I…" she stammered as she tried to deny it. It was far too late after the pieces melded together effortlessly.
Quote…Evil…Dead…
Eileen was more speechless than she'd ever been that night, or her entire life. She had just surrendered her own common sense to Jason by acknowledging the very inattentiveness she used to snap back at him.
Jason stopped laughing. He took a step nearer to look at her in the closest view he could get. She never dared spy at the enlightened satisfaction that was pure victory, as if he'd waited long enough for this occasion.
Something else made her look up.
Jason towered over her crippled stature, wearing a weak smile. His visage still outpaced the white highlights given by the rain, mingling with the silhouette on the quarter of his face. The rain revealed some of the moistened gore that now streamed down from his hair, covering the whole middle.
He did it. He made her eat her words instead of wasting a bullet.
"Quite an experience, regret, isn't it?" He asked, not hiding any sympathy in his words. Broken apart, Eileen still detected the scorn ridicule used to power that compassion. For that, Jason continued to remind her who was the one who ought to have been looked down upon.
"That's what it is to stand on a pier and miss the boat"
Eileen sternly frowned as she dropped her head. She knew the rain would do a great job at hiding the punishment she was now enduring.
She understood the metaphor, having once been in Jason's place, with him vice versa. When she did it, she wanted to make sure it started something she never knew how to control. For this reason Jason wanted to finish it.
He wanted to kill what Eileen was too afraid to let go of after so long. Wondering if Jason was set to take this payback beyond the last benchmark was pointless by now.
Jason knelt down to get a better eye level from her. Her eyes met his when he took her hands and wedged the now rusty pistol between her toughened palms. She wondered, now more than before, if this angrily confident and fearsome boy was the same sensitive, girl hating Gollum she used to rib.
"But…why?" she moaned bleakly, clutching the gun.
"After all I DID...not tried…DID…why…why would you do this to me?"
The rain was slowly waning. All Jason wanted from her was to accept her own inanity by steering her clear of the boss' chair. He knew she wasn't any different than him, but she didn't.
Jason gave an exasperated sigh before going on to read what Eileen overlooked between the lines.
"Oh Eileen...I wouldn't have done this to anyone else even if they deserved it more" he began. His words became a flashback for both of them.
"You asked me why I kept my love for her a secret…"
Eileen looked firmly into his eyes. She felt his invisible hand grasp her chin into seeing the unquestionable logic.
Jason always knew she was smarter than him, but even he knew better than to make business a personal matter.
"On the day you made me declare my soft spot for you, I thought I could live a normal life in spite of it. I didn't think for a kid my age, I'd be…compelled to choose between you and my untimely hatred towards females. Obviously you wouldn't let me have both, so you know what it came down to, didn't you?"
The rain stopped. Calvin was picking something out between his teeth once the quarrel between the two started to bore him. He didn't know how this would end but saw everything else coming. He had no say in this; it was all déjà vu for him.
"That's right, neither! Why bring any other girl into this?" Jason continued excitedly, knowing Eileen would never try at a rhetorical question anymore.
"Denise never made me decide! Denise didn't afflict me knowing it was impossible! Denise never forced me into adulthood expecting me to tag along! YOU DID! And after you figured that out, I…I still BESEECHED you to cope, I pleaded my life, I begged for your clemency…but you left me…left me like I was as useless as you saw the apologies or earnest attempts I made to change…That's why!"
Jason didn't want to add anymore. He dropped the load he never knew was carried for quite a while now. It was the perfect moment for him. He was at peace with himself. Now he could stand up and begin walking.
For Eileen, it was too much. This was a reception to the eternal penitence of all her sins.
"But…" she said weakly, four steps within Jason's path.
"I thought we'd moved past that…forgotten…as friends…"
Eileen didn't know if she was finished. She wanted to add more, but couldn't. Jason took it from there as usual.
"Only one of us chose to move on with their lives, Eileen…and right now…"
This was when Calvin woke up. He faced towards Jason's direction awaiting the remaining fragments of his words. Jason could make Eileen swallow her words, but what about his?
Once thing was déjà vu, the other was an honest pickpocket.
"Only one of us chose to move on with their lives, Susie…and right now…"
"It's good to see that was me" said Jason.
With that said, he resumed his slow stride.
In spite of the intriguing history lesson, Calvin assumed he'd detached his arm in vain. He expected more from what he only saw was a chew out against two kids that tried weighing out each others' IQs with disregard of their irrepressible emotions.
Neither of them seemed to care he was still behind the bushes the whole time. He almost forgot to hoist his weapon when he got up. He grabbed hold after finding it.
BAM!
"AAAAH!"
Calvin heard both sounds, neither of which came from him. Luckily, his remaining hand was grasping the Spiffweiser throughout this sudden ignominy. He peeked past the bushes again.
Jason was kneeling in pain, blood dripped from a puncture in his ankle. Eileen was in the same hopeless position since he left her. The shadow of the night covered her face, especially the eyes.
The only part that was in a different position was her hand, wielding the smoldering gun straight at its victim.
"Teachers don't count in this rank of authority we live in" she said, loud enough for only Jason to hear.
"The police and private investigators are barely there. Above them is the CIA, DEA, FBI, whatever! And above them is the one who calls the highest shots, the good lord"
Jason turned to see her stand up. Her face still drooped, concealing the growing hatred in her vision. This wasn't up to him anymore as the bullet might've even pierced his bone this time.
It was hard enough digging out the slug Marcus endowed him.
"In between God and all those secret services lays a "reserved for Jason" sign" she continued, now walking towards Jason's post.
She walked to overrun his personal space. She walked until Jason could spot the face she'd probably never wanted him to.
The same begrudging face he sported before she accidentally surrendered.
"Do you have any fucking idea how hard it was to PUT YOU THERE?!"
The words that came from Eileen had never been yelled this hard in the history between the two. Jason didn't expect the gun to be of any use to either one.
"I raised this division up from the ancient soils for nothing; my high hopes are in the mist of time now, lost with your ability to care even the slightest for me no matter how hard I teach you!"
Calvin grasped the Spiffweiser once more. Should Eileen choose to let Jason go down and keep the crown, the Bilk Division would bring forth a new world war guaranteed to be the last.
There was a fire that radiated in her eyes, in her scowl, that would've turned him to stone if she directed them at him.
"If I were like you Jason, so obsessed with grudges, you'd be exactly the way you are compared to my status! I didn't need The Bilk Division to heal me from your aggressive insults, your careless poems or that unspeakable virus you spread claiming you never loved me! They didn't exist until I saw Denise's face in your room!"
Jason couldn't keep his distance from her. The more he moved, the more his ankle stormed with enough jolts to keep it paralyzed from the waist down.
This allowed her to reach less than a foot away from him.
"You and I could've been so much more than a love/hate relationship that's run its course. Ever since I saw you kissing up to her, I was out of options past denying it, pretending you'd change"
Eileen aimed the gun at Jason's forehead. She could no longer control the urge to follow her instincts the same way she did when Jason fooled her. The Bilk Division taught her something video games could never encourage:
If you wanted something done right, do it the hard way
"All I wanted was your benevolent compassion, not your ability to forgive me…" she said angrily, thinking Jason might take this chance to reply. Once again, her prospects were pointed too far up from their mark.
"…Looks like I never deserved either one"
The gun ultimately touched the surface of his sweaty forehead.
Jason's face was nearly frozen, leaving Eileen with enough confidence to perform the ultimate crime. She knew it was impossible to be the boss without eliminating any expressive luggage in her way, even if she needed it to fuel her desires.
…This can't be the indecision he had to endure.
Eileen hesitated some more, realizing she never could have her cake and eat it too. Either she shot Jason and continued as the boss or she gave up the boss' title and Jason's victory all the same.
Out of nowhere, a ghostly Susie stood next to her.
"...we're all greedy, we all want something more, something no matter how hard we work for, is beyond our reach...So when we're finally given, we're too desperate to see how it was just karma in disguise"
Susie was more right than ever.
Sue was set to kill anyone like she'd done before, that's why Eileen hired her as the key assassin for the Division's name to be worth fearing, and that's why they preferred to call it the sect. Meanwhile, Jason, in the same vein as Calvin, grew tired of waiting.
They both eventually gave in to each others' true longings.
When Eileen looked back at Jason, his eyes were closed. He was also smiling, even if he knew the barrel was still poking at his head. Eileen's own eyes, in comparison, were a bomb that soon exploded after taking its time.
He could not see her, and yet she still had the bullet set to go through.
Eileen's lower jaw dropped when she made it to the final straw. If Jason really wanted to be like her, she'd be dead as well. Instead, he disregarded her for his true desire.
Calvin lowered the Spiffweiser at the sight of Eileen's alternating moves.
The gun that almost poked Jason's forehead trembled as it slowly made its shift. Eileen clenched every part of her face after the barrel rotated to enclose the tip of her chin. Her teeth revealed a greater mixture of all the regret she'd ever feel in her life.
"All thanks to that...blind bitch...it had to go this far!" she uttered, clenching the gun, trying to bury her fingernails into it. Jason once more chuckled mockingly; his unopened eyes still making him think the gun remained directed at him.
She looked down at him one more time before landing her index finger on the small trigger. Deep within her, she knew it would all come down to this. In spite of it, she still found it better in a situation where someone else would take her down instead of herself.
It was too typical.
My tears…have never stopped falling…since that day…
The looseness of the trigger was heavier than it seemed. Eileen was on the edge of a cliff this time. Nothing mattered in this world anymore, and if it did, she surely wouldn't be missed, Jason made that real. Her eyes couldn't clench any tighter and freed one dense tear down her face.
It landed on the barrel.
After hearing her last sentence, the picture came to mind. Calvin reached for his shirt pocket to find any paper thin object he might've hoisted. He found it, the image of a girl that distracted his failure when Susie and he lost their moment.
Eileen was seconds from pushing the trigger all the way down. She was not beyond sure there was such thing as real happiness, nor was there any possible chance of obtaining it for herself or for anyone else.
A whistling sound interrupted all of this.
Eileen opened her eyes and looked forward. She squinted her eyes to spot what she made out was Calvin. He seemed to be holding a small card which she quickly made out.
Her!
That's when she quickly took the gun out of her face and stretched it at him. The trigger lost 99 percent of its weight as she quickly pulled it.
BAM!
The photo flew right out of his hand, leaving her to aim at Calvin alone. Eileen knew this was the last bullet and quickly slipped out another magazine and clicked it into the compartment.
"…Defensively…"
Around the same time, Calvin stood there watching her, as if she hoped to kill him. She aimed back at him and pulled the trigger. One second before, Calvin emerged the Spiffweiser, with half of the barrels missing, from the bushes.
"…it's never pointless to take a life"
The two bullets emerged at the same time Eileen's sole blast was released, creating an explosively unstable sound Jason almost couldn't distinguish. When he opened his eyes, she was a loud splashing sound came.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
*Disturbed, Hell (The Lost Children)
And so, there you have it! The chapter that started the rest of this story. No seriously, this story came from two ideas that made me want to write it in the first place: lingering grudge of having removed Denise from the series 2. The thought that ever since Eileen came into the strip, we started seeing less and less of her (even though she sort of did remove the spotlight after making it in). But hey, if James Cameron came up with The Terminator from just dreaming about a cyborg walking through the flames, why can't I?