Chapter 21: Getting Ready
Previously on the New Recruit: " 'Havok...' " I think faintly, unable to speak as the darkness closes in, leaving only a blurry ray of scarlett light visible in the water. " 'He did it.' " I think to myself, staring at the ray of light for a moment. I only wish I could've lived long enough to get him out of here. Suddenly, instead of getting darker, the light grows brighter and brigther until it obscures everything-
And I can see nothing... ' "
...
Bright light. That's all I can process as I gasp for air on the bed. Once my vision becomes a bit clearer I can see Havok and I are not alone. I'm lying in Glenn's lap on the bed with my head against his chest and his hands gripping my arms while Beast and Banshee stand on either side of Havok, holding him up by the shoulders.
I look to the side and meet the Professor's gaze.
"Professor?" I ask softly, feeling as though I've just woken up from a bad dream. " 'I'm right here, Elizabeth.' " Xavier answers in my head, despite him being right next to me and Glenn beside the bed. " 'I'm sorry Professor.' " I begin, finding it much easier to talk this way. " 'I didn't mean to hurt him. I-' "
" 'I know, Elizabeth,' " The Professor projects to the others who look sharply between us, able to hear the exchange. " 'But please, don't feel guilty for this. You may not know it now; but what you've done for Alex is far greater than anything I could have ever hoped to do. You see, for some time now, Alex has been falling into a deep depression ever since the death of his closest friend, Darwin. A depression that has been growing since his early childhood. And to make matters worse, whenever I tried to see into his mind, to help him, his repressed memories kept pulling him back; and he was pulling further away from us.
" 'The losses he's suffered, the death of his family, the uncontrollable development of his powers, and separation from his brother; have all kept him from living a normal life. You may have saved him from forever being lost inside his subconsious. You have given him another chance to be happy again. Something I, myself, failed to do.' "
The Professors words are incredibly reassuring and I'm finally able to really breathe knowing I haven't hurt Alex. The last thing I wanted to do was mess him up mentally or something like that! Despite knowing that he'll be alright (better than alright according to the Professor), looking at Havok's sleeping form on the bed, I can't help but feel like I have hurt him. Like I've brought back to life his fears and old demons.
"He'll be fine now," The Professor tells me, placing a comforting hand on my arm and looking into my eyes comfortingly. "I managed to pull the both of you out before it was too late. But before I even came, Havok had already broken free from the chains of his past that have been holding him down for so long. Thanks to you."
I nod as Havok begins to come around and, with the help of Banshee and mostly Beast, sits up to look at me. We stare at eachother a moment and then suddenly we both reach for eachother at the same time and embrace in a silence worth a thousand words...
Donovan is fed up!
He's been waiting for hours in the infirmary on his own, thinking. Thinking about everything that's happened recently. In all truth, he's not very upset about leaving his family behind. In fact, he's glad to be away from them! Every since he 'came out' to them his life has been miserable. (And he's not talking about his Mutation either!) His parents believe with their hearts and souls that his sexuality, as his mother so lovingly puts it, is "Evil and can be 'cured' by Christ the Lord if he would only renounce Satan and his sinful ways!".
You can imagine how wonderful that was!
Actually, it's down-right depressing. To think, that his own family will never except him...When Donovan's powers manifested, he knew he could never hope to live a normal life. With his homosexuality, there was a chance. But his Mutation has robbed that from him. Especially with the growing hatred of Mutants in the world. For awhile, Donovan still couldn't fully accept that he was a Mutant because of this. He'd only recently come out to his parents about being gay and that was a large enough step as it was!
But it was a step forward, nonetheless.
And the longer Donovan kept his Mutation a secret, the more he felt trapped by his own gift. By his own fears. He knew he needed help. Help from Mutants like him. But he had no idea where to find them. He never even knew that Elizabeth was a Mutant until about a week before Magneto and the others invaded their school; But he hadn't said anything. He didn't know what to say! He was scared, uncertain, and not yet ready to tell his secret.
Joining Magento with Liz and Glenn was the only way.
Sure it was a rash decision, but he still feels, even now, that it was the right one. He's never felt more important, more part of a group before now...Although, Donovan was begining to feel like a third wheel around his closest friends. (Mutation-wise.) He felt like his powers weren't strong enough to match up to Glenn's brute strength, cool looks, and ability to fly; Or Liz's incredible Ghost-like abilities.
A Healer.
That's all that Donny was. Until now.
It was in the hall when his secondary Mutation made it's appearance. Donovan hadn't really wanted to fight Banshee, or Havok, to tell the truth, (After all, he'd had, and still has, a little crush on Havok) and he didn't want to get in a fight with them. But his frustration of being the weaker Mutant sparked something deep within Donovan that night. Something powerful.
So when he'd intercepted Banshee as he tried to attack Glenn, Donovan was shocked to find that, after only a moment of struggle, Banshee was becoming weaker and weaker until he suddenly passed out on the ground before him. It was then that Donovan, staring at his hands in shock, realized that-Not only can he heal people, but he can weaken them, too!
It not only drained the people he touched of their strength, but it made his own strength grow in addition!
Now, Donovan could feel like he mattered.
Like wasn't just the one who could heal people, but not keep himself from being harmed anymore. This was made especially important to Donovan after he was kidnapped by Sabretooth and Haze so long ago.
Creed had taunted him, saying he was pathetic.
He called Donovan the 'runt' of the group. That even the Ghostgirl, as Creed called Liz, was tougher than him, mocking Donovan cruely as he cowered before the much larger man. "And she's just a little, frail! So what does that make you?" Creed taunted the terrified Donovan, grabbing him by the front of the shirt and moving in close to breathe him in before saying in a growl-like voice. "You don't even smell like a man!" before throwing Donovan back to the ground. This not only scared the hell out of Donovan as he laid tied up in the woods wtih the psychopath and the demon-girl but it really hurt his pride, as well.
It was bad enough he had to be rescued by like, seven people while Liz faced Sabretooth all on her own. " 'Besides,' " Donovan often thinks to himself. " 'I may be gay but that doesn't make me any less of a man!' "
God was this driving Donovan insane!
All this time to himself gave him far to much time to think. And while thinking often helps Donovan solve problems and even evaluate situations that seem confusing or scary, but right now, Donovan could really use some company-
"Hey!" Havok calls from the doorway, appearing out of nowhere, and Donovan sits up rapidly, groaning at the pain in his head and the frustration of being surprised by his secret crush while he's in such a poor condition. "Are you alright?" Havok asks, moving closer to the bed with a look of guilt and worry. "Could be better," Donovan answers icily, ignoring how blue the X-Man's eyes are, like a deep, endless ocean, and how his blonde hair practically shines like gold in the light.
And then that face!
"Why do you care?" Donny pouts, folding his arms across his chest as he looks anywhere but at Havok, wondering just how badly he looks right now. "Because...I...Listen," Havok gives up as he tries to explain, finding it difficult to talk to Donovan for some reason. "I'm not this egotistical, bigshot, jerk you think I am. And I never meant to hurt you. Things just got out of hand! I wasn't thinking about you as a person-No offense!" He adds quickly when Donovan gives him a sharp glare. "I-Only saw the Professor in danger. I'm sorry." Havok says, looking down at his hands in shame.
Despite wanting nothing more than to ignore Havok and remain angry at him-Donovan can't stay mad at him.
He's just too cute! And he may be telling the truth..
"Well," Donovan says, blushing as he finally turns to look at him, sitting back against the headboard of the infirmary bed, pushing his hair aside, hoping it isn't too ugly. "I guess I can understand that. I'm sorry, too. We all kind of acted without thinking." The two are silent for a moment as Havok takes a seat in a chair near Donovan's bedside. "So how's your friend, Banshee?" Donovan asks finally, twitling with his fingers nervously, finding it hard to steady his breathing.
"Sean? He's alright," Havok says dismissively, much to Donovan's surprise. "I-Never knew you could drain people's powers."
"Yeah, me neither." Donovan answers softly. "It's new to me. I always thought I was just a Healer. I can't really complain though. I always wanted to have a power that was-Useful. Now I can be."
"But you are useful!" Havok argues immediately, taking Donovan by surprise before nervously looking down and speaking in a quieter, but firm voice, "You have no idea what I'd give to be like you! To be able to help people. To give life instead of destroy it-"
"You'd think it would be great, wouldn't you?" Donovan says quietly, looking down at his hands, wanting to understand Havok, but still feeling down about his own Mutation. "But when you have to see your friends in danger, and know that you're just their fallback if they get hurt-It's hard. Being-Helpless to actually fight and help your friends before they get hurt."
"Tell me about it." Havok says looking genuinely interested in hearing more and Donovan looks at him questioningly. Donovan's never really opened up to anyone about his feelings before. Not even to Liz or Glenn. He's used to being reserved. " Are you serious?" Donovan asks.
"As serious as a concussion." Havok jokes, making them both laugh. "Alright, you're on!" Donovan says with a smile and Havok smiles back, remembering an friend who once said the same thing, not too long ago...
I can't sleep.
I'm still shaken from the events that occured not an hour ago and I find it nearly impossible to do so much as close my eyes for more than a few seconds. The Professor told me I should get some rest. He says we have 'important matters to attend to', but I don't see how I can sleep now! At first, I wasnt' sure what was wrong with me; But then, I began thinking. About everything. And I mean, everything.
All the things I've been avoiding since I started this journey have suddenly resurfaced and I can't push them back out of my mind.
I've been doing just about anything to keep from acknowledging things I should have come to terms with already; but have been too scared to. Like dealing with the separation of me from my family; Or my desperate decision to join a group of total psychotic Mutants in the hope to find others I can relate to, which inevitably resulted in this whole mess; Not to mention my confusion over my feelings for Azazel (which is a bit ludacris when I really think about it but I think I'll skip that particullar subject for now);
And on top of it all I've only come to the realization that I have almost died-Not once-But three times!
Three!
I don't care if I am a Mutant and there's probably a lot more problems I'm going to have to over come in my life, but that doesn't make it any more...Disturbing! First, Sabretooth almost kills me; Then, I almost suffocate in the middle of the night on Magneto's jet; And just over an hour ago, I almost murdered in a memory that wasn't even mine!
How have I not lost it by now?
I start thinking about the day I first joined Magneto. I think I get why I did it (Wanting to be part of a team of people like myself, wanting to control my powers, etc.) and know that I think of it, even if I had refused, Magneto would have kidnapped me and my friends anyways and thrown us in their 'prison'. So I guess there's nothing left to discuss there!
Now, why don't I take a little time to ponder my Mutation a bit?
I feel like I can control my powers better than before, but there are so many limitations, that it feels like I'll never have complete control over them! I have to be so careful not to be out of my body for too long or else-Well-I don't really know what would happen yet. And I can't fall asleep in my astral body or I'll stop breathing all together. And it's become apparent that pain, lack of concentration, and overuse of my powers can short them out for a time, leaving me helpless even in my astral body.
And I still don't really know what would happen if I were to die in my astral body...
Anyways, as for my powers themselves; I know I can do a number of things that I either, never used to be able to do, or was very bad at doing. Let's go over the list shall we? Let's see, I can levitate, turn invisible, become intangible, and create energy blasts-But only in my astral body and I can't do them all at once or I'll tire myself out. I've also found (As one might be able to guess) that I can hear and enter the minds of others, and I've very recently found that I can make my eyes glow violet (like I did in the bathroom when I forgot to phase back into my body). And I'm not even sure what it's purpose is and I don't even know if I can do it again...
I never realized how much power I had, until now.
If only I could just learn to gain complete control over my powers...But the sad thing is, I wouldn't be able to handle using all my powers to their full potential all at once. Not yet atleast. I could hurt myself; maybe even kill myself trying to force it. Maybe that's the reason I can only do so much with what I have.
So I'm not weak but I'm not invinsible either. Great.
I know I have more questions and more things I need to go over, but just thinking about my parents...I can't do it. It hurts too much. I miss the sound of my Mom and Dad's voices. It pains me to think they don't know where I am. That they probably think I'm dead. That I can't go back home to them until this is over. That they may not even accept me even if I do for what I am.
That was the very reason why I didn't tell them about my Mutation.
They were afraid of Mutants. They believed they were unnatural, dangerous, monsters. They believed the world would be better without them or atleast that a cure should be invented. It broke my heart that they were so sure. So sure that all Mutants were nothing but abominations. I'd cry often. Expecially when my powers became uncontrollable. I had to hide it from them and everyone else.
It was so hard but I couldn't have done it without Glenn.
No. I don't regret joining Magneto. I don't regret leaving home. I couldn't keep up with the lies. Not with my Mutation manifesting and becoming uncontrollable. It may not have been the best choice or the smartest one but it's the choice I have made. It's the one that's led me to this point. I'm going to do this. It's time to get up. To stop moping about the past and move on.
It's time to save Tarina, put a stop to Mutant hate-crimes, and embrace my Mutation. It's time to go back home.
I check the watch the X-Men gave me when me and the others agreed to stay at Weschester and see nearly an hour has passed already. I get up, feeling more awake and energized than ever before as I make my way to the door. I'm ready for action.
I'm ready.
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