A/N: Oh no, not another sad chapter... Don't worry, it gets better! ;D I used one of my poems for this one. I hope you like it. Please no copyright, thanks :) Love ya, guys.

Chapter Twenty-One

Endless Pain

Monday, 4th – Thursday, 7th September 2017

Anastasia

Pain.

I still feel pain. Everywhere, it consumes me. My head and bones are throbbing. I want it to stop already. It's the same pain I felt earlier when I rose to consciousness. Several times I am in and out of consciousness, hearing bits and pieces. I cannot move. I feel like I'm dreaming though I'm not sure. I feel so groggy, and hazy.

Someone is gently sobbing again. No! Not again.

"I…I can't do this anymore," the angel sobs to someone else who is trying to soothe him. "I want her back. I want Ana back now."

"Shh, Christian, you will get her back," the gentle voice of Grace fills the room. "I have never seen you so distraught, dear. I am so sorry." Grace also sounds like she's crying, too. Will everyone stop crying already? I don't want them to cry.

"She's been asleep so long…I can't…God…I want her, Mom," Christian cries, sniffing. "I can't do this without her."

No…please, don't cry!

"I know, dear, I know," Grace says, sniffing also. I imagine her hugging Christian, trying to calm him. "Shh, she'll be awake soon, darling, don't worry."

"I know. But I want her now."

"Oh, darling…"

The voices fade and sleep closes in on me.

oOoOoOo

"She looks so peaceful," a soothing and familiar voice brings to my attention. "Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry this happened to you, dear."

It's Mom! She's with me, in Seattle! Oh, Mom…

My natural instinct is to jump awake and hug her…but I can't. My body will not let me.

"She does," a gentle and low voice sounds. Ray! "There's our little girl."

Oh, Ray…Daddy…

"She should get a lot of rest," someone else cuts in and it sounds like Bob. Oh, he came with Mom! "She'll be okay, she's strong."

I really want to hug them, but I cannot move. I can't open my eyes. It's frustrating.

"I love you, baby," Mom says and she sniffs. She's crying, too.

I feel myself slipping away yet again. No! Not so soon…

Sleep overtakes me.

oOoOoOo

"Oh, Ana," Christian says and I feel him squeeze and kiss my hand. He is crying yet again. "Please, baby, come back to me. Please. You've been gone so long. Please, baby, please. I want you back."

No, Christian, please don't cry… I want to come back…but my body won't let me. Please don't cry.

The lacking use of my body makes me dream of a poem in my fogged-mind.

Senseless (Poem by FlyingPages934 Aka, me.)

I feel myself underground;

drowning, suffocating.

But there is no feeling.

I hear myself screaming;

calling, shouting.

But there is no sound.

I taste the dirt on my tongue;

cold, moist.

But there is no flavor.

I see the light above me;

bright, out of reach.

But there is no sight.

I smell the blood around me;

strong like bleach.

But there is no scent.

I want to fight,

But my body is too weak.

I want to see,

But my eyes won't seek.

I want to taste,

But my tongue has died.

I want to speak,

But my voice has dried.

I want to smell,

But my scent has left.

I want to hear,

But my ears are deaf.

I want to feel,

But my touch is lost.

It's 40 degrees celsius outside,

But I am cold and frozen like frost.

I am for sale,

But there is no cost.

I am in jail,

But there is no bail.

Instead,

My senses are dead.

And therefore I am.

"We're going to have another child." He laughs and kisses me again. "I can't do that without you, baby. Please, come back. Just come back. I love you.

I love you, too! I want to scream but my brain is hazy and I fall back to sleep.

oOoOoOo

"Why isn't she awake yet?" Ted's adorable voice wonders. "It's been so long."

"She needs a lot of rest," Christian tells him.

"I want her to wake up now," he grumbles and I imagine him pouting. Oh Ted…

"Momma, wake up!" Phoebe shouts and it makes me smile inside.

"She can't yet, sweetheart," Christian whispers, voice strained. "I know – I want her back, too. We just have to be patient."

oOoOoOo

I rise to consciousness yet again and the pain is more profound than ever before. Fuck, it hurts! It clouds my body and my mind. I am aching so much. My shoulder and my leg hurt the most and I wonder why. Why am I hurting so badly?

Slowly, scenes of what happened to me come to my memory. Fuck! Jack! Oh, my, God, Grace! Wait, she's okay isn't she? I recall her talking to Christian earlier. Yes, she should be fine now. Thank God. Where is Jack, then? And Elena and the other men? Fuck…this happened so fast it's hard to recall it all.

The last thing I remember is Christian's frightened and utterly distraught expression as he looked down at me, begging me not to go once I was shot. Fuck! No wonder my shoulder and leg hurt so much. Oh, no… Will I be able to walk again? Oh, please, let me! It'd be horrifying having to use a wheelchair or something of the sort for the rest of my life.

Something else rises to my awareness and I gasp. I can move. I can literally move. Yes! Am I awake for good? Fully awake?

Slowly, my heavy eyes flutter open to the bright florescent lights of the hospital. When I look to the window, light shines through the blinds and I guess it's morning. I blink from the brightness. I notice that I have no need to pee like usual when I first wake up. Why is that? I feel dry so I know I haven't wet myself, thank God. Gosh, I feel so groggy. How long have I been sleeping for? Hours? A day?

I look around the room and only spot Christian in a cushioned chair beside me. He has his beside my stomach and is holding my right hand. My right hand has a bandage around the wrist and a heart monitor on its index finger. An IV needle is hooked in my right arm. I cringe when I look at it and avert my gaze. My left arm is in a sling and I feel my left leg bandaged up tightly. My left wrist also has a bandage around it as well as my cheek. Gosh, am I a mess.

I blink in bewilderment and I feel discombobulated. I watch Christian, peacefully sleeping on top of me and I smile.

Oh, Fifty.

He must be so exhausted, from troubled sleep and being so worried about me.

Trying not to wake him, I gently stroke his hair. He looks so adorable, his face pressed into my stomach and I can see half of his face. Déjà vu hits me and I think of when I was in the hospital like this last. I was also pregnant then, and it was after an incident with Jack. I shake my head in disbelief.

My stroking alerts him and Christian abruptly wakes up, lifting his head up to glance at me with wide-eyes. They are red-rimmed and puffy from exhaustion and crying. His eyes have dark circles under them, and I have an urge to argue with him about not getting proper sleep, but I hold it. He looks absolutely startled and relieved to see me and he blinks a few times and rubs his face from sleep, wondering if I'm really awake.

I smile at him and he takes a deep breath and exhales.

"Hi," I whisper. My voice is croaky and my mouth is utterly dry.

"Oh, Ana," he breathes and begins sobbing anew. Oh, no… He squeezes my hand and rests his face back on the bed near me, holding my stomach with his other hand. He softly cries into me and I continue to stroke his hair.

"Shh, I'm here, Christian," I croak. I clear my voice. Boy, it sounds terrible due to not being used for a while. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"I thought…I thought I'd lost you," he sobs, clutching me tighter. He's so vulnerable that it clutches at my heart. "Oh, I've been so worried, baby."

"I know, I'm so sorry, Christian," I whisper and bend forward to kiss his head. Tears spill from my eyes. He lifts his head up and studies me. "I'm really here."

"Oh, Ana," he cries again and pulls me into a deep kiss. I respond through sobs and we are all tongues and lips and tears and love. "I've missed you so, so much."

"I have, too." I smile and he smiles brightly back at me. He strokes my face and kisses me again and again. "I heard you while I was sleeping. Overheard some of your conversations."

"You did?" He is surprised.

"Yes," I chuckle. "I'm so sorry I worried you. I didn't mean to do any of this. I just wanted to save Grace."

"Oh, baby, I know," he breathes and kisses me. "I wish you hadn't of put yourself in danger like that. You could have easily asked for backup. But I am glad you went to save her. My brave Anastasia."

"I'm sorry," I sob. "I had to. Grant called me and said if I didn't come alone then he'd harm you, our kids and Grace. He said he'd kill Grace the moment anyone else walked into the room where they kept Grace. I'm so sorry. I'm –"

"Shh," he whispers, stroking my face and tears away. "I understand, Ana. I'm still mad at you." He throws me a glare. "So mad. But I am much more relieved you're alive and with me."

I laugh and he kisses me again.

"You can only be really mad at the ones you love," he whispers, staring deeply into my eyes. "I love you, Ana."

"I love you," I breathe and he takes me with his mouth. I pull back. "What's the time?"

He looks beside me at the clock and says, "It's just after 11am on Thursday."

"Thursday!" I exclaim, completely surprised.

"Yes, you've been unconscious for about four days, Ana." His eyes sadden more. "In a mild coma."

Shit!

I blink and raise my eyebrows in surprise. "Gosh. I'm sorry."

He shakes his head and his lips lift slightly in a trace of a smile. "I'm just happy you're awake now."

"So is Grace okay?"

"Yes, she's fine." He smiles. "Everyone else is mad at you, too, you know. You scared them to death."

I roll my eyes and smile. "It doesn't surprise me. Everyone loves to be mad at Ana."

He chuckles, squeezing my hand.

"What about Jack and Elena?"

Christian's jaw clenches. "Elena, Grant and the other two men have been thrown in jail, thank heavens." I sigh in relief. "Jack is dead."

"What?" I gasp, shocked.

"He's gone, Ana, you no longer have to worry. They're all gone."

"Wow. He's really gone. How?"

"It doesn't matter." Christian shakes his head. I must be frowning for he smooths my expression with his fingers. "Hey, shh, don't be scared, Ana," he says as he studies my face. He kisses my cheek, kissing a tear away. "We're safe, now."

I chuckle and sob and the same time. Then I throw my right arm around Christian and cry into his shoulder.

"Oh, baby," he sniffs and he's crying to. He hardly ever cries. He is holding my waist with his arms and being careful not to hurt me. But then he squeezes a bit too tightly and my ribs protest in pain. I wince and he lets go straightaway. "Shit, I'm so sorry, Ana!"

"No, it's okay," I say, smiling in reassurance. "I'm just very sore."

"I'm sorry, baby." He looks so uncomfortable, sad and lost. "I wish you were better already."

"I know. Thank you. I will get better, it just takes time." I sigh then study him. I pout. "You look so tired, Christian."

He chuckles and wipes his tears away, then kisses my forehead.

"I know," he sighs. "But I couldn't leave your side. I am so glad you're back. I thought you'd never come back to me." He chokes on the last few words.

"Oh, Christian," I cry and kiss him. "Please, don't think that. I will always do my best to come back to you. But you don't have to worry anymore – I made a promise to myself that I'd promise you I'd never put myself in danger ever again unless my life really depended on it. So I promise I'll be safe from now on, okay?"

He chuckles again and kisses my hand.

"I hope you won't be hurt again. I want you to stay with me, baby."

"And I will." I smile at him and then something comes to me. "Oh! Is the baby okay?"

Christian smiles, his eyes sparkling. "Yes, baby, it is. The doctor didn't give me any other news though, so I don't know its gender yet. I think the doctor wanted you to know first."

He looks so annoyed when he rolls his eyes that I laugh.

"Since we're already at the hospital, perhaps we'll get an ultrasound here. Sound good?"

"That would be wonderful," he breathes, smiling and kisses me. "I love you so much. I thought I'd lose you and our new child."

"Oh, Christian," I gasp, my heart melting at his words. "Please don't think about that now. I'm here." I stroke his face, feeling his stubble. It's spikey. "I don't think I've ever seen you cry this much. And I love you, too."

He pulls me into another deep kiss and presses his nose to mine for a while. We are lost in kisses and touches of reunion.

oOoOoOo

"Jeez, someone's hungry," Christian laughs in surprise. He is sitting in the chair beside me, watching me wolf down my food. I am hungry, very much so. "You haven't eaten in days, so it's no wonder."

I am eating chicken soup which was delivered from Bite Squad which Taylor ordered for me. It came with a bowl of its very own, a spoon, baked rolls, butter and serviettes. It was a rather big serving but I've nearly eaten all of it. The nurse said I was allowed to have soup but nothing too heavy.

"Yes, I am hungry," I mumble around a bite of bread. "Pregnancies can do that."

He smiles at me saying his line from the night I told him the good news.

"They sure can." Christian won't stop smiling or watching me and given the fact that I've been unconscious for the past four days, and been in many terrifying situations, I don't blame him. Come to think of it, this has been a very busy month. I giggle.

"What?"

"It's just that these past months have been awfully eventful for me," I breathe as I think about it. "Firstly I found out I was pregnant after being sick, secondly I was nearly raped and abused with a knife, then I got stuck in a fire, and lastly I was blackmailed into saving Grace and abused and nearly sexually harassed again and got shot with a gun. And now I'm here. Gosh, who knew all that could happen in less than a year?"

Christian's forehead is creased and he is gazing at me with a sad expression.

"Sorry," I apologize, grimacing. "I didn't mean to remind you of all that."

He takes my hand and squeezes it, smiling. "It's okay, baby. I just wish none of it happened to you. Except for the pregnancy, of course," he quickly adds and I beam at him.

"Of course," I agree and he kisses my hand.

"On that note, we're going to have to start thinking of names once we have the ultrasound."

"Oh!" I squeal in excitement. "Oh, now I really want to find out what gender our little one is." I realize I automatically touched my stomach and Christian places his hand over mine, stroking it with his thumb.

"How about we do that after you eat and meet the others?" he suggests and I grin.

"Yes!"

He chuckles and tells me to eat and I gladly obey.

oOoOoOo

"I am so happy for you, honey," my Mom squeals, hugging me gently. "I cannot wait for my new grandchild."

"Thank you, Mom." Tears prick my eyes.

"Oh, I was so worried!" she cries again, after the hundredth time, sniffing.

"We both were," Ray says and there are tears in his eyes, too.

"Mom, Dad, please," I whisper, wiping my tears. I squeeze Mom's hand. "I'm okay now. I'm sorry I scared you guys."

"Oh, we will always worry for our daughter," Mom breathes and she kisses my cheek that doesn't have a bandage on it. "I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you, too, Mom." I hug her once more and then hug Ray. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, Annie," he breathes, his voice tight with unshed tears. "I always will. You stay safe for us, now. Get lots of rest."

"I will." I smile at them and my parents finally leave. They were there for about half an hour. I sigh, closing my eyes. Christian is currently off to a restroom and meal break, leaving me alone with my visitors.

I've already seen Phoebe but Ted is currently at kindergarten so I won't see him until he finishes today. Kate and Jose are also desperate to see me, and just as I think about them, when I open my eyes, both of them come into my room.

Kate gasps and her hand flies to her mouth as she takes me in. Jose also looks shocked and concerned to see me in this state, though I know they would have checked on me while I was unconscious.

"Dios, mio, Ana," Jose breathes as he takes me in.

Kate rushes over to me and gives me a gentle hug.

"Oh, Ana," she breathes and she's crying. "I've been so worried."

"We both have," Jose says, repeating Ray's line from before.

"Guys," I whine and kiss them both on the cheek. "I'm sorry. I'm fine now."

Kate gives me a look and I roll my eyes.

"Okay, not healed but I'm conscious. And alive."

She laughs softly and then pouts at me, taking my hand.

"I hope you get better soon," she whispers and a tear rolls down her cheek.

It's so unusual for Kate to cry for she rarely cries. She is such a strong woman.

"Kate, please don't cry. I'm fine," I insist and I reach up to wipe her tears away.

"If you say so." She lightens up a bit and smiles. "Oh, I was worried for the baby, too. I can't believe you're going to be a parent of another little one, and soon!"

"I am!" I squeal and chuckle. Jose smiles at me, too. "I was really worried, too, and I am so glad and lucky it's safe."

"Ooh, may I see how it's coming along?" Kate chirps and clutches her hands together. I beam at them, take the cover and sheets off my stomach and lift up the hospital gown which reveals the large bump. Kate gasps and Jose's lips mouth a "Wow."

"So exciting!" Kate cries and I cover myself again. "Have you thought of names yet?"

"Yes, many, but it's a little hard when I don't know the gender. I'm actually planning to have an ultrasound today, so I'll tell you soon."

"Oh, my, God!" Kate squeals.

"Emocionante!" Jose cuts in. "I am so happy for you, Ana!"

"Thank you, guys." I beam at both of them and then it's time to say goodbye when the nurse comes in. They leave and the nurse checks up on my vitals. She tells me I'll need to sleep soon but I don't particularly want to. I ask her if I can have an ultrasound and she says that will be fine. She goes out to get an ultrasound doctor and now I am grinning and bobbing up and down in my bed with joy. My body protests in pain. I wince and stop moving. Jeez, moving is difficult.

Though I don't really care right now. Today I get to find out the gender of my little one.