Author's Note:
I apologize for how late this is. My girlfriend is my only beta for absolutely everything that I write and I think I've managed to kind of swamp her lately, lol.

CHAPTER XXI
Resolutions

Morgana was unsure of the true definition of sanity, but she was fairly certain that it wasn't this.

She couldn't sleep. Morgause was thrashing in the bed anyway, most likely due to a nightmare or just continued frustration from everything that had gone on. Morgana still did not have a chance to talk with her about it, as it seemed Morgause already had more lectures and disappointment than she could handle in one day from Llamrei. She was incredibly moody when she got back to the room and after she threw her clothes in a heap on the ground and kicked her boots into the wall, she said a terse, "Goodnight," before falling into bed and furiously rolling over, taking most of the covers with her.

Morgana found it best if she said nothing, so she kept quiet. She would speak with her sister when doing so wouldn't risk bringing the entire castle down. Again.

Perhaps it was because her sister making love to her had become so routine that Morgana found she could not sleep without it, but hours later she found herself crawling out of bed, the thoughts that were plaguing her mind consuming her once more. Her feet carried her out of the bedroom and outside, into the gardens. The sun was beginning to rise in the east, the sound of chirping birds filling her ears. Morgana did not realize how early it was; she could have sworn she had just lied there for a few long moments, not hours as seemed to be the case. Perhaps time blended together when one was deprived of the rest they very much needed.

Morgana didn't know how long she had been outside, but it seemed to be quite awhile. She was standing in front of the bird bath, looking into its water as it reflected back a picture of her friend. Morgana did this every morning, as Nimueh was had been correct; for someone like her, conjuring an image of the present was fairly easy once she knew how to do so. But she never stood here this long. She watched Gwen carefully, though she didn't do anything other than sleep. She didn't cry anymore either. It seemed Gwen's tears ran dry weeks ago. Now she just slept all the time, trying to find another world to slip into that wasn't the horror of her reality.

She was badly malnourished. It horrified Morgana, how quickly she was watching her friend deteriorate within that cell. It infuriated her that Uther couldn't even be arsed to treat Gwen like a normal human being. But what else had she been expecting, really? Uther regarded those who did not bare a title as barely worth acknowledging. Arthur, on the other hand, did, yet once again he had pushed aside his own sense of decency just to please his father.

It wasn't right.

It was quite some time until Morgana heard footsteps behind her. She could feel that it was Morgause without even having turned around. The connection between them, now that Morgana had come into her magick, was always strong. It hummed across her skin and made her feel as though her mere presence was what completed her soul. But she was angry with her, so she did not make a move to greet her. Instead she continued to stare into the basin, watching Gwen's chest rise and fall with each breath she took. She could not believe that Morgause had ever suspected that she no longer cared about her friend; it was her intense desire to save her that had started this whole thing, after all.

"You've been awake all night, haven't you?"

Morgana said nothing.

Morgause came up behind her, placing her hands lightly on her hips as she looked over her shoulder to catch sight of the image of Gwen. Morgana felt her sister stiffen behind her, no doubt seeing what she herself had been constantly distraught over. "Gods, what have they done to her?" she breathed, horrified by how thin and frail she looked.

"It gets worse every day," Morgana whispered, needing Morgause to realize the severity of the situation. "They feed her once a day, that's all. She barely even gets enough water to keep her hydrated. I fear…" her words caught in her throat momentarily, emotion overwhelming her, "I fear that if we do not act soon, she will not live to see us again."

"She will," Morgause promised her strongly. "I swear to you, Morgana, we will save her, even if it's the last thing we ever do."

Her words should have been a comfort to the Ward, yet they only stood to enhance her anger and disappointment with her sister. How dare she say something like that after what she had done yesterday? "And yet still you felt the need to destroy something that would further our chance of success."

Morgause exhaled a heavy breath, pulling away from her sister. Morgana finally turned, wanting to face her when they had this conversation. She was glad that Morgause looked guilty, because she should. Nimueh would have helped them, and because of her sister's insecurities she had destroyed that chance. It was utterly selfish and that was what disappointed Morgana the most; for acting as though her whole world revolved around her, Morgause still had a bad habit of prioritizing herself during the worst of times.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't make it right."

Morgause's eyes found the ground. "I know," she affirmed softly. She was chewing on the inside of her cheek, at least having the decency to look ashamed of herself. Morgana took a step towards her.

"You are the only one I have ever needed in my life," she told her, needing Morgause to understand that. It was hard though, as it seemed her sister was constantly wrapping herself in a blanket of fear when it came to Morgana's relationship with Nimueh. "I have told you this time and time again and I wish I could find a way to make you realize it," she continued. "I do not want her, Morgause, not in the way I want you, need you. Furthermore, she does not look at me in that way. Her heart is far too broken to ever dwell on the present, for she is forever trapped in the past. Have you never once wondered, what it was that made her so bitter?"

Morgause stayed silent. It was obvious she had not.

"You both are so similar," Morgana pressed on as she took Morgause's hands in hers, lacing their fingers together. Her sister's eyes rose, meeting her gaze. "She too, did everything for the woman that she loved. But she lost everything for it and she's afraid you will make the same mistake she did. And perhaps she's right, Morgause, for sometimes I'm afraid that when you try to look at the big picture, you only see me." Morgause turned her face away from her and allowed her eyes to land on the ground. She knew Morgana was right.

"We have a chance," she told Morgause passionately, squeezing her sister's hands in hers. "To change everything. But to do that I need both of you by my side, and I know you know I'm right. Two of us can do damage, but three of us could bring Camelot to its knees. And I promise you that I will not rest until I have Uther's head on a stake, for what he did to you, to us, to our people, and to Gwen was horrific and unjust. He must pay. That, above all, is and always will be more important than your personal feelings for Nimueh. I am sorry if that stings you, but it is the truth."

Morgause did not speak for a long time, trying to find the right words. Morgana patiently waited, knowing her sister had to draw her own conclusions as to what was truly the best course of action. Still, Morgana could not help but hold her breath, hoping that she would finally see the entirety of the situation and the importance their mission held. She didn't know what she would do if Morgause did not.

"I know, logically," Morgause began, raising her eyes to look at her once more, "that what you are saying is right. Justice for our people, for our friends and family, is far more important than my own feelings. I am sorry for how selfish I have been, Morgana. But you must realize that this is not easy for me. I had spent most of my childhood dreaming of what it would be like to save you, riding in on some white steed and sweeping you away from the horrors of Camelot, like some kind of deluded fairytale. But it was what came after that was the most important to me; teaching you, honing your abilities and helping you grow into the woman you were meant to be. I wanted so desperately to be a part of that and sometimes it feels as though… as though in some way, Nimueh stole that from me. I hate her for that, more than anything else."

Morgana's face softened. She had believed this was about Morgause's fear that she would take Nimueh as a lover in her stead, as perhaps it would be morally easier than lying with her own blood. And maybe it was about that on some level, as Morgause was terribly possessive when Nimueh would allude to the possibility that she could take Morgana from her, but in the end their relationship as lovers paled in comparison to their relationship as sisters. Morgause wanted to step in and fill the role she had a claim to, yet was deprived of for most of her life.

"Morgause, you have taught me more about magick, more about myself, and more about the world than anyone else could ever dare to achieve," Morgana told her honestly, cupping her sister's cheek gently in her hand. She let her thumb dust softly over Morgause's bottom lip. "Most of all, you showed me the power of love, when once I believed that because I was a woman, I had no right to ever know such a thing. You freed me, Morgause. You taught me how to feel. You taught me how to believe. You taught me the most precious lesson one ever hopes to learn in this world; how can you not see that?"

Morgause looked like she was beginning to become emotional and she closed her eyes, resting her forehead against Morgana's as she inhaled a shaky breath. "I'm sorry," she apologized, her voice barely above a whisper. "I am so sorry, Morgana, for focusing on so much negativity, when the most wonderful thing in the world was always right in front of me. What you have given me, what you have allowed me to give you, will always be more precious than anything else. I am sorry for ever forgetting that."

Morgana shook her head, not wanting to hear her words anymore. She could feel Morgause's honesty deep within her and that was all that mattered; speech, at this point, was so very irrelevant. She closed the distance between them, breathing her own love into Morgause's heart, her hand tangling in hair as golden as the sun above them.

And like the sun, Morgause burned her from the inside out; she consumed her heart and ignited such a fierce, unwavering love within her that, up until she had met her, Morgana never believed she would feel. And oh, how she reveled in the feeling.

It was utter perfection, in its purest form.

[x]

"You are not welcome here."

Morgause stood in the threshold of the door, her eyes on the witch she held so much disdain for. This was the very last place she ever wished to be, yet she knew she owed this to Morgana. She stepped inside, very much aware of how closely Nimueh was watching her; it was possible she thought Morgause had come to attack her again. She was through with that though; Morgana was right, they needed Nimueh. It wasn't preferable, it wasn't ideal, but it still was what it was and Morgause was through making everything so much harder on her sister.

"King Cenred," Morgause mentioned, disregarding what Nimueh had said as she crossed the room to stand in front of her. "What are your thoughts on him?"

Nimueh arched an eyebrow. There was no hint of Morgause's wrath on her face anymore; her skin was perfect, unscarred. Another glamour, the blonde mused. How Nimueh loved to be the picture of youth and beauty. It was foolish, yet they were all fools, in once sense or another. Perhaps it was time Morgause accepted that.

"You don't listen very well." Nimueh's tone held a bit of a warning, yet she did not move to strike. Perhaps she too, had learned her lesson.

"So I'm often told."

Nimueh's eyes swept over Morgause's form, assessing her. She could see very plainly the change in the blonde's demeanor towards her. "You were foolish to come here," Nimueh told her. "Bending to your sister's will was futile, as I will never be allowed to leave the Isle. So what is it then, that you hope to gain here?"

"Permission is not something I am looking for," Morgause told her, words that would probably get her another lashing from Llamrei should she ever hear them spoken. "This is our fight; the Elders can either stand by us or stand aside. I am not fussed either way, and I know you aren't either. You crave to see Uther's Pendragon's demise, so do not foolishly waste this opportunity."

Nimueh's eyes hardened as she stared at Morgause, though the blonde was unsure whether it was due to anger or determination. It was a long time until she spoke, but Morgause was patient. "And what of us?" Nimueh asked finally. "Do you truly think that we will be able to stand together on the same side?" It looked as though she already had her own answer, however was waiting for Morgause's to see if they coincided.

"Some things are more important. So yes, I do."

Nimueh looked amused. "Strange," she mused, cruelty once more corrupting her tone. "The words that fall from your lips sound so much like your sister. I wonder, Morgause; do you enjoy being her lapdog?"

Morgause's eyes flashed. She bit the inside of her cheek for a moment, willing herself to control her anger. It seemed Nimueh was testing her, and though Morgause had no desire to play her little games, she was here for Morgana. She owed it to her to make this work.

"Are you in or out?" Morgause asked, pushing all of her snarky retorts from her mind. "I need an answer, for we need to act quickly. Time is not on our side, Morgana has already sent her reply to Uther and he is expecting her return. If we're going to do this, we need to do it now."

Nimueh paused, weighing her options. Finally she asked, "Why Cenred?" It was enough confirmation of her compliance for Morgause, and the blonde felt herself release a breath she hasn't realized she'd been holding. Finally, things were starting to go right. Not preferable by a long shot, but right nonetheless.

Morgana would be pleased.

"He would be easy to double-cross," Morgause answered simply. Nimueh's lips turned up into a smirk; despite herself, it seemed she was impressed. "He is nothing more than a fool with an army. Quite a large one too, if the rumors I've heard are true."

"You think he would be a wiser match than Odin?"

"Odin would rather see Camelot in flames than take it for himself," Morgause told her. "Besides, Morgana's assessment of the man leads me to believe he would not easily be taken by women. He is much too old, seen too much to be foolishly blinded by desire. Yet Cenred —"

"Has bastards everywhere," Nimueh answered for her, realizing what Morgause was proposing. "You think that one of us should seduce him, so that he is easier to manipulate." She paused for a moment, muddling this over. "I have heard," Nimueh continued, "that he is driven only by his cock's desires, but such rumors could be exaggerated. What we are asking is no easy feat; he may find it pertinent to decline. Then what?"

"Then we take his will."

Nimueh arched an eyebrow. "Dark magick has consequences," she warned her, as though Morgause wasn't sure what exactly it was that she was proposing. But she wasn't stupid; she knew everything came with a price.

"It's not preferable," Morgause admitted. "But his army will help us achieve our ends, one way or another. We have few options and even with the use of dark magic, I believe Cenred to be our best choice. He is feeble-minded and would be easy to control; it would not take much power. Besides, we don't have the time to ride kingdom to kingdom in search of allies; we have one shot at this."

Nimueh began shaking her head, quickly growing aggravated by Morgause's words. "You truly do know nothing, don't you?" she flared. "To take someone's will is to deprive them of the very essence that makes them who they are. You cannot give it back; it is destroyed the moment you release it from their body, damning the victim to a life they no longer can call their own. The Gods do not take lightly to that sort of thing, and you are a fool for believing it would do us more good than harm. You forget, Morgause, that it is I who meddled with forces beyond my means once before. I am not so quick, nor so stupid, as to want to do that again."

Morgause did not appreciate being called a fool, but she kept herself silent on the matter. Regardless of her dislike of it, she knew Nimueh was right; she did, after all, know nothing in that aspect. Dark magick was something she knew the concept of, yet never practiced.

"The ones who practice the dark arts are the ones who have nothing left to lose," Nimueh continued. She looked down at her, judging her, mocking her almost. "And you, my dear, still have everything to lose."

Morgause's expression was stony, but she did not contradict what Nimueh said. "Fine," she relented. "Then I hope, for all our sakes, that Cenred is obliging. If he is not, I will expect you to come up with a more suitable plan. Do we have an understanding?"

"Do not speak to me like a child when it is you who is making decisions like one. I will stand by your side, Morgause, but I will not take orders from you," Nimueh told her strongly. Morgause had to resist the urge to throttle her; how could one woman manage to be so terribly aggravating? "Besides," Nimueh continued. "There are three of us; I am sure Cenred will find that at least one of us stiffens his shaft. The odds are in our favor."

Morgause hoped that it would be Nimueh, as either Morgana or herself having to string Cenred along had the possibility of causing great unrest in their relationship. But it wasn't as though she was able to choose the ideal situation; in the end, they would have to do what they must. That was the point of the bigger picture, was it not?

"Then it's settled," Morgause said. "We ride for Essetir at first light; with any luck we should arrive in two days hence."

Nimueh didn't seem to expect that it would be so soon, but she did not argue the matter. She had been waiting many years for this opportunity; she must be as anxious to head out as Morgana. "I will meet you on the mainland then, west of the Isle on the outskirts of the forest. If I try to depart with you it will surely be noticed; it would be best if I left alone."

Morgause nodded, agreeing on that point. Neither of them wanted the Elders involvement in this, as they would forbid it. However, Morgause was still wary that Nimueh would be able to leave undetected. "What if you are caught?" she asked.

Nimueh smirked, amused by her question. "I will not be," she told her simply. Morgause didn't know how she could sound so sure, but dropped it; if Nimueh said she would be there, then they would wait for her.

After all, despite Morgause's beliefs that this day would never come to pass, they were all in this together now.

TBC…