Immediately after Vainamoinen left, Ashura set off in search of his cousin. He ran her to ground in the castle kitchens, where she was meeting with the head cooks to put some final touches on the elaborate menus for the Sunbirth court. He hustled her off to a private wall chamber and shut the door.
"Were you aware of the rumors about Fai?" he asked without preamble.
Kendappa's eyes widened. "Fai? What about Fai?" she asked. "I've heard nothing, cousin. What is being said that has you so disturbed?"
"There is a rumor going about that he is my illegitimate son."
"Oh?" She didn't look concerned, and probably hadn't yet drawn the connection Ashura had between Fai's apparent age and the time when Ashura presumably would have had the affair. "Well, I suppose that is only natural. You treat him as your own, and the way you brought him home..."
"There is also a rumor that I am going to change the succession in his favor," Ashura told her flatly.
That one obviously shocked her. "What?" she said weakly.
"So by this reaction, I assume you didn't know. I am relieved," Ashura said. "I was afraid you had decided I didn't need to be told of this."
"I would never keep something like that from you," she said fervently. "I can credit that people might assume Fai is your son. I just can't imagine that anyone would believe you would make an illegitimate child your heir."
"It's happened before, though the last time was centuries ago. Besides, bastard children can be legitimized," Ashura pointed out.
"That is true," Kendappa said, her brow furrowing in thought. "But... But, cousin, is... Is he? Yours, I mean? I hadn't thought of it before, but now... It would make sense, you know, the way you said he and his brother called you to them. Blood calls to blood, magic to magic. And he does display the same destructive tendencies you did at his age. Besides, you show him a great deal of favor, and with everything you've done for him since you brought him here..."
Ashura smiled darkly at her uncharacteristic babbling. Even his closest companions, it seemed, were willing to entertain this fantasy. Even Kendappa, although Ashura was certain that, like Vainamoinen, she hadn't considered the full ramifications of what it meant or how it smirched his honor and the memory of his queen. "Vainamoinen had the same doubts. No, rest assured that Fai is not mine by blood."
"Oh." Kendappa's reaction was different than Vainamoinen's. Rather than relieved, she seemed regretful for his sake. "I'm sorry, Ashura. This must be hard for you. I know how attached you are to the child."
Sympathy from Kendappa? About a mere rumor, and an untrue one at that? "That rumor does no harm, but the rumor about the succession is something else entirely."
Well-versed in politics and the damage that political rumors could do, she nodded in agreement. "Yes, I see that clearly enough. What is to be done?"
"Vainamoinen and the rest of the council will work to dispel the rumors, especially the one about the succession. I'd like you to do the same. If it is seen that my own cousin puts no credence in the stories, less weight will be assigned to them."
"They cannot be stopped." Kendappa, too, had much experience as the subject of gossip and did not expect the impossible.
"No, but they can be undermined and discredited," Ashura said. "The second rumor, in particular, can be easily disproved. There is plenty of documentation. And also..."
"Yes, cousin?"
"Would you please make the effort to reassure Sybilla, if she brings it up? I know you don't like her, but this is something that concerns her directly."
"If I must," she said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes and a long, loud, resigned sigh.
"Thank you, cousin," Ashura said, entertained by her theatrics, as she had no doubt intended. "Now, if you will excuse me, I must go speak with Fai. This all must be explained to him."
"Poor boy," she muttered. "As if he hasn't had enough unhappiness in his life."
"Being rumored to be my child is a cause for unhappiness?"
"Feh," Kendappa said, less than eloquently. "Anyone who knows you would say so."
Ashura flashed her an amused smile and headed out towards Fai's apartments. As he walked, he allowed himself to brood. Kendappa had a point. Though it was no fault of Fai's, the child would almost certainly take it to heart and make himself miserable over it. Ashura wasn't sure of the best way to approach the subject.
Fai did not appear particularly displeased when Ashura dismissed the math tutor. Ashura indulged in a moment of amusement at that; he knew well that Fai did not enjoy doing sums, even such simple and basic calculations as were appropriate for a boy his age.
Ashura took a seat by the fireplace. He gestured to the chair opposite his. "Fai, please sit down. There is something we must discuss."
Fai obeyed promptly, folding his hands in his lap. "Yes, Your Majesty?" he said politely.
"Now, Fai, I do not want you to take this personally. It has nothing to do with anything you have or have not done." Ashura noted the wariness that appeared on Fai's face, repressed a wince, and went on, "It has to do primarily with me. However, I'm afraid it affects you, too."
Fai became alarmed. "What...what is it? What's wrong?"
Ashura sighed inwardly. Fai was still so easily upset. "Calm yourself, Fai. It is nothing urgent or even very important," he soothed, bending the truth just a little. He clasped his own hands and stared down at them, wondering how to proceed. "Fai, Kendappa and I have been endeavoring to teach you how to comport yourself in a larger and less friendly court than the one which is presently in residence."
Fai nodded and didn't say anything.
How was he to explain those rumors to Fai? How did one explain such things to a young child? "There are stories being circulated about you...and me...and you must know about them so you can answer when the inevitable questions are asked of you in the coming weeks." Fai stared at him with rabid curiosity, and Ashura still didn't know how to tell him. So he found himself just blurting out the truth: "Fai, I do not know how to say this gently, so I shall simply tell you outright. There is a rumor going about that you are my illegitimate son." He paused to see how Fai reacted to that.
Fai's eyes widened. His mouth opened but he didn't say anything.
Ashura asked, "Do you understand what it means, Fai?"
Still wide-eyed, Fai nodded.
This wasn't going well. Ashura wished Fai would say something. Anything. "Fai? Are you all right? How do you feel about this?"
"I... I'm not sure how I should feel," Fai said quietly. He looked down and picked at his sleeve.
Ashura closed his eyes, suddenly realizing just how cruel this rumor was for poor Fai. It implied some pretty unpleasant things about not only Ashura, but also about Fai's mother. Possibly even his father, as well.
Ashura wasn't certain if Fai even remembered his father, who had died when Fai was very young. However, he knew Fai did love his mother dearly and cherished her memory. From his own dreams of the twins, Ashura knew that woman didn't deserve the child's adoration. She had killed herself after publicly blaming her children for her own unhappiness over their birth. But that didn't matter now.
He looked at Fai and said, "I'm sorry, child. This is a very unkind rumor, and I'm sorry to subject you to it. But I thought you should hear it from me now, rather than later through some thoughtless remark made during the Sunbirth court."
Not that Ashura believed such a comment would really be thoughtless. Any adult who said anything about the subject in Fai's hearing would no doubt be seeking a reaction from Fai, either to confirm or deny the story. And the other children would be heedless, and ask out of curiosity or possibly even jealousy or immature malice. Children could be heartless little beasts, sometimes.
All he could do was attempt to discredit the rumors now, before they became entrenched as firmly as facts, and hope that no one thought verifying them through Fai worth the effort or the danger of incurring royal displeasure.
There was nothing Ashura could do to control the children's misbehavior. They were too thoughtless. The adults, though, might be moderated. Ashura planned to make it widely known that there would indeed be royal displeasure directed at any who trespassed too far. That might backfire and convince people that this particular rumor was true, but at least it should protect Fai somewhat from open speculation.
He said, "If you are asked, and it is almost certain that you will be asked, you must of course tell the truth, Fai. You need only be honest. We will not practice any deception in this matter. However, those who question you may not believe you. Also, there will be those who will pretend disinterest while trying to trick or provoke you into a response." He sighed, remembering the hazards from his own childhood experiences and missteps. "It is the way of such rumors. People always want to believe and gossip over such matters, especially those stories that relate to their betters. You must not allow this to upset or bother you."
Fai left off worrying at his clothes and finally raised his head. "It doesn't bother me," he said. "I..." He hesitated.
"Yes, child?"
"I kind of wish it were true," Fai said in a rush. He sniffled and looked away.
That confession devastated Ashura. "Oh, Fai," he murmured sadly. "I, too, could wish it were so." It was true. Fai was everything he could have hoped for in a son. Fai and his brother should have been his sons in the first place. Ashura felt his resolve waver, and fought a battle with himself to hold tight to his good intentions. He could weather the storm of dishonor and easily make this rumor as good as true. All he need do was make a public acknowledgement of Fai, and virtually everyone would accept the falsehood without question. The truth his people doubted, but they would never doubt the lie. It was almost funny.
A silly, impossible fancy. He should know better than this. When had he become so foolish?
He almost lost heart under the scrutiny of those big, blue eyes, but he had to continue this unpleasant campaign. It pained him, but Fai needed to be told everything. The second rumor was sure to come up. "But it is not so," he said briskly, "and we must not give any impression otherwise. Fai, there is more that you must know. This rumor has led to another, one that is far more serious. Because some people believe you to be my child by blood, they also are speculating that I will make you my heir."
"Your heir?" Fai breathed. He became deathly pale and still. "But... But that's not possible, is it?"
"No, it is not possible," Ashura confirmed resolutely, both for Fai's sake and to quell the yearnings of his own heart. "I am sorry, child, but this rumor you may also hear in the coming weeks."
Fai relaxed and looked relieved to hear the denial, which also relieved Ashura. The boy asked, "So what should I say about it?"
"As before, just speak the truth," Ashura told him. "I can discredit this second rumor easily, and I will do so during Sunbirth." He did, indeed, plan to kill the second rumor stone dead, and intended to find the most expedient methods of doing so. "However, the rumor that you are my child by blood cannot be so easily disposed of, and it spawned this second rumor in the first place. You will undoubtedly hear the two stories linked in numerous ways. You may even hear variations that I haven't considered."
"So some people will believe I am your son no matter what we say?" Fai asked in a stronger voice.
"I fear so, yes. There is no real way to disprove that story beyond doubt, and so some doubt will remain for a time. However, all rumors fade. New rumors are always more interesting to the gossipmongers than old ones, and new stories are sure to arise eventually." Ashura was bending the truth somewhat. Sometimes old rumors revived and arose from their moldy graves, usually when they would cause the most trouble, but Fai need not learn that particular lesson today.
"Okay." Fai kicked his legs against his chair. He looked up into Ashura's face. "It's all right, Your Majesty. Really, it is. Don't be sad," he said with the straightforward simplicity only a child could manage.
Ashura blinked, startled. Not for the first time, he marveled at the surprising maturity and discernment that Fai sometimes demonstrated, and mourned the reasons why Fai had acquired such skills at his young age. He affected a false smile, the one he used on his courtiers when he wanted to divert them from the truth. "I'm not sad, Fai," he lied, "I was only concerned that these rumors would disturb or upset you."
He got up. "As long as you are aware so you are not taken by surprise during court, all will be well. I suppose I shall recall your teacher now. I know how it grieves you to have your math lesson interrupted," he teased lightly.
Fai hopped out of his chair. "Thank you, Your Majesty," he said with impeccable manners that could only have been learned from Kendappa. Then he bowed.
"Don't!" The word burst out of Ashura before he could stop himself.
Shocked, Fai straightened and stared at him.
Ashura rubbed his temple, regretting his hasty and immoderate reaction. "I'm sorry, Fai, but I'd rather you didn't do that. Of all the people in this world, you should never bow or kneel to me." Not Fai, never Fai. Especially considering the hopeless, agonizing act Ashura intended to one day force his poor Fai to perform.
Instead, Ashura knew he should be kneeling to Fai.
Fai looked confused. "But Lady Kendappa almost always curtseys to you."
Yes, that confirmed the source from which Fai had learned such mannerisms. Kendappa always tried to use formal manners, even in private, family situations. Ashura almost never paid much heed to her decorous behavior. It was a part of who she and he were. She had behaved so since childhood. Even for a silly, childish game or prank, she had always greeted him and parted from him with a curtsey.
Everyone bowed or curtseyed to him. He had grown accustomed, and usually he barely noticed it except when it required some acknowledgement, and even that he did with only half a mind.
He wondered if Fai had been bowing all along, and he had simply never noticed before now.
He said, "Lady Kendappa does so because it is her habit. You needn't make it yours."
"But you're the king," Fai protested. "Everyone bows. In public—"
Of course. Appearances and royal dignity had to be maintained. The king was above everyone and everything. Even his closest family kept some distance in public, and often in private, too.
Kendappa... his younger brother, when he'd still been alive... his nephews and niece... They all observed court formalities. Ashura knew that his own children would have behaved so, had they lived.
Even his late queen had subscribed to royal protocol for most occasions, in all but their private and personal times together. With a twinge of old sorrow, he remembered how Luonnotar had called him by name on her deathbed...
Since his brother and his queen had died, Kendappa was the only person left in his life who routinely called him by his given name, with a minimum of titles, styles, and honorifics, a liberty she had gained from their shared childhood and upbringing. Without her around, he was certain he'd forget his own name.
"In public, you must do what the situation requires," Ashura said heavily. "But in private, I'd prefer you didn't bow. Please, Fai," he said, holding up a hand to forestall another objection.
The child was again gazing at him with those wide, blue eyes. Fai slowly nodded, and said formally, "Yes, Your Majesty."
The formal address Ashura knew he had to permit, even encourage. Given their shared disaster of a future, he absolutely needed to maintain some boundaries with Fai. But the bowing, that wasn't necessary for Fai, not even in public, not really. Fai was special. His role and his purpose were unique in all of Seresu. In his small hands he held the key to the survival or utter annihilation of the entire world.
No one but Ashura knew that, though, and he also knew he was merely rationalizing his own desires. Still, there were a few advantages to being the king. He could indulge in an unimportant, harmless whim like this, and everyone would just humor him. So why not? Why not instruct everyone that Fai would not be required to bow to him, even in public?
But not just yet. First there were rumors to quash, and his acceptance of casual public behavior from Fai would not help with that task. But later, after Sunbirth, perhaps this small indulgence could be eased into regular court life.