New Lives
Chapter 21
"Okay, explain to me what happened again." Tsunade rubbed her eyes.
"Well, Tsunade-Sama, we got lost in the woods, then those two lunatics showed up and took the sword. We couldn't fight them, and we were on our way to deliver it to them anyways..."
"All I can say is you idiots are #! lucky Shikamaru and the others escaped! How could you #! bungle such an important and #! simple mission!?"
"I..."
"Get out of my sight!" The Messenger-Nin fled seconds before the Hokage's desk hit the wall behind where he had been standing. Tsunade walked over and reached into the shattered desk pulling a miraculously undamaged bottle of sake from the wreckage. "I'm surrounded by boobs..."
"Ya got that right, toots!"
Tsunade jumped to the door, but couldn't catch whoever had said that...
...
The welcome back party was wonderful, especially for Shikamaru, who learned that someone else was being assigned ambassador to Amegakure, in light of his unpleasant experiences. Between Chouji and Jirobou, the food vanished quickly, though, fortunately, that had been anticipated and everyone else had eaten at home... Shikamaru himself was asleep, his face in his palm, as the party went on around him. Tayuya sat next to him, mentally counting the days until she turned sixteen...
...
"So, tell me, Hana," Ino said slyly, "Just how good is Kankurou with his hands?"
"Four words: Marry. A. Puppet. Master..." They both fell into a giggling fit.
...
Eiji held the message in his hands, "Shikamaru was kidnapped? Itachi and Kisame are alive again? A bird dropped a load on Sasuke's head! And they didn't invite us!"
Zaku looked up from his supposed homework, "Sounds like we missed a real party. Why couldn't they just kidnap Shino and keep him?"
"Think about it, manure for brains, do you want Shino in Akatsuki?" Kin chided.
"HELL NO!" Zaku grabbed his little orange book of perversion, "I'm glad it wasn't us, though, that Itachi is a real pain in the..."
"Language, Zaku." Tomoe poked her head in the room.
"Errrr... Derriere?"
"That's better."
Naraku Akira walked into the room, "That poor kid must have been terrified, I mean, he's sleeping safely in bed and some freak comes in and rips off his underwear..."
"Poor boy probably thought he was going to be raped." Tomoe added in.
"If he's worried about that, he might want to pick a different girlfriend, Tayuya's a real sick chick. That's just what she'd do, if what she says is any indication." Zaku grinned.
"I'm sure he thinks he knows what he's doing," Kin added, "If she tries anything, she'll be out on the street."
...
"This is a most Un-Youthful development! How could anyone go crazy seeing a fat, naked guy with a squid for a head?!"
Obito laughed in agreement, "Hah! Cthulhu sounds funny-looking to Obito! Does he kill by making you laugh yourself to death?"
"That's what the old purple butt-bows Orochimaru made us wear were for, Obito, to laugh the enemy to death... You lost your sanity roll, Lee, I'm sorry, I'll try to cast a successful Psychoanalysis roll." Kidoumaru reached into his pocket, and came up empty. "Where's my die?"
...
Many miles away, Hoshigake Kisame spat something into his hand, "What the Hell?"
"It's a gaming die." Itachi said emotionlessly.
"I hate kids..." Kisame shook his head and pocketed the die.
You never know when you might need one...
To Be Continued . . .