Set between 5.03 Robin 101 and 5.04 Double Date.

Pink

"Hey, did Marshall bring home the files for the Pirate Report?"

Barney gently kicks the door to the apartment shut behind him, and begins to scout around the table beside it.

"Which ones those?" Lily asks from the kitchen table.

"They're two big blue folders full of documents," he looks through the bookshelf, "Where does he usually keep work things?"

"Coffee table," Lily supplies. Barney checks there.

"No, they're not here. They're big folders, you wouldn't miss them," he explains.

"He'll be home soon, ask him then. Or call,"

"Hey, what's this?"

Barney holds up a crumpled sheet of paper with a few bullet-point lines written in green ink.

Robin has a green pen.

"Rang up LA occasionally at early hours in morning to lament unrequited love for RS," Barney reads aloud, "Refused to give back Share Bear over-Lily, what the hell?"

"It's nothing," she lies ineffectively.

"Oh my God, this is Robin's writing! You told her all that stuff about me!"

"You and Ted had your Robin 101 class- we thought it was only fair if I got to spill some secrets about you,"

"But this is…personal," Barney splutters, waving the paper in front of her, "It was secret!"

"Oh, you know I can't keep secrets. It's not as bad as your stupid class with Ted,"

"Oh my God," he says again, red in the face, "You make me sound like a total lame-o. Robin breaking up with a total lame-o was how Ted ended up teaching me Robin 101 in the first place,"

Lily gingerly takes the paper from him, "Well, I'm sorry. You're right, that stuff should have stayed between you and me,"

"Too right it should have done! I've got to- hang on a sec…" Barney takes his phone from his pocket and dials hastily.

He waits three rings before- "Hey, you," comes Robin's voice on the other end, "What do you want?"

"Everything Lily told you about me was a Goddamn lie," Barney says hurriedly, "None of it's true and it's all taken from Ted and those crappy Mills and Spoon books Lily reads,"

"Mills and Boon," Lily interjects, "And nobody reads them anymore,"

"Whatever. It's all fake," Barney re-iterates to Robin, "It's slanderous. I would never do anything that un-awesome, okay?"

"Okay," replies Robin, "I didn't really believe it anyway,"

"Good," he breathes, "That's all. See you later,"

"Bye,"

He hangs up.

"What did she say?" asks Lily.

"She bought it," Barney smiles smugly.

"And you believe that?" she taunts.

Barney gives her a dark look, turns away and mutters, "Shut up,"

He's about to go back to looking for the Pirate folder, when his phone buzzes again. The text from Robin reads:

She only told me so that I'd tell her some of the things we do in bed ;)

Barney grins hugely- he doesn't care if it's true but by God is he going to use it.

"Oh, so look what my girlfriend just sent me," he smirks, holding his phone up for Lily to see. She reads it, and then it's her turn to blush.

"That is so not true. We were motivated only by revenge on you and Ted,"

"Hmm, really?"

Barney sticks his hands in his pockets and gives her a condescending look.

"Yes!" Lily argues indignantly.

He just raises his eyebrows even higher.

"Yes!" she insists.

"Oh, right," Barney nods as if understanding something for the first time, "You repeatedly shouting 'yes'-that's your impression of Robin in bed with me," his voice drops on octave to a gruff whisper, "But it's a hell of a lot louder than that, I can tell you,"

He winks, laughs, and pulls out his phone again to ask Marshall where those damn folders are.

Thank you to all you readers, especially those who reviewed (and who will review this chapter hint hint). Have a very happy Christmas and a wonderful new year! xx