Chapter twenty - All by myself
Mikey's POV
I heard an all to familiar voice coming through the door and finding it's way to my ears, making me giggle by every word he sang.
I was all alone, I was all by myself
No one was looking, I was thinking of you
Oh yeah, did I mention I was all by myself
All by myself…
All by myself...
All by myself...
I went to your house, but no one was there
I went in your room
I was all by myself
You and me had
Such wonderful times
When I'm all by myself
All by myself
I scratched my head awkwardly and looked over at Frank. He stood as frozen to the floor and just listened to Gerard sing the sad, but at the same time, funny song.
"I think that this is our moment to shine, don't you think?" He turned his head towards me and smiled halfheartedly. I nodded my head in response and took a tighter grip on Gerard's art stuff, when I opened the door into his room. My head peeked through the crack and I was expecting Gerard to lay in his bed half asleep, like he normally did, and sing his heart out. But to my surprise he was sitting with two large pillows supporting his back, looking with dreamy eyes towards the window.
"Gerard?" I let my body follow my head inside the small one-man room, with Frank almost stumbling behind me, almost falling over my heels. He slowly looked from the window to the door, were two teens stood awkwardly together like two scared fish in a tank. He looked at us with a surprised and amused look on his face, before he started to laugh. His small frame was shaking with laughter and he was grasping after air. Frank and I didn't know what to do or say, so we just at each other weirdly. I leaned into him and whispered in his ear.
"I think my brother has gone mental." I couldn't hide the amusement in my voice. It was so good to see him laughing like that, it had been to long since I had seen him genuinely as happy as he seemed to be right now. I smiled as I watched him, fragile and sick, no one knew if he would survive or die of cancer. He could have, what, like three weeks left, or maybe a few months. Or he could surprise us all by fighting and live through this hellhole.
I looked over at him with a smile only a proud mom could wear. He was just so strong. I swear, sometimes it seems that it's me who's sick. Sobbing my way into a restless night, thinking about death and how it is to die. To just fall asleep and never wake up again. Floating around in this pitch-black universe, just waiting for something to happen, pray for something to happen. Feel something, anything. Pleasure or pain, it doesn't matter. Just to know that you have a tiny hope left in that universe, even though you know that you are screwed. When you die, there is no turning back.
When you die, you are gone. Gone forever, into the black, lonesome place.
And I can't deal with that, it scares me too much. To not know what's coming after life, to know that you have approximately around 80 years, one life, to not screw up to much, to do what you want with the one precious life you have got.
And it kills me to think that Gerard would maybe not be able to get even get a chance at life.
I shrug my shoulders and snap out of my thoughts. 'Mikey, don't fall into old habits, thoughts like that is not your friends', I mentally kick myself and brings my head back to now, back to reality. Gerard is still laughing, and Frank has joined in. My smirk grows wider as I listen to their hysterical attacks, which fills the air. I patiently wait for the two of them to calm down, just in time to ask them what the fuck was going on. My gaze is locked on Gerard, since he was the one who started this all. He takes a deep breath and pulls me closer to the bed.
"You should have seen the look on your face," he smirks, "dude, that was just so retard!" He ruffled through my hair with his fist, making me cry out.
"Hey, stop that. You are ruining my hairdo!" He stop the ruffling and looks at my hair with intense eyes for a few seconds, the left side of his mouth curls up as his gaze moves towards Frank.
"You guys have had a shower.." His eyes glisten, "together!" He states in triumph.
Frank and I both blushed and turn our heads down, looking eyes with the grey floor. It's probably made of rubber, even though it wanna be wood. But how can wood be grey anyway?
Someone makes a high pitch noise, sounding like coming from a girl.
"Oh my god, you did shower together, didn't you? Oh guys, you are like to cute, adorable, innocent and so many other words I can't make up right now!" Gerard claps his palms together after staring both of us down, almost wishing that I was somewhere else right now. But just almost.
"Yeah Gerard, we did shower together, after making passionately love to each other, Mikey wearing his lovely pink and puffy crown, and me putting on some high heels so I could reach up to he's Miss Highness Michael Fucking Way."
There were a few moments of quietness filling the air in the hospital room. Frank looking shocked of what he just said and Gerard with a goofy smile plastered to his lips. And I...
I was stunned. In shock. My lips formed into an 'o', just looking at Frank as if he was some random stranger who had come up to me and asked if I could give him a blowjob.
"I just knew that he owned one of those crowns, I have just never found it!" Gerard said and snapped his fingers. I hit him on his shoulder and looked at him annoyed.
"Shut up Gerard." He just started to laugh again.
"Oh Mikey, just keep on denying it, but Frank and I knows the thrush." He winked at Frank who just giggled and moved closer to grab my hand. The gaze I sent him was mad, but that was only on the outside. On the inside I almost felt as though I was floating around in 7th heaven. Gerard clearly felt much better and it was a joy to see him like this, mocking me like a brother was supposed too, and as far as I could see, no worries dispatched on his face. So I gave up my disguise and silted at him.
"Anyway," I rolled the word of my tongue in slow motion, "this have been fun, but VERY of topic," Frank smiled and nodded slowly to my words, "but we brought you your art supplies."
"Thank you guys! I have been so bored!" Frank giggled.
"We kind of heard that from the hallway. Green Day right? All by myself?"
"I like your choice in music Frank, you are completely right. You play guitar? Mikey told me that you guys were starting a band?"
"Yes, I have always wanted to play in a band and my fostered just said go for it, so I did. So I play guitar, and then we have Mikey on the bass and Bob, this really cool guy from school, plays the drums! We wanna have a singer as well, but it's no rush really. We are just playing for fun, jamming together. Well, we haven't really played as a band yet either." We enjoyed the silence for a few minutes after that before Frank spoke up again.
"But Gerard! Can't you drop by and sing with us when you are feeling better and out of this lousy place? That would have been so cool!" I nodded eagerly to what Frank said. That would have been so awesome! But Gerard just shook his head.
"No, you don't want me in the band. For the first of all, I can't sing." Frank cut him of rather quickly.
"Duh, I totally heard you sing just a few minutes ago. You totally rocked it!" But Gerard just ignored him and kept going.
"And I'm way older than you guys are, you don't wanna have an old guy like me in the band." Frank cut him of for the second time.
"I don't care about age, it's just a number. And I have changed my mind, you are already IN the band, and you signed this contract," he held out his hand and motioned to an invisible paper in his hand, "so you don't have anything to say really." He smiled in triumph, and I giggled next to him. We both looked at Gerard who didn't see that one coming.
"Invisible contract? Was I high or something when I signed it?"
"Oh man, you were so high, but you signed it, so it's signed, sealed, delivered! And your SO in the band."
"We'll see." He winked at us.
There was a knock on the door, and a nurse entered.
"Sorry guys, but visiting time is over." She smiled at us, and vent over to Gerard and started to help him lay down. He grunted uncomfortably, but settled down soon.
"Ok, we'll come back tomorrow Gerard."
"Mikey, you can come by after school. It's friday tomorrow, just one day and then the weekend is up. I don't want you to miss out on school to much, you know?" I nodded and gave Gerard a hug.
"I'm going to school tomorrow, I promise." Gerard peeked over at Frank.
"And that's the same for you, ok? I wanna have a hug from you before you go." He stretched his thin arm towards Frank, who smiled and leaned in for a hug.
"Now, behave you two!" We talked towards the door, waving goodbye to Gerard.
Pain shot through my chest when I saw him lying there, all wrapped up in this big duvet with wires sticking out from underneath it. But I knew he was safe here.