Chapter 21

Movement

"Oh my God, Louisa. That's fantastic," shrieked India. "You vomited on Babs!"

More than three weeks after the incident, Louisa now saw the humour, but she had been mortified at the time. "It wasn't all that bad, really. Only water and a bit of bile. But you would've thought I'd doused her with a caustic chemical. She went on and on about her bloody Burberry. Her raincoat's been cleaned and is no worse for it. She wouldn't let me pay for the cleaning. Apparently, I'm to have parents buy flats from her."

"That's what she tells everyone. I always suggest she ring Chester. He has the wealthy friends; I manage a family shelter!"

Louisa and India were working at a worn, stone-topped table in India's small, antiquated kitchen in Chiswick. The rest of the flat was comfortable enough, but the Cloverleys saw no need to re-do a kitchen for the cook. "Only problem is – I'm the cook," groused India.

On this cold February morning, the two were chopping vegetables for the cock-a-leekie soup to be served at supper later in the day. Louisa had hastily accepted India's invitation and offered to help with the meal - all to avoid another lonely Sunday in her cheerless bedsit.

India's three children were mucking about London with their father, leaving her to catch up on household chores before they returned at five. She was grateful for Louisa's help, but mostly for her company. Her new friend was bright, charming and made India laugh as they shared stories of the shelter and the school.

"Such different ends of the economic spectrum," Louisa noted, "but in the end, people are the same."

"Except for Babs," they nearly proclaimed in unison.

"Why was she at your school," India asked.

"It seems she has a new boyfriend whose two daughters are students. One's in my Year 8 class and the other's a few years older. The dad was delayed at court and sent Babs to fetch them. A barrister, I suppose. The girls are quite lovely, but they certainly got the wrong end of the stick. First their mother left them and now Babs.

"Although she did give me a lift to Ealing, which was very kind," Louisa acknowledged. "In my state, I'm not sure I could've managed the tube that night. Mr. Qureshi commandeers taxis for students, but who knows what that costs."

Adding carrots to the soup pot, India turned to Louisa: "What are you now – in your fourth month? You should be feeling better after the first trimester. No more morning sickness, right?"

"Well, the thing is, I never had morning sickness after leaving Port Wenn. In London, it was nausea in the evening. Do you think it's something to do with the change in weather?"

"More likely, the change in your life. Danny and I think you're very brave: Taking a teaching post in London, having a baby on your own. Have you given any thought to what they'll say at school when you begin to show? By March or April, people will notice, no matter what you wear."

Feeling more foolish than brave, Louisa wondered what Danny said about Martin. Was that why India was so kind to her? The men disliked each other, and Danny probably portrayed Martin as a callous social misfit, staring balefully after her as she walked about the village.

Louisa would set India straight about Martin, although she had revealed another detail of her poorly-considered move to London. She would have to tell Liliana and – with more difficulty – Holly about her pregnancy. They couldn't sack her for that alone, but the school leaders could easily find a way to be rid of her.

Taking a page from Gareth and Didier's conservatory rebellion, she continued to provide biscuits to the Junior Maths Society. It was an unspoken agreement and closely-held secret between her and the members of the group. In her mind it was the Secret Biscuit Society, similar to the Dare Club at Port Wenn Primary. This transgression would not be forgiven a second time.

Louisa stood and crossed her arms defensively, ready to offer a reasoned response: "Look, I didn't come to London because of my pregnancy. I was offered a good teaching post with an opportunity to advance my career. Even a term at a school like Addie will tick up my CV. Once Holly understands the baby will be born during summer, she'll have me back for autumn term. The students like me, and the mums call me 'the brilliant little thing from Cornwall.'" That sounded convincing to Louisa, but India looked less certain.

"But there will be a baby, Louisa. You'll be working, with a newborn and no one to help. I can pitch in and even find a baby minder for you, but they aren't inexpensive. It'll take your child benefit and more. Could the father help a bit with the costs," a question India posed often at Holyrood Refuge.

"The father's name is Martin," Louisa snapped and then immediately apologized. "I'm sorry. It's just that we left everything unsettled after the wedding day. I didn't speak to him until he phoned during the drive to London. I haven't told him about the baby and won't until the birth. He's very scientific and would consider it not a child but an easily-solved medical problem. He doesn't think like most people. He's practical. He's not emotional," she lied at the last.

"Oh, bollocks, Louisa. Mrs. Steel told me the doctor was quite mad about you. Everyone in the village knew it, eventually even Danny. It was only after you told him to get stuffed that people enlightened him about you and Martin. His enormous ego was shattered, of course. But Danny admitted he fancied you only as part and parcel of his redemption. Settle in Port Wenn with the old flame and refurbish holiday cottages for Londoners.

"He had gotten involved in a religious group whose members seek simplicity and the true meaning of life through humble work, spirituality, that sort of thing. Danny couldn't sustain it. He has too much ambition, even if he lacks the talent to realize it. After Chester, I recognize the fallibilities of men and understand Danny. Unfortunately, I've fallen quite in love with him, so more's the pity for me."

As she talked, Louisa watched India twist a Claddagh ring on her right hand. "Is that from Danny," she had to ask. Looking at the band with two hands holding a heart, India nodded: "Yes, it was his great-grandmother's who came from Belfast to Cornwall during the troubles. Danny gave it to me with a pledge that we would marry some day. I didn't want to take the ring, but it's important to him.

"It will be more than ten years until my last finishes school, and I'll be free of the Cloverleys. I don't want to keep Danny from having his own children by waiting for me. Can you imagine a more horrible, lonely life?"

"No, I can't," Louisa said softly as she slowly returned to her chair. "I feel the same about Martin. About myself as well. Never having children or a proper family. We had our problems, but when he proposed, everything changed. We got on well. Nothing he said bothered me. We were happy. Or I thought we were. Then on our wedding day, it all fell apart. Worse yet, he said I wouldn't make him happy. What could I do with that? His one comment was the end for me."

"Louisa, I may not have been the most brilliant student at St. Andrews, but I read enough philosophy to safely quote Aristotle: 'Happiness depends upon ourselves.' Reaching your full potential as a human being is how you attain happiness. Happiness is a goal, and we'll only know if it's been reached at the end of our lives.

"For Martin to say you wouldn't make him happy is nonsense. I suppose he felt satisfied in his surgical career, but more than work is needed for happiness. You thought you were happy as head teacher in a village you love. But you've just said you feel sorry for the both of you as you'll never have a true family."

Louisa was stunned into silence. India had gotten to the heart of the matter.

"Say something, Louisa. I go on sometimes, but you know Martin, I don't."

Shaking her head to clear it, Louisa spoke hesitantly: "Right. What you say makes sense. I don't like London and Martin hates Port Wenn. We are going to have a baby, but I'm afraid to tell him. We rushed into a marriage, not understanding each other. More importantly, not understanding ourselves. I thought Martin would bring me happiness by ending my loneliness and need for a family. I imagine he thought I'd do the same for him. But we were going about it in the wrong way. What a mess we've made of it all."

India leaned across the table, looking intently at Louisa: "Life becomes very messy, very quickly. But you can sort things out and make a go of it once more. It's terribly difficult, and children make it all the more so. You've an obligation to work through the mess and let the father – Martin – be part of the child's life."

"But, I don't think he wants to be a father," Louisa groaned as her head fell to her hands.

"You may be surprised," countered India. "Chester's no model of behaviour, but he knows our children need him." Laughing a bit, she continued: "He was bleary-eyed when he arrived this morning, but the three were still excited to see him. He guzzled two cups of coffee before they got out the door and likely still has a raging hangover. But he's with them because he recognizes, even in his juvenile way, that children want their dad.

"It's down to you Louisa. You first have to understand what will make you happy with or without Martin. But you really should tell him about the baby very soon. Then you must begin talking to him, really talking so that you understand more about him than he dislikes Port Wenn. You must also think if you hate London or simply your life in the city without Martin.

"You'll meet my cousin, Helen, at supper tonight. Her husband's in the RAF, and they've lived in a dozen places during their marriage. Now he's in Afghanistan, and she's on her own with two children at the Northolt Base. She'll be the first to tell you it's the man you choose to marry, not where you live, that's important.

"I stupidly thought that Chester's money would make me happy. His shortcomings were very evident when we married. But I was one of those silly, arrogant women who thought he'd change. Divorce courts are filled with my sort. Now, I'm in love with a man I never would've considered at age 22. Danny may not have been right for you, Louisa, but he suits me. We share our crusading ways around housing and the like. In the end, we'll be a barmy, old couple milling about Trafalgar Square with placards. But we'll be together and happy in it all."

Smiling at the thought of the two aged protesters, Louisa envied India for sorting out her life. She must do the same. First she would consider what she wanted for herself and the baby. Then Martin. She must speak with him very soon.

Perhaps reacting to her emotional state, Louisa felt for the first time a pronounced jolt in her uterous. Her hands fluttered toward her stomach as she gasped in wonder: "It's moved. The baby's moved."

"Oh, that's lovely," India exclaimed as she moved to embrace Louisa.

Louisa had not felt such a comforting touch since the morning of her wedding. Martin had kissed her lightly, then trailed his fingers along her jawline as their eyes met: "Half four is it? At St. Margaret's. Until then," he murmured in his heart-melting timbre. With her good bye smile still lightening her face, she hurried through the dawn-washed village to her cottage. She was finally secure in Martin's love.

The full misery of the months since that day now enveloped Louisa. Tears flowed as India's arms enfolded her. "I've made such a mess of it all. It's all too real, India. This baby, not having Martin," she wailed.

How many times had India held stubborn, confused women, their wombs swollen with babies they swore the fathers did not want? Nearly as many times as she saw fathers first hesitate, then eagerly accept their babies. She knew Martin Ellingham could do the same. Now, Louisa must give him the chance to do so.

Continued. . . .

May all of my kind readers and reviewers have the peace and joy of the Christmas season in your heart and homes now and throughout the New Year.