What You Make of Me

So, I must be taken as I have been made. The success is not mine, the failure is not mine, but the two together make me.

-Estella in Charles Dickens' Great Expectations

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

Morgana sat on the wooden chair. She briefly glanced up at the man sitting across from her. Damien. Medea's older brother. Her uncle. He was terribly intelligent—the court expert on everything including cartography (his purpose in the room) –but he never seemed to have anything interesting to say, and if by chance he did, he couldn't say it in an interesting manner.

"So, when will the red rider be here?" Damien asked, his voice monotonous as always.

"Soon," Morgana said. "His real name's Murtagh." That was another annoying thing about him. He was always so formal.

"He's awfully late," Damien continued. So, he was impatient too. There was one thing that they had in common.

"Yes, he does that," Morgana said.

"It annoys you?" Damien asked.

Morgana rolled her eyes. Did this man know nothing of facial or vocal expressions?

"I suppose it does," Damien said, surprising her. Perhaps he was really her uncle after all. "So, how am I going to map what is in your memory of someone else's memories?"

"We're going to scry it," Morgana explained.

Damien's eyes bulged. "That's impossible." Morgana smiled. His voice had lost its monotone for a whole sentence.

"With the king nothing is impossible," Morgana said simply.

"Well, I've learned that, but…this. It's deadly. Beyond human magic!" Damien was continuing to yell. He was actually becoming animated.

"I know it is," Morgana said. "That's why Murtagh is taking so long."

Damien stared at her.

"Energy reserves," she said simply.

"From whom?" Damien asked.

"Prisoners," she replied. "It doesn't matter whether they die or not. Well, we can more from them if they die."

"So, that's what you do?" Damien asked.

"Yes," Morgana replied. She glanced at Damien's face. He looked disappointed. Did he really expect her to be like Medea? True, he barely knew his niece, but he should have known better, considering the type of life she'd led. It was far different than his sister's had been.

At that moment, the door opened, and Murtagh strode through, carrying a large emerald.

"Oh, you got the elf's," Morgana said. "Appropriate."

"The king demanded it," he said, his voice almost a whisper and devoid of emotion. "Is that the bowl?" he asked, pointing at a large diamond basin sitting on the table.

"It is appropriate," Morgana repeated. "I'm going to scry the memories in the water for a second, and you have to trap the scry there so that I don't have to keep holding it."

Murtagh stared only at the emerald as Morgana walked over to the bowl.

"Pay attention," she snapped. "If I die…"

"Be patient," Murtagh chided. "I can't do that as it would displease his majesty."

Damien's eyes widened again. "Threats against a lady?" he managed to stammer.

"She's no lady," Murtagh snorted. "Besides, it wasn't a threat. Move along."

Morgana stood over the basin and focused on all the memories of trips between Du Weldenvarden and the Varden. She'd need them.

"You can't scry them all at once," Damien shouted as though he'd anticipated her actions.

"You're right," Morgana said. She glanced at Murtagh. He'd known that. She sneered at him. So, they'd have to scry all the elf's memories at different times? This would take forever.

Morgana walked out of the room hours later. The first completed map of Du Weldenvarden since before the fall was in her hands. Damien had drawn it, but she had found the information. The elves would fall, and she'd have the credit for it. The power of that coursed through her veins. She'd done her greatest deed ever. She had won. Now Galbatorix would see her worth more than he'd ever seen it.

"Where are you going?" a male voice asked as she walked past her room. She turned to see Brecca, leaning against a wall, his face half obscured in shadow.

"I have something for the king," Morgana replied. "Why are you still here?"

"That's nice," Brecca said sarcastically.

Morgana took a deep breath. "You don't understand," she whispered. "You need to leave here."

"You don't understand," Brecca replied, gripping her wrists. "You owe me for helping your break the elf."

"I'll pay you now," she said, "but you have to leave."

"Why?" he asked. "What danger is there now for me?"

"I made a deal a few years ago. Part of it included you now being here," Morgana explained.

"By a few years, you mean five, correct?" Brecca asked.

"Yes," Morgana said. If he had figured it out, the deal was done, and he was dead.

"That's when you stopped coming," he said simply. Morgana breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't know all about Lilith.

"You can pay me after you're done with the king," Brecca said quietly. "I'll wait here."

"Wait in my room," she said quickly.

"You're nervous," he remarked. "You don't get nervous."

"I have a reason," she said.

"I wish you'd tell," he said.

"That would give me even more reason to be nervous," she replied.

"Fine, I'll hide in there," Brecca said, "but won't your servants notice?"

"They don't stay in that part," Morgana replied, unlocking the door. "You see, there's a back door, and there's a front door. They're only allowed in the front one."

"Clever," Brecca mumbled as he stepped through the door.

Morgana continued down the hallway. She hoped she wasn't late. Lateness always required a reason, and she couldn't give any other than the truthful one, and of course she didn't want to give the truthful one.

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Galbatorix looked up from his desk as he heard the knock on the door of his study and began to count to five. The guard announced Morgana on two. Good. It wasn't an assassin. He could easily kill them, but they were such a mess and sign of unwanted rebellion.

"You have the map?" he asked coolly, glancing up at her. She handed him a scroll which he opened. "Well done," he said.

A look of disappointment crossed Morgana's face. She'd expected more.

"You're wondering why you're getting no reward?" he asked.

Morgana said nothing.

He met her eyes and stated, "Your magician friend has appeared again. You know that that goes against our deal."

"I needed his help to break the elf," she said.

"You wanted to see him again as well. Honestly, I thought maybe after five years and gods only know how many other lovers, you'd be over him. You show an uncharacteristic amount of nostalgia. It had better not be anything other than that," Galbatorix said.

"How could it be?" she muttered.

Galbatorix sighed as he ran his finger over the map, stopping briefly at Kirtan. "If you mean that you are cold, heartless child with the body and virility of a woman, then I have no objection to that. If you mean something, then that is a different matter entirely."

"I am what you make of me," Morgana said.

"Explain," Galbatorix said. "You cannot mean that it is my fault you are as you are?"

"Where do you think I got it from?" she asked.

"Medea would have given you your virility and looks at the very least," Galbatorix said.

"That is all she gave," Morgana said.

"Are you accusing me of being like you?" he asked. "You're sadistic. You're cruel. You're vain. Jealousy runs in your blood. You hate with such ease and love with such difficulty."

Morgana laughed. She couldn't help it.

"Stop it!" Galbatorix yelled, rising.

"How can I?" she asked. "If I am so cruel and so vain? How can I care if I hurt you when I love with such difficulty?"
He slapped her, and she fell to the ground. Her laughter increased.

"You are insane!" he screamed.

"Was Medea insane?" Morgana asked. "Did she ever hurt anybody? Tell me. I'm interested."

Galbatorix grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her to her feet, his other hand going to her neck. She didn't stop laughing.

"Stop it now, or they both die!" Galbatorix yelled.

Morgana stopped and sank back to the ground, massaging her throat.

"You can't kill Lilith," she murmured. "She's too valuable. She's your link to the Vault. Ever since Erksken died, you've had to rely on Medea. Ever since you killed that link, you've had to get your bloody power through a five year old."

"That is only because you are so damn useless that I couldn't channel spirits' power from you," Galbatorix hissed.

"But you need her," she mumbled. "Your Foresworn medium is gone. Your willing servant is gone. Now you have your little granddaughter who doesn't even know her worth. What if they knew? Hmm. What if the Varden knew?"

"The Varden don't know, and they won't," Galbatorix yelled.

"That's why Saphira's egg disappeared. Ersken killed himself. I guess the strain of working for you who are never satisfied got to him. Tell me: Which death was worse: Ersken seventh or Morzan last?" Morgana taunted.

"I will kill your magician if you see him again," Galbatorix said. "I was going to give you one more time with him as a reward, but I've decided against it. Now get out of my sight."

Morgana got up and left after giving a curtsey.

Is that why you can't bear to look at her? Shruikan asked him. Because she reminds you of what you really are?

Shut up, dragon, Galbatorix muttered. That girl is bad enough.

I know. She's normally so loyal, isn't she? Shruikan asked. Now she's blaming you to your face for what she is.

It's her fault. None of it is me, Galbatorix said. I've never punished her before.

That's because she's never dissented before, Shruikan said. Actually, I don't think she even dissented this time.

I gave you an order, dragon, Galbatorix said.

Shruikan stopped talking to him, but he couldn't sever their link. Only Galbatorix could do that.

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Morgana leaned over the balcony railing. She'd failed. It hadn't been an obvious failure. For the most part, she'd look successful. She'd broken into the mind of an elf, something not even Durza had been able to do. She'd been so sure that her father would love her or at least respect her after that. But she'd done it the wrong way. Anything that involved Brecca was the wrong way to do something, and it had been ever since she'd made that deal. And nobody could do the right thing the wrong way with Galbatorix.

Don't see him again, and he lives. See him again, and he dies. He won't get power from you or the child.

She stared down into the courtyard below. The lights were out, and the sky was just beginning to darken. It occurred to her that she couldn't see that ground. It also occurred to her that it would be so easy to just climb over the rail and fall. It wouldn't take any work. Just one jump, and it would be over.

The sound of footsteps brought her out of her reverie. She stood up and back away from the edge. She almost laughed. She'd actually been considering jumping. One small setback. That was all Galbatorix's anger was was. She still had power. She'd still mapped Du Weldenvarden. She still had her mind vault. She could still hide if she needed to. She managed to convince herself of this just as Murtagh rounded the corner.

"Did you happen to notice the dragon with the injured rider in his back in the courtyard?" he asked.

"Oh, so you can see in the dark now?" Morgana snapped. "First you try to get me killed…"

"Your uncle saved you. I just wanted to see how careless you could be," Murtagh said.

"You'd like to see me dead, and you know it."

"And you wouldn't like to see me dead?"

"Get the elf," Morgana said, cutting him off. She wasn't in the mood for an argument.

"What?" he asked.

"You heard me," she said. "Get the elf."

"Why?"

"She's going to heal him."

Murtagh just stared at her.

"Hathcyn's injured, isn't he?"

"Yes, but why Arya?" he asked.

"On first name terms, are we?"

"Why Arya?" Murtagh repeated.

"I decided that she'll be working for Hathcyn," Morgana said. Murtagh's face briefly contorted with an emotion somewhere between anger, concern, and jealousy. This amused Morgana even more. "You really didn't think I'd give her to you, jealous creature that I am? Or was it demon that you called me?"

"I'm sorry," Murtagh said through clenched teeth.

"No, you're not, and you won't change my mind" she said, laughing slightly. "Now, you get the full elf, and I'll get the half elf."

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Murtagh walked down the corridors, stewing inwardly. Something about Arya as Hathcyn's slave incensed him. She was a full elfin princess. He was some half-elfin thief who said whatever he felt like saying and did whatever he felt like doing. It wasn't right. They shouldn't be together. He couldn't stop thinking of all the things that Hathcyn could do to her if she were his slave, and it made him angrier. He tried to shake the images of Hathcyn holding her, touching her, caressing her, and he found that he couldn't. It shouldn't bother him this much.

It shouldn't, but it does, Thorn said. Honestly, Murtagh, do you think that he's that bad? He wouldn't force her to bed him, even if it was only because he didn't think it would give him any pleasure.

That's comforting, Murtagh said sarcastically.

Oh, Thorn said. Now you're worried that she'd go to him because he's partially part of her race.

It's not just that, Murtagh said. It's wrong.

Slavery is wrong, Thorn remarked. I don't think Hathcyn's the best master that she could have in this place, and I don't think that he's the worst.

If he wasn't he wasn't the worst, why is he her master?

He's not the worst for her, but I'm guess that Morgana knows that he'd be the worst for you. You know that that woman can't stop trying to avenge herself for whatever wrong it was that you did her.

I stopped loving her, Murtagh said. I stopped worshipping her whether she scorned me or embraced me.

I didn't say that she was sane, Thorn muttered. Why were you with her?
I was young, and I was stupid, and she came across like she was something else, Murtagh admitted.

I'll forgive you then if you don't make the same mistake with the elf, Thorn said.

Arya and Morgana are different, Murtagh said. Besides, I've learned.

If you say so.

I do.

Oh, by the way, I'd wipe that angry expression off of your face. Arya might not like it, and she might ask you why your face looks like you've been forced to eat toenails.

Murtagh growled slightly and took a deep breath to calm himself. It worked, at least a little.

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Arya was sitting on the bed, attempting to meditate. She needed to clear her thoughts. She couldn't afford any rage at Morgana, and she especially couldn't break down again. It would be the end of her if anyone found out about her baby.

She nearly jumped as she heard the door opening, but she managed to keep herself poised. Murtagh stood there, contemplating her. She took a deep breath. She was slowly losing her ability to remain completely poised around him. It had started in Dras Leona, and it had gotten as bad as Arya had hoped it would get when she'd found out that he was her unborn baby's father.

"Did Morgana tell you what your job was to be?" he asked, a slight edge on his voice.

"The new rider's slave? Yes, she told me," Arya answered, managing to keep her voice emotionless.

Murtagh watched her as though he desperately wanted to ask her something but had decided against it. Could he know about the baby? Arya mentally shook herself. There was no way that he could know. He hadn't looked like that after he'd healed her, and that would have been when he'd noticed if he'd noticed at all. But what if he'd just thought of it? She took a deep, calming breath. She had to stop being so paranoid, and if she couldn't stop, she had to learn how to hide it.

"What's wrong?" Murtagh asked.

"What do you mean?" she asked. He'd noticed her nerves. She had to hide it better. "Was that what you wanted to ask me?"

"What?" he asked.

"You looked like you wanted to ask me something," she said.

Murtagh stared at her, his dark eyes meeting her own. She stared back, knowing how it always seemed to affect him at least a little.

"I was simply asking you what you thought of your new job," he said after they'd both dropped their eyes.

"I wouldn't know considering I haven't even started it, can I?" she asked, pulling her arms around her body instinctively. She felt suddenly cold as soon as she said that. She didn't know how Hathcyn would treat her. She was afraid of what he'd do to her. There were certain things she would never do, and she was afraid she'd be forced to do them. All she had was her illusions. That wouldn't be enough.

Murtagh put a hand on her shoulder and asked, "What are you nervous about?"

"My oncoming slavery, perhaps," she said.

"Understandable," Murtagh agreed, sitting down beside her. She didn't move.

"Is he honorable?" she asked at last, trying to sound casual. She decided that asking him the question wouldn't hurt anything.

"Define honorable," Murtagh said after a pause.

"You know what I mean," she said.

"I don't think that he'd force you to do something that you didn't want to do," Murtagh said. "He's rather annoying though. You might not get away with your sanity."
"I might not get away at all," she said before she could stop herself. A look of sympathy crossed Murtagh's face, and Arya cringed. She didn't want his pity. Or did she? Did she want more? She got up off the bed and walked over to the table. She felt a strong hand settle on each of her shoulders, both squeezing them lightly.

"Think that, and you won't survive," Murtagh whispered into her ear. She decided that she liked the feel of his lips on her ear in spite of herself.

She turned to face him, pulling away. "I'll survive," she said quietly. "Just watch me."

"Optimism is all we've got," he said.

"It's not much," she said.

"It's there," he retorted.

She shook her head and said, "You must really pity me. You're probably the least optimistic person I know."

"Forgive me for trying," Murtagh said in a faintly sardonic voice.

"I'll forgive you for that," she said. Murtagh looked at her as though he understood what she meant.

"You need to come heal the half elf," Murtagh said. "Morgana has decided that it's the perfect way for you to start your…occupation."

Arya followed him out of the room. Maybe if she healed him well, he'd treat her better. That was it. She'd be good, and hopefully he'd treat her that way.

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You will not take him, Eofor said pointedly to Morgana.

"Why not?" she asked. She had to speak her words aloud as Eofor had forcefully blocked her from his mind.

I don't like you, and I don't trust you, the green dragon told her.

"I'm doing this for his good. He's injured, and he needs healing," Morgana insisted.

Is there no one else? Eofor asked. The reminder of his rider's current condition made him slightly less stubborn.

"I won't be healing him," Morgana said. "I'm simply taking him to be healed. Besides, I wouldn't hurt him."

You'd better not, Eofor told her.

"He's on my side, isn't he? He's my lover, isn't he? Why would I hurt him?" Morgana said exasperatedly.

Don't remind me, Eofor said.

"Oh, yes," Morgana said. "You're the unwilling one. The rebel. Listen. I have no intention of harming your rider or of rebelling against the king. It can't be done successfully. Surely you've learned that by now."

Eofor lunged forward at Morgana, and she jumped back fearfully. The dragon grinned toothily at her.

Do not look down on those bigger than you, Eofor advised, and don't try to teach me about rebellion. I'll teach myself.

"Just let me take your rider," Morgana said with a forced calm. She was breathing heavily, and only her eyes were raised to Eofor's face.

Just have him healed, Eofor told her bluntly.

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Morgana levitated Hathcyn brought him back to her room. It was a difficult task, but she doubted that she'd have been able to do it manually. When she finally arrived there, she set him down on a chair and nearly jumped when she was that there was someone else in the room.

"Oh, Brecca," she said.

"I'm waiting for my money," he said, his eyes focusing on her face rather than on Hathcyn.

"Let me see," she said, walking towards her purse. "You've missed how many shows?"

"Six," he replied.

"And you make how much money a show?" she asked.

"Fifty to sixty crowns," he replied. "Idrian's drilled the figures into my head."

"How many a day?"
"Three."

"So, that's sixty times nine? That's…five hundred forty crowns," Morgana said, shoveling out the money.

"Yes," he replied. He looked to Hathcyn again, whose head was lolling. "I thought you said you didn't want anyone knowing I was here."

"Oh, he's unconscious. I doubt he'd know if you were his long-lost brother, let alone who you are—were, I mean—to me," Morgana said.

"Always in denial," he muttered with slight amusement. He looked more closely at Hathcyn, his eyes widening as he examined his features.

"What is it?" Morgana asked.

"What was it you said about him being my long-lost brother?" Brecca asked.

"I simply said he wouldn't know because he's unconscious," she said, puzzled.

"Well, it's funny how that phrase works out, isn't it?" he asked, putting his hand behind his neck nervously.

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Okay, who was expecting that twist? Damien's character was elaborated on because he'll play one more important role later on. Anyway, I don't have much else to say except for responding to the reviews.

Roguelane: Thanks so much. I had it all planned out in my head, but I wasn't sure how it would play out on paper. So, Ghost Rider wasn't all that good? I like Nic Cage, but I'd never put him as Johnny Blaze. Oh well. There was a little Murtaray in this chapter. I hope that you liked this. Thanks so much about how I write the characters. I try to keep them in character and add some more dimension to them. LOL about the Eragon thing. I really should have known. Those theories piss me off so much. I think Paolini'll do it, as cheesy and stupid as it is. If Arya falls for him, it should not be because her dragon fell for Eragon's. I just wonder what these people think would happen if, oh, say Saphira and Thorn fell in love if they're still going on the dragon love thing. Besides, Saphira hasn't fallen for Arya, and Eragon didn't fall for Oromis or Glaedr, so I'm not even sure if that theory will work. There isn't much for Eragon/Arya, at least not reciprocated. I mean, she says that she doesn't love him in the Ancient Language. That's sad, isn't it? Oh well. Now that I'm done ranting about how much I despise Eragon/Arya, I'd better go on to the next response.

CaramelBoost: I'm glad that I got somebody worried for a second. Yeah, they were all probably thinking that it's too soon to be doing something like that, which it is. Well, Eragon doesn't really believe Hathcyn. You'll see more on that later, hopefully in next chapter. I'm glad you thought the thing with Eofor and Saphira was cute. I'm sure if I like that pairing, but I couldn't resist putting that little line in. There'll be more Morgana friction when Hathcyn wakes up, but there was plenty in this chapter if I do say so myself. I hope that this chapter lived up to your expectations by the way.

Shara: You'll find out about the pregnancy. Yeah, that last chapter was strange. The kiss was basically a way for Hathcyn to distract Trianna and so was the semi-revelation. Eragon was more enraged at Hathcyn for "lying" because he has Arya on this pedestal and doesn't believe it. The news will come so that he actually believes it later.

MysticLegend11: Sorry about that. It was basically just a big battle scenes, which can be boring or interesting depending on your tastes. I threw that in there to show that Eragon isn't the only person who fights. Well, I guess you get that from the books, but whatever. Sorry if you didn't like it. It might have been better without it. I don't know. It was also for the Hathcyn/Trianna thing that I'm considering. I'm kinda tired right now. Of course, it's my fault for deciding to do crew, which is actually really fun despite the fact that I have to row on the freezing cold harbor water at 5 AM, but whatever. I'm glad you liked the revelation (even if Eragon doesn't believe it and Hathcyn isn't 100 sure). He was just doing the first thing that came to his mind to get away. I skipped lines for paragraphs last chapter because you have to indent every time someone starts speaking. I think that some of it had to do with POV. Like I said, I'm tired.

Fredsonetrueluv: LOL. Yeah, he did. I'm glad you liked it. You'll about Eragon. Well, he has Arya on too high of a pedestal to knock her down just because our devious little halfie started making random comments about it.

Mayarider: Thanks so much.

Stripysockz: Thanks. I'm glad it works. It's a very workable pairing. I just need to get them in situations together. I'll do more on that later. Eragon doesn't really believe it yet, but I see what you're saying about the Nasuada thing. The next chapter will probably have them in it. Yeah, Eragon's getting hurt was Hathcyn's fault, but we sometimes blame ourselves for things that weren't our fault. Wow. You really think Eofor is the coolest dragon? Thanks. Sorry about the grammar errors.

Queenmab: Yeah, we all know about your fangirlishness. Of course, I fan girl Cassio, so I'll back off. LOL about Benvolio. No, I wouldn't kill any major characters so soon.

ANGEL-OF-DEATH6: Desdemona's pretty good. I see what you're saying about her feminism. She was really a great person. I liked how she defended Othello even after he killed her (well, right before, but whatever). I liked Othello at the beginning and the end. He was a good character even if he wasn't my favorite. I think that Iago wins best and evilest villain ever! Darth Vader is cool, but he's not completely evil. My two favorite Othello characters are Cassio and Emilia. I like Bianca too even if she's minor. My two favorite R and Js are Benvolio and Mercutio. I'm glad that you liked it. Yeah, it was too soon to kill off somebody big. sigh Old Witless Wonder is going to have a hard time when he finally comes to terms with Murtarya. I'm glad that you think that Hathcyn fits. I tried to make him do so, so that's nice to here. I see what you're saying about E/N and M/A. They're two different romances. You'll see about the baby. I'm not quite sure at the moment. I don't care about ranting. Long reviews do me good.

Maze2010: LOL. Wow. I made Eragon bearable? Thanks. I'm thinking of parodying the chapter where Eragon gets undeniable M/A proof. (I'll write the serious one in this fic, and then I'll make a separate parody chapter. Well you'll see.) Murtagh will get more annoyed later on, though he did get quite annoyed this chapter. Like when Hathcyn starts hitting on Arya. In front of him possibly. Oops. Said too much. No, that doesn't make you a bad person by the way.

Treeonfire13: Eofor only scratched her once. I forgot about that. Glad you like it.