Chapter Twenty - Once More with Feeling

Ron had left his session with Rayner and her marvellous musical molars when he saw Dee sitting on the floor, leaning against the closed bathroom door.

"Hey," Ron frowned down at his friend quizzically, "are you worried about BO because you really don't smell that bad you know? Only a little ripe."

Dee smiled up at him with sarcasm,

"Jo's in the bath." he explained.

Ron still wasn't following this logic.

"So you feel the need to guard the door do you? Dee the thing has a lock on it y'know? Your girlfriend's modesty is quite safe."

"Shut it smart boy, I'm not sitting out here on guard, I'm just...talking to her." Dee lowered his head and looked embarrassed.

Ron was about to begin the merciless teasing when he heard the voice of his other good friend echoing in the bathroom.

"Hi Ron!"

"Hey there Jo," Ron called back through the door, "he can't leave you alone to have a bath in peace huh?"

Dee was having trouble repressing the wide smile on his face but his embarrassment at his current circumstances was still plain to see.

"I'm kind of addicted to her company." he cringed, the smile widening into a grin.

Jo's wicked cackle echoed through the door as she called out,

"I'm dreading the day I can't even take a piss without him listening outside the door!"

Ron laughed,

"You've got him hooked; it's your own fault."

He heard a splashing sound and she called back through the door,

"Who needs dating agencies when you can meet your perfect partner at the nut house eh?"

Dee was burying his reddening face in his hands as the two of them laughed at his new identity of hopeless romantic.

"Take him to the day room would you Ron? I'm getting out now; I'll be there in five minutes or so."

"Will do." Ron chuckled as he extended his hand to Dee on the floor.

He hoisted his flushed friend to his feet and off they went, Dee being teased mercilessly all the way.

ooo

Hermione was a professional, she was detached, she was clinical and unemotional, she had read all the right books and she knew how to handle this situation with Ron.

This was what she kept repeating to herself as she waited for the caller who had asked for her to be transferred over to her line. She glanced down at her notes and took a deep breath, she could do this, no emotional attachments, and don't let him make you laugh she nodded to herself.

"Hello?" the familiar voice said tentatively.

"Oh hello Ron, sorry, I didn't realise you'd been put through yet. How are you today?"

"I'm doing well, I've just seen my doctor and refused to participate in her conversations and then I had breakfast with my friends and I thought I should give you a call."

"Why did you think you needed to call me today?"

"Um..." Ron seemed to have noticed that her voice wasn't so warm and welcoming this time, she winced and reminded herself that she wasn't supposed to have quit such an unfriendly voice.

"I mean last time you said you'd call back when you were miserable. You aren't are you?"

"No," there he was, back to his old self, "I'm still in a really good mood for me. It's just that I'm supposed to participate in the therapy sessions and I don't because I don't trust my doctor, or maybe it's just that I don't like her, I don't know. Anyway she seems to think that I need to talk everything over with somebody who isn't Jo or Dee and I think I need to talk to somebody who isn't her. You're the only other person I could think of who meets both those criteria."

She smiled but tried to shake it off,

"Right so what did your doctor want you to talk about this morning?"

"Um, trivial shit really. At first she was having a go about my behaviour the other night..."

"What behaviour was that?"

"Oh we went out drinking and spent the rest of the following day in bed; not in bed with each other, not me anyway. She said we were avoiding...well, avoiding confronting something or other, I wasn't really paying attention." he laughed.

Don't laugh.

She wasn't sure if this was what her book called inappropriate joking but she was not going to laugh at it anyway. She intended to get him to drop the act and get to the root of his problem.

"Um, are you still there?" he asked uneasily.

"Yes I'm still here. So why do you think you did go out drinking Ron?"

"We didn't, we went out dancing and the drink was just there."

"What else would you have done if it was just there?" she said, with rather more bluntness than she had intended.

"What?" God she hated being so cold with him like this, he sounded so confused.

She didn't want to put ideas in his head. She didn't want to ask him what he would do if he had access to a large quantity of pills. Would he sample them simply because they were there?

"What I mean is a lot of people drink to wash away their problems. Were you doing that?"

He was quiet for a few seconds and she thought she heard him muttering to himself,

"You sound just like bloody Rayner."

"What did you say?" Hermione said.

"It's just...It's not like that. People drink socially as well y'know?" he said defensively.

Oh crap, she was losing him, what was she doing wrong?

She glanced back down at her neatly handwritten notes and couldn't find anything to get her out of this situation. She had alienated him in the same way his doctor had been doing and that wasn't what she had wanted.

"Forget that, I didn't mean...I'm sorry."

Stop sounding so flustered!

"Let's go back to your session with the doctor this morning, after the conversation about the drinking, what did the doctor want to discuss with you?"

He paused for an uncomfortably long time before answering,

"She just asked this stupid question. She just wanted to analyse my answer and dig out hidden meanings that weren't really there and twist it around. She's just playing the usual mind games with me that's all."

Is that what he thought Hermione was doing with him now? Was that what she was doing now? Was she doing this all wrong? She seemed to be doing everything the way the doctor was doing things, which must mean she was doing it right. She was doing it by the book. She was doing it right, she told herself, and she should trust her head over her heart on this one.

"Ok Ron, what was this question?"

"Well she was talking about my memory loss and saying that all my experiences were new ones and everything I was doing I was doing for the first time. I was drunk for the first time, I saw the sea for the first time, I danced for the first time and she asked me what first I would like to get back."

"What, how do you mean?"

"Y'know like, I'm in the position where I can do something again for the first time so she wanted to know what experience I'd want to have as if I'd never had it before."

Hermione understood.

"So I've never ridden before, but I have because I'm pretty sure I know how to do it, but I don't remember doing it."

"So what she's saying is that if you were to ride a bike today you'd be riding a bike for the very first time as far as you were concerned?"

"That's it." he said, "She wanted me to pick something so she could interpret it and decide what that meant to my subconscious blah, blah, blah..."

Hermione pressed her lips together; well the doctor surely knew what she was doing didn't she?

"So what did you tell her?"

"I pretended that I didn't understand what she wanted from me and just frustrated her until she asked me to leave." he sounded almost proud of himself she thought.

"Well can you tell me what your answer would've been?"

He was quiet again, it was as if he was getting suspicious of her change in attitude, she had to try and sound the same as before without letting him manipulate her and deflect her away from her goal with his humour.

"I'm not following you." he said.

She let herself laugh, though not as heartily as she had with him on previous calls,

"Come on, you just told me that you understand, I'm not the whistling doctor y'know?"

She felt him warm to her again and bit her lip to remind her to keep her emotions in check.

"Well," he said a thoughtful tone in his voice, "I'd want to have my first kiss I suppose."

She couldn't help but smile at that,

"That's a good first to have back."

"Yeah I think so."

Hermione's mind drew a blank; she had wavered from her original plan and needed to get back on track.

"Have you played chess with anyone yet?" she managed to pull out of her hat of desperation.

"I haven't actually. It totally slipped my mind, along with a lot of other stuff, but I still don't even know if there's a board here."

"Well ask around, I'm sure they must have one somewhere, then when you call back you can tell me how you did."

"Don't get your hopes up," he scoffed, "it's supposed to be a game of intelligence isn't it?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione snapped, her eyes darting to her checklist and the thing about feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.

"Well it was only a couple of weeks ago that I didn't know how to turn on a light. I don't think that I'm a hidden genius do you?"

Hermione was not about to let him go down this road,

"I think you have the potential to be anybody you want to be and I don't want to hear you put yourself down like that anymore ok?"

"Whoa, sorry!" he said, sounding shocked.

Oh what was she doing? She was messing this all up.

"No I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be hard on you, it's just that I just don't like to hear somebody putting limits on themselves. Just because you don't remember any of your talents or gifts doesn't mean you never had any to begin with."

She heard him sigh deeply and waited for him to say something, eventually he did.

"You're being really weird with me today, have I done something to...?"

Shit!

"No, no of course you haven't done anything Ron, it's me. I've been reading...forget it."

"It's just..." he sounded so wary of her now and it was like a kick in the stomach, "...I feel like I've pissed you off somehow."

"You have done nothing wrong, I promise you, and I'm really sorry that you don't feel as if I've been here for you today."

"No I didn't say that I just..."

"I was worrying after your last call, you were so happy out of nowhere, and I was concerned that you were having mood swings or something." she sputtered.

"Wait, my being happy scared you?"

Oh no, no, no!

"No! Oh God you're not...I've not made myself clear, this is all my own fault for not being articulate enough to say what I mean."

His voice sounded so small when he spoke that it broke her heart,

"I'm sorry if I got you into trouble last time, y'know making you laugh?"

"No Ron, let me explain..."

"Um, listen I've got to go now." he said, his voice now sounding distant.

What the hell had she done?

"Please don't leave it like this."

"No it's fine, we're fine, I've just got to...I'm gonna go."

He didn't sound like himself anymore, he couldn't wait to get off the phone, she was such an idiot.

"Will you call back soon? Tomorrow maybe?"

"Maybe." he said.

"No Ron, I can't let you say goodbye like that, promise me you'll call me back again tomorrow." she demanded, the fear in her voice breaking through with every word.

"Promise you?" he sounded as if he was talking to a total stranger who was making unreasonable demands upon him.

Well he was wasn't he?

"I'm sorry, I'm out of sorts today and I want to make it up to you, please call again. Please?" she was almost begging him, that wasn't in her bloody useless knots.

"I...you know I have my own worries to deal with," he sounded angry with her now, "and if I want somebody to test their psychological theories on me I've got my doctor for that."

Hermione looked down at the scribbled sentence on her stupid list, look out for angry outbursts, and screwed the paper up in her hand.

"I know, it's this stupid book I read, I feel like I've lost your trust and I want to make it up to you."

"Don't worry about it. You don't have to worry about me anymore."

Hermione nearly choked on the gasp of air she let out as she spoke with more desperation that she knew she had in her,

"No please don't say that, please don't leave it like that..."

"I really do have to go now." he mumbled.

"Don't let that be how you say goodbye." she was almost crying and she couldn't stop herself.

"You've been...Thanks for everything."

The phone clicked, he had hung up.

"NO!"

That was it. He'd just made a big deal about saying goodbye to her, after using one of the phrases to watch out for, and she had driven him to it.

She hated that fucking book.

ooo

"Blimey you look tense!" Jo said her eyes wide.

Ron sat down with them in the day room,

"What?"

"You said you were just popping to the loo and you've come back looking as if you had something shoved up your arse instead." she explained in her typical Jo-like way.

Dee cast a disapproving glance in her direction,

"You're such a lady."

He looked back at Ron with some concern.

"What's wrong mate? You were fine just now."

Ron chewed on the inside of his lip and shook his head, he felt so tightly wound right now and he didn't want them to think it was their fault.

"I'm just not going to talk to anybody but the two of you from now on; from now and for the rest of my life."

"Blimey!" Jo said, with an involuntary laugh.

"Seriously, other people just..." he let out a frustrated grunt, "...I just don't need 'em."

Dee frowned at him,

"Rayner?"

Ron looked up at his two concerned friends, they didn't know about his calls to the Samaritans; he didn't feel like getting into that right now.

"Yeah."

Jo nodded,

"We need to make some kind of voodoo doll."

Ron let himself smile and he felt some of the tension leave him on doing so.

She seemed pleased with herself,

"See there you are again, you're more like yourself when you let yourself relax like that, when you go all..." she clenched both fists and scrunched up her face, making a growling sound,"...you're more like me and that can't be good."

Dee smiled,

"Make that face again."

Ron laughed at the look she gave Dee on hearing that.

"What?" Dee held up his hands, "I thought it was cute!"

Ron played with his hands thoughtfully for a few seconds, knowing that his friends were both looking at him, before raising his head again.

"Can I ask you guys a question?" he said.

Dee smirked,

"You just did."

Ron smiled wearily,

"Don't start that again Dee."

"Please don't." Jo said warningly, "So what's up Ron?"

"It's nothing it's just...if you could do something again for the very first time ever what would you do?"

Jo raised her eyebrows,

"That sounds like a Rayner question."

"I know but answer it anyway." Ron shrugged.

"I'm not sure, I don't happen to remember any of my own firsts so everything feels pretty new to me."

Ron knew that he and Dee would have the exact same problem with this theoretical quandary as he did.

"Yeah but you must know you've done stuff even if you don't remember doing it. Of all the firsts that your memory loss has given back the opportunity to experience which one would you want back most?"

"Well I've already done the number one." Dee turned and smiled at Jo.

"What about you, what would you like to do afresh as if you'd never done it before?" Ron quizzed Jo.

"Nothing really, all of my firsts were either dull or disappointing and I wouldn't want to revisit any of them. There is something I've never done before though, a first I've still got to experience if you like."

Dee's eyebrows arched,

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Come on then, share with us."

Jo looked from Dee to Ron and back again before grinning,

"I want to go skinny dipping."

Ron's face crumpled,

"Is that what I think it is?"

Dee had never looked more delighted in his entire life,

"Oh I really hope so."

"Well we are close to the sea and we know from experience how deserted the beach is in the early hours of the morning."

"We also know that I lost my shoes at the beach..." Ron said as he sat back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest, "...I refuse to walk home naked!"

"If you lose your clothes, well that'd make you very careless for one thing, I'll weave you a suit out of seaweed."

"Well that's a talent rarely called upon these days," Dee snorted, "the ability to weave fabric from seaweed."

Jo sat upright,

"Well I'm going to do it, the skinny dipping I mean; now that I've said it I really want to do it."

Dee looked over to Ron and nodded his head in Jo's direction,

"She's a spontaneous little thing isn't she?"

She beamed at Dee,

"That's why you love me."

Dee's face flushed as he turned back to her and planted a quick peck on her lips,

"I'm in." he smiled.

Ron uncrossed his arms and sat forward again,

"Yeah why not? It's not as if I have that many amusing anecdotes to my name is it? At least with you two around I'm earning myself a colourful past."

ooo

The sun had just begun to creep into view over the horizon as the three friends splashed about in the freezing but eerily still sea.

"So I finally got to see tits then!" Ron sputtered as he floated on his back.

"Oi you, those are for my eyes only." Dee pulled an amused Jo into his arms and covered her chest up.

"Says who?" she said incredulously, "I don't mind sharing the joyful sight of my knockers."

"Joyful?" Dee said, loosening his grip on her enough for her to wriggle out of his arms and begin doing the backstroke further out to sea so she could no longer put her feet on the sea bed.

Ron began to tread water was he watched her,

"Too right mate, Jo they're magnificent."

"Thank you Ron, I'd take a bow if I weren't up to my neck in water."

Dee dove in her direction,

"Oh take one anyway babe..."

He dunked her head under the water when he reached her and she bobbed back up sputtering and splashing water into his face in retaliation.

"What are you so sensitive about Dee; it's not as if I'm proposing a threesome or anything." Ron chuckled as he swam out of his depth; witch was quite far considering his height.

Jo looked at Dee with a straight face and said,

"Well y'know he's got a point Dee, we do everything else together..."

Ron laughed as Dee lunged at her but she managed to splash out of his reach and swim closer to the shore again.

"There will be no more talk like that." Dee said firmly but keeping the smile on his face.

"Whatcha gonna do to shut me up eh?" Jo teased him, "I'm all the way over here."

"I can reach you in two strokes," Dee boasted, ignoring Ron's snort.

"You can't keep hold of me though, I'm all slippery!" she cackled as she dove under the water and resurfaced a few feet beside Ron.

Ron looked at her and turned a little coy,

"You didn't see anything under there did you?"

She rolled her eyes,

"Ron I couldn't see my hand in front of my face down there, we're on the English coastline remember? It's more sewage than water out here."

Ron looked revolted,

"Oh you didn't think to remind us of that before we all jumped in?"

"We're English, we're immune! That's why we get sunburn in weather that gives people from exotic countries frostbite."

Ron laughed while resolving not to dive under the water all the same. Jo seemed to have read his mind as Dee slowly swam over to the two of them.

"I could always have another look...to see if the water's cleared." she took a deep breath and was about to sink under the water when Ron grabbed her by the arm and pulled her up.

"No you don't!"

"I've seen it already!" she said with great mirth.

"Still..." Ron sputtered, "...stay up here where I can see you."

"That's an order." Dee barked as he reached them, he was quite amused by the look that appeared on her face as soon as he said that.

"Order? You don't own me."

"I beg to differ." Dee said as he wrapped a leg around her waist and pulled her toward him.

She looked over to Ron for back up,

"Tell him he can't own me."

Ron suddenly had a wicked idea,

"Well he could but there's a funny thing about ownership, like a requirement that he's not fulfilling, so until he clears that business up you're anybody's."

"My reputation precedes me." Jo chortled much to Ron's amusement and Dee's horror.

"Alright then Weasley, what's the mysterious requirement that I need to stake my claim then?"

Ron had never felt so smug in his life,

"Your name, simple as that."

Dee huffed,

"You know my name, it's Dee..."

"It's not though is it?" Ron interrupted, "That's an abbreviation just like Ron is short for Ronald and Jo is short for Joanne."

A delighted Jo squirmed away from Dee and joined Ron's side, the two of them ganging up on him,

"You want ownership, I have to know who it is that owns me, simple as that." she said with glee.

Dee shook his head, they'd got him at last and he knew it, he looked up at them both sheepishly,

"Ok You want to know what Dee stands for?"

They both nodded eagerly.

"Draco."

ooo

A/N First and foremost a big well done to DiTS and Snowflake Ginny who had Dee sussed from the very beginning.

Now I've never asked for reviews so far, I've just been very appreciative of them when they came, but I really want to know how many of you lot I managed to surprise with that one. I've been building up to it from the very beginning.

This story really gets going now!