Chapter 21: I'm Not Your Sister.
She staggered wearily through the empty streets of Eden in a daze. Her eyes continued to run over with tears, yet her facial expression was blank. Her mind was everywhere but where it should have been at the moment, too busy focusing on the thoughts of Vanille.
'Marry me Serah..'
Those were one of the many thoughts rushing through her mind. It played over and over, echoing loudly within the walls of her mind. And every time it did, Serah could feel her heart twisting. She groaned out loudly and grabbed at her chest. Marriage was something meant for true true love, not just something you play with. Which is why Serah turned down Snow when he asked. She knew she couldn't and would never commit to a relationship with him, let alone marriage. She just didn't see him and her going any further than just having sex with one another. But, then Vanille..
'Would you wanna get married Serah?'
'Maybe, but I'd have to be head over heels in love with someone to do that, and the other would have to feel the exact same.'
And that she was, head over heels in love with Vanille, which is why she accepted her proposal in the first place. She thought the red-heads feelings were the same, but somehow she missed the part where Vanille's feelings had suddenly change up on her.
"Serah!."
The girl had stopped immediately. she had no intentions to. Hearing that voice just made her, though she had ignored it earlier on. She was probably one of the last people, besides Lebreau that she wanted to go running to with her problems. Simply because she knew how things would turn out in the end. Just like before. "Lightning.." She whispered. Serah wanted to turn around and face her but refused. Lightning was probably looking at her with the same concerned expression that she had in the club. She didn't want Lightning to care so much about her because it'll only draw them close to one another. They'd develop feelings and one thing would lead to another. She wanted to avoid that as much as possible, simply because she knew that her own feelings would come from being so vulnerable at this moment, and that would only make another bad situation for her. "Just leave me alone. Alright? Being around you is too hard. Go away and just disappear from my life like you did before. Somehow, everything was much easier that way..."
Yes, the younger did have a point. Life was much easier for her before she met a certain red-head that spoke of Serah. From the moment Vanille mentioned her sister's name, the new life she had was ruined. All she could think about was Serah from that day on. She couldn't sleep, think straight, or even function correctly. Yeah her life was pretty fucked up now. All she could think about is having Serah back in her life again.
"Don't tell me what to do.." Lightning said dryly and walked up behind her sulking sister. She wrapped her arms around the younger's shoulders and pulled the girl against her. Lightning could feel Serah's body start to shudder and her sobs of sadness started getting louder. Lightning was still very clueless as to what was going on but she knew that Serah needed someone right now even if she wouldn't say it. She hated seeing Serah upset about anything. "It's.." She hugged onto her sister tighter. "It's going to be alright.."
It's going to be alright..? Serah shook her head as she grabbed the older's arms, and attempted to pull them apart from around her. but Lightning would not break the embrace. "Claire.." She sobbed, still trying to unlatch the woman's arms from around her. "Let..let go of me!."
Lightning refused. She continued to hold on to the girl no matter how much she fought against her. There were a few times she nearly lost her grip from Serah constantly elbowing her in the stomach. To see Serah in a state like this had the woman feeling numb inside. She would have never imagined that there would come a time where Serah would be this way. She was so used to seeing her sister in a brighter mood always smiling, and always laughing. There were never dark moments with this girl. But things changed, and for the worst.
"Lightning!." The younger finally gave in and turned around to face her sister. She threw her arms around her neck and buried her face into her shoulder. "Nothing.." Her body was so weak and tired from all the emotional stress, that her legs started to give out and she fell to the ground, pulling Lightning right along with her. It had been two days since she'd seen or heard anything from Vanille, and thae same two days she had gotten no sleep. "Nothing is going to be okay.."
She knew the girl was right. She remembered how hard it was for her to cope when she made the decision to leave Serah. "Come on.." Lightning stood up, pulling Serah along with her. "Let's get you home.."
"Ah, so ya come crawling back, just as I thought you would." Fang smirked and leaned up against the door frame. Her eyes stared down at the girl in utter disgust but the red head didn't see it since her head was down. "So, the broad did ya dirty again did she?" The woman asked but she received no answer which irritated her because she felt that she was being ignored. "Answer me, now.." She growled. Her voice was stern and demanding.
Vanille's body started trembling. It had only been a few days since she left Serah, but those days had been very rough on her. The night she had left, the red head had gone to the Bodum shelter, but her stay there was short when someone attempted to rape her. With nowhere else to go, she went to the park, where she has been staying for the past two days. All to avoid going back to Fang. But she knew it was only a matter of time before she would need shelter. She had not eaten since that night and she felt extremely weak. So here she was, back at the home of her ex-lover.
She had heard what the woman said but her mind was more focused on trying to keep her eyes open, and trying not to faint. Talking took too much energy, energy she did not have right now. She raised her head and looked up at the dark haired woman, only to receive an appalled expression from the woman. The red head looked horrible. Dark circles hung under both her eyes from lack of sleep, her beautiful red hair had a dingy tinge to it as well as the rest of her body, then her usual radiant green optics were red, teary and lacked the life that it would have on any other day. "Vanille.." Fang called out, she wasn't even sure if this was her. The woman, reached out and grabbed her shoulder but Vanille quickly drew back out of fear.
Fang huffed and stepped off to the side. This was definitely Vanille. "Come inside.." She said coldly and stepped away from the door.
Vanille was reluctant. She knew that stepping foot inside this place was like sealing away all the freedom she once had. This woman would make sure that she'd never see outside again, unless it was with her of course. The girl looked over her shoulder at the scenery once more, for she knew it would be quite some time before she would see it again. She had a choice, she did. She could easily just go back to Serah and fix up their relationship, make everything better again. But then Serah would be a target again. Fang would try to hurt her. She didn't want that. So this was the only way, even if it meant her having to endure Fang's terrible ways and possessive behavior. As long as Serah was okay, nothing else mattered.
"Are you coming in or not!?" Fang said, appearing at the door again.
The girl nodded and scooted inside as quickly as she could. The door slid shut and Vanille just stood there. She nervously fiddled with her fingers as her eyes scanned around the apartment as if she had never been there before. This felt so much similar to the time when she first stepped into Serah's house. It was so awkward being in the home of another person that she didn't know, and that's exactly how she was feeling now. Yet, she knew Fang, only the woman had the tendency to be very unpredictable at times.
"Oh keep ya shirt on ya brute!." Vanille heard Fang say before hearing the shower come on in the bathroom.
"I won't harm a pretty little hair on your pink haired friend aright." She said and walked out the bathroom. Her eyes looked directly at Vanille and motioned for the girl to go into the bathroom. "So you think ya threats scare me?" She chuckled and sat down at the table in the kitchen. "Just because you slugged me in the face doesn't mean a thing…"
The red head blinked at the woman then slowly walked into the bathroom. She closed the door and started with removing her clothes. Vanille knew who that was Fang was talking to. It was Snow, and from the sounds of it he had attacked her.
Vanille stepped into the shower and immediately felt relief on her skin. So Snow did follow through with what he was going to do, she was just glad that it wasn't as serious as she thought.
"Yeah yeah!" Fang said and walked into the bathroom, placing some pajamas on the counter for the girl. "I heard ya once-" She said and walked out the door. "Just keep that chick away from Vanille and-"
When the door shut Vanille quickly went back to her thoughts, but about Serah. She wondered about how she was doing, and how well she was dealing with their split up. The girl reached over to the side of the tub and grabbed the body wash that was sitting there and opened it. Knowing Serah she probably went back to what she was doing before the two of them even met. The pinkette had a whole different way of mourning. While she found it wrong and disgusting, it was also none of her business. What Serah did was no concern to her anymore. They were no longer- "Together…"
Vanille choked down a small whimper and dropped her head back, allowing the water to run through her hair. What was she about to start crying for? She's the one who made the decision to leave the pinkette in the first place. Crying about anything should be the last thing she should be doing. But it was hard. She was on her mind all the time. It was only a few days but it felt like an eternity since she'd seen her.
The bathroom door opened again and shut behind the person who entered. Vanille wiped her hand along the foggy glass door of the shower and peaked out. It was Fang. Then woman pulled the toilet seat down and sat down. The red head sighed out and went back to washing herself up. The woman looked bothered about something, which always worried Vanille since it's when Fang was always the most violent. The girl shivered a bit as she pulled the scrunchies from her hair. "Uhm.." Vanille started softly. "You alright, Fang?" She asked. She thought that if she could get the woman to talk about it then it'll probably calm her down. That was one of the many problems in her and Fang's relationship. They never talked about anything. Their communication was terrible.
Fang inhaled sharply and held it in for a few seconds before releasing it. She shook her head lightly. "No," She said coldly. "But it's nothing I feel like discussing so don't worry about it." Fang stood up and quickly walked for the door, but Vanille stepped from the shower and grabbed the woman's arm. "No," The red head said firmly. Fang instantly whirled around and faced the girl, causing Vanille to flinch slightly and step back. "Uh-uhm.." Vanille started nervously. Fang was staring at her coldly but Vanille did not release. "I know that was Snow.." She said lowly but loud enough for Fang to hear. "He was calling about Serah. Wasn't he?"
"Vanille I said I didn't-"
"Didn't way to talk about it.." Vanille cut in before the woman could finish. She could hear the rising annoyance and frustration in Fang's voice and was ready to back down but instead didn't. "I know. But you need to. Keeping things inside isn't good." Her grip on the woman's arm tightened. "Especially not for you. Now please Fang." She reached out with the other hand and gently grabbed the woman's face, turning it to face her. The red-head frowned at the sight. She didn't know how she wasn't able to notice it earlier but the woman had a large black and blue mark over her left eye that stretched to the base of her cheek bone. It wasn't that bad but it wasn't nice either. Vanille grazed her fingers across it in a gentle manner but Fang still flinched and pulled away. She turned her head back towards the door and huffed just as her fingers grasped the knob. "I said I'm not talkin' about it. Alright? So quit bringin' it up!" The woman growled. Fang snatched the door open and stepped out, closing it behind her.
Vanille sighed and stepped back into the shower to finish cleaning herself up. She didn't know why she thought that that would somehow work. Fang was never one to spill her emotions to anyone ever so why would she start now? The issue frustrated Vanille so much yet there was nothing she was going to be able to do to change it. She could continue to try and get Fang to talk to her but she doubted that it would get anywhere. Fang was going to be Fang and there was nothing she was going to be able to do about it.
~Five Weeks Later...~
-xxxxxx-
"You what!?" Snow exclaimed loudly as the pinkette took a seat down at the bar counter. He pulled a random choice of dark liquor from the shelf in the back of him and poured the girl some in a shot glass. "Y-you can't quit on me now Serah, you're one of my best. Besides Lebreau." He pushed the shot towards the pinkette and pushed the bottle off to the side. "I've been trying to contact you for weeks. You and Vanille both. I've been to your house and neither of you were there. Why? Why this so suddenly? Serah what's going on, are you okay?"
Serah's eyes leered at the dark contents in the shot glass. Weeks? That was it? Felt more like months to her, no centuries. Her and Lightning had been spending a considerable amount of time with each other lately and Serah has never felt happier, yet there was still a chasm in her heart, and the more time she spent with Lightning the bigger it got. Serah was happy but to an extent. She extended her arm out and latched her fingers around the tiny glass, but instead of picking it up and dumping the strong contents down her throat, she pushed it off to the side with the bottle. "No thank you Snow." She said calmly and looked away from him for a second or two. "I've been away, that's why I wasn't home.."
"So you couldn't call!?" He asked.
Her eyes closed and she exhaled a deep sigh. "I didn't feel like talking.." She responded emptily. "I need to do this. I can't continue with this lifestyle Snow, It's just not for me anymore. All of this was just a phase I was going through. And now that phase is over-"
"Let me guess, because Lightning is around again." Snow said firmly. "She talked you into this didn't she!?"
"Snow no, she-"
"So you're gonna just let her come along after disappearing for two years, and try to take control of your life?"
Serah shook her head. "No Snow it's not like that at all." She chuckled a bit but Snow could tell it wasn't a genuine one. "I made the decision myself. I haven't seen Lightning in weeks." She lied. Me coming here and telling you this was my idea alone." Her eyes peered at the shot glass and bottle of liquor briefly before returning eye contact with Snow. "I'm done alright, and that's that." She said the stood from the bar counter and headed for the door.
"I took care of Fang for you you know?" Snow said, causing the Pinkette to stop so suddenly. "Only thing is..I'm not sure if you should hang around Vanille anymore." He stated, unknowingly causing Serah grief upon hearing that name. "I know the two of you are, together but maybe you should end it. It's too dangerous for you.."
That wasn't a problem in the least. What he didn't know is that her and Vanille ended weeks ago. And him mentioning her name just reminded her of the emotional pain. "Hmm.." She sighed out sharply and nodded her head. "If only you knew.." She said to herself. The girl went to push open the door only to run into another while trying to exit.
"Well long time no see." Lebreau said in a cheerful manner upon seeing the pinkette at the bar. "How have you-"
Serah said nothing to the brunette and just left the bar.
"Serah..?" Lebreau looked over at Snow who just shrugged his shoulders and threw his hands up in the air. "What was that all about?" The barmaid blinked and sat down in one of the bar stools, watching at the pinkette's figure drew further and further away.
"That's anyone's guess.." Snow said. "Maybe you should talk to her. She'll open up to you more than me." He suggested.
Lebreau frowned and shook her head. "Not anymore.." She said and hopped over the counter. "A-anyway, what are we doing tonight?" She said awkwardly. She had to change the subject quick. "Didn't you say something earlier about a burlesque theme tonight at the club?"
Snow snapped from his thoughts and turned to the brunette. "Uhm...yeah I did but that wasn't going to take place until next week though. I haven't exactly gotten it all figured out yet so I-"
"You just leave that to me!." Lebreau stated proudly. "I'm good at these types of things. Just give me a list of who you want to be on stage that night and I'll take it from there." She winked at the male and pat his shoulder.
"Hmm.." He hummed, not really paying much attention to what Lebreau was saying. His mind was too focused on Serah's odd behavior. She seemed herself but then she didn't. Was it something he said? Did he upset her?
"Hello!" Lebreau called out.
"Huh hmm.." Snow blinked a few times. "You said something..?"
Lebreau huffed a sigh and shook her head. "Are you okay Snow?"
"I uhm.." He hopped over the bar counter. "Yeah..I'm alright. I just need..need some air." He said and walked out the door. "I'll be back.."
"Well.." Lebreau said and picked up a dish towel from under the counter. "That was strange.."
-xxxxxx-
After leaving the bar and walking for about thirty to forty-five minutes, Serah had made it to the train station. The girl sat down on the bench and stared up at the departure screen that listed the arrivals of trains for the station. Sadly, the train for Eden had just left five minutes before she'd gotten here and wouldn't be back for another hour and a half. "Shoot.." Serah mumbled and looked up at the board again. It was seven-ten. She could always take the train to Palumpolum, which would be arriving g in fifteen minutes, then from Palumpolum wait for the Nautilus train, then take the-
"Nuh-uh.."
She shook her head that was entirely too much time. She wouldn't get to Eden until late. Waiting an hour wasn't all that bad..
"Wow what a shock to run into you here, considering that I haven't seen you around in a while. What haven't you been getting yourself into?"
"Tch.." Serah rolled her eyes and groaned. "Didn't know you were so worried about me Hope. If I didn't know any better I would think you actually care." Serah responded, mocking the other who glared in return at her response. "What do you want?"
Hope shrugged. "Nothing, I'm just getting off work if you must know. Running into you here was by chance. Not because I was looking for you. So don't flatter yourself." His tone was rude and arrogant as usual.
"Mm-hmm trust me..I wasn't." Was Serah's only response.
There was a pause between the two after that. Hope stood staring at the departure board as if he were examining when the next train was coming but really it was to avoid making any type of eye contact with the pinkette. Serah was the same except she chose to stare down at the ground. "So," Hope started, grabbing the pink haired girl's attention. Her cerulean hues broke from the ground and settled on His striking viridian optics. "Where have you been?" He asked firmly.
Serah quirked her eyebrow and tilted her head. "Why is that any concern to you?" She spat.
"I can't ask!?" He fired back.
"Since when did you want to know what's going on in my life?" She gasped. "Wait, don't tell me you have an interest in me now!. Is that it Hope?"
"The he-" his face twisted up and he let out a burst of laughter. "No way!. You wish!."
Serah glared and growled at the stupid male. "Well then, I don't have to tell you anything if that's the case. Just be quiet and don't talk to me!."
Hope finished with his loud and obnoxious laughter, wiping some tears from his eyes as he did so. "Ah, that was a good one." He said with one last laugh before getting serious again. "It's my job, that's why I'm asking. If I find anything to be suspicious, it's my job to find out what's going on."
"What the hell Hope. I didn't do anything. I'm gone for a little while and you automatically think I'm up to something? What do you want from me Hope?"
"Serah.." The platinum haired male froze. He looked down at the ground momentarily then back at the pinkette. "It's just that.."
'I want you to disappear. That way people like Vanille and Lightning can stop being hurt by you..'Then she said..'Well maybe you'll get what you want sooner than you think..'
The day after that he went back to see the pinkette and she wouldn't even open the door. He tried back the day after that and the next and still nothing. Hope had thought that the pinkette went and killed herself. And he felt responsible for it. So seeing her here and alive, made Hope feel relieved if anything. He was walking around with a guilty conscious for weeks. "I'm.." He still wasn't fond of Serah at all, but he didn't want anything too terrible to happen to her. When he wanted her to disappear he didn't mean die. Before he could say anything else, the train was pulling up in front of the station. Hope turned around quickly just as the train was stopping.
"Next stop, Palumpolum. Two minutes!"
Hope sighed as the doors to the train opened up. He looked over his shoulder at Serah while walking onto the train. "Don't go doing anything rash, got it?" His eyes softened.
'What the..?' She thought.
Serah blinked. What was this all of a sudden. "I can do whatever I want. I don't take orders from you!." She retorted.
"Tch.." He shook his head slowly as the doors started closing. "Whatever you say.." He mumbled to himself. The male took a seat and the train pulled off.
"That was weird.." Serah said and looked up at the departure screen. It had only been fifteen minutes. She still had a very long time until the Eden train. She sighed. "Wonder what Lightning is up to?" More than likely, nothing. She didn't know what Lightning did these days when she had free time to herself. She remembered asking the woman the other day what she does now and her answer was simple; nothing. But that couldn't possibly be true. Lightning couldn't sit around and do nothing if someone paid her. She always had to be on the move doing something when she was alone. Lightning was always a mystery. They may have been sisters but, Serah didn't know everything about her. It was always fun trying to figure her out.
The girl sprung to her feet and stretched her arms up over her head. Strangely she was feeling quite happy about going home and spending time with Lightning. Well trying to anyway. She'd been staying with her since the night she ran into her at the club. Lightning offered for her to stay at her place and Serah immediately said yes without a second thought about it. But a enthusiastic as she was about the whole thing, Lightning didn't seem to share the same feelings. The woman had been extremely distant with her, they barely had any conversations, and if they did, it was very, very brief. Serah was bothered by it but not as much. Her sister had been that way for years...
"But.."
There was something else that was very odd about the way Lightning acted. But she can't figure out what it is. What if her sister didn't really want her there with her? She could always go home. But-
"Nuh-uh.." Serah shook her head. She couldn't go back to her own home. At least for now. It just..had too many memories there. Being in Bodum was a struggle alone. Too many things happened here. Her and Lightning, her and Lebreau, the people she slept with for fun. Then-
"Vanille.." She couldn't even say her name without straining her voice. Everything about Vanille sat heavy on her heart at one point. It still did but she could barely feel it as much as she did weeks ago. The thoughts of her just burnt a hole so deep into her heart that she's grown immune to the pain all together. Yet somewhere inside she was still suffering, it still hurts so much. Something like that doesn't just go away in a matter of weeks. "I hate you.." She whispered brokenly. Her hand grasped the crystal ring that hung around her neck by a silver chain. "I hate you so much for this.."
"I'm back.." Serah called out tiredly as she entered the apartment. It was damn near 11 O'clock. The Eden train was supposed arrive at eight-forty but instead it came at nine-ten. The next time she decided to go anywhere she would just ask Lightning if she could use her velocycle.
Lightning emerged from a small room just across from the the living room area. In her hand was a book.
The younger pinkette smiled and walked towards the older and hugged her tightly. "You were reading?"
"Yeah..just a book on defense tactics." Lightning responded her whole body had gotten stiff when The girl had hugged her.
"Heh, typical." Serah responded.
So, Where'd you go?" She asked awkwardly.
Serah pulled away then sat down on the sofa. "To Bodum. I went to see Snow to talk to him about some things.."
"Okay.." Was Lightning's only response. She sat down on the sofa next to the girl, and Serah laid her head in her lap. The two exchanged gazes with one another. They had a decent relationship but it wasn't anything serious, at least that was how Lightning viewed it. The feelings were there but Lightning was extremely skeptical about the whole thing. Serah had told her about what went down with her and Vanille and as horrible as it was, she was quite pleased however, She didn't allow herself to get too close to Serah even though she so desperately wanted too. The younger was very unpredictable. Serah on the other hand was very open with how she felt. But for how long though..?
"I love you Claire.." She said to the older as she grazed her fingers along her cheek.
'Oh no..'
Lightning closed her eyes and sighed as she turned her head away from Serah. "Don't say that.." Lightning said dryly. "Especially if you don't mean it.."
Serah quickly sat up, taken aback by what Lightning had said. She couldn't believe she thought her words were false. "You think I'm lying?"
'Dammit..'
There was an argument coming and Lightning could feel it. "I don't know Serah you say one thing one moment and your feelings change the next. If this is a game you're playing-"
"A game..?" The pinkette was suddenly hurt by the woman's words. "Claire I would never play with your emotions like that. I wouldn't hurt you again the way I hurt you before.." The younger said near tears.
That was hard to believe. Lightning hated feeling as if she was becoming emotional, so she cut the conversation short. "Sure." The woman stood from her feet an walked to the kitchen, Serah followed in suit. "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, flustered by the woman's response. "You don't trust me do you?"
Lightning reached into the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water. She heard Serah's question but didn't answer. Lightning didn't trust the girl in the least and probably wouldn't for a very long time.
"You don't love me at all do you.." Serah said sadly and looked down at the floor.
Lightning sighed and rolled her eyes. "Of course I do. You're my sister.."
Serah shook her head. "No.." She whispered lowly. "I'm not.." She looked up from the floor and directly into Lightning's eyes. "I'm not your sister..not anymore. We can't be Claire. We've done far too much, more than what sisters are supposed to do." She reached up and touched the woman's cheek. "Claire I love you, but not like a sister. Please tell me..you feel the same."
"Hmph.." Lightning knew she shared the same feelings however she wasn't going to admit it to Serah. She was sick of spilling her feelings to the girl just to get shot down later because the girl had a change of heart. Like last time. "Well then," Lightning started after taking a sip from her water bottle. "If we can't love one another as sisters, then there is no love at all Serah. I do not share the same feelings you share for me. Not anymore." She said almost coldly, shocking the younger pinkette.
"Y-you don't mean that.."
"Lightning.."
The woman pulled away from the younger and walked from the kitchen.
"Claire.."
Lightning was quiet until she reached the door to her room. She turned around and looked at Serah once more. The girl looked like she was about to burst into tears which ultimately hurt Lightning but she couldn't fold now. "Hurts, don't it?" She said before entering her room.
"Wh-what..?" Serah dropped her head on the counter top and broke down into tears. She couldn't even guess why Lightning was being so cold to her all of a sudden. She couldn't think of anything that she's done recently for her to act that way they'd made up and put the event that happened two years ago behind them. So what now?
The young pinkette ran from the kitchen area and to the door of her sister's room. She grabbed the knob to open it but it was locked. "Claire.." She knocked twice. "Claire I'm sorry. Whatever I did I'm sorry okay? Just please..don't be mad at me." She knocked again. "Claire.."
lightning sat on the floor with her back up against the door, listening as her sister continuously knocked and cried for her to forgive her. She wanted everything to be good between her and Serah but their relationship was far from it. Lightning loved Serah just as much as Serah loved her. But she was only asking to get hurt if she admitted her feelings again. Serah was Vanille's not her's and probably never will be. The girl was only pouring her heart out because she was vulnerable. The moment everything was back to normal, Serah would toss Lightning to the side like an old toy. Everything would be all about Vanille again.
"Claire.."
"You're just going through a phase right now Serah." Lightning said to the girl on the other side. "I get that. But you need to watch what you say.." She spoke.
"There is no phase.." Serah said in a whisper. "Vanille and I are done Claire, she made that very clear. I love Vanille but she doesn't want me anymore..." She said and grabbed hold of the door knob again. "Please just let me in Light, I want to speak to you face to face..please."
"I know that I've done some terrible things Light, but it's gonna be different this time, I promise.."
The door opened slowly and Serah stepped back a little bit. Lightning stepped out and leaned her figure up against the door frame. She looked at the girl and could see the grief within her eyes and turned her head away. Was it real? Was this girl really hurting the way she appeared to be? Serah was good at making every action she did look believable, which is why Lightning had so much doubt in her heart. She couldn't tell if she was lying or being truly genuine with her. The older pinkette shook her head and sighed. In her heart she wanted to believe but something was telling her to draw back, distance herself from this girl, cut all ties and just run, run as far as she could away from her. She was only gonna get hurt again. Serah would only cause her eternal grief. "You're my.." The woman chewed at her bottom lip and bit down on her tongue, she didn't know why it was suddenly so hard to say what she was gonna say, she said it moments ago. "You're.." She bit down harder on her tongue." "You're only my sister..that's it Serah. Nothing more.." She sighed out sadly. "Nothing less.."
"Claire.." Serah spoke softly to the woman. She placed one hand on the older's shoulder and the other, she grabbed the collar of the woman's shirt between her fingers. "I told you, we've done way too much, I'm not your sister anymore..we can't be, and I don't want to be..I wanna be..your lover.." She said and pulled the woman in close to her by the collar of her shirt.
Lightning quickly pushed her hand out in between them, creating a little bit of space, but Serah was desperately trying to close it. "Serah." The woman took her other hand and placed it firmly against the younger's shoulders, pushing her back but Serah struggled to get closer. "No." She finally used her strength and forced the younger back with a strong push that knocked her against the wall.
Serah slammed into the wall across from her sister's room but showed no sign of being hurt, if anything she liked it. The girl smiled and seen that her sister swiftly tried to dodge back into her room, but Serah's movements were surprising quicker than her's. The younger stuck her leg out under Lightning's, tripping the woman up. "Oops.." She said nonchalantly.
"The fu-!" Lightning tried to keep her balance but failed and hit the floor hard. It hurt like hell but that didn't stop Lightning from trying to scramble away from her sister. "What the hell Ser-"
The younger pinkette pounced on top of the older and pushed her back against the floor. A small groan escaped from the back of Lightning's throat from the vibrations that ran down her spinal chord from Serah's actions. When did the girl get so strong? was one of the questions floating in Lightning's mind. "Serah.." Lightning said lowly she was extremely irritated with the girl for going this far. More so Lightning's pride was hurt more than anything she let her sister get the best of her. "Get. Off. Of. Me.."
"Aww.." The girl said and leaned forward and rested her body against the woman's, her head rested on her chest but Lightning could feel the girl's warm breath tickling her neck. "You're mad?" She asked as she ran her fingers through the older's hair.
Lightning closed her eyes and exhaled slowly through her nose. "Serah this isn't funny, get off.."
"Make me.." Serah said playfully. "You know you could if you really wanted to. You're physically stronger than I am. So it's blatantly obvious that you are," The hand she had playing with Lightning's hair, slid to the tips of the pink fringes, brushed gently along her shoulder, and gradually to her left breast. Squeezing, and groping there soft and gently. "You're enjoying this moment." She whispered into her ear and placed a kiss to her neck.
Lightning quickly jolted up off the floor, causing Serah to fall off of her and onto the floor. "How dare you.." She said and curled her hand into a fist. Her other hand rested against her chest in a tight fist above the breast that Serah had squeezed on moments earlier. The woman took in a deep breath though they were jagged and uneven; her whole body was trembling as she glared at Serah through half opened eyes.
Serah giggled. "How dare I what?" She asked as she stood up from the floor. She noticed that Lightning had taken some steps away from her. "Aww.." She said and walked towards the woman who was still drawing away from the girl until her back was up against the wall. Serah closed the distance and leaned up against Lightning. She brushed the back of her hand against her cheek and kissed her forehead. "You don't like this?"
So this is what Serah does? Sure she heard all types of stories about the girl from sitting in the local bar in Eden and even when she made visits to the night club. She believed the stories to an extent, some of them sounded over exaggerated but she was believing they were actually telling the truth. Of course Lightning liked this she would throw Serah on the bed right now and tear her apart but, it would be only..sex. Serah would feel absolutely nothing if Lightning gave into this temptation. Everything Serah spoke about loving her was lies, lies just to get in the bed with her. After she got what she wanted she'd leave and never think about it again. "Hell no.." Lightning said with anger in her tone. "This is nothing but a game to you.." She grabbed both the girl's hands and pushed her away. "You may be able to woo others with you sexual-" lightning huffed and folded her arms against her chest. She lowered her head and closed her eyes before continuing. "No, slutacious behavior but you're not fooling me."
Serah's mouth fell agape and her eyes grew wide. "Are you implying that I'm a-"
"Slut.." Lightning said bluntly. "You flaunt yourself around and trick others into sleeping with you by using your body. What else would you call yourself?" Lightning shook her head she watched as the girl's expression went from shocked to hurt but she didn't care. "Then people that actually.." The woman stopped and placed a hand over her mouth. Her emotions were over flowing and she had to make sure they don't spill out any further. "Forget it.."
'Slut..''Slut..''Slut..'
That word echoed loud like church bells in her mind. "Slut?" She didn't know why it was such a shock to her. She knew all along that her actions were extremely slutty. It wasn't like it was the first time she'd been called that. She remembered her and Lebreau had gotten into an argument one time and the brunette called her one and a guy who wanted to be with her and she refused, he called her one. But she didn't care simply because what they thought of her was not important. They were no one she deeply cared for. But Lightning- "You think I'm a slut Lightning..? She was someone she cared for a lot. Hearing it from her was like..hell she didn't even know. "I'm a..slut in..your..eyes?" The younger started backing up towards the door slowly. Eyes brimming with tears of sadness. "I-I.." She sniffled and turned to the door, running out of it.
Lightning stood there against the wall with her hand still against her mouth. Once again she let her emotions take her over and make her say things she felt and didn't really want to say. Lightning's body was burning from the touches Serah gave her earlier. She wanted take her but it wouldn't have meant anything. Serah was playing a stupid game and she did not like being played with. Especially not emotionally.
'I love you Claire..'
"Bull shit.." The woman growled out. Serah didn't love her, she was just a-
"!" Lightning stepped outside her room when she heard continuous footsteps against the floor. She leaned against the door jamb watching as Serah stormed out of the room adjacent from her own. The girl walked towards the front door and prepared to walk out.
"So you're running away now?" Lightning asked. Serah's frantic movements stopped. "I told you the truth about yourself so now you wanna run out like a child."
Serah squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip. "Don't scold me like I'm some kid Lightning!. And Don't jump on me about running away from anything you-"
"Faked my death?" Lightning finished. "How many times are you going to use that one? And when you stop acting like a child I won't talk to you like one." Lightning walked from her room and gaited to the door where Serah was standing with her back facing her. "But I'm not running anymore Serah. I did enough of that and it cause me nothing but grief." She placed her hands on the girl's shoulders and pulled the pinkette against her. "I didn't say what I said to hurt you Serah, I just wanted to get you to see that the things you're doing are terrible. And if you keep running away from every little thing because your feelings get hurt, you'll never be happy."
"Like you care about my happiness?" She pushed the woman's hands from her shoulders and dropped her head against the door. Tears ran from her cheeks and splashed onto the floor. "I'm a slut to you.."
"You don't think it's true?" Lightning said casually. "Serah, I just don't want to see anything happen to you is all. What if you end up messing around with the wrong person's feelings one day? What you're doing now isn't exactly-"
"Oh so you're trying to tell me how to live my life now? I can do whatever I want. I don't need advice from you Lightning!."
"And you're being childish, again."
"Shut up!." Serah growled out.
Lightning was silent for a few seconds, trying to figure out what else to say to the girl. She watched as the girl continued to cry with her head against the door. It's been some years since she'd seen Serah cry this way. The last time was when they lost their parents. "Serah.." The woman spoke and gathered the girl up in her arms Serah yanked away but Lightning only grabbed onto her again and held onto her tighter this time. "I just..I just miss the old you. I despise the way you are now." She felt Serah's body stiffen. "I know it's partially my fault that you're this way and I apologize for that. But I don't want to see you like this anymore Serah. I want my sister back."
"Stop calling me that..stop referring to us as that; Sisters. We are not.." Serah sighed and finally turned around to face the older woman. "You want your sister back, and I want my lover.." She circled her arms around the older's neck. "But we can't always get what we want, huh.." The younger said gently as her eyes softened up a bit.
Lightning huffed and tried to draw any eye contact she had with the girl away, but Serah quickly grabbed her chin. "Why are you fighting me?"
'What the hell?' Was Lightning's current thought. "I'm not fighting you." She said as she bit the inside of her cheek. She was suddenly trying to pull herself free from the girl.
"You are.." Serah spoke. "You've been fighting me ever since that day, after we-"
"If I was fighting you, than why would I even allow you to stay here?" Lightning noticed the gentleness in Serah's eyes and quickly closed her own. Serah was right. But would Lightning say it aloud? No. She wouldn't say she was fighting her, but trying to avoid her. That day they had sex with one another never left the woman's mind. She thought about more frequently than she liked. "Serah I'm-"
"Claire, you're the only one I have left.." Serah said quietly. "Ive lost everyone else because I either screwed them over and they got tired, or they just could no longer deal with me.." She said and grabbed the ring again, thinking of Vanille when she spoke the latter.
The woman noticed how often Serah would fiddle with the necklace she was wearing. She also realized that her mood would always change when she looked at it, and would also slip into deep thought. Lightning didn't know what it was about frankly didn't care. But it was just baffling. "And what makes you think that I do?"
"If you didn't, then why am I here?"
'Because I felt sorry for you..' Is what the woman would have said but she would have been only lying if she did.
"Can we try.." Serah asked. "I promise-"
"Don't promise..me anything."
'Don't promise..' Serah chuckled lightly at the chosen words that the older used. Vanille once told her the same thing. "How can you trust me...if I can't promise.." She noticed that Lightning's body was no longer stiff and used that moment to hug the older closer to her. Lightning didn't seem to reject the action either.
"I don't need a promise to trust you Serah, nor am I saying that I trust you. But, I'll believe you for now.." The woman said and returned the girl's hug. "And..." Lightning paused momentarily, thinking whether or not she should go with the choice she was about to make. Lightning knew of her own unstable emotions. She also knew that throwing herself in this situation with Serah could ultimately hurt her knowing how Serah could be. But-
"We can...try.." She was willing to take the risk... "But we're not rushing into anything.." But cautiously. "Let's take this slowly.." She'd already been hurt by this girl once, who knew what she was capable of this time around.
"That's..fine.." She was hesitant in agreement but she knew why the woman acted this way. She never knew Lightning was so fragile and easily hurt. She felt even worse knowing that she was the cause of her being the way she was. Having to question whether or not what she was saying was true or false, constantly having doubts. She really broke her.
Lightning had never been so careful in her life. She would always dive head first into something without a thought. But this, her heart could not take no more. No more hurt. If Serah were to break her heart again, she might actually kill herself..for real this time..