After breakfast, Nelliel took Grimmjow aside. "What? I did my dishes." Grimmjow said, hoping she wasn't going to give him any grief.

"That's great, thank you! I wanted to talk to you, that's all."

They sat at the dining room table and Ada rubbed his ankles under the table. Outside, snow fell in flurries and the wind whistled as it caressed the building. Nelliel said, "Your mother contacted me. She wants to know if you're alright."

"Why?"

"She wants to see you."

"Yeah, well I don't wanna see her."

"It's been over twelve years, Grimmjow. She wants to reconnect."

"If she cared so much, she should have stuck around. I'm done talking about this."

"Grimmjow—,"

"I'm not gonna forgive her!"

"Agreeing to see her doesn't mean you're forgiving her. It means you're open to idea that things could go either way. Listen, how about you meet with her, tell her how you're feeling, and leave it at that?"

"She doesn't deserve to see me."

"You've got to put this behind you. Meet with her, tell her everything, then decide how you feel. If you don't want to see her again, then that's fine, but you can't continue to hide behind your anger."

"Yeah, and you should mind your own damn business." Grimmjow glared down into his lap. He'd felt torn on whether he should see his mother again since June. He wondered if things would be different between them.

His pride ached and throbbed when he thought of going to meet her after the pain she'd caused him. How could he forgive her for leaving him behind when she'd promised him they'd run away together?

"I can't forgive her."

"You don't have to." Nelliel took his hands and squeezed. "Use this as a chance to tell her everything you've ever wanted to say to her. Let it all out and see how you feel afterwards. At least you can say you tried."

Grimmjow didn't know what to do. Nelliel handed him a piece of paper with his mother's number scrawled on it. Grimmjow didn't know if he should hurl the paper in the trash or keep it.

As he struggled, he overheard Nelliel greeting Ulquiorra. He threw open the door, seized Ulquiorra's shoulder and dragged him towards the door.

"Let's go."

"I want tea."

"You can get tea later! Come on!" They stumbled outside and Grimmjow tossed Ulquiorra his coat. Ulquiorra glared at him as he buttoned up his coat and he was pouting as they walked the road into town. Grimmjow shoved the paper at Ulquiorra.

"Can you hold onto that?"

"No, carry your own trash." Grimmjow thrust the note into Ulquiorra's pocket. Grimmjow took them to the restaurant they'd eaten at the previous day.

Grimmjow had some coffee and Ulquiorra sipped on his morning tea as the snow fell outside. Grimmjow couldn't decide whether to call her or not. He thought for months he'd made his decision and because of Nelliel, his mind was in turmoil.

"You're quiet." Ulquiorra observed.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious."

"Was the number you gave me—?"

"Yeah. You can throw it out, though. I'm not calling her."

"I'm not making decisions for you. If you want to throw it out, do it yourself." Grimmjow wanted to throttle him. He wanted Ulquiorra to do it because he didn't know if he could.

"Fuck you. Do it."

"Why can't you?"

"I don't know if I can." Grimmjow wished he hadn't spoken. Ulquiorra was quiet, Grimmjow wondered if he thought less of him.

Ulquiorra slid the paper across the table to him. "Then make that decision for yourself."

Grimmjow scowled. "Let me guess, you think I should meet with her?"

"I don't know what to tell you. I can't say if seeing her again will be a good or bad thing for you, that's up to you to decide."

"I don't know, either! Even if I did wanna meet with her, which I don't, I don't know where the hell she lives."

"Find out. She has a Facebook, doesn't she? Once you know her location, it should be easier to plan a meetup."

Grimmjow didn't want to see her Facebook. He hadn't seen his mother's face in years and the idea of seeing her again, even in a picture, set his heart racing. He wanted to know how easy it would be to see her. He didn't want to go out of his way if she lived halfway across Japan.

Hope surged inside him. If she did live halfway across Japan, then he wouldn't see her and that would be the basis of his decision. Grimmjow looked her up on Facebook with her maiden name, Francine Bernard. His heart flew into his throat when he saw her profile picture. His hands shaking, he clicked to open her profile.

She'd dyed her hair blonde but Grimmjow would have recognized her regardless. Her profile stated she engaged to a man named Thomas, and that she worked as a photographer for Vogue.

She'd made posts advertising the fashion shows she shot for. She took pictures of herself and her handsome fiancé. She had pictures of Japanese pastries on her page. Grimmjow checked where she lived and his heart sunk.

It was his luck she lived in Osaka, a one hour drive from Kyoto. "Fuck…" he seethed. He had almost no excuse not to agree to see her. "Why can't she see me, then? Huh? She wants to see me so bad, how about she does it herself?"

"You look like a lunatic sitting there talking to yourself."

"She lives in Osaka! Right down the fucking street. Whatever, alright? I'm not seeing her, forget about it…"

"You could text and ask her to come to you. It would be a good test to prove how badly she wants to see you."

"She'll say no. No way would she come to see me…" Grimmjow unlocked his phone, punched in his mother's number and texted her.

How about instead of using my aunt to get to me, you come and visit yourself? I'm in Kyoto.

He sent the message and downed the last of his coffee. She would refuse. She wouldn't have the guts to make the first move.

"You aren't scared of seeing her, are you?"

"No. It's a waste of my time, that's all. She wants me to forgive her and I'm not going to. I'd be stupid to forgive her after she left me the way she did…"

"It's a start that she wants to see you. You could reconnect, or the outcome might not be what you want. It's up in the air."

"So you think I should go?"

"I don't know. If she were my mother, I'm sure no good would come from going to meet her. I don't mean anything to my parents. But it's you." Grimmjow quirked a brow at him.

"You're the kind of person people gravitate towards. You force people to feel a certain way towards you. You don't give them any other options. So I have to admit, I'm disappointed in you."

Grimmjow's mouth fell open. "What? Why? What the hell did I do?"

"I never saw you as the kind of person to run away from anything, which is why I was so disappointed when you started using."

"I'm not running away! You don't get it, alright? She abandoned me when she promised me for years we'd go to Tokyo together. I don't owe her jackshit!"

"No, you don't get it. She wants to see you so much that she tried to reach you through her ex-husband's sister. If my mother felt that way for me…" Ulquiorra cut himself off as he forced himself back to reality. "But she doesn't. She never will."

Grimmjow caught a glimpse of the longing in those emerald eyes before they turned cold and empty. Something tugged inside him. He couldn't understand Ulquiorra's mother and father. Their son had perfect grades in school, and he was hard-working to the point of perfectionism. He was well-read and an incredible, successful soccer player.

How could they not be proud of him? How could they not want him in their lives? By all means, his parents should be breaking down the door to see him but that wasn't the case. He felt guilty that it was his mother that was getting in touch with him. He'd disappointed her and betrayed her trust, why did he get a second chance?

Grimmjow reached across the table and grasped Ulquiorra's hand. "That's because she's a fucking idiot." Surprise flared in Ulquiorra's eyes but they dulled.

"I'm not worth her time. I never was."

"Yeah, because she's a fucking idiot and it's got nothing to do with you. So cut it out with the 'I'm meaningless' bullshit."

Grimmjow's phone buzzed in his hand and he jumped and almost sent it flying. His mother had replied to his message.

I'm so happy to hear from you! I would love to come up to Kyoto and visit. I could come up today. What time would work best for you?

Grimmjow gaped, unable to believe it. His mother wanted to come out of her way to see him. His feelings of disbelief faded and he felt like the lesser of the two of them.

"Get up, we're going back."

"Do you have any plans for today?"

"Yeah, we're going to Osaka. Fuck it; she's not one-upping me!" Grimmjow slapped some yen on the table and stomped out, determination fueling his steps. He didn't know what to expect when they finally did meet, but he wasn't running away from his mother.

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra drove for an hour until they arrived in Osaka late afternoon. The entire drive, Grimmjow's stomach writhed and in his anxiety, he lay on the horn at anyone who didn't steer out of his way fast enough.

They arrived in Dotonbori, the heart of Osaka famous for its nightlife. Grimmjow parked the car, looking around at the video screens and mechanized signs. Blinking signboards illuminated the river canals that carved through the city.

They crossed the Ebisu Bridge and walked along the boardwalk, admiring the way the lights sparkled in the icy waters. Grimmjow's mother asked them to meet her at Kani Doraku. It was a landmark crab restaurant, iconic for the six-foot mechanical crab hanging above the doorway.

When he spotted the restaurant, Grimmjow's stomach turned over. He was about to see his mother again for the first time in twelve years. He didn't know what he would say. Grimmjow looked up at the mechanical crab, waving its claws and eyestalks, and didn't move.

"This is the place, isn't it?" Ulquiorra asked.

"Yes." Grimmjow snapped.

"Are you nervous?" Grimmjow didn't know how to reply. He'd always imagined getting angry at his mother and instead, he wondered if he would vomit.

"Well, I'm going inside. I'm cold." Ulquiorra brushed by him and Grimmjow clenched his jaw and squared his shoulders. He couldn't act like a coward, not in front of Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra looked over his shoulder at him and said, "Will you at least come in and order? The crab is delicious."

"I'm coming." Grimmjow took in a deep breath and entered the restaurant. The chatter of the diners washed over him and the smell of crab wafted to his nose. Grimmjow scanned the tables and booths, full to bursting with people, but he didn't see his mother.

"She's not here yet…Or she stood us up." Grimmjow muttered, longing to leave.

Ulquiorra brushed past him and greeted the host. "We have a reservation under Bernard."

The host led them to their table in a quiet corner by the window. Grimmjow stood indecisive for a minute until a waiter walked into him. Grimmjow sat beside Ulquiorra and averted his gaze out the window.

"She stood us up." Grimmjow said.

"I still want to try their crab, so I'd like to stay a while." Grimmjow thought Ulquiorra was being open minded. He would have expected Ulquiorra to be as pessimistic as he was. Something between them had reversed now that Grimmjow couldn't be the stronger of the two of them. Grimmjow's phone vibrated.

I'm running late, so sorry. You go ahead and order. Get me the chawan mushi, please.

Ulquiorra ordered boiled crab and Grimmjow for himself and his mother. Every time the door opened, Grimmjow's heart lurched. He passed the time shredding his napkin, and he drank enough water to drown himself.

"I'm so sorry I'm late." The fluent Japanese voice, lilted with Parisian French, made Grimmjow's heart tumble over. He raised his head like it weighed a thousand pounds. Blue eyes that could have been his own stared into his soul and made something inside him tremble.

At the sight of him, her eyes filled with tears and a trembling smile burst across her face. Grimmjow knew right away she was whole and she'd found everything she'd wanted. Or the fur coat, hat and mittens that could have bought Grimmjow dinner for two weeks made her look younger.

Grimmjow always thought if he ever saw her face again, he would lose it. He thought he'd start yelling every insult imaginable for leaving him the way she did. Instead, a whirlwind of emotions raged inside him and he wanted to cry.

"You look great." His mother's voice trembled as she wiped the tears leaking from her eyes. "You're a completely different man than you were so many years ago."

"You look like a million bucks." Grimmjow gestured to the coat.

She laughed. "I'm so proud of you. You played so wonderfully against Iran. I could tell you'd been working on yourself."

Of all the things Grimmjow had expected, he'd never imagined he'd hear his mother say she was proud of him. He thought he'd lost the right to hear those words the moment he'd started using.

"Who is your friend?" Ulquiorra had been on his phone ignoring their conversation to the best of his abilities. Ulquiorra set his phone aside and jumped up to greet her.

"Ulquiorra Cifer. We've met once, very long ago."

"Really? I don't remember you…"

Grimmjow hadn't expected her to. It was impossible for him to forget Ulquiorra's presence that night. If Ulquiorra hadn't been there, he still didn't know what he would have done.

Grimmjow's mother sat down across from them and Grimmjow collapsed into his seat. His knees were trembling. Their food arrived; Ulquiorra and Francine ate while Grimmjow poked and prodded at his crab legs.

"Where did you go?" He asked and his mother paused, her spoon inches from her lips. Her hand trembled and she dipped the spoon back into the soup.

"I lived in Tokyo for a few years in a small apartment. I could barely afford it, so I started looking for a new job and I got hired by a company in Osaka. I moved here, met my fiancé and it's been smooth sailing ever since."

"Yeah, clearly." Grimmjow said, eyeing her fur coat.

"I'm not rich, Grimmjow, but I have enough money to live on and I can afford to indulge myself on occasion. I've been doing a lot of traveling, taking pictures of fashion shows in Greece, London, Paris. It felt wonderful to return to Paris, I have a house there. I always hoped we could visit again."

Grimmjow didn't know how to express everything she'd made him feel after she left. He was no good with words. Under the table, the tip of Ulquiorra's shoe rammed into his shin. He looked across the table and met Ulquiorra's gaze. Ulquiorra's eyes were steely, challenging him.

The look in those emerald eyes said, Do it. Don't disappoint me.

"The hell is your problem?" Grimmjow's voice trembled as anger ignited his blood. "I don't see you for twelve years and you talk like nothing ever fucking happened. Did you forget that you promised me we'd go to Tokyo together? Did you forget you left me behind without saying a word to me?"

"Grimmjow—," His mother couldn't meet his gaze.

"Of course it doesn't mean anything to you. You left; you got to go to Tokyo but I didn't. I was stuck with my dad, then with my aunt, taking care of myself. You were off clothes shopping with your rich boyfriend, taking trips around the world!"

"I didn't have it easy, either," his mother retorted, "Leaving you behind was one of the worst mistakes I ever made."

"That's why you didn't call once, right? You're full of shit, you only contacted me when you thought I was dying, were you gonna do it before? No!"

"I couldn't stand to. I couldn't hear your voice; I thought I would fall apart if I did. After I saw what happened to you on television, I was too afraid not to call you. I thought if you died before I got to tell you, I would never forgive myself."

"Tell me what?"

"How sorry I was. If I could do it all over again, I would never have left you."

"So why did you?"

"I failed you." Tears sprang to his mothers eyes and her lips trembled. "I failed to help you when you were being bullied by your father and your classmates. I failed to let you know I appreciated the hard work you did, and I was unsupportive of your love for soccer. I only wanted you to be successful; I wanted to know you could make something of yourself, and you have. Now look at you; you're an amazing player, and you did it all without any of my help."

Grimmjow was speechless. He never thought he'd hear his mother speak so highly of him. He thought he'd destroyed any respect and love she felt for him after she found out he was using.

His mother wiped her eyes and continued, "After you got expelled, I felt so terrible. I felt like it was all my fault. I hadn't tried hard enough to be there for you and to help you. I'd made you feel like all I cared about was your school work, I drove you to using drugs, and I'm so sorry."

She began to cry and Grimmjow felt like hitting his head against the table. "No, you didn't. I mean, yeah, sometimes I wondered if you cared. But I figured if you didn't, you wouldn't have invested so much time in helping me with my studies."

"I should have been there in other ways. I should have gone to your games, I—,"

"I chose to use drugs, you didn't make me."

"But if I'd been more nurturing, if I'd supported you—,"

"Yeah, we had it rough but I could have been a man about it instead of hiding behind drugs."

"You were a child. How were you supposed to man up, Grimmjow? Honestly…" His mother dried her tears, snorting bitter laughter.

"Tons of kids have a shitty time and not all of them grow up to be addicts."

"That's true," Ulquiorra said, "But people handle things differently. Either way, it doesn't matter anymore. You both made your mistakes but you've gotten past them."

"This is true. I never should have left you, Grimmjow, but I thought you would be better off anywhere else than with me."

"That's bullshit. I'd have gone anywhere with you if you'd have asked. You should have given me the option of going with you, or said goodbye, or…"

"I know. I know, and I'm so sorry."

"Me, too." Grimmjow couldn't remember the last time he'd uttered an apology, but he meant it. His mother wasn't the only one to blame, he known it for years but he couldn't accept it. He'd blamed Ulquiorra, he'd blamed his parents, he'd blamed his team; everyone was at fault for his terrible choices but himself.

It hurt to accept it, but in doing so he was shedding his skin and crawling out from the remains of the angry, bitter addict he'd been.

"I wanna see Paris with you." He didn't know when, only that he wanted to. He wanted to revisit the city of his birth and walk in the shadow of the Eifel Tower. He wanted to sip coffee and enjoy an almond croissant in his favorite café, and he wanted his mother to be there with him.

He wanted to talk to her and ask her all kinds of questions. He wanted to laugh and joke with her like they'd never had the chance to living under his father's hateful eyes. He wanted to wipe the slate clean and make up for all the time they'd lost in poverty and self loathing.

His mother smiled. "I'd love that."

They spent an hour at the restaurant and Grimmjow and his mother made plans to visit Paris late in the year. They parted ways and Grimmjow and Ulquiorra walked back across the bridge.

A tidal wave of emotion swept over Grimmjow, and he breathed in more deeply than he had in years. He'd done the one thing he thought was impossible and made amends with his mother. They were going to see each other again and he had the chance at a fresh start with her. He could hardly believe it and his legs trembled.

He felt like he'd climbed a mountain after years trapped below summit, fearful of an avalanche. Tonight he'd scaled to the top and seen the beauty and possibility of the future beyond his fear.

Grimmjow stopped walking and slumped over the stone railing of the bridge. He lay motionless as all the years of bitter anger and hurt were finally lifted from his shoulders. He could feel Ulquiorra's eyes on him and his gaze radiated with uncertainty. The air was still between them until Ulquiorra said, "Feeling better?"

Grimmjow looked across the water at the moonlight, gleaming like gems as its reflection scattered off the surface of the rippling water. "She doesn't deserve a second chance."

"Yet you gave her one."

"Stupid, huh?"

"I don't know. She could still disappoint you."

"Yeah, but she has the chance to fix all her fuckups, so I'm gonna let her. But if she lets me down again, that's it."

"Will you be alright if she disappoints you?"

Deep down, he wanted to believe his mother could change and be the woman he'd always wanted her to be. He was taking a risk, laying flat on his back land exposing his belly. There was a chance she would spare him her fangs and Grimmjow wanted to take that chance.

"I'll get over it if it comes down to that."

Ulquiorra hummed beside him. "I'm not sure if I could do what you're doing."

His words brought a grin to Grimmjow's face. He'd never expected to smile after a night like this. He wondered whether Ulquiorra would have a second chance with his family.

"You should do it."

"What?"

"Take a risk. Reach out to your folks. You think you do, but you don't know what the hell anyone thinks of you."

Ulquiorra shook his head, his ebony locks swaying against his cheek in the night breeze. "I don't matter to them. I've known this for years. If I did, they would be the ones reaching out to me."

"Or you shut people out. Stop guessing what other people think of you. All you're doing is using that as an excuse not to make an effort."

"I'm not guessing. I don't need to guess; they made it very clear that I came second to their own problems. I don't matter, not to them or anyone else."

Grimmjow whirled Ulquiorra around to face him, pinning him up against the bridge. Ulquiorra's eyes went wide and he froze as their bodies pressed close together. It infuriated Grimmjow to hear Ulquiorra talk negatively about himself.

"What the hell do you know? You don't mean jackshit to yourself, but don't put words in my mouth. Do you know what Kurosaki and Inoue think about you? What I think about you? No. You haven't got a fucking clue."

Ulquiorra didn't argue, though his lips were agape in surprise. Grimmjow surprised himself, too, but he couldn't help himself.

No words could come close to telling him what it meant to have him here tonight.

Grimmjow's grip on Ulquiorra's sweater slackened and he lost himself in the deep green of Ulquiorra's eyes. Grimmjow thought about kissing him. They stood close enough for Grimmjow to smell his clean clothes and aftershave. Kissing him would be as simple as blinking, but he couldn't. Ulquiorra with his negative self-image could never comprehend how much Grimmjow wanted him.

Grimmjow wanted to taste him and tangle his fingers through his raven hair. Ulquiorra was like a supernova and Grimmjow didn't know if he would be sucked in or propelled away and lose him for good.

Frustration swirled inside him and Grimmjow shoved Ulquiorra away from him. "Talk like that around me again, and I'll punch you."

Ulquiorra remained by the railing as Grimmjow turned to leave. "Why? It isn't as if I'm insulting you."

Grimmjow looked back over his shoulder at him. "Yeah, you are."

It was the closest he could come to telling Ulquiorra how much he mattered, and it wasn't enough.