CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
SLIPPED AWAY
Rachel's POV
I wake up from a dreamless sleep to the feeling of being watched and as I turn my head to the right I find Quinn wide awake and looking at me. For a moment I get scared that she might be upset but she places a finger on my lips before I ask what time it is and then her lips replace her finger and we kiss.
I don't move or try to deepen the kiss, afraid that she'd pull back from me and the kiss doesn't evolve into anything more than a pressing of lips anyway but it's enough to turn me into a breathless mess. I've missed her lips more than I can say.
"I love you"
"Quinn, I-"
"No" she quiets me with a tender tone and her finger on my lips, "I want you to listen to me, okay? Please?"
I watch her, trying to detect something beyond the incredible guilt that surrounds her but I find nothing. I nod and her hand cups my face before she speaks again.
"I'm so, so sorry Rachel, for everything." I want to speak, tell her that she doesn't own me any apologies but I don't interrupt her knowing how hard it is for her to open up.
"I was never good at expressing my feelings, I never even let myself accept that I was attracted to you until I was pregnant with your child," her voice cracks as I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, I caress her cheek with the back of my fingers silently telling her that I love her.
"And look how well that turned out. I accused you of rape, I called you names and I was ready to lie to Finn and stay with him out of fear"
"I love you" I finally interrupt her, she smiles sadly and runs her finger on my bottom lip, her eyes watery.
"I know and you must know that I love you just as much if not more."
There's a pause, she looks down and her hand comes to play with the hem of the neck of my shirt on my chest. She breathes in deeply three times before her eyes focus on me again after having regained her control.
"I was always afraid that I was going to end in a loveless marriage just like my parents and I accepted it. I created this whole image in my head of what a perfect wife would be like and my mom filled everything else with what I was supposed to do to get married with a nice Christian man and then you came into my life." She smiles and I lean up to brush my lips against hers.
"It took me a while to grasp the concept, I admit I was terrified to love you but I didn't have a choice. You offered me the chance to be happy, to have my own family, to be who I am comfortable being and you never pass any judgment. You just loved me and I couldn't help to fall for you."
"I still do"
"And you still do even after the last couple of weeks, you still do. Please understand that I'm not ready to let go, that it might take me longer than we both imagined but I don't want to lose you" she has started crying again.
"You'll never lose me, Quinn"
"I know that you're hurting as well and it kills me to have caused you this amount of pain and I know I've been selfish and a bitch but it kills me-" she sobs as I take a sitting position and pull her closer to me, "-it rips me to shreds every time I think about it"
"I know baby"
"-we didn't even get that picture of her, nothing! We have nothing to remember her!"
I let her cry on my shoulder, I murmur that I love her in her ear every minute and rock her body back and forth trying to comfort her. I understand that she needs more time to really grasp what happened but I'm not going anywhere and now that she's starting to open up I love her even more for it. I'm not living her side.
After a while she's no longer crying, her arms are hugging my waist and her breathing has gone back to normal.
"I like this better" her raspy voice speaks.
"What, baby?"
"Being with you" she pulls back to look at me and cups my face with both hands, I instantly lean on her touch, how I've missed her hands. "talk with you, cry with you and more than anything, kissing you."
She kisses me and I return the soft affection thinking once again that I'm the luckiest person on earth for having her in my arms today and every other day.
"Don't give up on me" she whispers against my lips and I kiss her again.
"Never."
"This place doesn't feel like home."
I support her decision to go back to my parent's house and it doesn't take us long to pack our clothes and load them in the truck of my car.
My mom is delighted to have us back in our house, although dad is a little wary around Quinn and Noah is not his usual talkative self but it does feel different to be here, better different and I've already seen Quinn smiled three times and that's more than she's smiled in the past week.
"I changed the sheets as soon as you told me you were coming back" my mom smiles as she joins us in our bedroom.
"Thank you, Shelby" I murmur a thanks to my mom as well but my attention is focused on my girlfriend and the way she seems to be taking everything in all over again.
A small smile tugs at the corner of her lips and when her eyes fall on me that little smile turns into a full one, her eyes sparkle and her shoulders visibly drop all the tension she's been holding.
"I'll start with dinner while you two unpack" my mom is still smiling, happy that we're back and I love her all the more for that.
"It won't take long to unpack, I'll be right down to help you" my girlfriend offers and my mom practically skips the room with a bounce on her step.
"I love your mom"
"I love you" I get close and wrap my arms around her waist as she smiles freely for the first time in a long time and as I press my lips against hers I know that by coming back home things are already changing, maybe not going back to what they were but definitely looking much better.
"I love my mom too" I shrug and she giggles before pecking my lips again.
We do unpack our clothes and more than once I find Quinn staring off into space. I want to ask what's wrong but it would be insensitive from my part, instead I decide to wait and her small smiles remind me that she's trying, she told me to give her time and I will do that for her.
We both help my mom with dinner and eat with the whole family once it's ready; we even take care of the dishes against my mom's wishes to have us in bed as soon as she can.
She takes a shower while I finish my math's homework and when I come out of the shower myself I find her curled up on our bed crying. For a moment fear blinds me and a part of me wants to believe that everything was fake, that she didn't feel safe at all here but then I remember her words again and I know that she wasn't lying, she was trying, she still is.
I climb on the bed and hug her against my body as tight as I can, she cries harder on my chest but eventually we both fall sleep.
…
I wake up to an empty bed and it's not until I hear Quinn's soft voice speaking that my heart rate goes back to normal.
"Good morning" I get out of bed as she comes out of the bathroom with her cellphone in her hands.
"Morning" she doesn't come to me, deciding on leaning against the wall instead. I give her space.
"Something wrong?" I tentatively ask.
"I called Santana," she admits and her eyes meet mine, she worries her bottom lip on her teeth, a sign that she's nervous, "she's coming over in a few minutes."
I want to congratulate her and hug her, tell her how happy I am but I just smile at her and she smiles back. We get ready quickly, she doesn't lock herself in the bathroom to change and I don't take advantage of that fact either so I keep my eyes focused solely on two shirts while deciding which one to wear today.
"The white one"
"What?" I turn around to find her smiling fondly at me. I instantly smile back, her happiness making me feel all giddy inside.
"Wear the white one, I love that color on you" she caresses my cheek before slipping out of the room, leaving me a nervous mess and looking at the way she just left.
God! I love that woman.
When I get downstairs my parents have already left and my girlfriend is sitting in the living room with her best friend.
"What's going on?" Puck whispers from behind me.
"They're just talking"
"I think I hear sniffles" we both get out from behind the adjacent wall to the hallway and true to his words Santana is sniffling while Quinn cries and by the sounds coming out from her mouth I can tell that she's speaking but I don't really understand a single word she's trying to say.
Without a second thought I walk inside the living room, their hands are clasped in a tight grip; both are crying and still talking or mumbling. My heart goes out to Santana, she is a really great friend and she's proven that on many occasions in the last couple of weeks.
Even though Quinn was obviously avoiding her, she never stopped asking about her, she even gave me a few tips to how to start conversations and such, she's been there for her and I know that Quinn is aware of that.
I look up to see my twin slipping out through the front door, I'm sure he was scared by all the tears right now. I don't blame him, I'm also scared.
"Baby?" she sobs before she pulls me closer to her, somehow I end up sitting between them and I hold her to my side.
"I'm sorry" she sobs on my shoulder as her hands grip my shirt.
"I love you" I hear a chuckle and look at Santana on my left, she's still crying but she's also smiling and suddenly I realize that they're sharing happy tears. I feel relieved in a way.
"I love you too, please hold San as well"
"Come here you" I open my arm and Santana's body is suddenly pressed against my side. She actually laughs and slaps my stomach as I whisper as soft thank you on her ear.
…
School becomes a bit more bearable, Quinn is happier and I'm happy to see her that way. She told me that she wants to go back to Glee Club but that was a couple of days ago but still, I can't deny that I love her decision to go back where our friends are.
Life finally seems to be going back to normal, my girlfriend is spending time with her best friend, and her eyes are no longer stuck to the floor when she walks by, she's smiling and most importantly we're starting to rebuild our fragile relationship from scratch.
It's been a good week and I hope we can only move forward after this, going back to my parent's was really the best decision we could have made as it seems to have made an incredible change on her demeanor already.
When I walk inside the Choir room I find Puck, Santana, Tina and Quinn standing by the piano, the rest of the club in chattering by the chairs, our couch is not in yet.
My girlfriend offers me a small, almost shy smile when she spots me and I walk to her.
"Where were you at lunch?" I ask once I'm close enough to kiss her forehead and hold her hands.
"You'll find out in a few" she looks to her right where my twin is wiggling his eyebrows at us.
"He's gross" I chuckle as Santana supports my girlfriend's comment by gagging on air.
"Really gross" Tina ads and Puck flies her a kiss, much to her disdain.
"How was your day?"
"Uneventful, I missed you" she hugs me, resting her head on my shoulder. I hug her closely, marveling at the way our bodies fit together and how complete I feel when I have her close to me. My chest feels heavy, like I can't contain all the things I'm feeling at the moment but content to hurt in such a way.
"I missed you too. Maybe you should stop missing lunch" I smile as she pulls back and cups my face with both hands, my own resting on her waist.
"I love you"
"I love you too" both confessions feel like the first time and as she presses her lips against mine in a chaste kiss she takes my breath away, literally.
"Sorry I'm late" our Coach walks in clapping his hand to gain our attention and we pull back from each other but don't brake contact as we hold hands and take our sits on the first raw of chairs.
"I want to start by giving Quinn and Rachel a warm welcoming. Glee Club was not the same without you guys and we couldn't be more happy to have you back" he smiles sincerely and for the first time I don't feel embarrassed for what is coming out of his mouth. He often is a good teacher, a good guy? Not so much.
Everyone around agrees with our teacher and even Finn flashes a smile at our direction, making Quinn a little confused and me in the process.
"This is for you" Quinn whispers in my ear right before she kisses my cheek and stands up from her chair.
As Puck, Santana and Tina follow her I finally realize what she's been doing this week at lunch period. I know my girlfriend loves to perform but I didn't expect her to go back to it so soon. Mr. Schuester smiles at me as he takes a sit by my side and I also realize that he was well aware of the performance.
"I have something I need to tell you in front of our friends" Quinn catches my attention again and I really look at her. There is not a single trade of the old Quinn in her, she's completely changed. Not only she seems more relaxed but she also looks more humble. Her hair is not up in a perfect ponytail anymore, her curls fall down her shoulders, framing her face and adding to her beauty. She wears a casual outfit, jeans, a flower print shirt and flat boots, her cheerleading outfit and provocative attires forgotten. She is a different person and I know that the change not only applies to her exterior but also her interior.
Suddenly her eyes turn more vulnerable than before and I remember how hard it is for her to open up and I want to go and stand right next to her so she doesn't have to do this by herself but Santana steps forward and holds her hand instead, giving her the support we both know she needs.
"I didn't believe you" she begins and chuckles to herself, "I didn't believe a word you said in the hospital. That was my first mistake. I am a guarded person, I don't give in easily and I don't let all the people know me for who I really am because I've been thought that that makes you vulnerable and easy to take down."
"I was afraid, still am. I've never had someone like you in my life before and the thought of losing you was enough to make me want to be better. Shelby said the other night that you've changed, that you've become a better person because of me and that she was thankful."
Puck giggles behind her back and Santana smirks as my girlfriend smiles fondly at the memory.
"She didn't realize how you changed me because she didn't know me before you came in to my life so I told her, I said 'you wouldn't be thanking me if you had known me before I was living under this roof and that it was me the one who should be thanking her because of the chance you've giving me'."
I stand up and walk to her, I don't care about the people around me and what they're thinking, all I care about it Quinn so I hold her because I know, I know how we've grown, how we've changed and how we've learned each other so well.
"I'm sorry" she cups my face, "I'm sorry for everything I said, for the way I behaved, for how I treaded you. I love you and I trust you with all my heart, I love you."
"I love you too" I kiss her and it's the first kiss that we share that it evolves into something more than just a peck. "I love you, forever."
"Forever" she repeats before we kiss again.
"You guys" Kurt squeals and I remember we're in the choir room and definitely not alone.
"There something else"
"What?" I ask as she looks at Tina who is sitting on the stool by the piano and starts to play a soft melody.
"I found the way to start" she says vaguely as she guides me to my seat again. "You were right, all I need is to give it a chance and I'm starting today. Santana made me listen to this song against my will -I must say- but I'm grateful she did it."
I recognize the song instantly even though is a softer melody than the original, Puck starts streaming behind Santana as she harmonizes and then Quinn's voice fills the room. I've heard the song, Santana also sent it to my phone and before I even notice I'm crying when I see my girlfriend's hands on her belly.
Na na na na na na
I miss you, I miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
was the day
I found it won't be the same, oh
Her eyes find mine and I walk to her. I take her hands and together we sing of the song. I kiss her cheeks and urge her to keep going, Santana joins us in a moment but I'm too overwhelmed to know exactly when.
I had my wake up
won't you wake up
I keep asking why
and I can't take it
it wasn't fake it
it happened you passed by
Now you're gone, now you're gone
there you go, there you go
somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you're gone, now you're gone
there you go, there you go
somewhere you're not coming back
We don't finish the song, we're both crying, her face is already hiding in my neck even before everyone surrounds us in a supportive collective hug, everyone but Finn.
I see him looking at us, his eyes show regret but his body language is still a little hostile. I don't know what he was thinking when he went to Quinn's house or what he was expecting but I hope he knows that whatever his intentions, he still meant no good and Quinn might see pass his mistake but I won't.
"I love you" I whisper in Quinn's ear as I also wrap my arm around Santana who is the closest to us, "thank you for doing this. We'll get through this, I promise."
She kisses me and I don't feel like I'm making an empty promise anymore. We will be alright, I can see it clearly now.
…
Time to look forward, only one chapter left and it's an epilogue. Thank you for your reviews, they still amaze me and thank you for taking this ride with me again.
The song is 'Slipped away' by Avril Lavigne.
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