"It's so simple but we can't stay

overanalyze again

would it really kill you if we kissed?"

-Halsey / Drive

chapter 21: love

"So quick question. How'd you get tattoos done in max?" Morello questioned. The two of them were sitting in Nicky's cube, with Nicky touching up her makeup. The two were lounging in Nicky's bunk together, as they both didn't have work duty that day.

"I had my ways. Phone calls, stolen pen, et cetera. I had nearly forgotten so many things down there. Little things, that were so important. The colour of Chapman's hair, what Vause's voice sounded like, the smell of Red's perfume, half the inmates' names, the feel of your hair, and so on." Nicky said. "I needed to remember this. So that was the only way." She explained.

"Oh." Morello said in a small voice. "But why did you ignore me, though?" She asked. "I mean, isn't it easier to remember someone you would speak to?" She continued.

"Hm?" Nicky asked, returning her focus to lining her eyes and only half-paying attention to what Morello was saying. "Why'd you ignore me when you got back? I mean, I know, there was the whole...thing, and all." Morello blushed.

"You know, max was the closest thing to hell I've ever been through. But suffering there wouldn't have been so bad, if it meant I could come back to you someday, you know? But when I get back, you're gone." Nicky said, her voice sad. "But you could've talked to me." Morello protested.

"I couldn't." Nicky answered, putting away her makeup and pocket mirror. "Why not?" Morello said, setting aside her own items. Nicky sighed. "You still don't get it." She said, almost sadly. Morello looked at her quizzically, clearly confused. Nicky sighed again.

"Look, I was in max for god knows how long, but it felt like a fuckin' eternity there, and while I was there all I could think of was you, alright? So when I get back and you're married, how does that make me feel, huh? I couldn't even look at you, without wanting to do..."

Nicky's voice broke off suddenly, her chest rising and falling rapidly. "Do what?" Morello said curiously.

"This." Nicky answered, and her hand was on Morello's cheek, and her lips were on hers'; soft and chapped like they always were. Nicky's eyes closed for a moment as her other arm wrapped around Morello's waist, and all of a sudden she had drawn back, panting and looking away. Morello looked at Nicky while she shoved back her curls in frustration. "I shouldn't even be fucking doing that." She said angrily.

"Well, maybe one last time?" Morello said, almost hopefully, ignoring the twinge of guilt shooting through her. Nicky stared at her for a moment, feelings ranging from desire to surprise to sadness coursing through her body.

This time, it was Morello who initiated the kiss, gently pulling Nicky close by the fabric of her beige shirt and kissing her softly. Nicky's hand went to Morello's waist again, while her other hand was on her back. Nicky wasn't very good at gentle kisses, as previously all kissing was to her was a way to arouse her partner. She heard Morello whisper her name lovingly against her lips. It was like music to Nicky's ears.

"But you're married." She whispered, pulling away, her hands going to Morello's back, to hold her closer. "I am, but can I please just kiss you for a while?" Morello pleaded, twining her arms around Nicky's neck. It was like all the walls she built around her heart had disappeared, and for the umpteenth time, Nicky found herself handing her heart to Morello even though she knew she'd just break it again.

Nicky leaned in slowly, pressing her lips to Morello's. Morello pulled her closer, her eyes shutting. A fire had kindled within her eyes, which had widened, as though determined to take in every aspect of Morello's face. It was as though time had stopped all around them, leaving them free to stay that way forever.

"I love you." Nicky whispered, the truth coming out in the heat of emotion. "I love you too." Morello replied softly, pressing her mouth against Nicky's again. She buried her fingers in Nicky's soft curls, her eyes closing.

In that moment, it was like love was a secret that only they knew; that love was a strong, warm, beautiful feeling that only existed between the two of them; that the feeling of love belonged to them and only them.