Able-bodied crew indeed, Will thought. Bitch! Hell! Ass! Gibbs went on and on about them like they were champions, masterful warriors. That Mr. Cotton even had his tongue cut out and had his parrot talk for him.

"Mr. Cotton's…parrot," Jack tried. "You're not just going to be shouting 'shiver me timbers' the whole way, are you?"

"Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!"

"Who trained you how to talk if Mr. Cotton had his tongue ripped out of him?"

"Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!"

Will and Jack shared a look, each one pondering if the possessed bird cut the tongue out himself. About to complain…again…Will shut his mouth when he saw Jack approach one of the crew with a reluctant look on his face.

"Anamaria, I might have known."

"Hey, folks! Anamaria from Anamaria's Used Ship Lot here, ready to tell you about the dozens of ships just waiting to belong to you! I'd sell you my best, but some staggering drunk named Jack Sparrow confiscated it from me!" she said all in one breath, a plastered smile revealing large white teeth. "I'll tell you what I'm gonna do for you because I like you—I'm going to take the blaggard's face half-off! Half-off! You can't find a deal better than that in this whole hemisphere, so come down and BUY BUY BUY!"

"Look," Jack stuttered, taken aback by the out-of-place sales pitch. "I'll replace your ship with that one there. What say you?"

Wind was most certainly in the sails as the crew cast off, a jaunty tune accompanying their work.

"I'm sailing away/Set an open course for the virgin sea/Cause I've got to be free/Free to face the life that's ahead of me/On board, I'm the captain, so climb aboard/We'll search for tomorrow on every shore/And I'll try, Oh Lord I'll try, to carry on," they sang, even with lightning striking nearby. The howling wind accompanied the ancient shanty.

"How can we sail to an island that nobody can find with a compass that doesn't work?" Will called over the wind, sharp raindrops piercing his eyelashes.

"Aye, the compass doesn't point north, but we're not tryin' to find north, are we?" Gibbs laughed. "We should drop canvas, sir."

"A gathering of angels appeared above my head/They sang to me this song of hope and this is what they said/They said come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me lads/Come sail away, come sail away/Come sail away with me/Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me baby/Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me," Jack sang, continuing the song.

"Jack!"

"What?"

"Why are you so happy?"

"We're catching up!" he said, brushing away the raindrops to check his compass.

By sunrise, they could see Isla de Muerta, an uneven, dark inlet with seven castaways waving their arms at them to be saved. The red shirted one looked untrustworthy, but the movie star looking one and the farmer's daughter looking one were salvageable.

"Shouldn't we pick them up?" Will asked.

"No," Gibbs said, shaking his head. "Them be the doomed castaways of the Minnow. It was just a three-hour tour, but the weather started getting rough and the tiny ship was tossed. There won't be goin' after any of them, not Gilligan, nor the Skipper, the millionaire and his wife, the movie star…"

"And the rest?"

"None."

"How is it Jack came by that compass?" he asked, spying Jack closing his compass with a loud click. "And how come I don't have one?" He stomped his foot.

"Not much is known about Jack Sparrow, least of all when he was the Captain of the Black Pearl."

"What? He failed to mention that."

"Well, he plays things closer to the vest now since his beloved ship was lost to him. Jack gave up the bearings to Isla de Muerta's treasure. That night there was a mutiny and before you could say, 'Singapore,' they marooned Jack out on an island and left him to die. Now, Will, when a man is marooned, he's given a pistol with a single shot. But Jack escaped and still has his one shot and he won't use it but on one man, his dreaded first mate."

"Barbossa," Will uttered and looked at the camera. "Everyone at home got all that? Now, wait a minute, how did Jack get off the island?"

"Well, I'll tell ye. See, he roped a couple of sea turtles and made a raft of 'em."

"Sea turtles?"

"Aye, sea turtles!"

"Bullshit," Will said. "What did he use for rope?"

"Ginger and Mary Ann's pubic hair," Jack interrupted. "Those bitches haven't shaved in years. Now Mr. Turner and I are to go ashore. Keep to the Code!"

"What Code?" Will was tiring of asking questions, but seeing as how he was the newbie, the lowest head on the totem pole, he decided to just go with it.

"Pirate's Code," Jack explained. "Any man what falls behind is left behind, and don't give me more shit about pirates. If you ask me, you're becoming downright annoying with all this holier-than-thou business. Springing men from jail, commandeering ships, obsessed with treasure. Now can you just stay quiet so I can use you…I mean, assist you?"

"Treasure?" Will balked. "I am NOT obsessed with treasure, just that pretty girl whose house I stand out in front of every night and have a shrine to in my workshop that I'm mighty glad you didn't see and…oh. Oh, God, I'm worse than that Edward Cullen guy!"

"I didn't really want to know all of that," Jack whispered, gesturing for him to climb up with him to see out. Surrounded by gold and jewels, Barbossa stood with Elizabeth in front of a massive chest, the medallion sparkling from her neck. What a long speech, Will thought, following a fly around with his eyes before regaining his focus.

"You might as well start on it," Elizabeth sneered at Barbossa. "I'm dying of boredom as it is."

"Fine!" Barbossa yelped at her, slitting her hand open and letting her blood drip down into the chest. Not feeling any different, he pulled out his pistol and shot at Pintel.

"He shot me!" was all he got. No. No, it wasn't possible. After all that careful planning of kidnapping the girl who just happened to have the medallion on her, not supplying her with a paternity test or anything, she just couldn't be the wrong person!

"What was your father's name? Was it William Turner?" He shook her.

"Don't feel much like singing now, do you?" she taunted. With that, Barbossa smacked her across the face, apparently with enough force to knock her out. Maybe the curse endowed him with super strength.

"Now I know this is difficult for you," Jack said, turning to Will, "but stay here and let me handle this."

"I don't think so. Taste oar, pirate!" Will whacked the side of his face with an oar. "I'm not going to be anyone's leverage, 'confident, feral eyes or not.' I'm beginning to think the narrator just has a crush on you." He slunk past the crew and found Elizabeth regaining consciousness. She grabbed the medallion and hurried off with him.

Meanwhile, the crew dispersed to search for the medallion. Jack set his jaw, trying to count his fingers to see if he had a concussion.

"You!" Ragetti blurted, finding him. "You're supposed to be dead."

"I'm not, but I may have to go to the hospital. Eight, nine, yes. Ten. Just like I knew I had. Okay, let's see…p-parumph, parsley, partner…"

"Parley?" Ragetti tried.

"That's it! Cleverness wins out over concussion. No hospital required!"

A/N: I'd really reallllly like some reviews. I do not own the song Sail Away. I also do not own Gilligan's Island, although I wouldn't claim ownership if I did in fact own that shit. Lol.