Author's Note: This chapter is considerably longer than normal, but necessary. It was also the most difficult to write.
Warning: Swearing, death, and mental degradation
Chapter 20
The control room was dead silent as the sound of the rotor faded. The Doctor was so focused on verifying they were, in fact, in the right time and place that he jumped slightly when Rose spoke, in spite of her voice being barely above a whisper.
"Well? Did we make it?"
"As far as I can tell, yes. We're at the exact space-time coordinates this L'Nay person left in the message. According to the scanner, it's been a week since the last time we were here."
Rose's eyes grew wide. "Kari hasn't been here a week, has she?"
"I don't know, Rose. We won't know until we see her. Speaking of…" Taking a deep breath, he pushed off from the console and headed for the door, grabbing his coat off a strut and slipping it on. He blew it out slowly as his eyes slid closed briefly, hand resting on the latch. "Right, time to rescue Kari."
Turning the latch, he stepped out, not at all surprised to be greeted by guards with guns. Normally he'd raise his hands, but they didn't deserve that luxury. Instead, he casually slipped them into his trouser pockets and took a couple steps forward, giving Rose and Martha room to exit the TARDIS. He leveled a gaze on the one in the middle.
"You in charge here?"
The guard adjusted his gun. "Are you the Doctor?"
He nodded. "I am."
"By order of General Jaxon, you will all come with us."
The Doctor smiled and gestured ahead of him. "Lead the way."
One turned and headed into the building as the other two took up the tail, making sure none of them slipped away. Not that they would. Not this time. The Doctor glanced at Rose and Martha as they fell into step on either side of him.
"Stay close. We're getting in, getting Kari, and getting the hell out. Got it?"
Both nodded. "Got it."
Normally, the Doctor would've been all for witty banter with the guards, but not today. Today, he just wanted to find his friend and get them all off this planet for good. He sighed internally. There were entirely too many planets that he left never wanting to go back. Or being able to go back. The realization made an ever-expanding universe seem incredibly small.
The lead guard opened a door and gestured for them to go in. Entering, he cast about, taking in his surroundings. It was a control room of some sort. Paying little attention to the people obviously awaiting their arrival, he moved to the control panel along one wall, smiling politely to one of the technicians.
"Excuse me, do you mind…?" The techs exchanged a confused glance and looked to one of the men, who nodded. "Much obliged." He slipped his glasses on and scrutinized the various switches and buttons, flipping and pushing a few. "Hmm, interesting…" Taking his glasses off, he put them back in his pocket and walked back around the console. "This isn't yours. Where'd you get it?"
The man who seemed to be in charge stepped forward, extending a hand though he seemed rather confused by the gesture.
"I am General Jaxon, leader of the Ri'Ciaoan resistance. You are the Doctor, I take it?"
He nodded. "I am. Now answer my question; where did you get that?"
Jaxon waited for a moment, hand still extended, before dropping it and smiling politely. "An ally of ours designed it for us some time ago. It comes in very handy when we have prisoners who are unwilling to cooperate with our questioning."
The Doctor's jaw clenched, rage starting to rise at the implication the other man was making. His mind raced with all the different ways he could destroy Jaxon with the device before dismantling it. Caught up in his plotting, he barely heard Rose's question.
"Doctor, what is that thing?"
His eyes never left Jaxon, who was trying to convey a sick innocence over the situation, as he answered.
"That, Rose Tyler, is a mind probe. It allows the user to enter the victims mind, not only viewing their memories, but altering them to depict whatever they want."
Rose pushed passed him, fists clenched at her sides, her voice low though her rage was barely contained.
"Did you use that on Kari?"
Jaxon turned his sickening smile on Rose, an action that made the Doctor want to rip his throat out.
"Yes, we did. She wouldn't tell us when and where you were when we took her, so we had to go looking for it ourselves. Imagine our surprise when we found she'd been telling the truth! Well, once we were in there, we figured we should at the very least get as much information on the Doctor as possible."
Rose made to lunge for Jaxon, but the Doctor caught her arm, pulling her back and stepping in front of her again.
"Where is she?"
Jaxon's eyes lingered on Rose for a moment before meeting the Doctor's.
"She should be along shortly." Looking up, he nodded at one of the guards by the door. "In fact, she's here now. Well, not here..." He nodded toward the large window in one of the walls. "Join me for the show, won't you?"
The Doctor's eyes burned into Jaxon as the man turned and went to the window. After a moment, he followed suit, Rose and Martha stepping up next to him. Bile rose in the Doctor's throat as he took in the scene below: a small, stark, gleaming metal room, its only occupants a chair with restraints and a table with a small, metal box and a couple electric probes; the back of the chair, arm restraints, and floor around it were stained with blood.
His eyes darted to the door as it opened, hearts clenching when he saw Kari. They had her bound in shackles and tape over her mouth. Her hands and feet were bandaged and the pajamas she wore were torn and blood stained. Her eyes were wild and feral as she looked around her, seemingly challenging anyone to come near her.
Rose gasped and took hold of his hand, squeezing tightly. She trembled, anger radiating off of her as she snarled.
"What have you done to her?"
In response, Jaxon pressed a button on a control panel in front of him.
"Remove the tape."
Afraid to approach her, they all fought over whom would take the tape off, three of them finally pushing one forward. He glared at his comrades before inching toward Kari.
A smile spread on her face in spite of the tape and her eyes danced with glee at the sight of the terrified guard. Reaching out a trembling hand, he grabbed the edge and ripped quickly; yanking his hand back, almost like he was afraid she'd bite it.
"Ahh! Much better!" Her eyes flicked to the chair. "Now, who's strapping me in there?"
Jaxon pressed a button. "No one this time."
She took a step forward and looked up at the glass, meeting Jaxon's eyes. The Doctor had assumed it was two-way glass, but now he wondered if she could see them. He grew even more curious as her eyes scanned where he, Rose, and Martha stood, pausing briefly at Martha before returning to Jaxon.
"Brought an audience this time, huh? Want to show off the wild human?"
"What makes you think there's anyone else here with me?"
Kari rolled her eyes, a gesture the Doctor didn't realize he'd missed. It was so very her.
"Same way I know exactly where you are even though I can't see you."
Before he responded, Jaxon looked at the Doctor.
"Perhaps you can enlighten me on that, Doctor, as I have been at a loss, though admit it is quite intriguing. This is two-way glass; she can't see us. Yet she has been able to, without fail, meet the eyes of whomever is at this control panel. Do you know why that is?"
The Doctor sighed deeply, eyes never leaving his bound companion as she stared up at her captor, waiting.
"She's empathic and you've probably altered or strengthened it by using that mind probe on her. She can sense you. She can sense all of us."
Rose looked up at him, frowning. "If that's the case, shouldn't she know we're in here?"
He nodded. "Yes, but it's possible she doesn't trust what she's sensing."
Jaxon's eyes lingered on the Doctor a moment longer before pressing the button again.
"Take the restraints off of her and then leave her."
Kari's face lit up, a maniacal laugh bubbling out of her as the guards approached her again: one at her wrists, one at her ankles, and two with electric probes, charged and ready to hit her with a high dose of electricity if she so much as breathed maliciously at any of them.
Doubled over, she broke into hysterical laughter as all four guards – each easily a foot taller than her and twice her weight – scrambled to toss the shackles and prods on the table and leave the room. Wiping tears away, she wandered about the room for a moment.
"Huh, now this is different. Haven't given me free reign before." She looked back up, brow raised. "What're you up to?"
"All in good time, Kari. First, you have a visitor."
Turning, Jaxon nodded to a guard behind him who spoke into a communicator. A moment later, the door to the probe room opened again and a familiar woman was pushed inside.
"Jalal!"
The Doctor looked to see who had made the exclamation, not recognizing him but noting what appeared to be the insignia of Commander. Anger flashed across the man's face as he turned and grabbed Jaxon by the front of his shirt, shaking vigorously.
"What the hell are you doing? Why's she in there? She'll kill her!"
"Good! She's supposed to be dead, anyway. Imagine my surprise when I was informed you'd lied to me, Commander Kalan." Growling, Kalan let Jaxon go and turned to storm out of the observation room only to be blocked by two guards. "You're not going anywhere. Not yet, anyway. Now shut up and watch the show!"
Glaring, Kalan resumed his place at the window, arms folded over his chest.
A gasp from Rose drew the Doctor back to their friend. She'd gotten hold of one of the electric prods and was taunting Jalal with it. The other woman had her hands up and was trying to calm her.
"Please, Kari, I swear I had nothing to do with this. With any of it. I never have."
Kari snarled, eyes flashing wildly. "Then what are you doing here? How do I even know you're real?"
"I swear, Kari, I'm real. I'm real and I'm sorry. Sorry for everything you've gone through. I know you don't know what or who to believe. But, please, if you believe anyone, believe me."
Kari put a hand to her head and shook it, like she was trying to shake loose what was real or not. When she looked back up, her features had changed to that of confusion.
"I… I can't, Jalal, I'm sorry. You shouldn't be in here! I shouldn't be allowed to roam free." She laughed as she waved the prod around. "I sure as hell shouldn't have this! So how can any of this be real? It doesn't make sense!"
Without another word, Kari jammed the prod into Jalal's neck, tears streaming down her face as she ducked away. She didn't look back up again until she heard Jalal fall to the floor. Dropping the prod, she fell to her knees next to the other woman, sobbing.
"God, I'm so sorry, Jalal! I had to! If you die, I'll snap back to reality." She frowned, "Won't I?"
A lump formed in the Doctor's throat, knowing full well the pain and confusion Kari was going through. She would never be the same again after this and it was his fault. Part of him wished he was the one lying half-dead on the floor.
Jalal smiled weakly and raised a hand to Kari's face, cupping it gently. They couldn't hear what she said, but knew she was gone when her hand fell and Kari buried her face in her hands, rocking back and forth and sobbing.
The Doctor was about to demand to be taken to her when Kalan grabbed his arm.
"Come on. We've played his sick games long enough. I'll take you to her."
Nodding, the Doctor took Rose's hand and followed the man out, neither guard impeding their way this time.
Even with his long legs, he had to work to keep up with Kalan, who was slamming through doors and growling at anyone who got in his way. Jogging, he managed to catch up and fall into step with him.
"Who was Jalal? To you."
"My wife."
"I'm sorry."
Kalan shook his head as he crashed through another door. "Don't be. It's not your fault, or Kari's. The only one I blame is that psychopath, Jaxon."
As they reached the door to the mind probe room, Kalan turned to face him.
"Before we go in there I just want to say…" He sighed, bowing his head. "I'm sorry for everything she's been put through. I had no idea Jaxon had such a vendetta toward you. If I had, I would've done much more to try to protect her."
The Doctor smiled sadly and put a hand on his shoulder. "Like you said, it's no one's fault but Jaxon's. Now," he nodded toward the door, "might be better if you go first."
Nodding, Kalan turned, placed his hand on the handle, took a deep breath, and walked into the room, leaving the door open for them to follow.
The Doctor put a hand up, indicating they wait a moment, and watched as Kari collapsed into Kalan's arms, sobbing apologies into his shoulder. Slipping into the room, followed closely by Rose and Martha, he waited for Kari to notice them. He shoved his hands in his pockets to hide his clenched fists. The less tension she sensed in them, the better.
A muscle twitched in his jaw as he watched her cling to Kalan. Jalal's death wasn't her fault, but she'd never see it that way. She'd always blame herself and there was nothing he could do about it.
He braced himself when Kari's eyes fell on them. His hearts broke and anger rose at the amount of terror, rage, and confusion he saw in them. Swallowing, he tamped down his anger, doing his best to be as calming and reassuring as he could be under the circumstances.
Terrified, she released Kalan, grabbed the discarded probe, and backed away quickly. Her eyes were wide as she looked at the Doctor, Rose, and Martha in disbelief. Frowning, she looked down at Kalan and pointed at the group.
"Can you see them?"
The Ri'Ciaoan glanced over his shoulder and looked back at her, nodding. "Yes, Kari, I can. They're here to take you home."
She continued to back away, holding the probe in front of her, daring anyone to come near her. Moving behind the chair, she shook her head in disbelief.
"No, you're not real. Are you?" She looked down at Jalal's prone form. "No, you can't be real. If you were real, that would mean I just killed her and I wouldn't do that." She looked back up at the Doctor. "Why are you here? In this room? What horrible things do you want to berate me with this time?"
The Doctor drew in a breath, finally finding that place in his mind where absolute calm resided. He put it into his voice as he spoke softly to her. "I'm not here to berate you, Kari." He took his hands out of his pockets, letting her see that he held nothing that was a threat to her. "Just here to take you home."
Her eyes flicked to his hands and back up to his face, a confused frown creasing her brow. "But you can't be real! That," she pointed the probe at Jalal, "can't be real!" She waved her hands around them. "None of this is! So stop fucking with me and get it over with!"
He kept his tone quiet and low, trying to keep as much calm in it as possible. "It's alright, Kari." He took a slow, easy step toward her, as if approaching a frightened animal. "Real or not, you're safe. You're perfectly, completely safe. Just keep your eyes on me."
Her tone and eyes turned dark as she aimed the probe at him. "Don't. Don't move. Don't come closer. Don't tell me what I am or am not. You know nothing!" Anger flashed in her eyes as she slowly moved out from behind the chair, taking a few steps back to widen the gap again. "I haven't been safe the whole fucking time I've been here! Why the hell would I be now? I'm not safe from the guards, from that asshole," she pointed at the window with her free hand before pounding the heel of it against her temple, "or from my own fucking mind! So tell me, Doctor, just how am I so suddenly safe, especially if you're not real?"
He stopped advancing, but kept his hands up so she could see them. "There's no guards, Kari. There's no one watching you but me. There's no more probes, no more pain. Just me. And I can't hurt you."
She smiled and a semi-hysterical laugh bubbled out of her. "Oh, but can't you, Doctor? I know you, remember. Real or not, you can hurt me. You have hurt me. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. If that megalomaniac Jaxon didn't have such a score to settle with you, I never would've been taken. Never would've been held prisoner. Never would've had my mind probed looking for information about you. But, yet, here I am, unable to trust my own mind."
He nodded slowly, never taking his eyes off of her, and took another slight step forward. "Yes. That's real. Hold onto that, Kari, because that's real. And everything before that – your home, your family, your cat... - that's real too. Do you remember that?"
She rolled her eyes. "Of course I remember that! My memory as a whole hasn't been fucked with, just my perception of what's real and what isn't. And I know all that other shit is real. I fucking lived it! It's whether or not you're real that I can't trust." Suddenly realizing he'd advanced on her again, she took a few more steps back, sneering as a low growl rumbled up. "I said don't move, Doctor. Real or not, I know you know what this probe can do. What's it's already done. Do you really want to take the chance of me using it on you?"
"If that's what you feel you have to do, then do it." He took another slow, careful step. "You know me. The real me. You know I'm not armed and you know I won't fight you. If you want my life for what I really did to you when I let them take you, then maybe that's a fair payment." His eyes never left her as he took another tiny step.
She faltered as she took another step back, the confused frown returning briefly. A certain amount of lucidity seemed to return as she continued to watch him and back away slowly. "Don't you get it? I don't want to kill you, not the real you. I would never do that. Not intentionally, anyway. But if you're not real..." She shook her head, tears welling up as her voice caught in her throat. "Killing you is the only way for me to break out of this mental hell."
"I'm real, Kari." He drew in a slow breath, and stepped forward again. She had almost backed herself into the corner, and the distance between them would start to close once she did. "If I wasn't, would I really be willing to risk so much just to help you?" Another step. Another pause. "Please. Let me help you."
"I want to, Doctor, I do. But how can I? I have no idea what's real and what's not." With one final step, she reached the corner. Her eyes went wide and body trembled as panic set in again. She tightened her grip on the probe as she cast about her, looking for anyway to escape. "No! No no no no." The probe hit with a clank as she dropped it to the floor and slid down the wall. Drawing her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them and buried her face. Sobs wracked her body as she rocked. "No more. Please. I can't take anymore. Just… please take it away."
He still moved slowly, but more quickly now that she was unarmed. Crossing the last few steps, he kicked the probe away before he knelt beside her and put his arms around her, cradling her against his chest. "Shh... it's okay." Drawing in a slow, calming breath as she shuddered and sobbed in his arms, he raised one hand to lightly touch his fingers to her temple, never loosening his protective embrace around her shoulders. "It's okay." He didn't look inside of her mind. He didn't want to see it. He only stepped inside, and flooded it with every ounce of calm he could spare. The darkness closed in, and he stepped back as her body went limp in his arms. She was asleep.
Holding her for a moment more, he moved an arm under her knees and scooped her up, cradling her limp form against him. Turning, his eyebrows went up slightly, surprised to find them alone when Rose and Martha came running in, guards hot on their heels.
"Doctor, we have to go. Now. Kalan has started an uprising and all hell is breaking loose."
His eyes flicked warily to the guards standing in the doorway. One of them stepped forward and bowed.
"I am Arran, sir. I was part of Jalal's unit when you were rescued from the elite prison." He gestured to the other guards. "We all were. We're sorry for what Jaxon has done to your friend. The least we can do is get you all back to your ship safely."
Adjusting Kari, he nodded for everyone to go ahead of him. Rose waited at the door, smiling sadly as she brushed her friend's hair out of her sleeping face.
"She looks so peaceful now." She looked up at the Doctor as they started down the hallway. "What'd you do?"
"Pushed every ounce of calm I could muster into her mind; no idea how long it'll last, so we need to get her back to the TARDIS as quickly as possible."
The next several minutes were a blur of hallways, stairs, and shouting. More than once he had to pull Kari closer to him to prevent smacking her head on a wall or door jamb. He was so focused on her and making sure she didn't wake up that he was caught by surprise when they reached the TARDIS, and more so by the fact that Kalan was waiting for them.
Stepping forward, he placed a light kiss on Kari's forehead and laid a necklace across her chest.
"Please tell her she's forgiven. That I don't blame her for what she did. And Jalal wouldn't, either." He looked up at the Doctor, meeting his eyes with ones full of sadness, pain, and rage. "Tell her I'm sorry I couldn't save her."
"I'll tell her."
Smiling sadly, Kalan stepped aside so Rose could unlock the door. As soon as she had it open, they rushed in, the Doctor bringing up the tail, slamming the door shut with his foot. Running up the ramp, he stopped, trying to decide if he should put Kari on the floor or jump seat so he could pilot them out of there. Rose put a hand on his arm and smiled.
"Take her to her room. I'll put us in the Vortex or deep space or something. Just as long as it's far from here."
Smiling, he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. "Thank you."
Adjusting Kari again, grateful she'd managed to sleep through everything, he headed for her room, a plan already starting to form as to when and where he could take her to get the help she would desperately need.