Disclaimer: These wonderful characters belong to Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and TNT. I only like to play with them once in awhile.
Chapter 21
The first few days of November flew by and one morning Maura was staring at her calendar, wondering how Thanksgiving had managed to sneak up so quickly. It was only a week away. Maura wondered who was cooking and whose house they'd meet at.
"Let's see," Maura thought aloud, "Angela will do part of the cooking, I know. I can help with that. Frankie will probably bring his latest girlfriend and Jane and I and the kids will be there…" Maura stared at the calendar and thought back to the previous Thanksgiving.
Being in Canada the day wasn't celebrated as an American Thanksgiving. Still, Maura felt in the holiday mood as she entered her office that morning. Her secretary brought her a cup of tea and a scone with the Wall Street Journal. Maura scanned the headlines and checked her schedule for the day.
She noted the articles about the American holiday, how Wall Street was closed. Maura thought of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and the large balloons floating down the street. She remembered reminiscing about the holiday with her adoptive parents, and the one year they treated her to a New York holiday, complete with ice skating at Rockefeller Center and the parade. Her parents treated her to a wonderful dinner and all of the window shopping she could manage.
Maura hadn't been aware of the tears coursing down her cheeks until her secretary came in again to take away the tea things and bring in the reports Maura needed for her late morning meeting. Maura quickly dismissed both her tears and her secretary, but noted her loneliness.
It was the only time she allowed herself to think of Jane and what they might have had. Maura thought of years past, when she and Jane had been merely friends and how Maura was considered a member of the Rizzoli family. Then came that terrible day at headquarters, Jane's and Frankie's injuries, and how Maura lost Jane when Jane recovered.
"Hey, what's this? Crying over the calendar?" Jane reached around Maura to wipe the tears off her fiancee's face. "What's wrong, Maura?" Jane asked. Inwardly she cringed. Crap, what did I do now?
Maura turned in Jane's arms. Shaking her head slightly she laughed. "It's nothing Jane, I was just thinking about Thanksgiving."
"I understand how you might want to cry over a holiday where we all eat too much then try to play football in the front yard, at least until I tackle Frankie to the ground and put him in a head lock. But Maura, don't worry about it. Ma does most of the cooking; in years past we've gotten extra side dishes from the deli to help out."
"I was just remembering last year."
"Oh, shit."
"Language."
"I'm sorry, Maur. I love you, we're together now. If I could go back and change things, I would."
"I wouldn't ask you to. Not for me." Maura leaned into Jane.
"Holy crap, Maura, why not? You're worth fighting for."
"You didn't." Maura said in a tiny, small voice. Jane inwardly cursed.
"I should have. I wished I had."
"You did?" Maura looked at Jane in surprise. Jane nodded her head.
"I never told anyone. Maybe I shouldn't be telling you now, but I think you need to hear this." Jane led Maura to the couch. She pulled Maura into her lap.
"A couple of weeks before the wedding I went out with Korsak and Frost for a drink. You know our usual Friday night gatherings at the Robber. Only not usual because you were leaving, we weren't speaking outside of work. Frost made a comment that it was unusual to be just the three of us. When he said that, I thought immediately of you. Frost was thinking of Joey. Joey had taken your place at the table.
I started to call you, ask you to join us but stopped when I realized I couldn't offer you anything. Joey and I were engaged to be married, Ma was out of her mind with wedding details, and I wasn't thinking about you. It hurt too much. Korsak saw me put my phone away. He asked me if I was sure about marrying Joey and breaking up with you. I put my head down on the table and cried a bucket of tears. I knew then I was making a mistake. I wanted to tell Joey the wedding was off, go to you and beg your forgiveness."
"I would have given it to you."
"I fucked up, Maur. I got out of the booth and headed out to find Joey. Ma came in, instead. She had my wedding dress with her. The seamstress made a mistake on it and Ma was furious. She said, 'my little girl is finally marrying a good man and Carla Talucci's daughter is screwing it all up.' At that moment I knew I couldn't do it. Then Joey came in, Ma had one of her meltdowns about the groom seeing the dress before the wedding day and I escorted Ma out the Robber. When I got her settled at home I knew I couldn't risk losing her, losing my family, backing out of my wedding to Joey."
"You must have been miserable."
"Most of the time I was. After while I was on auto pilot. Having the kids helped, of course. I fell in love with both of those little creatures. If I hadn't married Joey, I wouldn't have them. But my heart, Maura, always belonged to you."
Maura settled her head against Jane's chest. "I was so lonely last Thanksgiving. Something made me remember a vacation I took with my parents when I was ten years old. It was just before I started boarding school. We spent the Thanksgiving weekend in New York City. I was treated to the parade, everything. Then my thoughts turned to you. I despised myself for turning our friendship into a romance, Jane. I thought if I kept my feelings to myself I might have stayed in Boston, remained your friend, even though you were married."
"Could you have stood that, Maura? See me with Joey, knowing you couldn't have me outside of friendship? A lot of friendships between women collapse when one marries and starts a family. I wouldn't have wanted that for you."
"My secretary came in and found me crying."
"Like I just did."
"Yes, but she didn't wipe the tears away with her fingers and hold me in her lap."
"Lucky me," Jane laughed. She kissed Maura.
"I know you understand when I phrase it this way, Maura, but aside from my children you are the most precious thing on earth to me. My first thoughts each morning are for the safety and happiness of my family, Maura. You're going to be my wife. Come to think of it, are you sure you want in this family?" Jane giggled and Maura slapped her arm.
"Yes, silly, I do."
"As for Thanksgiving, don't worry. I'll eat your turkey and stuffing and love it anyway."
"Jane! My cooking isn't that bad." Jane adopted an innocent air about her.
"I didn't say it was, although I don't think I'd serve it to people in the hospital."
"Jane Rizzoli, what a nasty thing to say about my cooking! Hospital patients are too sick to have to worry about what they're eating."
"Exactly," Jane said, trying hard not to burst out laughing.
"Just for that you can sleep on the couch tonight."
"Hey, I was kidding! You can't mean that, Maura!"
"Keep protesting and it will be for two nights."
"You can't do that, Maura, I love falling asleep with you in my arms."
"That's two, shall we try for three?" Maura crossed her arms and tried to give Jane a stern look.
"I'd quit while I was ahead, Ma. She means business," Angelo spoke up behind Jane.
"I can't win for losing with you two. Fine, I'll sleep on the sofa for the next three nights, just to prove a point."
"Fine," Maura said and retreated to the kitchen.
"Criticize her cooking, Ma?"
"Go to school, son. It's getting late."
TBC