Chapter 21: Paintball

Summary: Jeff makes a decision.

A/N: I'm so sorry. But we had to go there. It will all be worth it, right? Right?

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"Hey Jeff, what are you up to?"

Jeff slowed his pace as he walked through the quad. "Oh, hi Britta. Not much. Now that I've finished washing all the food out of my clothes I finally have some time to chill in between exams."

Britta stuck out her tongue. "You can't blame me for all of that you know. You were pretty immature about the whole thing."

"Look Britta, maybe we both were a bit immature." He added with feigned gravitas, "But at least we survived. That's absolutely the most important thing."

Britta broke out in a grin. "And we did show those high school jerkwads who's boss, didn't we?"

Jeff laughed. "Yeah, that was gratifying."

"As was banging that kid's mom?"

Jeff stopped and turned to face her. "Hey, that sounds suspiciously judgmental. I wouldn't expect that from you of all people."

"Really, I don't care. Do whatever and whomever you want."

Jeff pulled down his sunglasses and looked at her. "Britta, Britta, Britta. Now really. We all know you want a piece of this." He gestured with his hands over his torso.

Britta smirked and eyed him up and down. "I see. You are something you know."

He shrugged as he replaced his sunglasses. "What can I say? I try, Britta. I really try not to be as awesome as I am. But it's a struggle."

Britta rolled her eyes. "Okay…just when I was beginning to like you more. You had to ruin it."

He nudged her. "Oh you still like me."

"Maybe. But you're still a pig."

He smiled at her mischievously. "Wanna go get wasted?"

"Hell yes."

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"Where did you find this place, anyway?"

"You mean you don't like the Dirty Cowgirl, Britta?"

Jeff and Britta were sitting at the bar. There were only a handful of other customers in the establishment, as it was two in the afternoon.

Britta remarked sarcastically, "Well it does seem to be a classy joint."

"Ian Duncan took me here a few times. It's fairly close to campus."

"Yeah, this place has Professor Duncan written all over it." She scanned the room, noticing the peeling wallpaper and tattered booths.

"Have another, Britta. You're boring." Jeff waved the bartender over.

Britta scoffed. "Just because you passed nutritional science doesn't mean you suddenly know everything. You don't know me that well at all."

Jeff sighed. "Yeah, I know. Why is that?"

"Because you're a pig."

Jeff smirked. "Okay… besides that? I think if anything I've toned it down lately, Britta. Which makes me realize you've been a lot friendlier to me, like actually nicer to me over the past couple weeks. Well, maybe ever since Michelle and I broke up. Nicer to me except when we're in study group in which case you're calling me a pig on a much more regular basis."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Jeff nudged her with his foot. "You like me. Admit it. We're friends."

Britta smiled. "Okay, fine. You're growing on me. Is that enough for you?" She tossed back the rest of her drink.

"I know I'm awesome and everything, but why the change of heart?" Jeff motioned over to the bartender once again.

Britta sighed. "Well, Annie said some nice things about you. She said you're actually a good person. Or whatever."

Jeff fidgeted with his glass. "Oh?"

"Yeah. I know. I was as shocked as you are."

"In what context was this conversation?"

Britta paused for a moment. "She said you helped her get a lawyer to deal with her ex. She seemed really grateful."

Jeff tapped his glass. "What can I say? She needed some help."

Britta turned to face him more. "Sounds like it. She told me a little bit about the jerk. And how he's been coming around and then like disappearing and then coming back or something. And all the other stuff. God, what assholes there are out there who just think a woman is going to jump and before they ask how high…"

He placed his hand on her arm. "Wait… ignoring for a sec how you just messed up that saying….what other stuff?"

"You know…the please take me back, I love you so much, blah blah blah." Britta pulled away from him and mimicked sticking her finger down her throat. She affected a gagging sound.

Jeff sat up straighter and frowned. "Really?"

Britta nodded. "Yup. She came to me for advice."

"Wait…. so is she considering getting back together with him?"

Britta paled. "Whoops. I was supposed to keep this confidential. Dammit. I hate these girl talk rules. Oh god." She leaned over the bar and banged her forehead slightly against it.

Jeff pulled her back up. "Britta, it's okay. Just tell me the rest."

"I can't Jeff. God, I'm such a bad friend. Please, please, please don't tell Annie I said anything about this. She'll kill me."

"Since you've told me half of it, Britta, there is no harm in telling me the rest. And I promise I won't tell Annie you told me any of it, okay? It'll just be between you and me."

She narrowed her eyes. "Hey, why do you want to know anyway?"

"Someone has to stop her from taking the douchebag back, Britta. Please tell me you told her not to."

"Well, yeah of course. He sounds like a real prize. And don't worry, Jeff, I think she got it. She told me I made sense."

He looked up at the ceiling. "Thank God."

"Yeah, and I told her just because she wanted to take him back doesn't mean she should…."

"She wants to take him back?" Jeff's stomach sank.

Britta shrugged. "Sure. He's got some sort of power over her or something. You know every girl has that guy, Jeff. That guy they can't say no to. I've got a guy like that but it's been awhile since I've seen him so avoidance is the best strategy. But obviously Annie can't avoid this guy with Sophie in the picture. So I told her she just needs to not listen to the part of her that wants to do something stupid."

Jeff looked at Britta with newfound admiration. "That's actually good advice, Britta."

"Thanks. Don't sound so surprised. "

"Sorry, I'm not surprised. If anyone can talk some sense into Annie regarding resisting jerks I'm sure it would be you, Britta. You resist me so well. So I fully trust your abilities in this area." He raised his glass.

"Ha ha."

"It's true. Somehow you've been able to resist my moves."

"I'm sure you have better moves. Or at least I hope you do."

He grinned. "You'll have to catch me on a different day. Maybe after dark sometime…"

"Hey, to deliberately change the subject, I notice you're not a fan of either of Annie's guys are you?"

Jeff scowled. "Why do you have to bring up that dirty hippie? I was trying to enjoy myself, Britta."

"I saw you guys chatting a little while ago, over near one of the benches. Did he throw something at you?" Britta stifled a laugh.

"I don't want to talk about it."

She started spinning around on the barstool. "And then a couple weeks ago the two of you looked like you were discussing something pretty serious."

"Knock it off, Britta."

She stopped spinning. "What? I really don't know what you guys were talking about, Jeff. But I can guess."

"He's just a paranoid douche."

"Right. You know, Jeff, you are a little too close to Annie sometimes. I mean I know there's nothing really going on between the two of you cause that would be ridiculous. She has a baby and I can't see Jeff Winger of all people getting involved with that. But I can see from Vaughn's point of view why it would upset him. He wears his heart on his sleeve and he's hated you ever since you mocked his poem. You know the one I showed you in confidence."

Jeff winced. "I said I was sorry, Britta. And look, I really don't understand how you can even defend the hippie. He treated you like crap. You and I both know he has a nasty side. And one day that will come out with Annie. That's why I hate him."

Britta nodded. "Maybe. I dunno. I think he was really hurt by us mocking his poem. He spilled his heart out you know. And then I unintentionally crushed it."

"Even so, Britta. He had a choice on how to respond to it. And he chose the most juvenile way possible. That's not a good sign. The guy has anger issues."

"I hope you're wrong about that, Jeff. I really do. But you know it's not a good strategy to just tell Annie to stay away from him. She has to figure out he's bad news for herself."

Jeff sighed. "God, I know that. I just hope the damage isn't too bad. So I haven't tried to talk her out of it Britta. Be proud of me on that front."

She smiled. "I am. Good job, Jeff."

He rolled his eyes.

Britta added, "And I'm not so sure Vaughn and Annie are a bad match. I mean, he's a romantic sap and we all know Annie is too. She's careful how she talks to me about him of course after everything, but I've overheard her telling Shirley how he gets her flowers all the time and stuff like that. She loves it."

Jeff nodded. "Yeah, I can see her eating all that crap up."

"And you know Annie sees the good in everyone. And I wonder if she brings out the good in other people just by doing that. Maybe Vaughn is better with her than he was with me. I was always annoyed by his clinginess. But Annie probably finds it sweet."

"He still has issues, Britta."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just saying there's more than one way to look at this, Jeff. And we don't know what will happen. And well, Annie's made her choice. So again, whatever he's been saying to you…"

"Look, Britta. I don't think Annie and I are too close at all. Which is what I was trying to explain to him. He has no reason to be upset."

She nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, he's just mad because you're so decent to her. He thinks you're an ass just like you think he's an ass so of course he assumes you have an ulterior motive if you help her out."

"Now it's my turn to be indignant, Britta. Don't act so surprised. I can be decent."

"Sure. And I know there's nothing going on between you guys. I mean otherwise Annie wouldn't have told me to…" She stopped and widened her eyes.

"Told you to do what?"

Britta swatted the air and shook her head. "Um. Never mind. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm drunk. Don't listen to me."

Jeff turned to face her more directly. "Oh, I think I should listen to you even more when you're drunk. You can't stop there, Britta. What did Annie tell you to do?"

Britta laughed nervously. "She told me to sleep with you." She smacked her hand over her mouth and continued to laugh.

Jeff was silent.

"Jeff? Oh come on! I'm not going to, obviously. It's funny, right? She told me since I didn't have any responsibilities I should have a fling with you. She said she thought you'd want to. Or something."

"What?"

"Well you have to admit that doesn't come out of thin air, Jeff. You have been trying to get me to sleep with you."

Jeff nodded slowly. "Let's get another round."

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Britta sat down on the couches in the study room. She took out her women's studies textbook and opened it up to a random page. Okay Perry, time to study. She scowled.

Troy suddenly landed next to her and grinned. "Hey Britta, whatcha doin'?"

Britta continued to pinch her face in frustration. "Studying for my women's history final. But hmm… I can't remember what this exam covers. And I'd ask Annie but she's at work."

Troy continued to smile as he gazed off into the distance. "Yeah, I'm hoping to take a women's studies class next semester. There are a lot of chicks in those classes."

Britta smiled and shook her head playfully. "Oh, I'm sure you'll do great, Troy. Maybe you'll even learn a thing or two about women."

Troy shrugged. "Yeah, I can't really figure them out. Like so many girls follow me around, Britta. It's really weird. I tried to talk to Jeff about it once but he wasn't really listening. And the girls don't follow him around. They more just stare at him from far away."

Britta snorted. "That sounds about right."

"Yeah, the only girls he seems to actually talk to on a regular basis are you, Annie, and Shirley. Well, and Professor Slater, but alas, that is no more." Troy placed his hand over his chest solemnly.

Britta laughed. "True. And Slater was the only romantic type thing, Troy. My guess is he engages in random hookups mostly off campus. I suppose the girls at Greendale are intimidated by him or something. And the rest of us are just friends with him because of the study group. So that doesn't really count."

Troy paused. "Well, but then there's Annie. That counts, right?"

Britta put down her textbook. "What are you talking about?"

Troy lowered his voice to an almost whisper. "You know, the whole Annie-and-Jeff thing. I can't figure those two out sometimes. I figure they must have had some sort of falling out or something but then I don't know…it's so confusing, Britta. It's wrinkling my brain."

"What do you mean, they must have had a falling out?"

He shrugged. "Cause they started seeing other people. You know, after whatever they were doing last semester."

Britta narrowed her eyes and lowered her voice. "What were they doing last semester?"

Troy tensed. "I'm not really sure. Something."

She arched her brows. "Troy… Tell me."

He turned away. "I can't. I'm sorry. My head hurts so much over this, Britta. Jeff swore me to secrecy. And I couldn't even tell Abed. Do you know what that's done to our intimacy, Britta? I swear Abed knows I'm keeping something from him." Troy started rocking back and forth.

Britta rubbed his back. "Troy, look it's okay. I know keeping secrets is really stressful."

"I can't tell anyone, Britta. Jeff's got dirt on me. He'll ruin me."

Britta pulled in Troy and rested his head on her shoulder. "It's okay, Troy. You can tell me…I won't tell anyone."

"Well, I don't really know anything exactly. It was kind of ambiguous, and Jeff denied anything was going on."

She relaxed a little. "He did?"

"Yeah, but I have my suspicions. I'd still rather not say exactly what happened, you know, Jeff and all." Troy sat up and bit his knuckle in frustration as he continued, "I don't like it, Britta. Annie's like a sister to me. And Jeff just spits women out left and right. He reminds me of those jerky jocks in high school. Always posturing and shit."

Britta stared at Troy in confusion. "Troy, I still don't understand what you're talking about with Jeff and Annie…"

Troy continued, "And Vaughn knows, Britta. And Jeff just keeps doing whatever he's doing. And look, I know you don't like Vaughn and I get it, but Jeff doesn't show any respect. And you know Annie deserves to be respected."

She eyed him curiously. "I guess I didn't realize you liked Annie so much, Troy."

He nodded emphatically. "I feel bad about the way I treated her in high school. She's a nice person, Britta. And I saw some things at Riverside and didn't figure it all out until I met up with her here. She had a dude taking advantage of her back then and that's how Sophie got here. I mean Sophie is sooo cute, but maybe if I had said something back then…." He started sniffling.

"Troy, you didn't do anything wrong. And look, Annie's okay. She's strong."

Troy continued sniffling. "Thanks, Britta. I just want to keep Jeff away from her."

"Just tell me what happened."

"I can't."

Britta paused. "Fine. I understand. But it could have been nothing?"

Troy sighed. "I don't know. Jeff was really threatening with me, Britta. He blackmailed me. And I've seen them be all flirty with each other since then. And Annie's boyfriend is definitely not happy about it. So I dunno."

Britta frowned.

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Greendale Community College's Spring Fling rolled around and with it came a game of Paintball Assassin.

Jeff rolled his eyes as the Dean made the announcement to the group. "Well this sounds like an excellent use of my time. I'm going to head to my car and take a nap."

The other study group members verbally expressed their disappointment and annoyance with him as he left. Annie grabbed her backpack and scooted out of the room. She hurried to catch up to him.

"Hey, Jeff, why are you being so grumpy?"

Jeff stopped and turned to face her. "It's a paintball game, Annie. We are not children. I say that with full awareness of how this place usually functions. But this is too much."

"I think it'll be fun."

Jeff remarked with an edge in his voice, "Well, then you should feel free to participate."

Annie looked at him with concern. "Jeff, is everything okay? You seem really irritable."

He sighed. "Nothing, Annie. I think I do just need a nap. Sophie and I are similar that way. We both do way better after we've caught some zzs."

"I see."

"Catch you later." He walked off.

As he approached his car, he realized in his haste to leave he forgot his phone in the study room. Dammit. Well, that would not do at all. He turned around and began the walk back. As he approached the library building he heard Annie's voice.

"What do you mean you don't want to play, Vaughn? Come on…. we could team up! It'll be fun."

Hmm…they must be behind one of these pillars or something. Jeff stopped to listen.

"Hey babe, no worries. You should go have fun. I really need to practice some of my hacky moves. Me and Dale are working on a new defensive play."

"Fine."

"Hey, don't pout, Mountainflower. You should totally have a blast and you can tell me all about it later. Paintball's just not my thing."

"Okay."

"You know what is my thing?"

"No, really? What?" Annie's voice went up in a flirtatious tone.

"You are. I love you, Mountainflower."

"I love you too."

Jeff felt the bile coming up his throat. He jogged back to his car.

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Jeff wasn't sure how he willed himself to sleep. He wanted to shut out the entire world. Why was this even bothering him, anyway? He should have known the I-love-yous had probably been exchanged by now. Annie and the hippie had been dating since almost the beginning of the semester. And he did write her love songs. Jeff realized he had been discounting a lot of that as hippie nonsense. But if he stopped to think it all made sense.

Jeff threw himself against the backseat and buried his face into the leather interior. And Annie told Britta to sleep with him. What the hell? Why would she do something like that? Who did she think she was? Sweet Annie who had been so kind and encouraging, with whom he had shared some confidences, and who had kissed him on two occasions. The Annie whom he suspected had been hurt by him deciding to date Michelle.

He paused in his ruminations. The Annie who had chased and tried to pepper spray him. Who had physically assaulted him. Who had been trying to put some distance between them. Who had declared her love for a stupid hippie. Now she wanted him to sleep with their mutual friend.

Abed pointed out Annie had terrible taste in men. See, she had too many jerks in her life already. And she knows he's one of them. And it seems as if she's picked the jerk she's going to stick with for now. The stinky hippie.

Jeff groaned again as he finally stirred from his restless sleep. A few moments later he awoke to a dystopian world.

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The study group eventually forged an alliance. They were able to eliminate quite a few of their obnoxious classmates before Annie was taken out by the Glee club. Jeff fired back at the trees and was delighted to see several Glee club members drop to the ground. He turned to see Annie smile at him softly, shrug her shoulders, and then get up to walk off to the lawn. He spied Vaughn approach her with laughter and pull Annie into an embrace. And then the Frenching started. Jeff cringed as he turned away.

Britta glanced over to Annie and Vaughn and then back to Jeff. "Hey, Jeff, look….."

"Get down, Britta!" Jeff flung himself over her as he blasted another student who had been aiming at her from the side.

"Pop pop" was the weak utterance.

"Everyone, fall back!"

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Eventually Jeff and Britta were the last ones left. Or as far as they knew. They hadn't heard from anyone in a little while. They were holed up in the study room. Jeff took off his shirt to allow Britta to tend to his wound. He figured the least he could do was indulge her wounded soldier fantasy. Gotta help the ladies, right?

Britta placed the bandages over the wound. "You're right you know. I am a phony. I try to act compassionate because I'm afraid that I'm not."

Jeff sighed. "Oh please, I invented phony. You care about people. I accuse you of faking to convince myself I'm not such a jerk."

"Jeff you help people more than I do and you don't even want to. You're not a jerk you're fine. Especially now that I've repaired your overworked torso with my trembling feminine fingers."

"Nope, I'm a bonafide jerk is what. Trust me."

Britta looked at Jeff sheepishly. "Jeff, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"You seemed upset earlier when Annie left the game and kissed Vaughn. Is everything okay?"

Jeff pursed his lips and took a deep breath. "Yeah, of course. I just think it's gross seeing them make out. And we lost a decent player, Britta. We could have used her in the game a little longer."

"You know what I mean. You can admit you have feelings for her."

"That's ridiculous."

Britta glanced up at him as she pressed the tape over the bandage. She decided to take a risk. "Is it? I know you two had something going on for a little while there. And look, your relationship with Slater didn't work out. And I know that kind of sucks. And it must be painful to see Annie all happy with someone else."

"Britta, Annie and I never had anything going on. I don't know where you got that impression. Yes, we were closer last semester. I'll give you that. But we really were just friends."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You swear?"

"Absolutely."

She relaxed slightly. "Why not something else then?"

"Hm?"

"She's cute, Jeff. I don't know why then…"

He sighed. "She has a kid, Britta. We both know that would be a disaster. And she likes all that romance crap, which like you said at the bar makes her and Tiny Nipples the perfect match. So, yes, I'll admit Annie is very attractive. But she and I are not compatible. And there are many other women I find attractive."

Britta was staring at Jeff's bare chest. He may be a narcissistic ass at times but he was ripped. What would be the harm?

She took a deep breath. "I see. Like what other women?"

Jeff glanced down at her cleavage. This is what you've been waiting for all year, Winger. She's finally succumbing to your charms. You get to do it with the sexy blonde.

"I think we've been over this, Britta. I've been trying to get you to sleep with me since the first day of class. You're hot."

Britta blushed. "I know that, Jeff. Both parts."

He laughed. "And you know Abed was saying we needed to relieve what did he call it? Sexual tension? Something like that? Get it out of our systems? You know, for the good of the group."

She nodded. "Right. And Annie said.."

"I don't want to talk about Annie."

"Jeff…"

"Britta, we're much better suited. This is what people like us do." He started caressing her arm.

"I know. You're right." She shrugged.

"You know what? It would totally serve them right if we did it here in the study room."

Britta's eyes grew wide. "Oh my god could you imagine?"

He looked at her intently and bit his lip. "I can't stop imagining."

"Neither can I."

Britta and Jeff began kissing frantically and extremely awkwardly as they pulled at each other's clothes.

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Britta walked alongside Jeff toward the parking lot.

"Come on, Jeff, can we just forget about the whole thing?"

"Well, I'll try to forget about it, Britta, but I don't think you'll ever be able to."

"Shut up!"

"And remember, you sacrificed yourself, Britta. In order to help me win the game. You got it bad for me."

"I was just caught up in the moment. We were in a life or death situation!"

He rolled his eyes as he stopped in front of the Lexus. "It was paintball, Britta. Come on."

"You know what I mean."

"Do I?"

"Yes, it was impulsive. And stupid."

He shrugged and grinned. "True. But it was good, right?"

"Pig."

"Come on Britta, are you just mad I didn't give the priority registration to you? I did honor your wishes you know."

"Yeah, but how did Annie end up with it? We were talking about Shirley."

Jeff sighed. "Shirley decided Annie needed it more. Shirley has her sister helping her a lot and well, Annie lives alone."

She looked at him skeptically. "I still can't believe you listened to me and offered it to Shirley rather than taking it for yourself."

"Well, it just seemed like the decent thing to do. I don't really need to line up my classes all perfectly. Shirley and Annie both deserve it more."

"Seriously, Jeff? Are you turning into a softie?"

"You don't get to use that word after we did it on the table, Britta."

Britta smirked at Jeff and shook her head. "Pig."

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"Why are we here, Winger?"

Jeff scowled as he threw back his shot of whiskey. "Come on Ian, just do a couple with me, okay? I'm sure it'll be a real hardship for you."

"Not a problem, my friend." Ian tossed back a shot.

"Thank you."

Ian looked at Jeff curiously. "Is this how you celebrate winning paintball? I would have thought you'd be with Big Boobs."

Jeff glared at Ian. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You know, because you won the priority registration. And rumor has it you gave it to her. So you both have something to celebrate."

Jeff sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Ian, I was just doing the right thing. You know, because Annie is a single mom and could really use the chance to strategically plan her classes."

"So it's an early Mother's Day present, is that right?"

He shrugged. "Sure. We can call it that. She deserves it."

"How is Annie celebrating her first Mother's Day, by they way?"

"How the hell would I know?"

"Oh, I was just wondering if she was going to join us on Sunday."

"No, of course she's not…wait…what do you mean us? Oh my god, Ian, you are not joining me and my mom for Mother's Day brunch!"

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A/N: The end of the semester rapidly approaches…