Title: The Darkside of Twilight
Rating: M (which means there are complex plot devices, lemons, decapitations and lots and lots of blood)
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns twilight. She is Bella's creator. I am Bella's Executioner. (and this is the story that I kill her in)
\/Darkside\/
Question:
"When it is dark enough, you can see the stars…" – Charles Austin Beard.
"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor…" Edward Cullen (Stephenie Meyer, New Moon)
What is darkness—it is only the absence of light? Or is it just an unknowing. A memory lost for two thousand years. A misunderstood betrayal. A heart that reawakens without its love beside it. When it seems all hope is lost—how does one see through the dark?
Answer:
Chapter 21: The tide will turn or Confidences
\/Darkside\/
APOV (2 months after arriving in Volterra)
Light. Dark. Stone. Grass.
Edward. Edward was lying. On his back. Stones underground. Light in the sky.
Moon. Blood red. Blood moon. New Moon. Old Moon….
Bella. Howls. Fangs. Wounds. Death. Victory.
Father. Lover. Brother. Sister. Son… mother. No mother. Need mother….
Darkness. Light. Everything nothing.
Bella in Edward's arms. Rose in Em's. Carlisle holding Esme…. Jasper… Jasper's arms are empty…
Where am I?
"Alice?" dark voice. Dark man. Darkness… no more darkness. I can see… I can see him.
Eyes search darkness and I see him. Feel him.
Breath comes fast—why? Lungs don't work.
"Come with me sweetheart." Yes sweet. Heart. Blood. Thirst. Need.
Death. Dark. Death.
"This is going to feel very strange. Maybe painful." Warning. Threat. Pain. No more pain. Absence. Darkness.
Words. No words. Pain. No pain. Darkness. Stretching. Dissolving.
Light. So much light. No more darkness.
"Open your eyes Alice." Above. Savior from above. Erebos—dark man. Protector. Trust. Love. Need.
"It's alright. I'll protect you. But we have to get back. I could only get you out—now we have to travel on foot back… to Forks."
Forks. Spoons. Eat. Food. Blood. Death.
Bella. Wolves. Fight.
Death.
Twins. Advantage. Children. Mothers.
I saw her—the white witch. Cower. Scream. Hide.
"Lilly!" Lips. Sound. Words. Threat.
"I know Alice. Rest. I'll protect you."
Eyes.
Closed.
See everything.
See nothing.
War. Death. Loss. Vengeance.
Before.
This has all happened before.
Out of order. Need some order.
Advantage. New hope.
Victory.
Sleep.
Darkness.
\/Darkside\/
Esme POV (same day)
"Jasper, please look at me." I supposed that there are some women who consider themselves mothers who would have given up by now. But I knew that the minute you gave up on your child you could no longer call yourself a mother.
My heart clenched as my son's eyes squeezed tighter shut. He closed himself down to try not to feel what was going on around us. At least that was the lie he was telling himself. Really he was trying to not face the tumult raging inside of his own body. Every now and then he would slip and I would feel a shot of the anguish hit me—my eyes instantly wishing they could purge tears.
I couldn't say for certain how long we'd been here now. I knew it was many weeks since the day we were brought to the great hall. And it had been days since we saw any sign of the guards or Aro. Carlisle always said that time had a different meaning to the Volturi. When you lived for thousands of years—months were like hours.
My heart sighed at the thought of my husband. He must be in so much darkness right now. I wished with all my heart to have a gift like one of my children—to be able to reassure him that he was doing the right thing. That I would rather be tortured than see any of our family suffer from a wrong decision.
"Please Esme…" Jasper pleaded through tight lips. His eyes were closed tighter still. "Please stop thinking about him." There was an agony to his voice that broke my heart anew. "Stop." He groaned breathlessly.
I tried. My face strained as it once would have for tears to form and fall. I wanted to lock myself down to stop torturing him but I couldn't… that was my talent. My heart—my feelings. I felt them too strong for the ones I loved.
Damn Aro to hell. He knew exactly what he was doing by putting me in this cell with Jasper. I was the greatest torture for him right now. The unfathomable black hole of emotions.
I bit my lip and focused on nothing—just the dark stone walls. I disliked the color. I preferred cool tones. Our eyes could pick up colors beyond the human rainbow in shades of white. But black—it was void of all things. Or perhaps it was filled with everything and there by could not be properly appreciated because they were layered to closely on top of each other.
"Thank you." Jasper whispered in reverence. I suddenly realized that my mindless rambling of color combination self evaluation had drawn me out of my heart for a moment. A breather for my son.
"Jasper… please speak to me." I tried not to sound too pathetic. But I was the weakest of my family when it came to situations like this. I had fought in my human life—survived. But I was very sheltered in my vampire existence. I had physical strength but I was… scared. Scared for my family and what could be happening to them right now. Afraid that when the time came I would be too late to help them. Terrified of being parted from Carlisle forever.
His eyes stayed shut but he breathed a sigh that relaxed his whole form. A good start I thought. "What would you like to talk about… mom?" I smiled. The boys all used to say that to be cheeky. Carlisle would refer to me as 'your mother' but most of my kids found it odd to call me by the title. With the exception of Rose and Emmett—my other kids were born before me. But now when they said it—they meant it. Even Rose. I refused to give up on that truth.
"Why did you look at Jane that way? I thought you never met the Guard."
"I haven't."
I frowned. Jasper was not an easy one to talk to like this. It was too much like interrogation and he was a master of war. With Jasper, if he did not offer the information it was like pulling teeth to question it from him. Unless you were Alice.
"Who is she, Jasper?"
His eyes opened slowly. The black depths of his thirst filled eyes were pained. I immediately felt the echo of the sensation in my body. Not because his gift pushed it toward me, but because I am his mother.
"She is my… my…" his face was so lost. I had only seen one of my children look that way before. Edward. Edward had worn that exact same face the day he returned to Carlisle. The day he faced the other side of his nature—the "darkside", he called it.
"Your?" I prompted with my motherly patience.
"Sister." He breathed.
"Damn." I said—he laughed when he met my wide eyes. "How do you know that? I thought your human memory…"
He nodded. "It was… it is… Just her… she is the only part I remember." His eyes searched the darkness as if the answers were waiting for him there.
Yes, I decided. Black was more than just an absence—it was too much. It closed in around us now and crushed us with all the fears and worries and pains that we had run from for so long. Sights and sounds and memories in numbers to great to count.
The door creaked open slowly. My breath stopped. Jasper's body tensed and he growled.
The evil cackle that rose up from the depths of the even blacker darkness in the doorway made my stomach plummet. Aro. He was here.
"Are we feeling hungry yet my little pets?" I snarled at the invisible voice. Yes—it had been a very long time since we fed. I would imagine at least a month or two… and that meant control was almost impossible.
I could smell it—human. Blood. My body was instantly straining—pulled as far as the chains would allow me. Jasper wasn't much better—his body wasn't thrashing like mine was toward the scent. He was more disciplined but it was obvious that he too was drawn to the blood.
I was moving out of rational thought. My mouth was filled with venom and my throat was on fire. I didn't care that I would be ending a life. I was thirsty. I was programmed to want that promise that that blood sent my body through my nose.
"Good…" Aro chuckled. "Even the pacifist mother is ravenous. Demetri. Felix. Get the others and pull our guests down to the assembly. It is getting close to time. And Heidi will be returning soon…"
I cowered back once Aro left. The scent faded with his departure—my mind came back to my body. I flinched from the two hulks that entered the cell. They had pulled every piece of my body apart—it was only natural that I would shudder in their presence.
"Jasper?" I begged as they led us down the pitch black hall. "What is Heidi bringing into the assembly hall?" Some part of me was sure I would know but my heart was turning at the truth.
"Humans for the feast." He said with a cold detached voice.
I trembled from head to toe. I had never fallen to the temptation. Never had I tasted human blood. But I knew—all too easily, I would feast on that blood if I found myself near it tonight.
"Oh Carlisle…" I whimpered as they pushed us further in to the black darkness ahead.
\/Darkside\/
EPOV (same time)
It was the closest I would ever come to truly knowing what Bella felt like. I was so many versions of myself within my own mind that I felt as though I was drowning.
Hold on to me Edward. My spectral Bella would say. And I did. She was the only truth in this madness.
It all began the day she awoke. The first time she touched me—the dream began.
I shook my head as the insanity continued. I was shrouded in a thick black robe. I almost welcomed it. I had staved off Aro's touch but it would not work much longer. If he touched me—he would see her. My Bella. And all would be for nothing.
Beside me, Elizabeth Masen stood watching the crowds in the square below.
"Why can't we go out and hunt them?" She begged once more. It was eternally exhausting. Every woman I changed apparently would require me to truly treat them like my child. Bella would laugh across my mind when I thought this.
My former mother narrowed her eyes at my sigh.
"Explain it to me again—Edward." My son. Just say it mother. You can remember it. I'm him. You're her. Just remember it.
She hadn't. When she awoke—it was like she was in a fantasy, a dream. She didn't forget her human life. It was truly like she had died and was purged of the thoughts her human mind once had.
It was truly fascinating but very disturbing as well. It was what I would come to call the evidence of the soul. Was a human soul something that transcended this form once it died? Did we retain ours simply because we never truly died—just changed? My mother was interesting to study. What I would have called her soul was gone—replaced was simply a mind that learned as a child's does from birth.
She did not speak until a week after I changed her. She sat quietly and watched. Listened. Learned. Of course with vampire abilities—she not only retained in perfect clarity what she heard, she rapidly advanced her vocabulary and thoughts.
It was almost painful to have my ability now. I wished to hear none of the thoughts of my family. But they were the loudest screams in my head. They were all versions of me too. The versions that were slipping away. Without contact with any of them, and no Bella connected to my soul, I was becoming more and more persuaded by Chelsea. My body had been poisoned once by the venom for the change, my mind now felt as though a new blackness was seeping in to me—calling my darkside out.
It worried me. I no longer possessed the desire to seek out the cells where my family was held. I truly only found myself drawn to Elizabeth because she was to marry my master tonight.
Her thoughts drove me even more insane.
I had not determined if she possessed a gift. Gifted vampires were born instantly with their new abilities. But the master of those gifts would be hard pressed to allow hers to flow from him I would imagine. Then again she might have something that none of us could recognize. I hadn't noticed Bella's until she used it… though I hardly realized when she first used it.
I sighed. "The Masters like their city the way it is. We have rules. To be one under the protection of the Volturi you must live under these rules. The first and foremost rule is protection—humans must never know that we exist. If we hunt them, they will figure it out. If they disappear and are drawn into our net… it is the oldest rule. Mistress."
She scowled like a two year old scolded for wanting a cookie before dinner. "He would let hunt." She taunted. I rolled my eyes.
Would he? He just might. I could see it in her mind—Aro's worship of her. It was something almost more fascinating than reading her mind. I could not know Aro's mind—his shield was strong. And so I could only guess at the motives behind his devotional eyes as they watched Elizabeth. But they were always on her—and always dancing.
I refused to believe that he loved her. Aro was incapable of love. Unlike my father, Aro truly was a man without a soul. He was corrupted and hungry for power. Erebos was simply lost—innocent to what it meant to love. But more and more these days—the more that Chelsea convinced my mind that Aro was a sort of father to me now—I was beginning to see her loved by the dark creature.
It was frustrating. It was insanity. But it was necessary.
"Come," I said holding my hand out to her. I begged whatever fates were controlling this destiny to force Aro to show his hand soon.
I could hear Esme whimpering in the distant corners of my mind. My human mother clutched my hand to follow me in to the hall while my vampire mother begged forgiveness of Carlisle.
My breath stopped. I couldn't do it. I couldn't drink human blood.
"Edward?" Elizabeth said turning when I stopped.
"I must attend to something else." I lied. I fled to my room—in the tower. The very room that Carlisle had stayed in one hundred and fifty years ago.
"Talk to me Edward." My Bella was saying. I ground my teeth and balled my fists.
"I can't do it. I made a promise to you… I can't drink..." It had been two months. Two months since they brought us here. Two months since I had last hunted with Bella in the woods before she left. Two months and my thirst was consuming me.
"What promise?" She knelt between my legs and put her hands on either side of my face. I could almost feel the electricity that used to flow between my love and me at the contact of our skin. This felt so real to me.
"I promised that since you gave me your blood… I would never drink another drop of human blood."
Bella laughed. I knew what she would say before she said it. That was one reason I knew she was really my physical Bella. "I hope that that proves your Erebos' son once and for all." She chided. I smiled.
"Yes. The similarities are to numerous to ignore any longer." I knew who my father was—both of them. And with Bella here, touching me and pulling me out of my mind—I knew that Aro was not either of them.
"It's time Edward." She said—her eyes grew hollow like Bella's did in one of our dreams. It was a moment—stored by my Bella in my mind, through this part of herself that was forever locked inside of me.
I felt my body jump against my will. Some uncontrollable force suddenly awakening inside of me.
"What is happening?" I said with a breathless fascination.
The walls of my reality seemed to shift ever so slightly.
When my focus readjusted, I found a beautiful young woman leaning against the opposite wall. Though I had no idea who she was.
"What did you do?" I searched my mind—it was dark. There were thoughts and memories, but none of who that creature was watching me.
"Shh…" She said raising a tiny finger to her perfect red lips. "It's a secret." She whispered.
I found myself smiling automatically. I wished to know more—but suddenly I was being called to my master's side.
"Let him touch you, Edward." The angel said, not coming any closer to me. "Let him touch you."
I nodded. I had no idea what she was talking about. But for her I would let every man touch me if it was what she wanted. An image of my master flitted across my mind—now I knew who she was talking about. Let him touch me.
Earn his trust. Her sweet voice whispered in my mind. Yes. Whatever she said.
I straightened my cloak and headed down to the feast. I could smell it already. Human blood—intoxicating. My throat burned.
Some stray thought told me that it would not be as fulfilling as it once had. That I had tasted something so delicious and so pure that even human blood would now pale in comparison but I didn't remember it.
"Come my son," my master said as the assembly stood waiting at the great door. He led us into the hall. We each had a place to stand. I was next to his chair—usurping his former favorites—Alec and Jane.
Alec's thoughts were vicious as he spied me standing there—Jane's thoughts were troubled, she hardly noticed where she stood.
I offered my master my hand. It felt natural to do so. I wondered that I had not done it before. He took it without hesitation—in fact there was almost an urgency to the swiftness of his movements.
"Ah." He said as if I had confirmed something for me. "Jane dear one." He waved her over. She glared at me and I felt her gift begin to burn my mind.
"No Jane." He warned I was released.
"Jane… do you have something you wish to tell me?" She bowed her head and offered him her hand. I could see the exchange on her end—still denied access to his thoughts.
I gasped internally and tried not to show any outward signs of distress. I didn't know why, I was a part of this coven now and should trust this new family I was in. But I knew… sensed, that I could not trust what I thought was true. The Cullens were some beacon in my mind. And with the story Jane now showed my master—I ached to find them and comfort them.
Jane was not only one of the most ruthless and lethal weapons of the Volturi coven—but she was the twin sister of my former brother Jasper. The reason Jasper became a vampire.
But even that revelation was not the biggest shock—Jane moved past her preoccupation with Jasper to show Aro what was truly troubling her. And what I saw made my mind explode.
I bit down on my surprise. And awaited the feast.
Earn his trust. The angel's voice echoed in my mind.
\/Darkside\/
Jane POV (earlier that same day)
Alec paced back and forth in the small room. I sat still as a stone. Playing solitaire.
"Why do you always do that?" He groaned.
"I find it relaxing." My hands and eyes swept across the cards so fast that a human would barely be laying out the cards in the time it took me to complete the game.
"It is pointless Jane. There is not purpose to playing that game when you are one of us."
"That is what you always fail to realize Alec." I raised my eyes and sent him a sly smile. He snarled as my gift made him jump. "Some times it is the simplest of things that can make one feel accomplished."
"You never make any sense. You never have."
"I did once. To someone." His growl was more than a warning it was a promise. If I did not let go of my desperation to go to Jasper—he would find a way for there to be no temptation waiting in the dungeon.
"I'm sorry." I begged. I dropped the cards and flitted to his side. "Forgive me." I pleaded. I put my hands on his face and looked deep into his eyes.
"For now." I said backing away from me. I felt cold and empty when he did that. Alec had the ability to make me feel more than anyone ever had in my two thousand years of life. Such warmth and completion that I was chained to his side with a hunger for it. He was like a drug to me—and my addiction had only grown in time.
I hugged my arms around myself to hide the ache that his dismissal caused.
"Will he be there tonight?" I knew the answer. Of course he would. Our master would enjoy if nothing else to study the torment that it caused me to see him and ignore him.
My brother. What had happened to my brother? I didn't know. Alec told me he was dead. After I… I bit him. Alec said that he died before he turned. That when he went back to the forest he was gone.
What had happened? Oh, Jasper, so many centuries lived with so much guilt. To know he survived—it was a weight off of my shoulders… But it was also a doubt that was spreading through my mind—a black poison that was blocking out what I had believed to be true for so long.
Alec hissed by the door. I had forgotten myself. It was time for us to join the others.
"I'm sorry." I said once more as I passed him and headed out in to the hall.
"Do we bring the girl with us tonight? Master Cauis seemed to think that she needed to be there physically tonight—so many gifts on the Cullen's side."
Alec nodded as he walked by my side. I often wondered if it was not as my mate that he wished to be joined to me—but rather to replace the twin that he had stolen me from in my youth.
"Yes. You will bring the girl. I am to help Marcus prepare for the ceremony."
I nodded. We split at the intersecting halls. The caverns of my family's home could be quite confusing if one attempted to navigate them on a whim. I had been here for too many years to ever be lost. I knew these halls better than most—almost better than even master Cauis.
I knocked on the door at the highest point of the tower. The girl's room. She had been here for over a decade- The most curious creature to be collected by the masters but a necessary and powerful ally to have at our side.
"Is it time?" Her delicate voice said while opening the door.
Her beauty always struck me. Master Aro claimed it was part of her gift—to make those who looked upon her to worship and cherish her. I nodded and she raised her hood to cover her adorable face.
When her eyes met mine again—I was taken aback. I had never realized it. I barely remembered what he looked like until he returned with his family two months ago. But… she looked just like…
"Who was your father?" I asked unthinkingly. It was more than a sin to question our masters. Asking questions at all challenged the belief that we deserved more knowledge than they gave us. I would be punished for asking—whether I learned anything from it or not.
"I don't know." She whispered. Her eyes danced along the darkness of the hall. "I was brought her as a child. I have no memory of a father… or a mother."
Her breath pushed out from her tiny mouth and tantalized my thirst with the hint of human that still remained in her body. Half human. Not quite as desirable as the ones that would be arriving downstairs—but still delicious to taste in the air.
"Should we head down?" The girl asked nervously. She did not wish to share in my punishment. I nodded with a scowl. I was never at ease in her presence. Being a mind shield she was impervious to my ability. The only vampire I knew of who was—half vampire.
"Come with me…" I held the door open and waved her through.
"Renesmee."