"You gonna knock on the door or just look at it?" a voice said.
Judy turned around to see who it was and was surprised to find Dennis of all people standing there.
"Dennis what are you...how did... when did you get here?" Judy asked.
"I arrived not too long ago. You were still talking to that Jeremy kid when I got here. Speaking of that...how did it go? Did you get a confession out of him?" Dennis asked.
"Yeah. I did." Judy said.
"Good for you." Dennis said.
"Dennis, I still don't understand why you're here? I mean don't get me wrong I'm glad to see you but I didn't expect to see you here." Judy said.
"Well, if you must know, I'm here to see the doc." Dennis said.
Judy was so shocked at what she just heard that she had Dennis repeat it. "You're here to see who?"
"You heard me. I know those pretty little ears of yours work just fine." Dennis said.
"I can't believe that.."Judy was still amazed that a guy like Dennis would need to see a shrink.
"What's there to believe? I think you should have figured out from my people skills and sparkling personality that I have more than a few screws loose." Dennis said.
"Dennis don't say that." Judy scolded.
"Say what? Screw loose, crazy, nuts?" Dennis asked.
"Any of those." Judy said.
"Look Judy, saying that doesn't make you crazy. What's crazy is you and I standing here when you should be in there talking to her." Dennis said.
Judy sighed then walked over to the couch near the office door and sat down.
"So you wanna tell me what's keeping you from knocking on that door?" Dennis said as he sat down next to Judy.
"I'm.. afraid. Ok. There I said it. I'm afraid." Judy said.
"Afraid of what?" Dennis asked.
"Everything! I don't expect you to understand." Judy said.
"I think I understand better then you think."Dennis said.
"I doubt it." Judy said softly.
"Let me show you something." Dennis said reaching for his wallet in his back pocket.
"Dennis if you're gonna show me a condom you've had in there since High School I can assure you that I don't need to see that." Judy said.
Dennis rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"When I buy a condom Hoffs it doesn't stay in my wallet for long. Now if your done with your smart ass comments I will show you what I was looking for." Dennis said
"I'm sorry. Please go ahead." Judy said chuckled.
Dennis gave Judy his wallet and showed her a picture of a young man in police uniform sitting with the American flag in the background. It looked like a picture a cadet would take just before they graduated the academy. The young man was smiling and looked very happy. It took Judy a second but she recognized the person in the picture.
"Oh my god! Dennis is that you?" Judy asked.
"Yup. That's me." Dennis said.
"You look so.. so.."Judy was trying to find the right words.
"Dorky. You could say it." Dennis said.
"No! No. Not Dorky. Cute. You look very cute in this picture."Judy said.
"I think your being really kind." Dennis said.
"It's true. When I look at this picture I see a guy who was ready to take on the world and take a big bad ass bite out of crime."Judy said.
"You know what I see when I look at this picture?" Dennis asked.
"What?" Judy asked.
"I see a kid who was really naïve about things. A kid who thought all you needed to get by in the world was a wink and smile. Yeah, he thought he was ready to take on the world and take a big bite out of crime. What he didn't know is that sometimes crime bites back... hard." Dennis said.
"Dennis? What happened to this kid?" Judy asked.
Dennis pulled out another picture from behind his photo and handed it to Judy. The picture was of another young officer. He looked about the same age as Dennis did in his picture and had that same bright smile. Judy thought the guy in the picture looked a little like Tom although she would never admit that to Dennis.
"Who's this?" Judy asked.
"His name's Dave Hamilton. My best friend since we were kids and one of the funniest guys I ever met. We came up together through the academy. Frick and Frack our instructors called us because we were inseparable. We pulled each other through the academy and saw each other through some really hard times. It was no surprise to everyone that he and I graduated first and second in our class." Dennis said.
"You were first in your class?" Judy asked.
"No. Dave was. He was the only person that I ever lost too. He earned that number one spot. I never liked being in the spot light so was I more than ok with it. Anyway, after graduation was over we had offers from all over the county to come work for them. We were tempted by a lot of them but more than anything, we wanted to come and work for this department. So the day after graduation we put in our applications and were hired two weeks later. For two years Dave and I were partners on the road. We were making all kinds of arrest and and getting into all kinds of shit. During that time I even introduced him to his girlfriend. She was an ex girlfriend of mine who ironically stopped dating me because she didn't want a relationship with a cop. They were so happy together it made me sick just to look at them." Dennis said.
"Jealous?" Judy joked.
"Of them? No. I was glad to see her go. By the time we broke up she was really getting on my nerves. Way too needy and clingy. Dave liked women like that. Totally dependent on him. Not me, I like my women with some fire and independence in them. Kinda like you." Dennis said.
Dennis looked at Judy and watched her smile. Man, did he wish she was free but she wasn't and he had a story to finish.
"Moving on. Everything was going well for Dave and I. So well in fact that he talked me into going to day shift because it would be safer and he would be home at night more. Well one day we got a call for a burglary alarm at a business. It was a routine call. We had already been there three times that day for the same thing. Report of an open door. Dave and I got on scene and checked the area and inside the business. When we didn't find anything we headed back to the car. The next thing I knew Dave was yelling gun and knocking me out the way. I turned back around to see a man with gun and then I heard a shot and saw Dave go down. I don't know how but I managed to get my gun out and fired at the guy. He fired back at Dave and I who still had his gun in his hand. Dave and I returned fire and shot that bastard dead. Once I made sure the guy was down I got on the radio and told them what happened then ran back over to Dave." Dennis had to stop for second while he pulled himself together then continued.
Judy reached out to him but he told her he was ok then continued.
"The wait for back up units seemed like it took forever but it was only a couple of minutes. I held Dave in my arms and told him to hold on and that the ambulance was on it's way. He told me he wasn't going to make it because he wasn't wearing his vest. I knew he wasn't'cause the wound was bad but I told him that he was. I felt like I had to give Dave some kinda hope. By the time the ambulance arrived it was too late. He was gone. He died right in my arms." Dennis said.
"Oh god Dennis I'm so sorry." Judy said.
"I don't even remember leaving the scene or Dave's body. It was all a blur. One minute I was holding Dave then I was sitting in the locker room changing my clothes that had Dave's blood all over it. Once I got my uniform off I ran for the shower. I need to get Dave's blood off my face and hands. As I stood there letting the water hit me I couldn't take my eyes off the drain while I was in there. I just kept watching Dave's blood go down it as I washed it off me and thinking that's all that's left of my friend. I stopped looking at the drain when I heard my Sargent call my name to make sure I was alright. I said I was ok and came out the shower. Things went from bad to worse when I went to go change my clothes and I asked where my uniform was. When I was told that it had been taken for evidence I completely lost it. Started yelling at everyone that they had no right to do that. That it was my uniform and they should have asked me before they just took it away. They eventually got me to calm down enough to explain that it was just standard procedure and they had another one waiting for me. It didn't matter. The damage was done. So I just changed into the sweats I had in my locker. Then the Sargent and my Lieutenant told me that I would be off until the investigation of the shooting was over. One of the guys on my squad drove me home and as soon as he left I looked at my hands and all I could see was blood on them even though I knew I washed it off. I ran to the bathroom took my sweats off and took another shower. It would be the first of many. I just never felt like I could get clean enough and that each shower would wash away the pain of losing Dave." Dennis said.
Judy looked at Dennis when he mentioned the showers and using them to wash away his pain.
"From the look on your face when I mentioned showers. I get the feeling you could relate." Dennis said.
"Oh yeah. I can relate. How did you get here? I mean what made you go through that door? Judy asked.
Dennis sighed and blew a deep breath before he answered.
"Answers." Dennis said.
"Answers? I don't understand." Judy said
"I had a lot of questions after the shooting. Some of them were answered for me. Like the shooting investigation. That question was answered when I got a call saying that the investigation was done and they found it to be a clean shoot. I was happy they told me that but that didn't help me with the remaining questions in my life. It had been suggested that I go to therapy before I come back to work. I thought about it long and hard then gave them answer." Dennis said.
"And that's when you came here." Judy said.
"Uh no. One thing you should know about me Hoffs is that I never make things easy. I told them they could go fuck themselves. There was no way I was going to go therapy and talk about how I hated my mom. Which I don't by the way. I told them I just wanted to work and that I was fine. So the department worked with me and let me come back to work if I agreed to attend therapy. I told them sure. Whatever they wanted to hear I said. Then on my first call back I was sent to a burglary alarm. I went, backed up the other officer, and then cleared the call with no problems. To them I appeared fine. Right as rain. Little did they know that I was sweating and almost threw up twice. I was second guessing everything I was doing in my head and all those questions started swirling in my head. So I figured that the easiest way for me to keep myself and those around me out of danger was to just work on my own." Dennis said
"That's why you chose Narcs?" Judy asked.
Dennis nodded.
"Any assignment that kept me away from people was the one I wanted. I isolated myself more and more while I was in Narcs. I became more jaded and hard. I got a reputation for being a good cop that got arrest but needed to work alone. That attitude and the need to be alone made me became more and more reckless. It all caught up to me one night after a raid on a house when I almost got myself killed by rushing in and not waiting for backup. That's when I realized how much Dave's shooting had me all fucked up. I found my Sargent and told him I needed to go home. He understood. The next day I found myself right where you are. Wondering if I should knock on that door." Dennis said
"So what made you knock? Did you meet someone here and they had an inspiring story for you?" Judy asked.
"No. No story. No words of inspiration. Nothing like that." Dennis said.
"Then what happened?" Judy asked.
"She opened the door before I could walk away." Dennis said.
Judy laughed. "So you were busted?"
"Yup. Big time. But I'm glad I was. Doc was straight with me from moment I walked in. Letting me know that when I was done with therapy that I wasn't going to be the same person I was when I walked in. That at times the pain will creep up but instead of hiding from it I would be able to work through it and face it down." Dennis said.
"And did you find the answers you were looking for in there?" Judy asked pointing towards the door.
"Yeah. I did. Slowly, we started to put my life back together. She helped me find the answers I was looking for. She can do the same for you too." Dennis said.
Judy sighed then turned to look at the door.
"What if I go in and I change? What if Tom and the guys don't like the new me?" Judy said.
"There is no way that would happen."
Judy and Dennis looked over and saw Tom standing there smiling at Judy.
Judy got up from her seat and walked over to Tom.
"Tom? What are you doing here? I thought you and Harry left." Judy asked.
"I did leave. I just came back to... " Tom said.
"Check on me?" Judy asked looking back at him.
"Um... yeah. I hope you aren't mad. I know you wanted to do this on your own but I just thought you might need to see a friendly face when you came out." Tom said.
"I'm not mad. I'm glad you came back. I didn't realize until now how much I needed to see your face before I went inside." Judy said.
"You should know by now that I will always be here when you need me. Even when you least expect it. And to answer your question. No matter what happens, the guys and I will always be here for you. We love you and for better or for worse Judy,I'm with you and so are they. That's if you want to be stuck with a bunch of knuckleheads for the rest of you life?" Tom said.
"Well, I don't know about the rest of them but, you're a keeper." Judy said.
Tom pulled Judy into his arms and held her close.
"I love you, Judy." Tom said.
"I love you too and thank you for coming back."Judy said.
"Anytime." Tom said kissing her head.
"Ahem." Dennis said.
"Sorry." Judy said.
"No biggie. Look, I gotta go. Plus it looks like your in good hands now. Mines would be better but I guess his will do." Dennis said.
Judy chuckled into Tom's chest.
"That's very big of you Dennis. Thank you." Tom said.
"Dennis wait." Judy said.
Judy walked over to Dennis and gave him a hug.
"Dennis, thank you. I would never have stayed if it weren't for you." Judy said.
"Sure you would have. You're strong. And your welcome. I'd do anything for my pretend girlfriend." Dennis said.
"You're the best pretend boy friend a girl could ever have." Judy said.
"Damn right I am." Dennis said.
Judy gave Dennis a kiss on the cheek then walked over to Tom and gave him a kiss on the lips. She then closed her eyes, took a deep breath, then headed towards the door. Before she knocked she turned around and looked at Tom and then Dennis.
"Can I ask you both a favor?" Judy asked.
"Shoot." Dennis said.
"Just ask." Tom said.
"I need for you both to be here when I come out. So if you could not kill each other that would be great."Judy said.
Dennis and Tom looked at each other and shrugged.
"I can take it if he can." Dennis said.
"I've been through worse. Don't worry. We'll be on best behavior." Tom said.
"I don't know about best. Maybe ok behavior."Dennis said.
"That's good enough for me. Wish me luck." Judy said.
"Good Luck." both men said.
Judy walked up to the door and just when she was about to knock on the door opened before her hand even touched it.
"Told you about the door didn't I." Dennis said.
"You hush over there Dennis. Hello Judy. How are you?" Doctor Toussaint asked.
"I could be better." Judy said.
"I see." Doctor Toussaint said.
"Do you have a minute so we can talk?" Judy asked.
"For you ma love, I have several. Come on in and we'll chat." Doctor Toussaint said.
Just before the door closed Doctor Toussaint looked back over to the two men sitting on the couch.
"Can I trust you two to play nice?" Doctor Toussaint asked.
"Yes ma'am." Tom said.
"C'mon Doc, you know me." Dennis said with smile.
"Oh I know you Dennis. Following the rules was never one of your strong suites. So am I going to have to repeat myself or are you gonna follow the rules just this once?" Doctor Toussaint said.
"Ok, just this once." Dennis joked.
"Dennis! You followed a rule. You have come a long way." Doctor Toussaint joked.
"Don't you have a patient waiting for you Doc?" Dennis said.
"Yes, I do. See you both in a bit." Doctor Toussaint said.
Tom and Dennis watched the door close then sat back on the couch in an uncomfortable silence. Someone had to break it so Tom thought he should.
"For what it's worth, I just want to say thank you." Tom said
"For what?" Dennis said grabbing a magazine off the table in front of them.
"For helping Judy. I didn't mean to but I over heard some of what you told her." Tom said.
"I didn't do what I did for you Tommy Boy I did it for her. I don't have many people that I could call a friend but she definitely one of them. She's really one in a million that girl." Dennis said.
"I know. I thank God for her everyday. Anyway, I just thought I should say thank you." Tom said.
"Your welcome. You don't wanna hug now do you?" Dennis said.
"No, I'm good. However, I will go out on a limb here and ask if you want to go get a beer after Judy's session? I think she'll need one after this and Harry said to call him when we were all heading back out. So whatda' say?" Tom said.
"You know if you would've asked me this a couple of weeks ago I would have told you to go to hell or I just would have gone to annoy the hell out of you." Dennis said.
"And now?" Tom asked.
"Now I just wanna get a beer...with my partners."Dennis said.
"Good." Tom said.
Tom didn't miss the fact that Dennis used the word partners instead friends. In a way he was glad. It was a word that he wasn't ready to use either. Partners was a word that he would be comfortable with using for right now. It wasn't a leap, but a small step towards civility between them that Tom was alright with taking.
"Oh. And the first rounds on you." Dennis said.
"You're on." Tom said