Chapter XXI

…

As we sit in AP biology I struggle to keep my eyes open. From working the night shift for the last six days along with pile of homework and major writing assignments for the third quarter due soon combined with the inability I had to sleep I felt as if I could drop any moment. And as my eyes begin to shut again I feel something poke me in the stomach causing me to jump.

Looking around to Finn he gives wiry smile, he points to Peeta and Thresh across from us.

Peeta mouths to me: You okay?

I nod, picking up the emptying coffee cup on the table and turning it upside down in an attempt to tell him I needed a refill.

He nods his head and gives me a thin, sad smile, turning back to the front of class. But Thresh continues to stare at me a little longer. I'm not sure if he's worried or confused or pitiful or just looking. Yet he stares at me for a few more moments before turning his attention back to the board.

I try to do the same as Peeta and Thresh and focus on what's going on the board, but Finn pokes me again enabling me from doing so.

"What," I hiss in a low whisper.

"How many days," he asks in the same low tone.

I shake my head, refusing to reply. And to make sure he knows I turn my attention back to the front of the class where the teacher is drawing the stages of mitosis. .

Finn pokes me again in the side. "Days." He says it not as a question, but a demand.

I let out a breath, "Six."

"Six," he begins, "Kitty-" But I cut him off.

"Finn." I say in a low, but jeer tone warning him and pleading with him to not go any further.

"You're a zombie," he hisses at me, "What are you doing here in school kitty? You should be home, sleeping."

"We have a test Monday," I retort. I know the answer is weak and he does too, but in the three seconds know I have to respond before I'm sure he'll go off on me it's the best I can come up with in my state.

He snorts. "And you're valedictorian; I think you can afford to miss a day of class."

"Finn-" I plead, knowing something that I mostly won't like is going to happen yet he doesn't let me.

"Are you working tonight?" He asks, pausing for a response only for me to remain mute. "Kitty."

I know he will keep asking and reluctantly and will find out if whether or not I tell him so I reluctantly nod my head. Yes.

"Well not anymore."

"Finn-" I plead, but again he cuts me off.

"I'm covering for you and you have no say. You're going home and sleeping."

I open my mouth again, but nothing comes out as Finn continues.

"And you're eating something 'cause for god sakes you have to be twenty pounds under weight."

Thirty-one, I think, but don't say it aloud. Instead I sit there and unwilling nod my head knowing there was on use. I would go home, but I couldn't promise him I'd sleep.

…

The next period Beetee lets me go to the teacher lounge to get more coffee. Peeta keeps me awake throughout the rest of the day when Annie is not telling me about the Valentine's dance at school and soon to be romantic date with Finn. In my free I sit outside the music room allowing the freshmen's harsh clatter and clashes keep me awake. And by the end of the day I am just like how I was during biology, barely living.

…

I lie across the black leather couch in the living room, one of my arms under my head and the other over my stomach as I watch the Discovery channel. Something about tuna fishing was on. I wasn't really paying attention to what was happening on the television, I had just turned it on so there was some background in the house's unbearable silence.

When I had gotten out of school Thom had called me saying if I dared came by the Hob or was even spotted anywhere outside of my house that he would kick my ass. Therefore I forced myself to go home. I took a cold shower and came down to the living room in my pair of running shorts and a cut-off shirt.

So as I hug one of the couch pillows against me, I hear the front door open and close. And as quickly as I can, I shift myself slightly on the couch along with closing my eyes so it looks as if I am asleep.

Yet as much as I try to trick whomever I assume had just entered the house that I am asleep as instructed, I'm mistaken as the footsteps enter the room passing me into the kitchen. Its then I think I had believed I had tricked Finn, but I think otherwise when I hear a voice call out, "You're not that great of an actress."

And as much as I wasn't surprised I hadn't tricked whomever I was asleep, I'm caught off-guard that the voice isn't Finn's.

Quickly rolling off the couch, I nearly fall from under my feet when I first stand up. Nevertheless I quickly steady myself before making my way in the kitchen to see…

Peeta.

He looks up from the bag which he is pulling tupperware containers from and gives me a smile. "You need to work on your acting."

And so confused and puzzled about why he was here I can only say, "How'd you know?"

He shrugs putting one of the containers in the microwave for a few minutes. "Your face just looked too… tight," he pauses thinking about it, "Like you weren't comfortable, just weren't really sleeping."

I nod my head, wrapping my arms around my midsection.

Peeta goes back to his bag, stuffing a few things I didn't see him take out back into the bag. Why was he here? And the only thing my mind tells me is Finn. Finn is the reason why. Finn.

Yet unsure if Finn was the real reason Peeta was here I look to see him taking the container from the microwave and placing it on the counter before looking to me. "What," he asks cautiously.

"Why are you here?"

"Finn," he honestly tells me and I nod my head. For some reason I'm not mad with him, I suppose because I like how he's honest with me, I like how Peeta is.

We stand there in an awkward silence as usual for a bit longer before Peeta speaks up, "Food?"

"I have to eat?"

"I was told to make sure of it," he tells me nodding his head.

I let out a breath, "Can I ask what it is?"

"Italian Wedding," he says adding, "I brought cheese buns and come reject cookies, too."

"Reject cookies?" I didn't know cookies could be rejected. I mean they're cookies, you just eat 'em.

He nodded. "I messed up on a batch."

"Are they um, deathly or something?"

He laughs shaking his head, "Oh no, it's just we can't sell them. They taste fine and whatever, I just add a little too much sugar so they're a little too sweet."

I think a moment before nodding my head, "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

…

I take a bite of the cookie only to begin to cough a bit. "A little too sweet" was an understatement, it seemed as if I was just taking a straight spoonful of sugar form the bag. Continuing to cough I pick up my glass, taking a sip of the water I wash the cooking down. I let out one more cough before realizing Peeta is looking to me as if I was going to die. I give a reassuring smile sarcastically telling him, "There wasn't enough sugar" which results in him cracking me a smile.

…

Lying there on the couch, my head rest on Peeta's chest and his fingers run up and down my ribs. "They're like speed bumps," he whispers.

I let out a snort, but quickly stop myself from going any further as my brain urges and my mouth opens. "I'm not anorexic or bulimic or one of those," I tell him, "I'm not."

He nods his head against mine. "I never said you were."

"People think I am." I say is a low tone.

"Don't think about the other people," he tells me, "Fuck them."

And with that I can't help, but laugh. I laughed so hard that I could feel my cheeks flush and lips broaden causing my jaw to cramp and my stomach to move up and down in an un-rhythmic manner. All this causing Peeta so much confusion about what was so funny about what he had just said.

"What?" He ask be wildered.

I smile. "It's just- just funny."

"What is?"

"You- you cursing," I say letting out another giggle.

His face tightens defensively. "And whys that?"

I shrug my shoulder. "'Cause you're Peeta Mellark. Peeta," I tell him, "Innocent, good, polite Peeta. You just- when you say- it's just funny."

I continue to laugh and Peeta shakes his head ashamed. "You think I'm good?"

"Mh hmm."

"Yeah?"

And then in on motion, Peeta flips us over so he hovers above me. He gives me a cocky grin, showing me his hundred dollar smile and then it begins. His lips quickly find mine and in no time things become heated. As his lips leave mine and travel along my jaw till he's nibbling on my earlobe, I realize his hands slipping under my shirt and kneading my breast.

Unable to handle myself, I let out a moan that had been building in the back of my throat. And as he rolls my one nipple between his thumb and finger I get out a gasp, subconsciously running my fingers through his hair and grinding my hips against his to which he lets out a starchy groan. Yet when it's too much and at the point that if we know we don't stop now than we won't stop thirty seconds from now that Peeta pulls away, resting our foreheads against one another.

"Still good," he asks.

And I can't help, but smile, nodding my head yes.

He lets a snort, shaking his head.

Soon we fall back together, I leaning against his chest and his arms around me. And after a moment, he ask, "Why aren't you eating, sleeping?"

I shrug my shoulder.

"Katniss."

"Peeta-"

"Please," he begs and I reluctantly nod. "Eating," he asks.

I shrug my shoulders, "I'm just not hungry sometimes. I'm not purposely not eating. I'm just not hungry all the time."

He nods his head, waiting a moment before asking the next question. "Sleeping?"

I shrink into him, pulling the blanket we have over us closer to me. He gives me a soft, reassuring squeeze telling me that it's okay, that I can tell him and even if I don't its okay, that'll be okay.

"It's just, it's not always nice," I just about whisper into his shirt.

He must hear and understand what I'm implying as he questions, "Nightmares?"

Yes, no, sometimes. I nod. They were only half the problem. The other half was how I had always had this odd inability to sleep. And along with the fact that I had been pushing myself beyond exhaustion doesn't help.

"Since when?"

"Since my dad died," I tell him, "They're not daily, just when I do have them I just- I just can't."

I feel myself begin to shake and my voice begin to crack as attempt to continue, but thankfully Peeta pulls me close and lets me know it's okay. I curl into him and he wraps around me. And there I feel safe, right, blissful.

We lie there, wrapped in one another, not bothering to pay attention to the old rerun of some game show from the '90s. And as we lay there, I feel my eyes begin to close, but I do my best to fight it. Peeta must see my struggle as I feel him give me another soft squeeze as he whispered, "Go to sleep Katniss. I'm here. Nothing will happen to you."

I reluctantly nod my head. And as I drift into the darkness I swear I hear Peeta say something and I'm half sure what it is, but I can't be sure. I can make out one word and personally I'm not sure I want to know the rest, even if the word I think he said actually escaped his lips.

I drift further into the darkness and the word mingles at the surface.

Love.