YOU'RE ALL WET

Haldir couldn't help it….he was pacing like…well….like Aragorn paced when he went crazy.

'This will not do…..I cannot have Elrond coming here and Aragorn smelling like a warg! All because that damned Carad hates baths….Aragorn hasn't been near water…much less soap…in weeks! And the Lord Elrond will be here in TWO DAYS!'

About that time, Nazzy raced by chasing Carad, followed by Aragorn chasing them both. All of a sudden there was the sound of a huge CRASH, followed by shouts from the king.

"Carad-pee…..are you alright? Nazzy, WHAT'S that for? No! No,Nazzy! Don't PEE on him! And don't PEE on ME! HHHHHHHAAAALLLLDDDIIIIRRRRRR !"

Haldir grit his teeth and stepped out in to the hallway to see what was going on….only to find Nazzy,Carad, and the High King of Gondor and Arnor all piled in a heap.

'Way to go,Nazzy! As if he didn't smell bad enough to begin with, now he reeks of elf hound pee!'

Stooping down to help the king to his feet, Haldir couldn't help but wonder if what's-his-name -Door son-of Ward? – could be of some assistance. Aragorn had been amused by the way the man crashed into doors.

"HALDIR! Nazgul peed on me," Aragorn whined.

Haldir rolled his eyes ( when Aragorn wasn't looking) and wearily replied "Aragorn, you don't need to shout. I am right here." Suddenly the elf found himself enveloped in a horrible, pee-smelling hug.

'Great, Aragorn. I love you and everything, but now you actually smell worse than a warg! And again, all because of that bloody Carad! Bath-hating spawn of evil! I wish Nazzy would stop playing around and just get rid of the cat!'

As if the creature could read his thoughts, Carad clawed and slashed his legs while uttering the most awful yowls! Hissing with pain, Haldir glared down at the cat.
"One day I am going to throw your furry ass in a bath,Carad. You are lucky today is not that day!"

Haldir managed to free himself from the king's embrace.
'Great, now I not only have a bloody,shredded leg….but now I need a bath!'

Leaving Aragorn coo-ing sweetly to his precious Carad, Haldir and Nazzy headed out in search of the door warden. At their approach, the poor man had to stifle a groan.

'Bema! What does he want with me now! Why does an elf lord keep harassing a poor,unsuspecting door warden? '

"My Lord Haldir, may I be of some service". 'Please say no, please say no!'

Fixing a glare on the man, Haldir growled, "I am NOT a lord -I am High March Warden of Lothlorien. The great Elrond of Rivendell -who is an elven lord -will be visiting in two days time. I will not have the king smelling as if he hasn't bathed in months! And you are going to help me!"

"Yes, of course, my lor-I mean, March Warden. It will be my honor to assist you and the king in any way." 'And it's not as if I have much of a choice, is it, you prissy elf!'

Haldir explained that in order for their plan to work, they would need flowers, some rope, Nazzy the elf hound, and possibly Prince Legolas. The two spent the next day gathering the supplies. All were easily found -except for Legolas, who was once again on a trip with Gimli to "explore" the Glittering Caves. ( eye roll)

That night Haldir dreamed of all the ways Carad could ruin his plans. Carad could figure out what he was planning and run out of the city and into the muddy fields - he could run into a pile of horse manure, with Aragorn diving in after him. Uggh! It was enough to keep an elf awake!

The next day, operation Bathe-the-king went into effect. Right according to plan, Nazzy started chasing Carad thru the halls of the citadel. At a knod from Haldir, the door warden opened the door to the throne room. And taking his life into his own hands, Haldir sprinted inside calling "Aragorn! Nazzy is chasing your stupid cat again!"

Then he ran….ran as only an elf could…dodging people,carts and horses through the crowded streets…stopping at times only long enough to allow Aragorn to catch up. Right on schedule, Nazzy chased Carad straight towards the bath house. Carad slammed into a wall, skidding crazily before running again. In the meantime, Nazzy had passed him and jumped over a rope stretched across the entrance. Carad hit the rope and with a screetch…went flying into the flower-filled pool of water.

Haldir let out a "oomph" as suddenly Aragorn slammed into his back. They both tripped over the rope and landed with a huge splash in the pool with Carad. Spewing water, the elf and the king surfaced, with a huge flower stuck to Aragorn's head. Seeing the flower, Carad jumped on him, pushing him under as the cat started ripping the flower apart and growling.

Haldir pulled Aragorn up and for a moment, the king could only stare at him. As Haldir smoothed away the hair that had fallen over the man's eyes, Aragorn suddenly reached a hand towards him. Expecting a slap for insulting Carad, Haldir braced himself. But nothing happened.
'Well, what is he waiting for? Isn't he going to hit me and get it over with? Woa—I was not expecting that.'

Instead of hitting him, Aragorn brushed the hair from Haldir's eyes , gently cupping Haldir's cheek before ever-so-lightly brushing his finger's over the tip of the elf's pointy ear. A shiver ran down Haldir's spine as he began to lean slowly, oh, so slowly towards Aragorn. 'Oh, sweet Eru! This is how I have dreamed it would be!' Closing his eyes, his lips only inches from Aragorn's …

TWANG! CRASH! BAM!

What's-his-face the door warden pitched headlong onto the floor, right in front of the pool!

'Dammit to Sauron! Balrogging Ward son of Door!'

As the elf and king quickly pulled apart , the door warden ( who'd had his brains scrambled ) mumbled "What? That wasn't a door….I think – I think it's a flowers!"
'Uh-oh, did I interrupt a kissing game? That looks like a nice game. Is this a spa? It looks like a sap…I mean…a spa. Ouch! My head hurts!'

And so it was that Aragorn, High King of Gondor and Arnor, got a bath -but not a kiss.
And all with only hours to spare before his ada Elrond was due to arrive in Minas Tirith.