an: since the last two chapters have really bummed you guys out, I figured I'd give you two today to try and make up for it? I'm glad you seem to be enjoying this story at least! These last few chapters are my absolute favorite so I hope they leave you smiling!

twenty-one.

Killian gets home the night before he's due to leave for Storybrooke feeling like he's about to make the biggest mistake of his life, even though logically he knows this is the best decision he could make.

He's got boxes to pack and he figures he'll just stay up for a while finishing up the job, because he can't sleep anyway.

Sleep proves to be his enemy each and every time he closes his eyes.

The last thing he has in his fridge is pizza he'd ordered a few nights ago, so he finishes the remains cold, turns on his music to something relatively low so as to not wake Emma or the baby, and packs what's left into six boxes.

He gets heartsick all over again when he finds his copy of Peter Pan sitting in his night table. He remembers how nervous Emma had been giving it to him, as if he could hate anything she had to give him at all.

Killian sits on his bed and licks his lips. He thumbs the novel open and then stops short when he discovers a folded piece of paper that he hadn't seen before.

His heart stops and he can't breathe as he lifts it and discovers that it's a picture, but on top, there's a sticky note. From Emma.

I drew this picture of you the day I met you. I was so frustrated with you for being ridiculous, but secretly, I loved every minute of it.

I'm sorry for holding back for so long. You're not so bad after all, Killian Jones. I could probably fall in love with you if we're not careful.

Merry Christmas.

-Emma

He peels back the sticky note and he laughs at the picture she'd drawn of him. It's so well done, with detail precise and natural. She's drawn from his shoulders up, even perfecting the arch of his eyebrow and the curve of his smile.

Clearly, she'd intended this to be part of his gift, but he hadn't seen it in time. Oh, how he would have loved to compliment her artistic mastery.

Killian leans back against the wall that separates them and slips the artwork back into the book before he settles it down on his night table again.

He decides, in that instant, that he needs to try. One more time. Even if she won't listen to him or talk back.

He hears her on the other side of the wall muttering to herself. It's two in the morning and she's been home for hours, but apparently, she's not sleeping well either.

"Emma," he murmurs her name and taps gently on the wall.

She stops muttering. "Sorry. Are you trying to sleep?"

"No," he responds. He pauses, just allowing himself to soak the moment in. "I just saw your note in Peter Pan."

"Oh."

He smiles a little. "I rather liked your artistic rendering of me, Swan. Very roguishly handsome, if I dare say so myself."

Emma laughs, an actual laugh, and he smiles even more because of it. He hasn't heard her laughter in what feels like forever and he's missed it so much more than he'd thought possible.

"Yeah, well," Emma sighs. "You said it, not me."

Killian hums. He closes his eyes and plays with the wedding band wrapped around his finger. He should probably take it off, but he can't fathom parting from it, at least not while he's still fighting for them.

"How are you?" she asks softly.

Killian's heart leaps. He takes a deep breath. "I wish we could talk."

"We are talking."

"Not like this," he sighs.

Emma's quiet. Killian turns to the side so his ear presses against the wall. He lifts his fingers to caress a line where he imagines she would be.

"How's Henry?" he changes subjects, sensing she's uncomfortable.

"He's getting better."

"That's good."

"Mm."

More than anything, Killian misses seeing her.

He misses the pout of her lips when she's frustrated, or the roll of her eyes when he says something ridiculous. He misses how warm she can be, and how happy her eyes can get. He misses feeling like he has someone to talk to if he needs to, because she'd been that for him and he likes to think he'd been that for her.

"I'm leaving tomorrow." Killian tells her. "I'd hoped I could come see you in the morning before I leave for good."

It makes him sick, even thinking he'll be leaving her here on her own, but she's not his and despite how comfortable their relationship had been at the end, they're not in that place any longer.

"Okay," Emma replies softly. "I have to leave for work at seven thirty."

Killian sucks in a deep breath. "Alright. I'll be there before then."

Emma is quiet again and Killian leans his head back against the wall. He pulls the wedding band off and settles it down on the night table after he studies it for a few moments.

It's over between them. It has been for a while now. Holding onto the past will give him nothing but heartache.

/

Emma feels heavy when she wakes up. She hadn't slept well, tossing and turning the whole night long.

"Daddy?" Henry asks.

Emma sighs as she gets out of bed. She shuffles toward her son and pulls him out of his crib. She carries him into the kitchen and sits him down in his chair. The boy keeps asking for Killian and it feels like she's being torn apart.

He's not even gone yet.

Tears burn in her eyes, but she refuses to let them go, and she gives Henry something to eat before she turns on the television.

"It's just a normal day," she murmurs to herself.

Even though it's probably going to be the day her tear ducts dry themselves out from all of the crying she'll be doing.

She curses the fact that Killian Jones could ever make her feel this way, but it's for the best. They weren't ever truly together to begin with and after what happened in Storybrooke, she can't expect things will easily fall back together.

She goes to clean up for her day and as soon as she's in her work outfit, there's a knock at her front door.

Her heart skips a beat.

Henry's chattering when she hurries into the kitchen and she stands at the door with her fingers trembling just a little at her sides.

She unlocks the door and then steels herself before pulling it open.

Killian stands on the other side, a nervous little smile on his lips. He looks really, really tired, but he's so handsome that it makes her heart swell.

"Hey," she says. Her voice cracks a little and she pulls the door back so he can enter her apartment.

"Hi, Emma."

When he's inside, Henry starts yelling excitedly. "Daddy! Daddy!"

Killian laughs warmly and Emma watches with her lower lip between her teeth as Killian approaches her son.

It's easily the happiest reunion she's ever seen. Killian gives Henry's face kisses and Henry makes delighted sounds.

"Hi, Henry," Killian grins. "Hi, monkey."

He drops down so he's at eye level with her son and she can see he's so in love with Henry just in the way he laughs at the silliest, simplest things he does.

Henry offers him a piece of his cereal and Killian accepts it with his lips. "Mmm. Very yummy, isn't it, lad?"

Henry grins at him and munches on his breakfast. "Dada." he hums happily.

Killian smiles and pushes himself back up. He leans over Henry and kisses the top of his head. "I love you, Henry."

She's fairly certain she hasn't ever felt worse about her choices.

Killian turns to her and swallows. He tilts his head to the side and smiles weakly. "So… this is it, aye?"

Emma just stares at him. She can't bring herself to witty comebacks or even truths when she feels like this could very likely be a huge mistake.

"Yeah," she manages to get out.

Killian glances around her kitchen and then looks at her again. "Emma, I want you to listen to what I have to say right now, because I have been thinking about what I'd like to say to you for quite a while."

Emma nods at him. "Okay."

Killian takes a breath. "I don't blame you for what happened in Storybrooke. I don't think any of those people blame you for what happened, either. It was my idea to lie to them. It was my fault for not giving us dates to work with." He shakes his head. "Not that lying to them was a good idea to begin with."

He brings his hand up to his hair and slides his fingers through it. "But it happened. You and I went to Storybrooke. We lied to everyone and said we were a family. And for a week, you steadily chipped away at me, until you held me in your hands. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you, Emma."

She closes her eyes and shakes her head. "Killian-"

"No, you let me finish," he says firmly. "What happened to me six years ago brought me to a place I hated and I couldn't leave it until we met. Do you know that the nightmares went away that first night you were living next door? Or that I quit drinking when I properly met Henry?"

His words make her heart break. She melts under his gaze, finding herself folding her arms as a form of defense.

"When we went to Storybrooke together, I didn't think we'd get as close as we did. I knew you had your history and that I had mine. I knew that we were similar in the sense that we were both broken. I had been so lost before we met, Emma. Somehow I was able to find home again. In you and in Henry."

It feels like he's putting responsibility for his goodness on her shoulders and she can't have him doing that. She can hardly look herself in the eye in the mirror anymore.

"Killian, you have to stop acting like I'm your savior," Emma tells him, her voice hard.

"You're not my savior," he concedes. "But you certainly led me down the path to finding peace." She sees the honesty in his eyes and he smiles weakly. "I wanted to be a better man for you, Swan."

Her shoulders fall and she knows he's waiting for her resolve to break, but it won't.

Killian searches her eyes and nods his head as his jaw clenches. "I had to try to fight for you. For us. For the wild week we shared."

She feels tears in her eyes, but she doesn't say anything. Killian manages to smile and he takes a deep breath.

"I suppose I should be off. Everything's packed and ready to go. I just… came up to see you both."

Killian looks over at Henry and then back at her. He steps toward her and she doesn't know what to expect. His lips press against her forehead and her eyes flutter closed.

Her heart is racing and she needs him to leave, because she can't move on if he's making her feel like this.

Killian goes for the door, pulls it open, and then turns back around. "I know what I want to ask as my third question."

Emma gives him a weary look. "Killian-"

"Do you love me?"

Yes. Her heart is in her throat and she nearly tells him what he wants to hear, but she can't speak.

Killian waits for her, studying her as if this is the last time he'll ever see her again.

"Do you love me, Emma?" he whispers, desperation lacing his tone this time. "There's no need to fear that I'll leave you if you wish that I'd stay. You've ruined me completely for anyone else. I'm about to go to Storybrooke, but if you said the word, I would stay. In a heartbeat. I'm yours, Emma."

She searches his face and swallows. Emma shakes her head. "I don't know what you want me to say."

His cheek flinches when his lips pull upward for but a moment and he nods his head sorrowfully. "Goodbye, Emma."

Emma stares at him and her heart races. "Bye."

And then he's gone. The door closes and she hears him walk away.

He's gone. Forever. Never to return.

Emma's eyes widen as she stares at the door.

She lost everything a few days ago. She lost Storybrooke. She lost her friends. But that was a choice she made. Mary Margaret told her that she loves her still- that she wants to be friends- for real.

She hadn't truly lost Killian a few days ago, even if it's felt like half of her heart had been ripped away from her when everything fell apart. No, right now, he's leaving the building and he's leaving the state.

She's really losing him right now.

"Daddy?" Henry asks.

Emma surges forward and she rips open the door, not bothering to put her shoes on or to grab her kid. If all goes well, she won't be gone long.

She looks around as soon as she's out in the hallway and she finds Killian not anywhere to be seen. So, naturally, she begins to run to the elevator.

He's standing there when she reaches it. The doors peel open as soon as she says his name and he furrows his brow as he turns around to see her.

"Emma?" he asks.

She takes a breath to steady her breathing and she searches his eyes for a brief second. "Yes."

He looks confused. "What do you-?"

"Yes," she repeats. "I love you."

Killian immediately smiles as if he can't believe it and Emma does too. Her heart feels much lighter now and all fear leaves her shoulders. He's here now. He's not going to go anywhere.

He leans in and presses his lips to hers. Her arms go around his neck and he wraps his around her middle. Killian tugs her to him and she can't help but smile when they break the kiss only to be reunited again.

Her lips tug at his and he hoists her up off of her feet. It makes her giggle against his mouth and he just grins smugly until he sets her down again.

Her fingers dig into his hair and she leaves soft kisses to his lips until she's finished kissing him for the moment.

Emma meets Killian's eyes and for once, she feels good about a choice she's made.

"Do you mean it?" he asks quietly.

"Of course I do," Emma rolls her eyes. "I don't tell just anyone I love them."

She drops her arms from his neck and his fall away from her middle. Emma takes a deep breath and turns back toward her apartment. "Come back with me?"

Killian nods quietly. "Aye."

She finds his hand and eagerly takes it. She doesn't want to lose him again. She can't lose him again.

Emma pushes open her apartment door and they both enter one after the other. Henry's pleased to see them both. He giggles and says both of their names.

Emma turns to Killian as they stand in her kitchen and for a moment, they just stare at each other, until Emma finally crumbles, her hands running up his arms.

"I missed you," she tells him. "I missed your stupid jokes and your bedhead and your laugh-"

Killian settles his arms around her middle and pulls her toward him. He buries his face in her neck and she wraps her arms around him, too.

"I missed you too, love," Killian whispers. He leaves a kiss to her the spot behind her ear and then to her cheek as he pulls back. "What will we do, Emma? How's this going to work? I've just given up my apartment."

Emma laughs and shakes her head. "I don't know. I… maybe you can stay with me and Henry for a few days until we can figure something out."

Killian glances over at her son and a smile fills his lips. She reaches up to his neck and drapes her arms around him. He turns to her and tilts his head to the side.

"That might be nice," he murmurs.

He lowers his lips to hers and she giggles when he kisses her, delighted that she's back in his arms, and that they're happy together.

"You know what would be really nice?" she asks against his lips. She kisses him again.

"Hm?" he chases her for more until she's pressed against the counter and his fingers flex on her hips.

"You take me to dinner tonight."

Killian hums warmly. He settles his forehead against hers and she meets his bright eyes.

"That sounds pretty nice," he agrees in a whisper.

Emma nods. "Yeah." Her phone suddenly goes off and she widens her eyes when reality hits her. "Crap. Okay." She pushes Killian back gently and hurries into her bedroom to collect her stuff as she calls out, "I have to go to work so if you want to stay and watch Henry, that's fine, but the sitter is going to be here soon-"

There's a knock at her door just as she enters the room wearing her shoes. Killian just smiles at her.

"Don't worry," he says on a comforting nod. "I'll take care of him. When will you be back?"

Emma takes a deep breath. "Around seven. Early for once, but traffic is killer."

"Aye," Killian agrees.

Emma steps up to her son and kisses the top of his head. "Be good, monkey. I'll be back soon."

She goes to Killian and puts her hands in his. He gladly leans in for a kiss and she smiles against him. He keeps chasing her for more, likely so she'll laugh, and she does.

"I gotta go, Killian."

"Okay."

When they part, she beams up at him and he back at her. Finally, something in her life feels right.

/

As soon as Emma leaves, he's faced with watching and caring for Henry. The boy is delighted to have him back, and Killian is equally as pleased.

He and Henry bond over breakfast shared on the sofa while a television show about bubbly animals plays. Then, between diaper changes, excited laughter, and playing with all of his toys, Henry becomes sleepy.

Killian rocks him to sleep and then finds himself without a single thing to do. Until he realizes he could probably clean the apartment.

He starts with the main living area, finds the vacuum and the duster, and sets to work putting toys away and adjusting her furniture.

When he gets to the kitchen, he cleans the sink full of dishes, discovers her leaky faucet and immediately goes to grab his tools to fix it, and then he remembers her fridge and does the same.

He's singing to himself as he scrubs down the countertops and he starts when his phone chirps from halfway across the room. He sets his sponge down and goes for his device.

It's a message from Temporary Wife. He has to smile because of the fact.

How goes it, Daddy?

Killian bites down on his lip as his stomach twists. He eagerly types out a response: Fairly well for a Tuesday. Henry's down for a nap. How about you?

He doesn't have to wait long for her to reply: I miss you.

He smiles to himself. You'll see me soon enough, but I do miss you quite a bit as well.

Are we still on for dinner?

He has a look around her apartment as he ponders where he'd bring her and how it would go.

What if we stayed in tonight? I can take you out on your night off.

Fine by me. I'm getting a headache anyway.

That's no good.

I'll be fine. Talking to you is making it better.

I didn't realize I was a miracle worker. How nice. I'll have to add that to my resume.

I'm rolling my eyes.

Killian laughs out loud. I can tell.

I have to go. I'll see you in a few hours.

I'll be counting the minutes.

He settles his phone down after he changes her name to My Swan and then rakes his fingers through his hair as he looks around the apartment.

He's delicate when he goes to clean her bathroom. He finds out what kind of shampoo she uses and has a good whiff of it because he misses her, and by the time he goes to clean her bedroom, Henry's wide awake.

"Oh," Killian laughs. "Hello there, Henry."

"Dada," Henry chatters with him.

Killian decides to tidy up Emma's bedroom before letting Henry up. He handles it gently and doesn't go snooping, instead just makes her bed and gathers up her laundry so he can take it down to get it cleaned.

By the time he's finished cleaning everything, he and Henry stand together in the kitchen while Killian prepares something for dinner. The television is on low and the table is set for the three of them.

All that's missing now is Emma.

"Alright, Henry, look at how clean the apartment is," Killian grins at Henry. "Daddy fixed it right up for Mummy. Do you think she'll like it?"

Henry smiles at him and sticks his hand into his mouth, causing Killian to scoff and remove it right away.

"C'mere, lad. Let's get you something to eat. I know you're hungry."

As he's settling Henry into his high chair at the dinner table, the door opens. He turns to find Emma entering, a relieved smile on her lips.

"Hi,"

Killian can barely keep himself together. Seeing her again after a rather long day is so good. To think that he'd almost lost her today is bewildering, because she looks so lovely that he'd be a fool if he ever let himself let this go.

"Hi," he replies, feeling breathless and hopeful.

Emma furrows her brow as soon as she looks away from him. She scans the apartment and cocks her head at him.

"Did you clean?"

Killian holds his mouth open. "Ah… I may have gotten a little carried away with the disinfectant wipes, yes."

Emma laughs. She takes her shoes off and shrugs out of her coat. He goes to her and takes it from her before she can remove it fully.

She laughs again and he might consider recording it because it's truly music to his ears, hearing Emma Swan happy.

She meets his eyes and presses on his chest as she raises up onto her toes to kiss him hello. It's a sweet innocent kiss that remains that way. She lowers herself back down and hums.

"Hi."

Killian grins at her. "Hi." They stare at each other and then he clears his throat as he settles Emma's coat by the door. "I cleaned everything up and I did your laundry and I made dinner. It's just about done."

Emma scrunches her nose up at him. "You did my laundry?"

He feels a little embarrassed, his cheeks getting hot, and he holds his mouth open. "I… apologies. I just-"

Emma shakes her head with a smile. "It's okay. It needed to get done like a week ago but I haven't had the time. Thank you."

He releases a sigh of relief and nods. "Aye."

Killian goes to the stove while Emma goes to greet Henry and then she says, "I'm gonna go change."

"Alright. Supper's just about finished."

It has been a long time since he's had a proper date, and while this isn't exactly a date, it's certainly the first time they've had time together alone without their walls to hide behind.

The idea makes him just the slightest bit nervous, but as he's making Emma's plate of raviolis, he can hear her voice from her bedroom and suddenly his nerves go away.

"Hey, Killian?" she asks.

"Yes dear?"

"Where'd you put my- oh. Never mind I found it."

He laughs to himself and carries their plates to the table. He grabs Henry something to eat from the cabinet and settles it down on the tray.

"Alright, lad, let's see if the carrots taste good now that you've had a good nap in your system."

Emma emerges from her bedroom in a tank top and a pair of sweats. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun and she's wearing her glasses, but he doesn't think she could be lovelier.

She smiles softly at him as she sits at the table and Killian joins her.

"Did you make this yourself?"

"Aye. I did."

Emma arches an eyebrow and has a bite. She nods. "It's really good. I'm impressed."

Killian grins. "I'm glad you like it." He turns to Henry and feeds him from the jar of carrots. Henry hums happily. "Oh, good, you like them now."

Emma laughs. "Did he try to trick you earlier?"

He widens his eyes and laughs with her. "He absolutely did."

Emma's giggles are sweet. She shakes her head and reaches up to wipe Henry's lip with his bib. "Monkey boy, you're so smart."

He watches her for a few moments, still holding the spoon with a scoop of carrots between the tray and Henry's lips, and decides that he absolutely adores the way Emma cares for her son.

She casts a glance his way when Henry starts to complain and Killian straightens with a deep breath before delivering the food to the baby's lips.

"There we are," Killian mutters. "You like the carrots, don't you?"

When he turns back to see Emma, she's admiring him just as much as he'd been admiring her. There's a rosy hue in her cheeks as she cuts a ravioli in two and then she has a bite.

"So when are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?" Emma asks.

He arches an eyebrow. He feeds Henry another bite and shakes his head. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know… we kind of left Storybrooke and all of those people in the lurch." Emma has a sip of water. "And you don't have an apartment anymore, or a job."

Killian sighs. "It's fine. I'm sure… I could just find another job and another apartment if the landlord decides I'm an idiot."

Emma hums. She plays with her food and has another bite. "Well, you could... stay here. Watch Henry. Cuddle with me on the couch after dinner."

His heart swells at the mere idea and he can't help from smiling at her. "I suppose I could…"

Emma laughs. "Shut up. You want to. I know you."

He shrugs his shoulders. "I do." He feeds Henry another bite. "However, I have a truck full of furniture and I've got to do something about it."

She sighs. "Right."

Killian has a bite of his supper and smiles apologetically at Emma. "I've left the truck with a friend who lives nearby. He's keeping it safe for me. But I should probably follow through, otherwise Liam will think I'm massively depressed or something. He called this morning to check to see that I was still coming and I had to let him know I was delayed."

Emma frowns a little at that and his heart aches.

"But it won't be awful, Swan," he promises. "I'll stay for a few days and we can decide if this relationship is going to stick. And if it is, as I suspect it is, we'll face reality then."

He watches her carefully, knowing full well that this might be enough to scare her, but she just nods.

"Okay."

Killian smiles in turn. "I'm in this for the long haul. I want this to work."

Emma's expression becomes bright. A rosy blush fills her cheeks and she smiles. "Me too."

/

Emma and Killian both sit with Henry for his bedtime routine, and Henry almost doesn't want to go to sleep because he's so happy that they're both there with him.

But, after a few read-throughs of his favorite books, a cuddle with both of them, and Killian's warm voice lulling him to sleep, he's out cold.

They both watch him sleep for a little while. Emma doesn't think she's ever felt so comfortable before in her life, and it should scare her, because this thing with Killian is very new and their feelings are so passionate already.

But instead of feeling fear, Emma feels content.

She and Killian go out to the sofa to watch late night television together and they share a blanket while Emma leans her head against his shoulder. His arm is around her and he leaves kisses to the top of her head every so often that make her heart skip a beat.

During commercial breaks, he'll ask her if she's cold or wonder if she's tired, and she just has to smile, because Killian Jones, a man she had once hated with a passion, is actually as tame as can be when he's in love.

That's what this is, she has no doubt.

The words terrify her, and she really shouldn't have admitted them earlier, but each time Killian holds her just a little bit closer while he laughs at something on screen, or each time he whispers about how he hates this bloody commercial, she feels it tugging at her heart.

She is in love with him.

"Are you happy?" she asks during a commercial break.

He looks at her, his brow knitted inward, and smiles. "I don't think I've ever been happier than I am right now."

"Yeah," she agrees quietly.

She reaches up to press her fingers to his hair, brushing it out of the way, and then she caresses the lines of his face as she had that first night that it was real.

Killian just allows her to have her way with him. He studies her while she memorizes the way his cheek feels in her palm when he leans against her and she bites down on her lip.

The show comes back on, but Killian turns it off. He turns toward her and her hand falls away from his face, instead coming to rest over his racing heart.

"When do you have a day off?" he asks.

Emma smiles at him. "I have a day off tomorrow."

He grins back at her. "Yeah?"

She nods. "Wanna go grocery shopping with me?"

Killian laughs and she delights in the feeling against her palm. He leans in to kiss her chastely. "I would love that." She slips her hands up to his hair and pulls him down for another soft kiss. "Perhaps we can go for dinner tomorrow."

"I would love that," she mirrors his response, a wry grin on her lips.

"Good." He nuzzles her nose with his and sits upright. "I'll sleep out here if you're tired. I know I am. Henry is quite the handful sometimes."

Emma hums. She pulls their shared blanket off and stands up. She waits in front of him and extends her hand to him. While it's sweet that he wants to give her space, it's been far too long and she's spent far too much time missing him for them to spend tonight apart.

"Come on. You can share a bed with me."

Killian playfully narrows his eyes at her as he takes her hand. "Why, Swan, I thought that was against your rules."

She rolls her eyes as he stands beside her and starts to walk him toward her bedroom. "I guess I've changed my mind."

"Now I wonder why that would be…"

Emma laughs happily and turns around to hit him in his chest. He makes pained noises and grabs for her. He wraps her arms around his neck and leans down to kiss her.

"I hate having to sleep without you," she admits softly. Their noses brush and Emma's eyes fall closed, her heart feeling impossibly warm as he holds her close. "Please come to bed with me."

"As you wish."