- Chapter 21: Goodbye -

Though she wasn't in the mood for it, Natasha had to admit that the victory banquet was an event several times grander than any she'd seen before. Of course, her experience was extremely limited; her family had not been wealthy, so prior to her enlistment she had never been close to nobility and wealth. But the dozens of long tables of rich foods, the six-piece minstrel band, and the scattered bards trying out their embellishments of the war on various members of the army and nobility impressed her nonetheless. She was sorely tempted to partake, but she had something more important to do.

She found Dawn waiting behind Eric at one of the food tables while he put chicken wings on his plate. "Pass me the Guardiana spice, please."

Eric sneered at her, "Why don't you ask one of your squad members to pass it for you?"

Dawn raised a bewildered eyebrow at him. "What's the matter with you?"

"General Mayfair made it quite clear that it was you who requested my transfer to another squad," Eric answered smugly.

"Right. And that was…how many months ago?"

"This is the first time since then that you've tried to act friendly with me."

"So… you're basically saying you haven't had the chance to snub me until now?" While Eric struggled for a retort, she noticed Natasha standing behind her. "Natasha! There you are!"

"Hi," she said, a bit overwhelmed as Dawn gave her a fierce hug with one arm, still holding her plate with the other.

"I'm so glad you showed. Eric was boring me to death."

Eric snorted. "Watch what you say around me. My great-grandsires include -"

"Gods, make him stop!" She stuffed one ear with her free hand, poking at the other with her plate of food.

"…Lord Veron, the nephew of King -"

"Let me take that for you," Natasha said, taking Dawn's plate so that she could cover both ears.

"Thanks. Let's get out of here."

Once they'd found a quiet spot, Dawn remarked, "Ugh. I thought he'd been improving."

"I think he has. He's only been getting into like a tenth of the trouble he used to."

"I'm not talking about his proclivity for cruel, senseless pranks," Dawn said, grimacing. "It's his incessant discussion of his lineage. For a while, he was acting almost centaur. Now he's back at it again. He'll probably be worse than ever, now that he's getting his taste of glory."

"You have to admit, he worked hard to earn it. I think he's outshone every one of the ancestors that he likes to brag about so much."

"Yeah, but why should we have to suffer for his success? Forget it. Let's go meet up with Vyra."

"Just Vyra?"

"Jane's nowhere to be found," Dawn sighed. "Then again, I found you; maybe Vyra's found Jane. Grab yourself some food, and let's go."

She shook her head. "I'm not staying. I just needed to put in an appearance."

"You're kidding me. This is supposed to be our big reunion - the four of us, all together again!"

"Sorry." She lowered her eyes. "But I can't even think of celebrating now… after Deanna just lost his brother."

"Natasha, it's been weeks since we left Iom's shrine. If he hasn't started to move on with his life yet, then you should just let him be."

"Hindel was the only family he had, Dawn! You can't just expect him to -"

"I don't expect anything from Deanna. But you can't let his grief control your life. Do we all have to be sad because Hindel died? Except for Deanna, none of us even met him!" She put a hand on Natasha's shoulder. "You lead us through most of our victories; you've earned this celebration. You've got to live your own life sometime! If you -"

"I know, I know," Natasha said, pushing her hand off. "You're right. You're always right." She turned and walked away. "But you never understand."

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Natasha brooded as she walked down the halls of Castle Cypress towards the room Mayfair had set aside for Deanna in consideration of the difficult time he was going through. She had tried her best to be a friend to Dawn during their journey, and she felt she'd done a fair enough job of it. More and more, though, she was seeing how opposed their personalities were. It was fine for them to be friends when they were just eating lunch in the mess hall or fixing each other's hair, but when it came down to matters of life or death they were always at odds. Dawn seemed to be okay with that, but Natasha couldn't convince herself to let it go.

It was going to be awkward being back with Jane and Vyra, she realized. She still wanted to be friends with them, but she couldn't be friends with Dawn anymore. So, how were they going to work this? Would she and Dawn quietly avoid talking directly to each other whenever the four of them were together? Would they divide their gatherings, only three of them meeting at a time? Or perhaps it would be simplest to simply kick her out of their little group, since she was technically the one causing the problem?

It was too confusing to worry about for the moment, she decided, and Deanna was her immediate concern. She nervously smoothed the wrinkles in the skirt of her dress, which was sadly the best she had to wear.

I wish I knew for sure how he feels about me. When I remember how he fought to save me from Woldol, totally heedless of his own safety, my heart pounds... I feel sure he must love me too. But the way he reacted when I told him how I felt... I just don't know.

She realized that part of the reason for Deanna's behavior was the secret that he was an Iomite. Natasha couldn't deny that she'd felt hurt when she learned the truth. Not because she felt his nationality made him an enemy - she could never think of Deanna as an enemy - but because it made him a stranger. She knew nothing of what he'd experienced in Iom, and he hadn't shared it with her. The vast distance suddenly placed between them stung.

When she thought it over, however, she began to understand why Deanna must have felt the need to keep the truth from them. How alone he must have felt... Fighting against his own countrymen, always afraid that he'd be shunned by the very people he was risking his life to help. Having no one who really understood him besides his brother, and now his brother is dead. How could I have felt angry at him for keeping that secret?

Any confusion she felt about Deanna was gone now. It didn't matter that there was so much she didn't know about him. She knew enough to know that she loved him: his gentleness, his understanding, his courage, his forgiving nature, his strength. She longed for him to put those strong arms around her... to look back into her eyes with love... to...

She shook herself. I've done more than enough thinking about my own needs. It's time I did something for Deanna. He was more withdrawn and standoffish than ever when we set out on our return journey, and I accepted that; he obviously wasn't ready to talk to anyone about his loss. Now, though, he'll need someone to comfort him... someone close to him. Whether or not he loves me, I'm the one closest to him right now... and I'm ready to be there for him for as long as he needs.

She turned the corner into the hall where Deanna's room lay. Her steps came to an immediate halt then; she heard Prince Nick's voice.

"...here? Let me assure you, no one holds your background against you. You fought for Cypress; that's all that matters. We all count you as one of us."

"That's... that's not why I'm leaving. I need to... to go home, to Iom." Natasha threw a hand to her mouth to stifle her gasp.

"I understand it's hard for you to adjust. Especially... after..."

"It's... not hard. It's just that I... don't want to..."

She didn't wait to hear any more; she knew Deanna well enough to tell that he was not going to be dissuaded, and she wasn't interested in his reasons. All that mattered was that he was leaving her. She ran down the halls to escape his words. Unconsciously she headed to the young women's dormitory, but consciously she could only think of how she would now have to go on without Deanna.

Tears broke from her eyes. I'm a fool... a stupid little fool... he never -

Several of the halls in the upper levels of Castle Cypress passed along the outer wall. These halls each opened up to a short passage that extended into a balcony overlooking the surrounding lands. Natasha was running past one of these passages, and out of the corner of her eye she spied someone there. She stopped short, and in a moment's gaze surmised why Jane wasn't at the victory banquet.

It was Jane and Theo, arms wrapped around each other, mouths joined in a loving embrace. Their eyes were closed, both blissfully unaware of anything around them. In spite of Theo's acute ugliness, they made a charming pair.

A raging urge to rudely interrupt their passion hit Natasha. She wanted to embarrass them, to mock Jane's idealistic romanticism, to laugh at Theo's pitifully misshapen face. To stop herself from giving in to the urge, she ran from them. More and more tears ran down her face as she wailed to herself, over and over, Why her and not me? Why them and not us?

She burst into the dormitory without wariness, but everyone was at the victory banquet, as she'd expected. She flung herself onto her bed and cried as though she would never stop.

I have no one now. Deanna's leaving, my friendship with Dawn and Jane and Vyra is falling apart, my love for Prince Nick was just a shadow of the real thing… Mom, Dad… I'm really all alone now.

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Thoughts of Natasha flickered across Deanna's mind. She was even more kind and forgiving than he'd thought; despite knowing that he was an Iomite, she still had wept for him to stay alive. She was truly an angel of sweetness and mercy.

But though she said she loved him, Deanna held no illusions that he could make her happy. The truth about him would still haunt her every time she looked at him. More importantly, though he'd grown in many ways, he still didn't know how to provide a woman with love and support. Natasha deserved far more than he could give. Apart from everything else, the sooner he left, the less she would be hurt.

King Nicholas sat back in his chair with perceptible weariness. "Perhaps you could simply tell me why you're leaving."

Deanna fidgeted, pushing about the sheets on the bed. He knew what he wanted to say, but he didn't know the words. He looked over at the empty chair, wondering if sitting the same way as the king would give him confidence. Maybe it would, but having so little room to fidget in would be too uncomfortable, he decided.

"I'm waiting."

He opened his mouth two seconds before he knew what he was going to say. "Why didn't… I mean, why aren't Chester and May… at the victory banquet?"

King Nicholas frowned. "They went straight back home to Emild. Their country is in disrepair since their king was assassinated; they're needed there."

Deanna nodded. "Iom… went through worse."

The king was silent a moment. "I see. Listen." He stood up. Deanna watched him. "Cypress needs you, too. And you'd be welcome here. I'm sure that everyone will want you to stay. From what Hindel told me, you don't have any friends in Iom."

"That's… true." He took a deep breath. "But… much as I wish it were… Cypress isn't my home. I can't discard the land of my birth like an outgrown tunic just because I don't like the condition it's in, or the things it's done. Iom was the country that raised me… and it's time I gave something back. I have to live for Hindel, like you said. And this is what Hindel would have wanted me to do."

"I think Hindel simply wanted you to be happy, Deanna. His love for you wasn't conditional upon you one day making something of yourself."

"Well, I can't be happy here. I couldn't live with myself… knowing I'd abandoned my own people."

King Nicholas reached out a hand and grasped Deanna's arm. "That's a natural feeling to have, but you aren't seeing things clearly right now. If you take your chance to be in a place you love, before long you'll find that you can live with yourself quite easily. I doubt you'll be able to say the same if you resign yourself to misery and struggle."

Deanna sighed. "Your Highness…you're a remarkable man, and… in the short time I've known you, I've come to respect you a great deal. But you don't know me, and I don't think you ever will."

"…No, I suppose I won't." He returned to his seat. "I can't imagine what it's like to belong to a country that you can't be proud of."

"Maybe someday Iom will be a country to be proud of. But not if good Iomites don't try to change things."

Prince Nick blinked. "You've certainly changed a lot, if what Hindel told me about you is true."

"…Mayfair and Natasha have been a good influence on me."

"They're going to miss you, Deanna. All of the Cypress force will."

Deanna looked away. "I think they won't. And it doesn't really matter… I don't belong here. This is the land of heroes… people like Natasha, and Randolf, and Mayfair. Iom is the land for people like me."

"You're either being incredibly unfair to yourself, or you're fishing for a compliment, Deanna."

"Like I said… you don't know me."

"If you think defeating King Warderer to save a people not your own doesn't make you a hero… Never mind." King Nicholas gracefully rose to his feet. "We're obviously getting nowhere here, so I'll just ask you one more thing. You do realize that Hindel didn't mean any of the things he said to you before you left for Iom, don't you?"

It took Deanna a minute to even remember exactly what the king was referring to. In order to toughen him up, Hindel had been trying for years to convince Deanna that he didn't love him. It was the one thing his older brother had failed miserably at. "Yes, I… of course I realize that."

"Then that's all I have to say to you for now. I'll head off to the banquet. Might I ask you one favor, though?"

He nodded.

"Stay here just one more week. Think things over."

"I've been thinking things over the whole trip back from Iom's shrine," Deanna answered. "But as a favor to you, I'll stay two more days."

"Fair enough." He turned to leave.

"Your Highness…"

"Yes?"

"Have you… noticed Natasha? She's lead the Cypress army… far better than General Mayfair or I could. And she's braver than any of us. I don't know if I could count how many times she's put herself right in the path of danger for the good of Cypress. She loves Cypress so much… I think it's partly because of how much she loves its people. There's no woman so loving and caring. She -" He stopped short when Prince Nick began chuckling.

"Are you trying to match me up with Natasha, Deanna?"

He blushed, ashamed that he'd been so easily caught out. "Yes."

"As charming as that idea is, you're wasting your time." He gave Deanna a knowing wink. "Her heart already belongs to someone else."

A frustrated and mildly confused frown fell across Deanna's face. "I don't know who you're talking about, Your Highness, but you're… greatly mistaken. She told me of her love for you, and… I'm convinced she could never love anyone as much as you."

Prince Nick chuckled again. "You think I'm a fool, don't you? I heard what she said to you in Iom's shrine. But never mind. Regardless of Natasha's feelings, I'm the king of Cypress. A king doesn't have the luxury of marrying for love."

"Natasha would be a perfect queen for Cypress."

"I'm sure she'd be pleased to know you think so -"

"No! I mean… Forgive me, Your Highness, but what we've said here has to stay between us."

"Of course. As I was saying, though, Natasha wouldn't be a suitable queen."

"Why not?" Deanna demanded.

"For one thing, she's too young," the king said, putting a hand to the doorframe to lean against it. "It's a bad image for a king to marry a girl who isn't roughly his age. For another, while Natasha is quick-thinking and intelligent, she isn't at all what I would call wise. And thirdly, when one is trying to sire an heir to the throne, it's very helpful to be married to a woman that one considers physically attractive."

Deanna blushed furiously. "I… I hope Your Highness would never say something like that with women around."

"Of course not." He lifted his hand from the doorframe and turned to leave. "Sorry to disappoint you, Deanna, but I've already found the ideal choice for my queen. Come on out to the banquet when you get a chance."

Deanna sighed. He'd hoped that he could provide for Natasha's happiness by pointing King Nicholas in her direction. But the king was plainly a fool. To have a chance with a woman like Natasha, and throw it away just for the sake of…

He stiffened in sudden realization, then laughed quietly. I guess Prince Nick and I do have something in common. We're both sacrificing our paradise to do our duty.

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Natasha was pulled up from her bed by the sound of the door opening. There stood Mayfair. She ran into her arms, her sobs renewed, but this time gratitude was mixed in with her sorrow. I was wrong… I'm not alone. I still have Mayfair.

Mayfair stroked her head, brought her back to the bedside. "You poor child."

Laying her head in Mayfair's lap, she wept, "Mayfair… please, don't ever leave me."

"I'll always be here for you, Natasha. But you're too full of life to waste much more time with an old maid like me." She caressed her fingers through her hair. "Soon you'll want to spend your life with someone else, and my part in your life will become almost insignificant. And for your sake, Natasha, I look forward to that day."

Natasha shook her head fiercely. "No. That can't happen now… Deanna's leaving."

"So, you did hear."

She looked up from Mayfair's lap. "You knew?"

"Prince Nick just told me. I came here because I thought it would be easiest if you heard it from me."

"So you knew how I feel about Deanna. Great." She dropped her head back in Mayfair's lap. "I guess everyone knows, then."

"I don't think so." She resumed running her fingers through Natasha's hair. "You should let Deanna know."

"I did let Deanna know! He… doesn't care."

Mayfair said nothing for a long while. When she finally broke the silence, her voice was no longer gently nurturing, but steady and firm. "I don't think you're being fair to him. It's not as though he doesn't want to stay -"

"Then why doesn't he? Why is he leaving when he knows I need him?" She pulled away from Mayfair and flopped back on her bed. "Iom is his home, but home isn't as important as the people you love. When you love someone, you want to be with them no matter where they are. But he doesn't love me... so he's leaving." A large sob came up from her throat, taking her by surprise.

"Natasha." Mayfair took hold of her hand. "You know it can't be that simple... not for someone like Deanna. You should talk to him. Tell him how you feel, and listen to how he feels." She bent down to kiss her brow. "However this works out, I want you to know that I'm here for you."

Natasha made no reply, so she stood and left.

Several minutes later, Natasha suddenly sat up, blinked her eyes clear, and headed for Mayfair's study. She knocked when she arrived, but as she'd expected, no one was there.

She opened the door and went in. Carefully digging through the many papers, scrolls, and oddities sitting in piles about the room, she dug out a blank piece of paper. She set it on the desk, drew a pen from its inkwell, and sat down to begin writing. She thought of all the things Deanna meant to her. With an unsteady hand, she scrawled out:

"Dear Deanna:

I can tell that you have made up your mind too leave, and that nothing and no one here is important enough to you to make you want to stay. But know that at your leaving, my heart is breaking. In the few precious months I have known you, you have become my friend, my comforter, and my greatest joy. No one else has brought to life in me the feelings that you have. For the weeks before we arrived at Iom's shrine, the only things I looked forward to were seeing you and talking to you. Now that you are going, my life already seems shallow and pointless in comparison to my time with y"

Natasha stopped in mid-word to again dip the pen in the inkwell. When she returned to the paper, the point of the pen froze just above it as she looked at what she had written. After hovering there a moment, she returned the pen to the inkwell and crumpled the paper into a ball in her hands.

"No," she said firmly. "I won't hurt him like this. If he's determined to leave... then all I can do is make it as easy for him as I can." I just wish he'd let me do something more for him... I love him so much. She held the ball of paper away from herself and said, "Blaze." It promptly burned.

The tiny flame bit into her hand, but she remembered the lesson May had taught her. "When you know a spell really well, you can ride its effect... dull the impact..." Wincing slightly at the pain in her hand, she whispered, "Does that work with heartache, too?"

She dropped the ashes into the waste tin and left Mayfair's study. "Don't see why not," she answered herself, wiping away a small tear.

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"And now he's locked himself up in his room," Nick said in frustration. "He refuses to see anyone but me. Ideas, Gyan?"

"You emphasized that there's an appointment to lieutenant waiting for him, right?"

Nick shook his head. "That would be counter productive. As a matter of fact, I suspect that after I've convinced him to stay, my next challenge will be convincing him to accept that appointment." He raised his eyes from the floor to Gyan. "I was thinking of emphasizing Natasha."

Gyan frowned. "Natasha?"

"You didn't notice the attraction between them?"

"Attraction? Her for him, maybe. Deanna struck me as an ice block."

"He hides it well," Nick agreed. "I think she's part of the reason he's leaving. He seems to be angry at her."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure. Very likely because she told him that she's in love with me."

"What? Why would she tell him that?"

Nick smiled with contempt - though not for his present company. "Isn't it obvious? To make him jealous." He shook his head. "Love is full of idiocy."

Gyan grunted. "So you patch things up between them, and he'll stay?"

"Maybe." Nick turned and stared at a bookshelf. "I've tried every other sort of persuasion on him. And if he still wants to leave... well, at least I'll have given him some small bit of happiness. He deserves that, after what I let happen to his brother."

"Nick, that wasn't your fault."

"Warderer was a fine tactician, Gyan, and a visionary mystic," Nick said distantly. "But his personality was absolutely transparent. I should have seen that he would snap before he would bend. If I hadn't been so busy contemplating the brilliance of my plan, I would have." He closed his eyes and let his head rest. "I believe that very clearly makes it my fault."

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The hardest part for Deanna was the loneliness. It wasn't a sensation he was very familiar with; for most of his life, most of the company he had was unpleasant. The only person he'd wanted to be with was Hindel. Now that he'd locked himself in the room he was staying in, the better to accustom everyone to the fact that he was going, he realized that he'd prefer to be with almost anyone in Castle Cypress than to be alone. He wished he could hear someone talking. Even Luke.

Most of all, he missed Natasha. It always felt so good to be with someone so kind and gentle. Though he'd grown stronger in the past months, he appreciated that no less. He ached for her presence. Sighing, he told himself that at least this was helping him adjust to the difficulty of the days to come. It wouldn't be easy, struggling to help others without her.

A knock came at his door. "Deanna, it's me."

He got up and unlocked the door. Prince Nick had a large sack slung over one shoulder, which he deposited on the floor. "I procured you some extra clothes and provisions. It pays to be safe." Deanna nodded, and he added, "A lot of people have been wanting to see you, you know. Mayfair, Eric, Jaha, Graham, Dawn, Jane..."

"Natasha?"

The king smiled. "No. Suppose I told you, though, that she wants you to stay more than anyone?"

"It wouldn't... change my mind, if that's what you mean."

"I see. So Iom does mean that much to you."

Deanna nodded. He hefted up the sack the king had brought him and said, "Thank you... for this. For everything."

"If you're so thankful," Prince Nick said, displaying an open palm, "...why not show that gratitude, and serve me here?"

The king went on for several more minutes. Deanna gave smiling nods to everything he said, but he'd lost interest in his arguments. He had to go, and nothing King Nicholas could say could change that - and they both knew it. For whatever reason, the king was going through the formality of making every effort to convince him to stay. Ultimately, Deanna began to feel a bit awkward pretending to listen. Without a word, he left the room and walked towards the gate of Castle Cypress.

Prince Nick caught up with him just as he stepped outside. "You still want to leave? Are you sure you won't change your mind?"

Weary of this, Deanna gave a faint nod.

"I'll say no more," he surrendered. "It would be futile. I can't change your mind." He turned to survey everyone in the vicinity: a surprisingly large number of castle guards, and General Mayfair. At first there was no sign of Natasha, but then Deanna noticed her standing at a distance, her back to him. His heart sighed at being unable to see her lovely face one last time, but it was for the best. "People of Cypress, Deanna will be leaving us. Let us wish him luck."

Prince Nick's advisor cum bodyguard stepped forward and gripped his hand with a tremendous paw. "It'll be lonely around here without you, Deanna. Think of me and all your friends in Cypress once in a while."

This familiarity puzzled Deanna. He'd known this massive beast for far less time than any of the Cypressians, and in that time he'd kept his distance from the others. He was ashamed to admit that he couldn't even remember his name. It was something short, snappy... He offered a polite nod. In truth, he doubted he'd be able to not think of his Cypress friends if he wanted to.

Eric, who happened to be one of the guards standing nearby, called out, "We'll never forget you." Deanna barely withheld a blush at this compliment. Eric wasn't the sort to dole out praise to others.

Once Prince Nick's advisor stepped aside, Deanna walked past the others without a glance. It felt good: a clean, painless goodbye. He was about to step off the Castle Cypress grounds when Mayfair called out, "Deanna, wait."

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To keep from doing anything rash, Natasha hid herself in a wall of unconcern for Deanna. She told herself she didn't care, and that if he wanted to abandon them like this then he'd damn well better not expect a misty-eyed goodbye.

The wall was all too easily broken. Mayfair said to her gently, "Natasha, do you have something to say to Deanna? When he leaves, you may never see him again."

...never see him again... She swallowed. "I..."

Stupidly, she turned to look at Deanna, as if that would help her decide what to say. He was watching her, which made her blush and look away. Gods, I just want to tell him everything I'm feeling. Even though he doesn't love me, I know he'd try to make me feel better...

Her indecision was unbearable. She ran to Prince Nick, afraid of keeping Deanna waiting too long. Prince Nick smiled as she came. "You're supposed to speak to Deanna, not me."

"I can't do this," she hissed out through her teeth, all too aware that everyone must be watching her now. "He's a good person; he'll feel guilty if I tell him how much I want him to stay."

"But you still want to tell him," Nick observed. "You'll be creating a permanent lie between you and him if you don't."

"But if the lie keeps him from being hurt..." She buried her left eye in her palm, the fingers clenched. "Oh, I don't know what to do..."

Prince Nick put his hand on her sleeve and squeezed her arm reassuringly. "Natasha, follow your heart."

Those words were all she needed to hear. Her head may have been confused about the right thing to do, but Natasha's heart pointed in only one direction. She turned and made for Deanna as though he were the last train bound for heaven.

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Deanna stood in place, uncomprehendingly watching Natasha running towards him, until her foot suddenly caught on a rock. His stomach clenched as she slammed hard into the earth.

"Ohhh..." She sobbed helplessly, too miserable to pick herself off the ground. "It's not fair... leaving me like this. Don't you care about me?"

Deanna was already running to her, his heart burning with self-loathing. I thought I could keep from hurting her... stupid, stupid... I've hurt her as much now as anyone could. How could I let this happen to her?

He bent down to help her up, taking her hand in his left and wrapping his right arm about her torso. He knew it was presumptuous of him to touch her like this, but it felt natural and right. Streaks of dirt besmirched her face, some of them soaking up tears. The fact that everyone was watching her didn't escape him. He wished more than anything that he could suffer her pain and humiliation in her stead.

"No, that's not it at all!" he answered her. "I... I care about you more than..." He bit his lip, seeing her face staring up at his, waiting. Dammit! What point is there in hiding it now? "...more than any... I love you! I want to be with you forever, but I can't, don't you understand? I have to pay back all the things I've been given, all my failures, and Iom is the place that needs me now, the place where I belong... and..."

He swallowed, and continued in a low voice, "I'm not the person you think I am. I was going to betray you all to Iom when we got near the shrine. If Hindel hadn't made me ashamed by the sacrifice he made for me, or if I hadn't been unwilling to hurt you... I'd have gone through with it. Because I've never thought of anyone but myself. Before I met you, I was the most despicable person in the world. You don't want someone like me to be with you... you're be-"

Both his flow of words and his train of thought were halted by Natasha's lips suddenly pressing against his.

It was hardly the first time he'd been kissed by a girl his age. Before coming to Cypress, the girls he'd hung out with used him for practice when they found a boy they liked. These kisses were invariably awkward, and Deanna had said so to a girl that he felt particularly comfortable with. She told him that first kisses were always that way. He supposed this was because, no matter how attractive the boy they were kissing, there was always a bit of disgust for the act of giving love to him.

There was nothing awkward about this kiss, no hesitation in the way Natasha clung to his shoulder with one hand, pulling her body against his. Every ounce of affection she had seemed to be melting into him, yet even more surprising than her ardor was her certainty. Taken away by the feelings now breaking loose from inside, he held her and wished they could stay like this forever. Everything felt wonderful in a way he'd never known before.

Though so much seemed to have happened, Deanna was faintly aware that the kiss lasted only a few seconds before she released him. He tried rallying a protest, but she was well ahead of him.

"See this?" Natasha demanded, pinching the air in front of his face. "This is how much any of those things matter to me. This is how much difference they make to how I feel about you. I love you... you. You may have lied to me and hurt me, but you couldn't make yourself seem like someone special unless you really were different than anyone I've ever known. That's all that matters to me. Deanna, I'm going with you; I don't care what you say."

She said this last statement loud enough for everyone to hear, and Deanna fancied he saw a few jaws dropping out of the corner of his eye. He himself could scarcely believe that in spite of it all, she would still leave home and any possibility of a comfortable life behind just to be with him.

His mind warred with itself, one voice telling him that this was wrong, that Natasha deserved better than a life of struggle in a land foreign to her, while the other sang with the experience of her love, begged for the chance to be with her forever. But in a moment he silenced both voices, reminding himself that it wasn't his decision to make; it was hers. He slowly nodded his head in assent, and her eyes smiled up at him.

She looked like she wanted to kiss him again, but she hadn't quite forgotten that everyone was there. Though they seemed to be keeping enough distance so that they couldn't hear what the two of them were saying, their gestures of affection could scarcely be missed. Blushing slightly, Deanna slipped his hand into hers. She held it fast.

Jaha called out, "This is getting too mushy for me. Deanna, don't forget we're your friends too. We shouldn't have to see this stuff."

The dwarf's joke produced very few laughs, but it did deepen Deanna's blush. He gave Jaha an awkward smile, grateful for the friendliness he and the others had extended to him. There was no way he could repay them for the way they'd freely given their friendship to him, save by doing the same for others.

He looked back to Natasha. "Are... are you ready?"

She nodded. Still holding hands, they walked out from Castle Cypress into the world beyond.

----------------------

"There they go," Mayfair said with a sigh. Nick noticed a tear coming down her face.

"It's always hard to say goodbye," he said. "Try and think of it from her point of view, Mayfair. She's found her happiness."

She turned to him and smiled. "That's exactly what I was thinking, Nick. Not all tears are sad tears."

He let his gaze linger on her eyes, which shone with a new and brilliant loveliness from her joy, and smiled back. "I wouldn't know."

"Well, Nick," Gyan said, "...let me be the first to say, bravo! In one stroke, you've lost both of Cypress's two great heroes of the war with Iom. How does it feel?"

Her eyes sharpening with anger, Mayfair opened her mouth to deliver some choice words to Gyan, but Nick held up a hand to stop her. Then, smirking, he pinched the air before him.

"See this, Gyan?"