Author's Note:
This is the chapter where Daniel takes the weight off his chest and it is as much of a relief to me as it is to him…I don't like unhappy and angry Daniel. I much prefer happy and funny Daniel, he's so much sexier. I would also like to address some of the issues raised in the reviews people so kindly have left for me to read: firstly, I chose to describe Vala's actions as immature to Sam because in her eyes, the mature and proper thing for Vala to do would have been to follow Daniel, which is something I envisioned happening between her and Jack if they ever got together, secondly, it was my intention to depict Vala and Tomin's reunion as a bit saccharin sweet, so it seemed as though she was glad he had arrived and went to him instead of her team for comfort. I also think that Vala changed since she met Daniel, so Cam's ability to sense what she's thinking is based on the fact that Daniel is an open character and she's starting to let her guard down around people she trusts. Also, the term 'fight' was meant loosely, as both are definitely at odds, I define that as a fight. Please do continue to read and review!
Chapter XXI – Betrayal & Guilt
"Vala, you've betrayed him and everything his heart risked to take up with you."
As Vala heard her friend speak to her, she felt disgusted with herself. She could not believe she had betrayed the man she loved the second her husband had made contact. If Sam was right – and it occurred to her that Sam was never wrong – she had hurt Daniel even more than she had earlier in the day. She had acted while she wasn't thinking clearly and it had backfired, as it always did. She was now left without a way to fix whatever had gone wrong between her and Daniel, as the latter could not stand the sight of her.
Sam saw Vala's shoulders slump and she just sighed and walked away from her. Sam knew that it would take the younger woman some time before she sorted out what to do about her crumbling relationship. Now, Sam moved onto her final objective of the day: to find Daniel and verbally beat the crap out of the jerk.
She knew from experience of 'Moody Daniel' that after the events of the tumultuous day he had had there was only one place he could have retreated to: his study. As she strode towards his haven, Daniel was probably buried under some pile of research or work of some kind so he could distract himself from the problems he faced and keep the world at bay until he had figured out what to make of it. He had always been something of a workaholic and it did not help him make sense of his personal life, so Sam was first concerned with pulling the archaeologist away from his desk.
Upon entering his study, Sam saw Daniel hunched over his cluttered desk peering intently at a tablet which was surrounded by textbooks and journals. Daniel had not registered her presence in the room until she loudly cleared her throat, which prompted him to glance up at her briefly however he only invited her to take a seat without a single word said. She knew his unwillingness to speak to her was because he was scared of what might come out of his mouth in a moment of rage, for he had a propensity for uttering words in anger and then instantly regretting the injury they did to those who heard them.
She sat patiently for five minutes, waiting to see if the man who was like a brother to her would pluck up the decency to begin the inevitable conversation, but she grew tired of waiting for Daniel to make the first move, so she said sternly, "Daniel, what on Earth do you think you're doing?"
"Excuse me?"
She saw the outraged expression, but paid it no heed, "With Vala? What do you think you're doing treating Vala the way you have? Please explain it to me because frankly I've been shocked by some of the things I've heard you say to her. At the party, you completely barraged her. From what I saw, there was no way she could have anticipated your outburst and you didn't even give her a chance to reply, you just stormed out of the room!" Sam's tone was swiftly changing from annoyed to sheer fury, "You without a doubt humiliated her in a room filled with her only friends here. She's devastated and whereas you are completely aware of whatever it is that she's done – in your mind – to warrant such conduct, you've kept her in ignorance. So, I'll ask you again and don't even dream of telling me to mind my own business, what has made you so livid with her?"
Daniel sighed, trying to rub the grief and stress and anger he had felt out of his wearied eyes, "Sam, I've got to get this tablet translated before the next dial-in to Pegasus and I'm quickly running out of time. It needs to be done for two days' time and I thought it would be less complicated than it is, so please just leave me to get on with my work."
Not moved by the exasperation and pleading in his voice, Sam pressed him further, "Daniel…I'm sure the tablet can wait. Atlantis is not planning on going anywhere, so just put it aside for a time and answer me."
Daniel eyed her knowing full well that she meant every word she said and he would not get any peace until he levelled with his friend, so placing the artefact down, he sighed once more, "It's probably for the best I don't finish it, then I can finally, after two attempts, both foiled by Vala, get to Atlantis…"
Sam knew then and there just how much Daniel was suffering over his strife with his girlfriend and that she had been careless to demand he tell her what had prompted such raw and personal emotions to be revealed in so public a manner, "Daniel, that's just not true. You know – deep down – that you're happy Vala managed to change the path your life was about to take and that you love her. No one you didn't love as much as you adore her would be able to elicit such a reaction from you. That much I know about you…"
"It was the jokes that did it, Sam," Daniel said with a distinct huff, "George Ewkiss and his stupid jokes. He came over to us at the party and started commenting on my astounding death count," he saw Sam about to tell him he shouldn't have let such a dickhead bother him so much, "and that wasn't it, but when the topic of Vala dying more since she has met me and the probability of our future children dying here, there and everywhere, something inside me just…snapped."
"Yeah, Daniel but why at Vala?" Sam asked with curiosity.
"It's fine when people joke about me dying, I can cope quite sufficiently with that, but when the person dying is joining in with the joke herself, then I don't understand what is so funny about that. In my life, I've loved so many people who have never been able to stick around: my parents, my grandfather, Sha're, Shifu…the list goes on and on. It," Daniel almost succumbed to the tears poised to be shed, "it breaks my heart, Sam, to think of Vala's name – and maybe any children we have – to be added to the roll of deceased people whom I have loved during my life."
The realisation of the turmoil she imagined her dear friend had gone through since that moment at the party was enough for the inquisitive blonde woman to understand just how insecure and fragile her friend's emotions were at times. It was something she had not seen that he shared along with Vala…
"Daniel, you ought to have dealt with all that differently. I can truly understand how it must have hurt you to have heard someone joke about Vala dying, but she doesn't know she did wrong. She's terrified of what it could be and she can't imagine if you're going to come back to her, though by what you've just said, I believe you are?"
Daniel gave Sam a look that would have been almost comic had the situation not been so grave, which in that situation would have had her on the floor in fits of laughter.
"I surely am, but what with Tomin's coincidental return, I doubt she ever wants to talk to me again after what I said and did to her."
Sam rolled her eyes, "Daniel, she was only hugging Tomin as a friend and if you'd actually have come down and met the man and witnessed her talk with him and us, you'd have seen that perfectly well for yourself. She only needed the comfort of a friend and Tomin just happened to be that friend, you really can't blame her for that. She and Tomin are estranged."
"But they're not divorced, are they?"
"No," she shook her head contritely, "they're not, but I suspect that was more because of the way in which Vala left him and how there was no time to fill in the paperwork for a divorce," Sam said sarcastically.
Daniel looked deep in thought as he wondered whether Vala would retreat and settle for her old husband now that her new lover had spurned her so, but he knew he must have a pretty good chance of winning her back even if she were considering Tomin again, for there were feelings shared between him and Vala since before she and Tomin had met, even if the affection that had grown into love had been unspoken for the longest time.
"What you need to do," Sam said, sensing her friend wonder what he should do (there was always a trademark expression for everything with Daniel), "is fully realise, o most intelligent of Daniels, "she winked, "that when Vala joined in the jokes with George, she wasn't trying to wound you. She did what she did for the same reasons that you acted in the way that you did. She simply adores you and to her, her death is an inconsequential matter because she values her life just about as much as you do yours! The thought of you, the man she loves, dying is as painful to her as her dying is unbearable for you. She has never reckoned herself to be good enough for you, Daniel, but she has tried so hard to prove to you, to us and to herself that she does deserve to be in love and loved by someone like you. She has succeeded in persuading us and you that, but I don't think she'll ever manage to truly believe herself worthy of you," Sam frowned at the archaeologist, now sitting in mild astonishment as he understood her, "and when you turned on her as you did, you – in a way – showed her that she was not deserving of your love and that she had betrayed you. So, in Vala's mind, you've proved her right, in spite of all of her efforts to prove you (and the rest of us, she thinks) wrong."
Daniel groaned, standing up to walk over to the only wall in the room that was bare from ancient prints and tapestries or charts of grammatical paradigms and begin to bash his head against it over and over, growing with force.
Sam watched as he tried to renovate his office using his head as the primary tool, but once she heard him grunt after a particularly hard head butt, she growled, "Daniel, stop being an idiot and leave the wall alone," as he returned to his desk, she continued, "and listen to me instead. Now, Tomin is here because he wants to start afresh and lead a life on Earth. It is obvious that he would like Vala to be a part of said fresh start, but I don't think she's made up her mind yet, so I am begging you as both your friend and Vala's, to fight for her and win her back because she so wants you to."
After saying her piece, the Colonel left the archaeologist in her wake to reflect on her advice and to start formulating a plan to win his girl back and this time, keep her!