Chapter 21 A Desert's Night

The pale light of the full moon shone clearly through the branches of the Joshua Tree against which I leaned. Around me bathed in the light grew countless shrubs and the home of Ace and Anne just barely visible to the North. Sitting in lotus position I observed a wild coyote hidden in the brush stalking a jack rabbit before pouncing and not far from the other two animals watching as it perched on a cactus was a desert elf.

As though absorbing the near calm of my desert surroundings my eyes closed finally allowing the darkness to consume me as I began to meditate. My mind cleared and I searched for the Hamatos brushing each of their minds before finally finding a Hamato brother who was also meditating. The one who was meditating wasn't Leo as one would expect it to be, but instead it was Raphael.

Inside him I felt the storm of emotions that were wild as a fire, burning and consuming. It wasn't that his emotions hadn't been like a storm or a fire before, but now they were even more so, like a drizzle turned into a raging storm, or the urging pull of the ocean current turning into the strong jerking current of a maelstrom... Love and hatred, fear and courage, anger and sadness, but despite the raging emotions I called out to him.

He couldn't hide his surprise when he heard me. "Autumn!? Are you alright? Did Bishop hurt you? What happened?" He said in a panicked voice. Projecting calmness toward him I said "I'm fine. I'll explain what happened when you find me, I'm safe with a few new friends who have helped me. I know they are trustworthy, so don't worry about me. I'll be home safely soon." I then told him the coordinates of Ace's house, so that the hot head could tell Donatello allowing them to get here sooner and not waste time and gas.

"I love you and I'll see you soon, Raph." I said gently my voice seeming to tame the protective storm that raged within him. "I love you too, babe..." He replied as his voice began to fade away. "I love you too." Staring at the moon I couldn't help but think about the last sentences we said.

I love you... Many use the sentence but few truly mean it, these may be only three simple words but they mean so much. When you say I love you you're saying I accept you for who you are and don't want to change you into someone you're not. It means I'll stand by you even at the worst of times, even if you're in a bad mood or too tired to do the thing's I want to do.

I love you means I know your deepest secrets and will not judge you for them, asking only in return that you don't judge me for mine. That I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough to not let go. I love you means that I'll stand by you even when you're ripping apart my heart piece by piece. It means I'm dreaming of you thinking of you and always wanting to be by your side and hoping you feel the same way about me.

Once Raphael believed that as a mutant he couldn't find love. That no one could ever love a mutant, a "freak" like him proven by the screams of terror that escaped the mouths of the women they'd rescued. So he became short tempered, putting on a tough mask helped him cope with the belief that no one could fall in love for him.

Soon that mask became a part of him, destroying the child like mutant he had once been and replacing it with a hot-headed, passionate turtle who was loyal to a fault, he had decided if he couldn't have a romantic relationship he'd have to be strong enough for his brothers to not know the same pain. Years of protecting his family and sneaking topside led him to value the lives of humans as well, until eventually he felt as though he had to protect everyone from the countless criminals roaming the city. But then years after he had lost hope for love found me, a female mutant.

As a human I had been mocked, hated for my differences, because when something or some one isn't understood it's hated, and that's just the way it is. So I grew a strong mask as well, quiet, loyal, and tough. I joined martial arts to protect me and my friends from the bullies and the criminals. Practicing until I bled, desperate to be strong enough to protect every one from the pain that often comes with living in New York, but I never seemed to be strong enough. Every night I would go out patrolling the city and protecting the innocent men and women, much like the turtles do.

Though I had once been human, I was not scared of their mutated appearance, but instead only of the torture I had gone through and the men who had done it to me. After learning about them not being Stockman's experiment I had calmed down but like Raph even during my capture I had bottled up my emotions, not revealing any more fear or sadness, until one day.

Raph and I had somehow ended up alone in his room and started talking about what happened during my imprisonment, I told him the whole story and ended up letting out all of my emotions out in front of him but he accepted it, he accepted me, pain and all, and he wanted to be near me unlike most of my classmates. Not even two weeks later he admitted his feelings for me and we ended up together.

He truly loved me for me, and I love him for him, flaws and all. His brothers had become my brothers, his father, my father, his friends, my friends and my friends his. I love his appearance, his personality, his temper, his attitude, his voice and laugh, his loyalty, and his heart, and I can't sleep until he's next to me, my face against his scarred golden plastron, and my tail resting gently on his muscular green legs. In the past month or so I haven't slept except when I'm completely utterly and exhausted or knocked out, and even then it's either filled with nightmares or a restless dreamless sleep. If I am a ship he is my anchor in the stormy sea known as life.

As if just realizing the cold, I felt goosebumps upon my skin, jerking my head down from the beautiful pale moon to look at my dark arms suddenly noticing the freezing temperature. I knew if I stayed out much longer I'd probably get sick so I ran silently, past the animals of the night who ignored me. Silent, because I didn't want to wake Ace, Anne, and Jimmy. Unnoticed because I didn't want to scare the wildlife and probably because of my animal like smell I wasn't.

When I entered the house the lights were out so I walked towards where I was supposed to sleep, the recliner, but before I reached the lights flipped on. Before me stood, Jimmy face filled with concern. "Where were you?" I sighed, I couldn't get away from the mother hen like attitude that I knew Leo for, the big brother attitude.