Wow - how time flies when you're eating, drinking, making merry, opening presents, playing with the new cat, feeding your children and your husband, etc. etc. I hadn't realized how long it's been since I updated - my sincere apologies and I promise not to let so much time go by again.

Thank you SO much for all the wonderful reviews. A special thank you to those people who 'tweak' me - and ask me to get off my butt and update (of course they are much nicer about it). It really does help motivate me to write again.

So - this is a short chapter, only because there seemed to be a natural break in it but I am working on the next installment the moment I post this. I might even post tonight.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. HERE'S TO 8 MORE AMAZING EPISODES (didn't you just love 7 05 - loved that last scene and Jane's "I am happy for the first time in you know how long". Sigh.)

If it hadn't been for the fact that her heart was thudding like a jackhammer and she felt slightly sick, she would have laughed. It was a rare sight to see Patrick looking like a deer in the headlights, but that's exactly how he appeared moments after her question.

She could see him swallow, or try to swallow and waited for the words which would either give her hope, or send her spirit plummeting. She discovered, at that moment, that her ability to swallow – hell, to breathe – was severely restricted.

"What?" he asked, his voice husky.

She closed her eyes. Did he really want her to say it again? "I asked why you – kissed me."

"Oh. Well, you know." His expression changed – from surprised, shocked, stunned to his more usual smiling, seemingly 'not a care in the world' look. She knew it was a front, she'd learned that years ago, but it did a fine job of making others underestimate him, or in this case, not know what he was really thinking.

"No, I don't", she told him bluntly. "That's why I asked."

His eyes dropped, the façade dropping slightly. "Well – you're an attractive woman and I was feeling weak and you'd been so helpful with Lily -"

"So, it was a gratitude kiss?" she asked, her heart sinking.

"No! I mean, sort of – but more than that."

"More than that?" she pushed. She watched as he opened his mouth and licked his lips. His eyes flickered up and met hers briefly. She could see him take a deep breath, as if ready to tell her, when Lily's cry sounded from the other room.

It was the first time, since she'd met the baby, that she found herself wishing Lily wasn't around. Damn it! She watched as Patrick retreated – not physically, but emotionally. The baby had destroyed the moment.

"Uh, I'd better -" he motioned with his head towards the bedroom.

She nodded and stepped back. "Yes, you'd better get her." She watched as he walked away, wondering if anything had changed. It hit her then, that if he wanted things to change he'd had his opportunity. She suspected that he felt something for her, but that he wasn't willing to act on it. Having Lily in his life was probably all he was able to handle – he wasn't ready for a relationship, probably would never be ready. She sighed and for the first time wondered if she'd made a mistake with Marcus.

Jane cursed himself all the way to the bedroom. Why hadn't he just told her? Why hadn't he admitted that he had feelings for her, that he loved her? He knew why. It was because he was a coward, a coward who hated himself and who felt she could do so much better with someone else.

All his wonderful plans had been thrown out of the window at the moment she'd asked about the kiss. All he'd needed to do was admit the truth to her, it had been the perfect opportunity. But instead he'd gotten scared and now he'd lost his chance.

But had he? He reached in to the crib and picked up the crying baby. "Hey baby", he kissed her forehead and jiggled her until she calmed down. He then took her to the change table to put a clean diaper on her. All the while he was thinking. All he had to do was go out and tell Teresa the truth. It shouldn't be hard. The fact was she'd asked about the kiss, which seemed to indicate she must have some feelings for him – didn't it?

He sighed and lifted the baby. "Let's go see Auntie Teresa, Lily."

He walked into the living room, to find Teresa going over the notebook where they'd jotted down the clues. "Find anything?" he asked hesitatingly.

She looked up and gave the baby a smile – he noticed that she wouldn't look at him – and then she answered. "Well, I've got some of it figured out, but it doesn't really make a lot of sense."

"Tell me", he said, sitting on the couch next to her and holding Lily, who wanted to reach out and grab Auntie Teresa's hair. Teresa was suddenly – very much in FBI mode and he knew now was not the time to readdress the kiss. He hoped there would be a time, but he was losing confidence as the minutes ticked by.

"Okay, here it goes", she said, and Jane had to refocus on what she was saying although at the moment he couldn't have cared less about Johnson and the Bible clues.

Lisbon continued. "Like I said, it doesn't seem to make much sense but this is what I got from the clues. "So this is it. It's nice – go figure. And hey, who knows for sure, maybe they're up there right now, looking down at us. Annie is saying 'lighten up you dummies'. Remember brother, guilt is for marks and x marks the spot." Teresa lifted her head and looked at Patrick, who sat staring straight ahead, his eyes awash with tears. "Jane?"

He shook his head and then stood. He held Lily close and walked to the window where he stayed as if frozen.

"Patrick? What is it? Do you understand what this means?" But of course he did, otherwise he wouldn't be looking the way he did.

"Yes", he said softly. "We have to go to California", he told her. "At least I do – you don't have to come."

"But why? Where are we going?"

He turned to her and gave her a small smile. "He told us in his letter. He visited Angie and Charlotte to introduce Lily to them."

"What?" she looked at him in confusion, but then it dawned on her. "At the cemetery?" she whispered.

He nodded. "Yeah. The clues – it's a conversation we had when I took him to their graves the last time I saw him, except he added that last part–that tells me he's buried something there. He also added 'brother' – I guess to tell me this was directed to me."

"Are you okay?" she asked, standing and walking to him.

"Yeah", he stood up straight and smiled at her. "I'm fine – sorry."

"No need to apologize. This must be hard."

"Yeah – well", he shrugged and pursed his lips in that way he did when he was uncomfortable but didn't want anyone to know. "I gotta see about a plane ticket. Thank you for your help Teresa."

"Jane, you can't go by yourself!"

"I can't ask you to go Teresa. You've already done enough. I'll be fine."

She nodded, not wanting to push it, not after the embarrassment of the kiss and her question. She had a feeling that Jane was now uncomfortable around her and needed some space. She decided then and there to give it to him, even if she didn't like the idea of him going to California by himself.

"Okay, but let me know if you change your mind. Uh, when will you go?"

"As soon as I can make the arrangements."

"But you just got over the flu! And what about Lily?"

"I'm okay and by tomorrow I'll be totally fine. And Lily will come with me. Don't worry – it will just be a short visit. Teresa, thank you again – for all your help."

She gave him a small smile, hearing his words as his way of telling her he didn't need her anymore. "You're welcome. Remember, that's what friends are for."

"Of course. And if ever you need help, just call, okay? I owe you a lot."

"You don't owe me anything." She looked down at the baby and smiled, turning her attention away from Jane. She needed to leave because she didn't know how long she was going to be able to hang on.

"Here, let me take her", he said. You need to go home and relax and forget about Lily and me for a while. We've taken up enough of your time."

She gathered her things and gave the baby a kiss – and another smile for Jane – and in a few minutes was gone. The tears started as soon as she got in her car and continued all the way home.

She would have felt better if she could have seen Patrick's face after she left – and much better if she had heard his words.

"What have I done Lily", he whispered, his lips pressed to the baby's soft scalp. "What have I done? I think I just lost her."

Teresa arrived home and wiped her face before getting out of her car. The last thing she needed was for her neighbors to see her with tears running down her cheeks, especially Mrs. O'Donovan, who was nosy and who had already asked why she didn't see 'that nice dark haired man' anymore.

She made it inside and leaned up against her door for a moment to gather herself together. She then walked to the couch and collapsed onto it, not sure what to do with herself.

It was a few minutes before she saw the light blinking on her telephone. Someone had called in her absence and had left a message. She frowned and took out her cell phone, only to realize the ringer had been turned off. There was a message waiting for her there as well.

Wondering who it could be she picked up her phone and put in the code.

"Teresa? Hi, it's Marcus. I was – uh – wondering if you were around and would like to get together for coffee? I'm in town for a deposition and I'd love to see you. No pressure – really. It's just – I missed you. Give me a call if you get this and you'd like to meet."

She stared at the phone for a few minutes, frozen with indecision. Finally, with a small sigh she picked up the phone and dialed.

"Marcus? Hi, it's Teresa. I got your message and yes, I'd love to meet you."