A/N: Anybody who knows how I write knows that music heavily influences my stories. Here's another one. I do not own Negima, nor do I own Sarah McLachlan's song 'Angel'.
A Day Indoors XXI
Negi dragged himself into his room at the hotel. He had been searching for his father all this time in Wales, and he was no closer to finding him. He slumped down into the chair and stared out the window for a long time. Unbidden, memories of his lost village's final hours sprang into his mind. He mentally berated himself for his lack of strength. He wasn't good enough to save those people back then, and he wasn't good enough to find his father now.
Negi felt tears threatening to fall from his eyes, so he quickly tore his eyes away from the window and thought about what he could do to make the evening more bearable. He'd grown accustomed to the bustle of Mahora Academy, and now he found he missed the rigors of dealing with the girls on a nightly basis when he was sleeping in the same room as Konoka and Asuna. As it stood he probably wouldn't be sleeping tonight because of the nightmares.
A quiet knock at the door brought Negi's attention out of his morbid thoughts. He walked over and opened it to find Nodoka looking down shyly. Negi started to speak, but her finger quickly touched his lips as she held up her diary, showing his own thoughts as they scrolled out before her. Negi could only nod. She knew him better than he knew himself sometimes.
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it ok
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless
And maybe I'll find some peace tonight
Nodoka stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. Negi didn't protest, as his emotions left him raw inside. He moved like an automaton as Nodoka closed her book and set it aside. How long had they been carrying on like this. It seemed innocent enough to him, but he still thought it would get him fired. Rooming with Asuna and sleepwalking into her bed was one thing. What he and Nodoka had been doing every night for the past few days since coming to Wales was an entirely different matter.
Negi didn't protest as Nodoka removed his clothes. She then moved him to the bed where she sat him down tenderly. She pulled out his nightshirt and put it on him before beginning to undress as well. Negi only half watched her. There was a time when he would have been appalled at seeing his student in nothing but her underwear, but he supposed their relationship was beyond that now. It almost felt like she was a part of him that he wouldn't be able to get along without.
Nodoka finally finished and climbed into the bed, pulling Negi in after her. Negi moved as he was bidden, never once complaining or resisting. It had been thus since after that first night when she'd slipped into his room when he'd forgotten to lock it. She'd helped him up from the floor where he'd been crying and had started what had now become a nightly ritual.
Negi sighed as Nodoka wrapped her arms around him. Even in the summer, the nights in Wales could be chilly, and now Negi wriggled close to her for warmth. He supposed it wasn't just the physical warmth of her body he needed though. She was like this for him every night. She would pull him into her arms and he would sleep. Sometimes, the nightmares would come, sometimes not.
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
Not for the first time, Negi thought about giving up. He should just do what his father had told him and pursue his own life. He knew Nodoka loved him, and that his life long obsession worried her at times. No one would blame him for backing out. Then he thought of all those people petrified and he had to know why. He had to assign some sort of reason to the senseless violence of all those years ago. He had to know… why he'd never been there for him.
Negi's thoughts wandered to the recent enemies he'd faced along with his partners. He'd lived through worse, but still their faces haunted him as they rose up from his past to threaten his sanity. It always seemed like their specters were looking over his shoulder looking for some sign of weakness so they could pull him back and reclaim him, and once again, he questioned the wisdom of involving the girls.
Negi kept telling himself it would all be worth it someday. He kept telling himself that he'd be able to look back at the past of his life and be able to justify his dedication to finding a father that had apparently abandoned him.
As before Negi released all the darkness inside him as he sighed deeply and wrapped his arms around Nodoka. He didn't care if he was fired anymore. He didn't care if never became a Magister Magi. He didn't even care if he found his father. Tonight he was with Nodoka and her embrace chased away all the cares of the world. He knew that tomorrow, the worries would return as soon as she got dressed in the early morning to slip from his room, and to go get ready for the coming day with the rest of the girls.
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
Oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
Negi bolted awake in the darkness. He had been having that old nightmare again. He sat up breathing heavily as the adrenaline brought his body into full alert. He was wide awake now and normally he'd never be able to get back to sleep. Is shirt was drenched in sweat and he could only imagine how much he must have been thrashing around. He'd most likely awoken Nodoka.
Almost in response, a gentle hand reached up and caressed the back of his neck. It rubbed his shoulders and Negi looked down at Nodoka who almost glowed with an ethereal aura as she lay next to him in the moonlight. Negi's body began to feel heavy again as her calming presence and her tender hands coaxed the pain and anguish from him. Negi had worked so hard as a combat mage to turn his body and mind into a razor sharp sword that could be used to destroy his enemies and protect his friends. It was times like these that he really did feel that such a sword needed a sheath. Nodoka was his sheath.
Negi looked down at his shirt which his own sweat had drenched. He then looked down at Nodoka. She was wearing nothing but her panties and had removed her bra for comfort while sleeping. His sweat still glistened and sparkled across her flawless skin.
Negi started to lie back down, but thought better of it. His sweat soaked shirt would only make Nodoka and himself uncomfortable. Negi peeled it off, and threw it off to the side of the bed. He felt as if his shirt carried with it all the burdens of the day and knew when he dressed tomorrow those burdens would return. Now though, they lay discarded.
Negi moved a little and hesitated for only a moment before nesting his head between Nodoka's breasts and allowing his hot skin of his chest to be tempered by the cool feel of Nodoka's stomach beneath him. Once again her arms encircled him, but this time it was her cool touch that eased the torrent of flaming emotion which ran through him.
Negi realized that his shirt had been the only barrier between them, just like his worries were the only barrier between him and enjoying his life like this. Negi thought about how Nodoka might also be put into that metaphor. He knew she loved him, more deeply than nearly all the other girls. If caught doing things like this, she would also be scorned and ridiculed by those who didn't know them. And yet, she was here, helping him, caring for him, and holding him.
Maybe, when it was all over he would be able to cast aside everything after it was said and done just like it was a sweaty shirt that was no longer comfortable and be able to hold Nodoka with any barriers between them, and for once, Negi looked forward to his future.
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
That was how Negi spent his nights while in Wales. He never told the girls, but he suspected that many of them already knew. Nodoka never said a word about it to anyone, and neither did Negi. Negi supposed that when it came to falling in love, sometimes words weren't important and they only got in the way sometimes. The care Nodoka had shown for him spoke more than a million love letters. In all that time, Negi never made love to her or made advances at her. He really felt that despite what it might have looked like to outsiders, he had carried himself as a gentleman and had simply accepted the gift of Nodoka's love and comfort. It was that day that Negi decided that he'd finally found the person he would love for all eternity, and that as soon as he could set his burdens aside, he would spend his life returning the favor to her.
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
A/N: Someone said that songfics were banned from this website, but I hope this one is acceptable. I felt the need for more NegixNodoka. I've been going through withdrawal. I wrote and posted this in about an hour, so please forgive any mistakes. A.A. :)