Author's note: Hey guys, sorry for the massive delay. Life's crazy and timezone suck. Anyway, you'd best get ready for one hell of a ride. It may have been two weeks but it is so worth it. Go find some Kleenex because you'll need it!

Chapter 21

Rusty spent most of Friday hanging out with Gus, who had a rare day off and wouldn't need to be at work until the evening. They saw a movie, had lunch and Rusty almost told him about what had happened the day before but swallowed the words at the last second; Sharon deserved to know before his boyfriend and as long as Sharon didn't know, he wouldn't tell Gus about Sophie either. It was hard because he felt a sense of excitement and it was only enhanced when his phone vibrated with a text message from Sophie.

Hey, just wanted to say that I had a great time yesterday. I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for and understand you want to tell your mom first so… I'll leave it here and I'll wait to hear from you. Love, Sophie.

Rusty's heart thundered in his chest and the palms of his hands became a little sweaty as he typed a message back when Gus got up to go to the toilet.

I had a great time too. I was going to text you but I didn't really know what to say. He contemplated adding more but left it at that and hit send. He'd just slipped the phone back in his pocket when Gus returned and smiled.

"So, what are you doing tonight?" Gus asked.

"Andy's coming over for dinner," Rusty replied. He tried not to shudder at that thought. The idea of having to sit at a table together with Sharon and Andy whilst knowing what he knew, wasn't something he was looking forward to.

They finished their drinks and headed out of the little café they were sitting in and walked the three blocks to the restaurant where Gus worked where they parted ways after quickly kissing goodbye. Rusty waited till Gus had gone inside before quickly pulling his phone out of his pocket to see if Sophie had replied. He was disappointed to see she hadn't and sighed as he plugged in his headphones, selected his favourite song and headed to the bus stop at the end of the road.

When he got home an hour later he found Sharon in the kitchen. She was wearing jeans, something Rusty still found strange because he was so used to seeing her in skirts and dresses, and a grey t-shirt. She'd bound her hair back in a lose ponytail and looked up when she heard her son come in.

"Hey," Sharon smiled. "Did you have a nice day?"

"Yeah," Rusty answered as he climbed onto one of the stools, snuck a slice of cucumber from the chopping board and shoved it into his mouth. "What's for dinner? Other than salad, I mean?"

"Roast beef," Sharon answered. She wiped her hands on a tea towel. "It's in the oven."

Rusty watched as his mother moved around the kitchen. "What time does Andy get here?"

Sharon glanced at her watch. "Around six," she answered. "I'm going to go take a shower and get changed." She shot her son a glance. "Are you getting changed?"

"Do I need to?" Rusty arched an eyebrow.

"Only if you want to," Sharon said and put a hand on his shoulder as she walked past him.

Rusty contemplated staying in the clothes he was in, and he knew Sharon wouldn't say anything if he did, but he made his way to his bedroom anyway and took a clean pair of jeans and a new t-shirt from his closet. He got changed, dropped the dirty clothes in the hamper, and then switched on his computer.

It was almost six o'clock when he heard Sharon call for him and as Rusty made his way down the hall, he heard the knock on the door. Realising that Sharon wanted him to answer and that this was why she had called him out of his room, Rusty headed for the door and after taking a deep breath, he opened it.

He held the door open as Andy entered. He straightened up and then crossed his arms in front of his chest when he closed the door behind his mother's boyfriend. Andy turned to greet him but instinctively sensed that tonight was not the moment for hugs or even friendly conversation. The hand he'd reached hung forlorn in mid-air for a moment before falling down by his side.

"Hey, kid."

"Hey."

Rusty followed Andy into the living room. Sharon came out of the kitchen and rose to the tip of her toes to kiss Andy on his cheek. Her hand rested on his arm and Rusty averted his eyes. He felt the urge to just tell her there and then what he knew but he couldn't. He had to trust that Provenza would deal with this and until such time, all Rusty could do was stay quiet.

"Dinner's going to be another twenty minutes or so," Sharon said as she turned around to go back to the kitchen. "Just make yourself at home," she threw over her shoulder.

"Anything I can do to help?" Andy offered and went to follow Sharon but Rusty stepped in front of him.

"It's all under control," Sharon called from the kitchen.

"We should probably just wait here," Rusty said. He exhaled in an attempt to control the raging anger he felt inside. When he sensed Andy was scrutinising him, he added in a more neutral tone, "You know what she's like. She doesn't like anyone else in the kitchen when she's cooking."

Andy gave a quick nod. "You're right."

The TV was on and Rusty begrudgingly watched as Andy picked up the remote and changed to one of the sports channels to see the latest scores. He'd sat down on the couch and Rusty had taken the arm chair; he strained his hearing to make sure Sharon was alright but at the same time he didn't take his eyes off Andy. He couldn't help but see him in a completely different light and he wasn't sure he still knew the man he saw.

Minutes ticked by slowly and Rusty listened to Sharon moving around the kitchen; the sound of a fork against a plate, the fridge being opened, and the oven switched off. Little sounds that told him dinner was nearly ready and soon he would have to sit at the table with Sharon and Andy and look both of them in the eye and pretend that nothing was wrong.

Rusty's phone vibrated at exactly the moment Sharon told them dinner was ready. He checked the screen to see who texted – Brenda - but he didn't open the message. Instead he followed Andy to the table and slipped into his seat. Sharon was at the head of the table to his right. Andy was sitting across from him and Rusty couldn't bring himself to make eye contact with either of them.

Sharon looked at Andy. They had barely seen or spoken to each other since Monday night when he had left the condo. Things had been left unsaid and they'd carried on working in a way that made it look like nothing had happened but she'd felt it simmer underneath. Asking Andy to come over for dinner, to make some time for them to be together, was Sharon's attempt at trying to fix what Monday had broken.

"Did Nicole have a good trip home?" Sharon attempted to get the conversation started. "It's a shame we didn't get to spend more time with her."

Andy nodded. "She'll be back next month. Maybe we can all go out to dinner then."

Across the table, Rusty shifted in his seat before looking at Sharon. The idea of his mother still dating Andy a month from now, knowing what he knew, made Rusty uncomfortable. There was only one way he knew to change the conversation. "My birthday is next month, right? Have you thought anymore about this trip to DC with Brenda?"

"Oh Brenda and I haven't really talked about this yet, honey," Sharon answered. "I'm sure it's something we can think about."

"She said she might be coming over this weekend," Rusty casually added. He glanced at Andy. Brenda had been more a consistent factor in Sharon's life recently than he had and Rusty wasn't blind to the way Brenda's presence seemed to make Sharon happy. "She said it's been a while since we last saw each other."

"I'll call her tonight," Sharon replied and looked back at Andy. "So when did you say Nicole's coming?"

"The end of next month." Andy glanced at Rusty. "I know it's the kid's birthday…"

"And I'll be going to DC," Rusty interjected. Sharon shot him a glare.

"…So I was thinking maybe do it the weekend before?" Andy finished.

"That sounds like something we can do, don't you think?" Sharon turned to look at Rusty and noticed he was looking at his phone. "Rusty! No phones at the dinner table!"

He put it down, face up. "Sorry, I was just texting Brenda."

Dinner was over quicker than Sharon anticipated. Rusty announced after just five or six mouthfuls that he'd had enough and asked to be excused from the table. She'd expected him to go to his bedroom but he sat down in the living room instead. She shared a look with Andy and he shrugged before getting up to help Sharon clear the dishes.

Away from Rusty and their voices muffled by the sound of plates and glasses being put in the dishwasher, Sharon leaned in to Andy. "Can we talk?" Green eyes met his brown. He looked different somehow, she thought. "About Monday?"

"Sharon," Andy began, "I really don't know what else there is to be said. You're not ready. I respect that." He handed her another glass and Sharon placed it in the dishwasher. "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable so maybe it's best if we don't talk about it."

Sharon's face fell. It wasn't what she had hoped he would say. She closed the dishwasher and switched it on and when she turned around to look back at Andy she noticed Rusty had appeared in the kitchen again and was leaning against the wall. Sharon's eyes narrowed slightly. He'd been acting strange all evening. It certainly wasn't like Rusty to hover around when Andy was over.

"I probably should get going," Andy suggested. He leaned in and kissed Sharon on her cheek, lingering maybe a moment longer than he would have done at any other time.

"Ok," Sharon quietly answered and followed Andy to the door. The flashback to Monday was almost inevitable and when she saw him turn around in the doorway, it hit her. Something had changed and even if they didn't talk about it, she could still feel it.

"Goodnight." It sounded a little forlorn.

"Goodnight, Sharon."

She closed the door, turned the lock – old police officer's habit- and returned to the living room to find Rusty on the couch watching TV. Sharon studied him for a moment, observing the tension in his shoulders, the way his fingers drummed against the back of the TV remote… She'd felt something had been off all night. Rusty had refused to make eye-contact.

"Ok. What's going on?" There was a directness to her tone she would usually reserve for an interview room but right now, it was aimed at Rusty.

He moved a little too quickly. Another tell. The signs were all starting to add up. The way he spun around and looked at her, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar, was the final straw.

"What? Why would there be anything going on?"

Sharon crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You're jumpy. You gave Andy the cold shoulder tonight." Green eyes darkened as she studied her son's face. She was so used to him, she effortlessly broke through whatever defences he'd tried to build.

"I gave Andy the cold shoulder? Did you see his face when I said I want to go to DC with you and Brenda?" Rusty countered.

"Andy is just trying to get Nicole to spend time with him. You know he is still trying to mend things with his family," Sharon interjected. "It means a lot to him."

"He wouldn't have to mend anything if he hadn't been such a…." Rusty didn't finish that sentence, realising just in time that it would cross a line. But it also struck him because he had witnessed Andy trying to mend things with Sharon tonight, even if Sharon didn't know it.

"This isn't about Andy, is it?" Sharon pressed. "Rusty…."

He wanted to tell her. She knew there was something and she had the right to know. He wanted her to know but instead of telling her, he just pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and stared down at the floor.

"No."

"Then what is it?"

"There is something…." Rusty shuffled his feet and picked at his shirt. He felt sick and the nerves almost robbed him off his voice. It was like the feeling he had when he'd been hiding the Stroh letters from her. "I…."

Sharon's stomach was in knots and for just a moment she wondered not only what he had been hiding from her but why. Had they not gotten past this? Had they not promised to always tell the truth? She just wanted him to trust her, to know that he would always be safe with her, and yet here he stood, clearly about to tell her that he had been keeping something from her. That realisation alone made her ache inside.

"Rusty…."

"I have a sister."

Sharon blinked. She couldn't breathe. "What?"

"I have a sister," Rusty repeated. He couldn't bring himself to look at Sharon for fear of what he would see. He couldn't face the pain. "Her name is Sophie."

Sharon's mind was spinning. It was as if someone had punched her in the stomach. She felt. Confused. Betrayed. Lied to. Rusty had withheld this from her. Something so important…. The tears stung behind her eyes and she blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. Without thinking she turned on her heel and quickly walked out of the living room. The sound of the bathroom door closing behind her echoed through the condo.

Her hands grabbed firm hold of the cool porcelain wash basin and her heart pounded in her chest. She felt sick, could almost taste it. Sharon opened the cold tap and let the water run for a few seconds before splashing some on her face. She couldn't think. The cool water only helped to ease off the flushed, burning feeling in her cheeks. It didn't do anything else. When she looked back up and saw her own reflection, droplets of water still lingering on her cheeks like tears as she stared at herself in disbelief.

She startled when she heard a soft knock on the door and turned around. Rusty had opened the door and nervously peered inside. When he looked at her, she saw the hurt flash across his face. For a moment he reminded her again of the scared teenage boy in the Murder Room, terrified Sharon was going to send him to live with his biological father. He'd shouted at her back then but this time… this time he had been silent and maybe that's why this hurt even more.

Sharon swallowed. Rusty just looked at her but didn't speak.

"How?" she wondered, running her hands through her hair. Her brain started trying to fit the pieces together but all the images just blurred into one. Names, faces, dates. She couldn't work any of it out.

"Did Daniel…."

Rusty slowly shook his head and rested against the doorframe. "Not through Daniel. My other mom."

"Who told you this? Sharon? Because you know that your mother has a habit of saying this when she needs something from you," Sharon reminded him. She instantly felt awful for saying it. She had always tried to give Sharon Beck the benefit of the doubt but now she let her emotions control her and she spoke aloud the things she felt in this very moment.

"Sophie found me," Rusty answered. There was a hint of hurt in his voice. "I didn't go looking for her and my mother didn't tell me anything." The hurt was replaced by a defensiveness he couldn't quite explain. It was instinct.

Sharon looked at him. It was like she saw him in a different light, saw a side to him she had never seen before. To know he had withheld this from her made her feel rejected. The one thing she valued so much between them was the trust they shared.

Rusty knew that what he had done had hurt Sharon. He knew he should have been honest, should have told her from the start, and although there was nothing he could do about that now, there was still the hurt and pain left to deal with. He could see the hurt etched across his mother's face, saw the way she tried to hide it but failed.

He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out the envelope. He hesitantly took a step towards Sharon and gave it to her. He was a little surprised when she accepted it. When her eyes didn't meet his, he felt the sharp sting of guilt.

"Maybe I should go to bed," Rusty muttered softly.

Sharon, still staring down at the envelope in her hand, just nodded. Her voice was flat. Her body didn't have any strength left. She couldn't do this right now. "Maybe you should."

Rusty stepped out of the bathroom and closed the door behind him, rested against it with his back for a few moments and fought back a sob before walking down the hall to his bedroom. He didn't bother switching on the light but curled up on top of the comforter still fully dressed.

Sharon turned back to the mirror and stared at herself, not sure of who it was she saw. The lines and circles around her eyes didn't just show her age but they also showed she was tired. She bore the marks of someone who had been through hell in recent weeks and the longer she looked at herself, the older she felt. Her bones were tired. Her body felt beaten. With a sigh she turned away from her reflection, the ache in her chest almost too much to bare, and looked down at the envelope she still clutched between her fingers.

She wanted to read it. She wanted to know what it said, how these words had affected Rusty and had brought them to this very moment, but she couldn't.

Holding the letter in trembling hands, Sharon switched off the bathroom light and walked through the hall back to the living room. It was how she had left it moments earlier, with Rusty's empty glass still on the coffee table and the TV still on but the sound turned off. She picked up the remote, switched it off, and took the glass and brought it to the kitchen. The dishwasher was still running so she left it in the sink.

She went back to the living room to close the blinds and switch off the lights and when she reached the sideboard she noticed the few items of mail Rusty had left the day before propped up against the lamp. The handwriting on the envelope at the front struck her and Sharon reached for it. The writing was neat and delicate and when she turned the letter over and saw the postmark, it confirmed her suspicions before she had even opened it.

She carefully tore open the envelope and pulled out the card that was inside. It was white with a picture of purple flowers in a silver vase. It looked like it had been done in watercolours. The writing next to the image was cursive and the message slowly registered as Sharon read every word.

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

She opened the card and at the sight of the handwritten message inside, tears stung behind her eyes. Her gaze dropped to the name signed at the bottom, the way the large cursive L marked her sister's name. Two little x's and a small heart had been drawn behind the name Louise and Sharon bit back a sob when she began reading the message.

Sharon,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much Anne meant to you and I know that her death will leave a big hole in your life. I wish there was something I could do to make this easier, to be there with you, but trust that I am thinking of you every day. She would be so proud of you, Sharon. Nothing is ever going to change that.

All my love,
Louise. xx

Sharon sighed as she put down the card. She hadn't expected to hear from Louise. Her younger sister by two years lived in Chicago and worked for a large pharmaceutical company. They were polar opposites and it had been months since Sharon had heard her sister's voice. The last time she saw her had been two years ago at Christmas when she had come to Park City to introduce the man who would soon become her husband. Her second one, after a tumultuous divorce that had left their parents reeling in her early twenties.

They were close growing up and then suddenly one morning, when Sharon was sixteen, Louise had decided that her sister wasn't cool enough anymore. She made new friends, started hanging out with a different kind of crowd and after a while, Sharon hadn't been able to recognise the girl who still kept her Barbie dolls in a pink box under her bed. Louise had moved out the day she turned eighteen and for a couple of years Sharon barely heard from her until the divorce became final and things changed. It was like a wake-up call and Louise had started calling from time to time and actually made an effort to be in Ricky and Emily's life.

Sharon thought about Rusty and him not knowing about his own sister's existence until now. He'd never had the experience Sharon herself had; the feeling of both loathing and loving a sibling so intensely. He'd always believed that he was an only child only to discover he had an older sister who had also been abandoned by their mother albeit at a different stage in her life. Rusty hadn't known Christmas mornings in a living room full of children's laughter. In fact he'd barely known Christmas at all. He'd also never experienced the fights, the midnight ghost stories and the "have you kissed anyone yet" conversations by the age of fourteen. Was it so hard to imagine or believe that maybe Rusty just wanted what Sharon had always taken for granted?

With a sigh Sharon walked down the hall to Rusty's bedroom and lingered outside his door. With a heavy feeling still inside her, she knocked. She was half expecting Rusty not to call for her to come in but when she heard his voice, Sharon opened the door and stepped into her son's bedroom.

It was dark, the only light coming from the small lamp on Rusty's desk. He was still fully dressed and sat cross legged on his bed. He looked up at her with an almost weary expression and Sharon, for just a moment, almost forgot about her own pain and wanted to go and hug him. But then she remembered why she was here.

"Hey," she said softly.

He watched her a little apprehensively. "Hi."

"Can I come in?" She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You're already in."

Sharon ignored the smartass comment and walked further into the room. She reached the end of the bed and contemplated sitting down but changed her mind. Despite all this, she was aware Rusty needed his personal space, especially in emotional situations, so she chose to slowly sink down to the floor. She sat with her back against the side of the bed and her knees pulled up, her back turned towards Rusty. Sophie's letter lay in her lap.

Rusty swallowed hard. He felt nauseous and he knew that he had to speak now, in this very moment, if he wanted any chance of making this right. Sharon deserved to know the whole truth. He willed for his mother to look at him. "I've met her."

Sharon's head snapped up and she turned around to look at him, green eyes wide. Rusty was startled by the pain he saw in them. She was hurt, more hurt than he had imagined she would be.

"What? When?"

"Yesterday," Rusty confessed. His heart sank when he saw the way Sharon's eyes closed.

Sharon covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath. She had expected Rusty to tell her that he and Gus had broken up or that he'd found something whilst recording Identity that could get him into difficulty when she asked him what had caused him to act the way he did but this… This she hadn't seen coming.

"You went to meet her. Yesterday," Sharon slowly repeated. The bitter sting of hurt settled itself deeper into her chest. The tears laced her voice and she fought but failed to keep the tremor under control. She couldn't bring herself to keep looking at Rusty and focused instead on the chess poster on the wall. She only realised she was clenching her fists when she became aware of the pain caused by her nails digging into the palms of her hands. "How did this happen?"

"We arranged a meeting," Rusty admitted. "And Brenda…"

"Brenda knows about this?" Sharon interrupted him. It was a slap to the face to hear the former Chief was involved in this. Rusty had told Brenda about this but not her? Had Brenda gone with him? Why had Brenda allowed Rusty to keep this a secret from her? Surely Brenda would have known better?

Sharon felt the adrenaline course through her veins. She felt sick and light headed, like she was slowly losing touch with her surroundings. Something inside her willed her to get up, to just walk away and not look back, but she stayed where she was, hands in her lap. She took a deep breath in an attempt to ease off the waves of nausea. It didn't work.

Rusty's shoulders slumped as the realisation of what keeping his secret had done to Sharon. "I…. I had to tell someone and I didn't want to stress you out any further. Anne had just died and…" Saying those words was like twisting the knife even further, he realised when he saw the way Sharon flinched slightly and he instantly regretted them. "I needed someone to…"

"To what?" Sharon sounded tired.

"I don't know," Rusty sighed. For he'd had all the right intentions by not telling Sharon about Sophie, now that she knew, he realised it was too late. He should have told her sooner. "Sharon, I just didn't know where to start. You were so hurt and I didn't want to..."

Sharon shook her head. "You should've told me, Rusty."

Rusty scooted across the bed and then let himself sink down to the floor next to his mother. He reached out to touch her but his hand hovered just above her arm, uncertain. His voice broke. "Sharon, I'm sorry…"

His words were followed by a few moments of silence but then something broke inside him and the words he had been playing over and over in his mind came pouring out. He didn't mean to almost yell at her but he couldn't help himself. Rusty got up on his knees, creating distance between him and Sharon. The tone of his voice changed completely when he spoke.

"Do you know what it's like to finally feel like you're not alone? That there is someone else out there who shares your blood..." Rusty stared at Sharon, acutely aware of what he had just said to her. He was trying to explain something, say something that weighed on his mind and his heart, even though he knew the words would sting. "I looked at her and I felt like I belonged."

"Rusty..." Sharon barely breathed his name, turned her head to look at him and found herself confronted with her son's big wide eyes.

"I know you're going to say that I belong here and I do. I really, really do. But... You have siblings, right? Doesn't that make you feel part of something?" He asked, voice full of emotion. "It feels like there's someone who is just like me. Someone who is a part of me."

Sharon wanted to tell him that he was already part of something; he was part of her. They had become a family through fate and love instead of blood but she couldn't say it. The words just wouldn't come out.

He had lied to her. He had deliberately withheld this from her and now he wanted her to be... What? Happy for him? Because she knew that was what he wanted her to say, to feel. But she didn't feel it. She felt hurt and betrayed and lied to. The constricting feeling in her chest didn't ease. It reminded her of how she had felt when she first met Daniel Dunn and had invited him into Rusty's life. Even then, after having had Rusty in her life for only such a short while, the thought of losing him had hurt her. Now, almost five years and a legal adoption later that fear hadn't changed. She was still scared to lose him.

"She's nice," Rusty said, ending the heavy silence that had filled the space between them. His hand searched for and found Sharon's and he felt relief settle in his chest when she didn't pull away from him. He didn't know if telling Sharon about Sophie was the right thing to do or not but right now, it was what his feelings told him to do.

He moved towards Sharon, closing some of the distance he'd created between them. He wanted to be closer to Sharon, to somehow fix the damage that had been done. He reached to take her hand. The touch was reassuring. The fact that Sharon didn't reject him felt comforting.

"She goes to law school and she's the double of my… our… mom. She looks just like her, especially when she smiles. It's a little strange. And she was raised by her grandparents…"

Sharon turned her head a little so she could look at Rusty.

"Her father's parents?" Sharon asked.

"Our grandparents. My grandparents."

"Your…." The word died on the tip of Sharon's tongue. She couldn't believe this was really happening. "You didn't just find your sister. You found your grandparents too?"

"I didn't find Sophie. She found me," Rusty reminded her.

He knew it didn't make any difference to the fact he hadn't told Sharon the truth but it did make a difference to him to remind her that he had not been the one to go looking for his sister. This was something that had happened to him too, something outside of his own control, and although he hadn't handled it well, it wasn't his fault. As much as seeing Sharon hurt caused Rusty pain, he still felt the need to defend himself there.

Sharon said nothing. She didn't know what to say. Words failed her. She looked up at Rusty and tried to imagine a young woman standing at his side, grandparents standing behind him with their hands on his shoulder. She wondered if he looked like them, what kind of people they were.

Rusty softly squeezed Sharon's hand. "Did you read her letter?"

Sharon shook her head but used her free hand to pick up the envelope and opened it. It was clear the letter had been folded and unfolded many times. She smoothed out the creases with her hand before taking a ragged breath. Her heart thundered in her chest as she looked down at the writing of someone else who was trying to enter Rusty's life.

She hesitated for just a moment longer before focusing on the first line. The same handwriting as on the front of the envelope.

"Dear Rusty,
I know you don't know me. I don't know you either. I only found out today that you exist. I don't really know where to start or what to say so I am just going to say it; I'm your sister."

By the time she reached that final word, tears were quietly sliding down Sharon's cheek. The words she held in her hand had been written by a young woman looking for another piece of herself, looking for the pieces she had missed out on as she grew up.

She finished reading the letter and then dropped the paper back in her lap. Tears glistened in her eyes when she turned to look at Rusty. They didn't speak. She had no words and she knew he had none either. Slowly she leaned in to him and lay her head down on his shoulder, still felt his hand covering hers. In the dark shadows of her son's bedroom they sat side by side in silence, knowing that perhaps without words they understood each other a little better.

"Promise me something?" Sharon whispered after a little while.

Rusty just nodded. "Anything."

"No more secrets, ok?" Sharon breathed.

Thinking of Andy and what he knew, Rusty ached inside as he slowly nodded, making yet another promise he wouldn't be able to keep.

After leaving Rusty's room, Sharon went back into the living room. She didn't fully understand why but her feet brought her back to the spot where she had left Louise's card and she picked it up and carried it back to her bedroom, clutching it like it was a precious treasure and propped it up against the lamp on her nightstand before laying down on the bed.

It was as if something inside of her snapped; something she had been trying to cling to so desperately until this moment and she could feel the burning sting behind her eyes. In that instant she became aware of her exhaustion, her whole body ached from it. with nothing left to hold on to, and in the darkness and safety of her own room, Sharon's last bit of strength slipped away. The tears came without warning and she curled up on her side, facing the card, and cried herself to sleep

.

~()~

Sharon's cell phone rang early the next morning. She glanced at the screen as she was sorting through the dirty laundry and flinched when she saw Brenda's face, a picture courtesy of Rusty, flash across her screen. She let the phone ring once, then twice and even a third time and only as the fourth ring rang out did she slide her finger across the 'answer' button.

"Hey." Brenda sounded upbeat on the other side of the line. "It's not like you to answer at the last second."

"I didn't feel like answering," Sharon deadpanned. She looked back at the dirty laundry. Most of it was Rusty's, which seemed even more ironic now. They hadn't seen each other since the previous night. Sharon had listened out for any noises coming from Rusty's room but so far, nothing.

Brenda sensed something was wrong immediately. Sharon's voice was cold and distant. "Sharon, what's going on?"

Sharon heaved a sigh and pushed the basket of dirty laundry away. She left it on the dining table and with the phone pressed to her ear walked into the kitchen and switched on the kettle. She took a tea cup from the cupboard, well aware of the fact that her silence was making Brenda uncomfortable. She could hear the shift in the blonde's breathing.

"Rusty told me about Sophie," she eventually said. "And he told me you knew."

Sharon registered the heavy pause before hearing Brenda suck in a breath. "He finally told you?"

"Last night." Sharon put the tea cup down a little too hard. "You had no business getting involved in this, Brenda. And when you did, you should have told me." The anger that simmered underneath slowly reached the surface. "He is my son. Things like that are not something that should be hidden."

"Sharon, I'm sorry." Brenda apologised. There was hesitation in her voice. "I thought that he should tell you himself, that's why I didn't say anything. It wasn't my place." She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry but I was trying to do the right thing for you and for Rusty."

Sharon chewed her lip. The hurt of Rusty's lie was still fresh and she ached inside. She'd been angry at first but now the anger had subsided and had been replaced with disappointment. Not just towards Rusty but towards Brenda as well. And as much as she wanted to appreciate why the blonde hadn't said anything, Sharon struggled to accept it.

Even if she was worried and concerned about Rusty meeting his sister, there was a part of her that resented both Rusty and Brenda for having taken the opportunity to be the first one to meet her alongside Rusty away from her. It was the kind of thing a child shared with their parent where possible and Rusty had chosen to share it with someone else and Brenda had failed to understand the importance of that first meeting,

"I thought that he deserved the chance to find out for himself so I helped him," Brenda clarified when Sharon didn't speak. "I wanted an outsider to be the one to make contact so as to protect everyone involved." There was another pause and Brenda's voice dropped down to a whisper. The realisation of the hurt she had caused Sharon was starting to sink in. "I guess I underestimated it."

Sharon wanted to say that it was ok but she knew it wasn't and she couldn't say it just to make Brenda feel better. "This is something I should have shared with Rusty. Something he should have shared with me. And whatever reasons he had, I'd have expected you to understand that he should have told me from the start."

"If it makes any difference, he really struggled with not telling you," Brenda explained. "Even when we were at the mall, even after we left, he was so upset about withholding this from you. Sharon, he was trying to protect you and instead he hurt you."

We hurt you, she thought, but didn't say it out loud.

Sharon didn't know what else to say. She was too hurt, too angry. Brenda had become her closet friend, rather unexpectedly, in recent weeks, and suddenly it felt like she had been betrayed. The bitterness that that realisation left behind wasn't something Sharon could just overlook.

"I've got to go," she said quickly. She didn't want to talk to Brenda anymore, didn't want to hear another apology or excuse. Before the blonde even had a chance to answer, Sharon just said "Bye" and hung up. Ending the call, cutting Brenda off before she could even speak, felt a little empowering and Sharon dropped her phone on the kitchen counter before letting out a sigh.

Across the condo, Rusty's phone vibrated on his desk. He picked it up and saw the message was from Brenda. He opened it, surprised she would text him this early on a Saturday.

You told Sharon but didn't tell me? You probably should have, kiddo. We just spoke on the phone and she's angry.

Rusty's heart skipped a beat and he strained his hearing to listen for Sharon. He could hear noises in the kitchen. She was definitely awake. Realising he would have to face his mother sooner or later, he typed back a reply. I'm sorry. I didn't think she'd hold it against you the way she did with me. You didn't do anything wrong.

The little grey speech bubble that suggested Brenda was typing a reply appeared almost immediately.

I did, the message said and Rusty could almost hear Brenda's voice in his head as he read it. I withheld the truth from her as much as you did. She has every right to be angry at me. Maybe we should just cancel tomorrow. I don't think Sharon will be in the mood for it.

No, Rusty typed back, panicking. He didn't want to cancel. He wanted to have that special moment for Sharon one way or another. And he needed Brenda to make it happen. Don't cancel. I'll think of something.

Brenda didn't send a message back.

Sharon walked past Rusty's bedroom door when she headed to her own room and listened for a moment but heard nothing. She then carried on and left the tea cup on her bedside table before walking to the wardrobe and selecting her clothes for the day. She would be meeting Louie Provenza, Patrice and Andy for lunch in a couple of hours. She showered but avoided getting her hair wet, brushed her teeth and applied a minimal amount of make-up before getting dressed. She pinned her hair up and stared at her own reflection for a little while.

The last of the bruises had near enough disappeared and nothing remained of the injuries she had sustained. Nothing that could be seen on the outside anyway. She readjusted her hair until it was completely to her satisfaction and left the en-suite.

Sharon made the bed, opened the curtains and let in the morning sunlight. She then took the now half empty tea cup back to the kitchen to finish sorting the laundry and then carried the basket under her arm to the washing machine and put the first load in. She switched on the machine and when she turned around she found Rusty standing right behind her and she jumped.

"Rusty!"

"Sorry," he said sheepishly and almost appeared to be blushing. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just heard you down the hall so..."

Sharon watched him. He was already dressed, which was unusual this early on a Saturday morning. His hair was still wet, so he had clearly showered. She searched his face. He was pale and looked tired,

"About last night…," Rusty began. He fumbled clumsily with his sleeve. Sharon could see the unease on his face and she wondered if, like her, he hadn't slept much last night. "I felt I was doing the right thing and now I know that I didn't and I just want to say I'm so sorry, Sharon."

"I know," Sharon answered. "But there is a lot that needs to be put into perspective here and I can't do that in just one night." She took a step towards him and put a hand on his arm. Despite her hurt she wanted him to feel reassured. "I talked to Brenda."

"You did?" Rusty asked, not immediately letting on that he already knew.

"Yes." Sharon answered. "I told her that you told me about Sophie and that that I wished she had been honest with me from the start."

"But you two are ok, though, right?" Rusty queried nervously. "I mean, you're still friends?"

Sharon narrowed her eyes a little as she studied her son's face. For a moment she was catapulted back to the night she first learned Rusty knew Brenda was back in Los Angeles. That was another thing the pair of them had withheld from her. The memory only fuelled the anger towards the blonde Sharon already felt.

"I think Brenda should just focus on herself for a little while."

Rusty's face fell. "Oh."

Sharon knew that reaction and alarm bells went off in the back of her mind.

"Why?" she wanted to know.

"It's just… Well, it's nothing really.. But…" Rusty struggled to form a coherent sentence. The fear of Sharon rejecting his plans for the next day was real. "I kind of asked Brenda to come over tomorrow and… well, we were going to go to the park and…"

"What, you and Brenda?" Sharon arched an eyebrow.

"No," Rusty answered. "Well, yes. But not just me and Brenda. We were going to take you too."

Sharon slowly began to understand that Rusty and Brenda had made plans for the three of them the next day. She wasn't sure she wanted to be part of it, not after everything that had happened over the last twenty-four hours. But when she saw the despair in Rusty's eyes, Sharon nodded.

"Ok," she reluctantly agreed. "But we're going to talk about this." Her green eyes met Rusty's. "Understood?"

He nodded. "Understood."

Sharon managed to keep thoughts of Rusty and Sophie out of her head until she got in her car and started driving. When she hit the first red light, however her mind started to wander again and when the car behind her beeped its horn because the light had turned green and she hadn't moved, she realised that she really did need to talk to Rusty. She probably should have done it that morning, for both their sakes.

When Sharon walked into the little bistro where she was meeting the others, she quickly realised Andy was not there yet., Patrice stood up and kissed Sharon lightly on her cheek whilst hugging her and Sharon shook Provenza's hand and put her other hand on his arm, squeezing it a little. She draped her jacket over the back of her chair followed by her purse and then sat down.

"Andy should be here any minute," Provenza said. "Something about traffic."

He wasn't looking forward to this lunch at all and Patrice had sensed his reluctance earlier that morning and asked him about it. He'd said he wanted to spend the day relaxing around the house, which wasn't something they got to do often, but Patrice had reminded him that Sharon and Andy were their friends and friends met up with each other from time to time.

He couldn't really tell her he didn't want to have to do today because Sharon didn't know what Andy had done and Provenza was now part of that lie and everything about lying to the Captain felt wrong.

When Andy walked into the bistro and sat down next to Sharon, Provenza looked down at the menu next to his plate. Like Rusty the day before, seeing him kiss Sharon on the cheek made him uncomfortable. When he looked up he found Andy looking at him. He couldn't read the expression in his eyes, couldn't figure out what was going on in his mind, so instead Provenza just turned to the waitress when she appeared by their table and ordered drinks.

"I really like this place, Sharon!" Patrice exclaimed before nudging Provenza in his ribs. "You'll have to take me here one of these nights for dinner."

"Of course dear," Provenza answered. "Anything you ask."

The waitress returned with their drinks and handed them out. She asked if they were ready to order but Sharon politely informed her they hadn't' made a choice yet and the young woman told her she'd be back in a little while or to just walk over to the bar once they had decided.

It took them maybe another ten minutes to decide and then Provenza stood up. "Andy, gimme a hand here, will you?" he firmly suggested, fixing his stare on the other Lieutenant.

"What? You're just going up to order!" Andy protested but Sharon put a hand on his arm.

"Just go."

Andy reluctantly stood up and followed Provenza to the bar. The girl who had served them earlier was nowhere to be seen and they found themselves alone and out of earshot from the table. Provenza looked at Andy. "I take it you haven't told her yet then?"

"No. And I don't know if I will," Andy countered. "I don't see what good it's going to do if Sharon knows…"

"You don't see what good it's going to do?" Provenza repeated. "Do you actually hear yourself? You cheated on her. You slept with someone else. An escort, for crying out loud. And you think Sharon doesn't have the right to know that?" He shook his head. "You know, this is the first time I ever truly wished she would dump your ass, Flynn. Because you don't deserve that woman."

"How am I going to tell her?!" Andy hissed, a little startled by Provenza's defensive behaviour towards Sharon. It wasn't like the two of them had always been the best of friends. In fact, he could still remember the time where Provenza could easily have shot Sharon on sight and now he was on her side?.

"It's not exactly something you say in the middle of dinner."

"Well, you'd better figure it out fast!" Provenza bit back. "Because I swear, if you don't tell her, I will."

The young waitress appeared and Provenza plastered a smile on his face as he placed their order. Andy looked over his shoulder in the direction of their table. Sharon was talking to Patrice and she didn't see him watching her. He tore his eyes away from the brunette Captain and waited for Provenza to finish talking to the waitress.

"How do you suggest I do this?" he whispered impatiently.

"Oh, I don't know. Have you tried just telling her the truth?" Provenza offered dryly. "I find that usually helps."

He turned around then and walked back to the table with Andy on his heels. Sharon extended her hand when Andy went to sit down and touched his forearm. Andy let her touch him for just a moment before reaching for his drink and Sharon's hand slipped away. He took a large gulp from the cold water in an attempt to rinse away the horrible taste in his mouth.

Moments later Andy found himself lured into a conversation about a vacation Provenza and Patrice were planning in Martha's Vineyard and Sharon commenting that she had always wanted to go there. They were interrupted when the waitress arrived with their food and carefully put the plates down in front of them. The conversation slowed as they ate but Sharon and Patrice were sharing stories about various vacations they had been on and the places that were still on their list to see. Sharon mentioned the upcoming trip to Washington with Rusty and Brenda and at the mention of Rusty she put down her fork and looked at Provenza.

"Speaking of Rusty, Lieutenant, I was wondering if I could speak to you about something?" Green eyes fixed on the man on the other side of the table.

"Of course," Provenza answered. He felt a little unsure. Had Rusty told Sharon the truth? Was she going to ask him if he knew too? He put down his napkin and covered Patrice's hand with his. "I'll be right back, sweetheart." He stood and Sharon followed.

As they walked away from the table Provenza noticed the dark circles under her eyes that Sharon had tried to hide with make-up and the dullness of her eyes. He realised with a pang of sadness that the brunette looked absolutely awful.

"Any idea what that is about?" Patrice asked Andy but he shook his head.

"None. But it's Rusty so it's got to be important." There was an undertone of jealousy and envy in his voice.

Sharon took a deep breath when she and Provenza reached the bar and he instantly sensed something was wrong.

"Sharon?" Provenza asked. He only used her name when he knew she needed a friend, not a colleague. "What's going on?"

"Rusty discovered he has a sister," Sharon's voice trembled.

"What?"

Provenza looked around, made eye contact with the waitress and signalled for a drink. Whiskey was going to be the only way to handle this revelation.

"Apparently he found out a while ago but he didn't tell me. He got Brenda involved and she set up the initial contact." Sharon swallowed. "He met her the day before yesterday but he only told me last night."

Provenza slowly nodded. "I see. And what do we know about this girl? You said that he got the Chief involved…" Sharon looked at him and he corrected himself. "Excuse me, he got Brenda involved. I don't think I'll ever get used to calling her that. But her involvement suggests she looked into this…"

"Apparently Brenda did a low key background check and talked to Sophie first before ever bringing her into contact with Rusty and I appreciate that but…" Sharon pushed a strand of hair out of her face and shook her head. "The fact Rusty didn't tell me is what bothers me more than anything. After everything we've been through he still felt he had to lie to me."

"You have to remember that Rusty never wanted to hurt you. On all the other occasions he held things from you he did so because he was frightened you'd be hurt or upset. This is probably the same thing." Provenza searched Sharon's face for signs of understanding. "You know that as much as I do, Sharon."

"I do," she admitted. "I do." Green eyes closed and she took a deep breath. "And I know Brenda wouldn't have done anything she deemed unsafe for Rusty but still…" Her eyes opened again and she looked straight into Provenza's. "I want to know everything there is to know about this girl and her grandparents." She set her jaw, crossed her arms in front of her chest. She gave him a knowing look. "Do you understand, Lieutenant?"

He nodded. He knew exactly what she was asking of him. "I understand, Captain."

Sharon flashed a tentative smile and together they walked back to the table. She slipped back into her seat next to Andy and from the corner of her eye she watched how he seemed to move away from her. His arm had been draped over the back of her chair when she first sat down but he pulled back, let his hand fall in his lap. An uncomfortable feeling settled in Sharon's stomach. She had hoped this lunch would bring them closer together but as she turned in her seat to truly look at him, she realised that Andy seemed further away than ever.

When the time came for them all to leave and head to their respective homes, Sharon asked Andy if he wanted to come back to the condo with her. "Rusty is out with Gus."

They would be alone.

"I promised Nicole that I would call her kids today," Andy answered and Sharon just nodded. "I'll call you later, ok?" He leaned in and quickly kissed her on the cheek. He let a strand of hair run through his fingers before stepping out of her personal space and she watched as he crossed the street to where he had parked his car.

Sharon didn't know how or why but she couldn't shake the feeling that something was about to hit and there was nothing she could do to stop it.